*•  °-  BAKER 


THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 
OF  CALIFORNIA 

LOS  ANGELES 


i- 


.  0.  BAKER 
LAWYER 


OF 


OR    THK 


j4 


AND     TIIS      T  RIENDS. 


BY 
JOHN   B.    CAREY, 

With  a  Preface  by  TIMOTHY  BIGELOW,  Esq. 

V   — ^     —J  H 
S    \  J  s'i  •*  ~  '" 

cX-C  «X 

\o    y 

BEING   QUAINT    AND  CURIOUS  NARRATIVES  TOLD  BY 

THE  WORSHIPPERS  AT  THE  SHRINE  OF  TRUTH 

WITH    A   CAPITAL    "T," 


In  shorthand  skilled,  where  little  marki  comprise 
Whole  wo.ds,  a  sentence  in  a.  letter  lies, 

CRBB;H. 


EXCEIiSIOR    PUBLISHING    HOUSE, 

Now  York, 
AMEBICAN  NEWS  COMPANY.  Ageutg. 


COPYRIGHT  1891, 

BY 
J.  B.  CAREY. 


DEDICATION. 

TL)  her  who  bade  me  look  up  when  I  was  cast 
down  ;  who  clothed  and  fed  me  when  I  was 
naked  and  hungry  ;  who  aided  and  soothed  me 
when  I  was  helpless  and  sorrowful ;  who  stood 
by   me  steadily  and   loved   me   always — to   my 
dead  but  unforgotten  Mother,  this  humble  book 
is  affectionately  dedicated  by  the  author, 
June,  1891. 


CONTENTS. 


PAGE. 

The  Worshipers  and  jthe  Shrine 13 

The  Coroner's  Notes 20 

The  Fanlight  Notes. _. 35 

The  Dead  Man's  Notes — The  Engineer's  Story  74 

The  Burglar's  Notes— The  Lawyer's  Story , 109 

The  Prisoner's  Notes 170 

The  Tramp  Stenographer 196 

The  Stranger's  Strange  Narrative.... &ii 


PREFACE. 

"TO  my  admiration  of  the  contents  of  this  vol- 
*  ume,  expressed  when  I  had  the  pleasure  of 
looking  over  the  typoscript,  the  reader  is  perhaps 
indebted  for  the  poor  privilege  of  reading  this 
introduction.  The  many  favorable  opinions  ex 
pressed  as  to  the  merits  of  this  work  have 
doubtless  encouraged  the  author  to  the  point  of 
publication,  and  have  certainly  encouraged  me 
to  write  the  preface. 

Although  the  author  could  say  what  should  be 
said  much  better  than  I,  yet  I  cheerfully  comply 
jrj    with  his  request  so  as  to  spare  his  modesty  the 
**    bestowal  of  such  praise  as  the  work  deserves. 

cc        One  of  the  reasons  for  the  a&ertion  that  he 

^ 

g=    who  is  his  own  lawyer  has  a  fool  for  a  client,  is 
3    that    an    advocate    can,  without    censure,   make 
claims  for  a  client  which   it  would  be  inappro- 
tj»    priate,  if  not  immodest,  for  the  client  to  make 
tj    for  himself,   no   matter  how  well    founded.     It 
z    may  be  that  some  such  logic  as  this  actuated  the 
writer  of  this  volume  in  his  desire  to  have  a  pre 
face  written  by  a  friendly  hand. 

3  The  only  hesitation  I  feel  in  undertaking  this 
g  task  arises  from  a  doubt  of  my  ability  to  set 
forth  truly  the  literary  merits  of  the  work.  I 
trust,  however,  that  the  reader  will  not  stop  with 
this  introduction,  disappointing  as  it  may  be, 
but  persevere  to  the  end,  so  that  he  may  reap 
the  harvest  of  profit  and  pleasure  which  its  pages 
offer. 

448358 


VI  PREFACE. 

A  few  words  as  to  the  scope  and  objects  of  the 
book. 

Whether  so  intended  or  not,  it  will  serve  to 
extinguish  the  slander  that  "  the  stenographer, 
from  constantly  writing  the  thoughts  of  others, 
becomes  in  time  a  mere  mechanical  instrument, 
incapable  of  thinking  for  himself,  requiring  the 
spoken  thoughts  of  thinking  men  to  put  him  in 
motion,  and  that  therefore,  the  more  he  knows 
of  stenography,  the  less  he  knows  of  anything 
else." 

It  is  not  a  book  on  stenography  by  an  advo 
cate  of  any  particular  system  of  swift  writing, 
but  one  which  the  adept  in  the  art,  the  amateur, 
and  the  non-phonographic  reader  can  peruse, 
enjoy,  and  one  in  which  they  mayhap  find 
touches  here  and  there  that  remind  them  of  Poe, 
or  Twain,  or  Dickens. 

One  of  the  Objects  of  the  work  is  to  illustrate 
the  liability  to  error.  The  rapid  spread  of  geo 
metrical  sound-writing,  otherwise,  and  not  so 
well  called,  phonography,  in  the  domain  of  busi 
ness  life  within  the  past  decade,  has  been  at 
tended  with  many  incidents  grotesque,  painful, 
and  perhaps  surprising.  This  might  have  been 
anticipated,  because  employers,  as  well  as  em 
ployees  had  to  learn  how  to  use  a  new  thing, 
and  the  former  had,  in  many  cases  to  accept  in 
experienced  help  freshly  "  turned  out "  of  the 
schools. 

Odd  errors  of  transcription  have  from  time  to 
time  furnished  occasion  for  mirth  or  for  anger. 
Long  before  the  day  of  phonography  the  prov 
erb  "  It  is  human  to  err  "  had  met  with  accept 
ance.  It  is  therefore  obvious  that  inaccuracies 


PREFACE.  VII 

are  not  peculiar  to  short-hand.  Telegraphy 
we  know  has  had  its  share,  and  ordinary  long 
hand  script  has  at  times  provoked  profanity  or 
led  to  disaster.  Of  a  truth,  though,  phonogra 
phy  is  the  more  dangerous,  because  the  omissions 
necessary  to  brevity  reduce  words  to  the  merest 
skeletons  or  outlines,  as  they  are  called,  and 
hence  lessen  distinctions.  We  all  know  that 
the  bony  structures  of  our  bodies  called  skele 
tons  are  more  like  to  each  other  than  we  are 
to  ourselves  in  life  when  the  osseous  fragments 
are  clothed  in  the  flesh.  The  same  bony  frame 
work  indeed,  might  serve  for  the  foundation  or 
scaffolding  of  entirely  different  kinds  of  men, 
for  a  Talmage,  an  Ingersoll,  a  Gladstone  or  a 
Claude  Duval. 

So  it  is  with  shorthand.  When  we  find  that 
the  skeletons  of  minister  and  of  monster,  of  phil 
osopher  and  falsifier,  of  lawyer  and  of  liar  are 
alike,  we  begin  to  feel  that  we  require  means  of 
distinction  and  they  are  accordingly  provided, 
but  alas  !  not  always  observed. 

In  devising  a  system  of  abbreviated  writing, 
the  starting  point  is  the  point  of  the  pen  or  in 
strument  to  be  employed.  As  a  line  is  generated 
by  the  movement  of  a  point,  so  all  shorthand  is 
generated  by  the  gyrations  of  the  instrument 
and  consist  of  the  lines  traced  by  it.  Obviously, 
if  every  difference  between  forms  so  traceable  is 
made  significant,  the  resulting  signs  will  possess 
their  highest  representing  power  ;  ergo,  fewer  of 
them  will  do  a  given  work;  less  time  will  be  re 
quired  to  make  them,  and  hence  speed  will  be 
increased. 

This  principle  has  been  carried  to  an  extreme 


VIII  PREFACE. 

in  some  of  the  systems  of  phonography.  Thus 
the  size  of  the  character  which  in  ordinary 
script  is  immaterial,  is  made  much  of  in  short 
hand.  In  longhand  the  form  is  all  significant 
although  form  too  is  quite  essential  in  phonog 
raphy.  The  aim  has  been  for  the  sake  of 
speed  to  have  forms  as  simple  as  possible,  ac 
cordingly  each  letter  consists  of  a  single  dot  or 
stroke.  Dots  are  made  significant  by  position, 
and  are  assigned  to  vowel  representation. 

The  consonants  with  which  the  art  mainly 
deals  are  represented  by  strokes,  straight  or 
curved,  and  differentiated  by  direction.  Each  of 
the  three  sizes  and  several  forms  made  in  various 
directions,  perpendicular,  sloping  to  the  left,  the 
right,  and  horizontal,  give  only  twelve  charac 
ters  ;  yet,  by  making  a  distinction  of  thickness, 
their  availability  is  increased,  and  there  are  just 
about  enough  of  them  to  represent  the  conso 
nants.  Not  alone  are  size,  form,  direction,  and 
thickness  made  significant,  but  also  the  position 
of  the  characters  with  reference  to  each  other 
and  the  line  of  writing.  All  these  matters  re 
quire  consideration  by  the  writer,  and  a  failure 
in  any  of  them  may  lead  to  doubt.  The  doubt 
may  be  resolved  by  the  context,  by  the  knowl 
edge  of  the  writer  as  to  his  own  peculiarities  and 
inaccuracies  when  writing  rapidly,  or  by  a  con-- 
centrated  study  of  the  doubtful  character.  As 
flourishes  are  not  permissible,  each  sign  means 
something  ;  there  is  some  word  in  the  language 
which,  being  suggested,  may  be  seen  at  once  to 
be  that  for  which  the  character  was  intended, 
and  often  beyond  the  possibility  of  error.  But 
until  the  illuminating  suggestion  comes  well  may 
he  exclaim  : 


PREFACE  IX 

"  But  that  large  grief  which  these  enfold 
Is  given  in  outline,  and  no  more." 

Even  with  the  aid  of  the  context,  Knowledge 
of  the  subject  and  his  own  peculiarities,  the 
writer  of  notes  is  often  puzzled  by  a  symbol 
which  another  may  decipher  at  sight.  The  one 
has  the  key  to  the  lock  in  his  mental  grasp,  the 
other  has  not. 

Having  indicated  the  possibilities  of  error  in 
phonography,  it  may  be  imagined  that  there 
lurks  in  it  a  vast  potency  for  mischief.  Written 
with  a  pencil  these  possibilities  are  increased, 
and  are  still  more  augmented  by  haste  and  care 
lessness. 

Now  whatever  may  happen  is  to  be  taken  into 
account,  as  well  as  what  has  happened.  That  the 
author  had  such  a  thought  in  mind  in  the  writ 
ing  of  some  of  these  sketches  I  have  reason  to 
believe  ;  nor  am  I  loath  to  say  that  he  has  worked 
out  the  idea,  aod  presented  the  possible  in  a 
peculiarly  quaint  and  interesting  way,  wherein 
humor  and  pathos  are  fairly  blended. 

The  story  wh>ch  appeared  some  years  ago  in 
a  newspaper  about  the  escape  of  the  savage  ani 
mals  at  Central  Park  and  their  dreadful  destruc 
tion  of  human  life  ;  the  account  of  the  dashing 
of  a  ferry-boat  into  the  slip  at  full  speed,  and 
its  consequent  destruction  and  the  maiming  of 
many  persons,  because  of  the  sudden  illness  of 
the  pilot,  were  better  than  true,  for  they  led  to 
such  precautions  as  may  prevent  their  ever  hap 
pening. 

Indeed,  there  is  a  kind  of  truth  which  is  in  no 
case  a  statement  of  fact  ;  and,  it  may  be  doubted 
whether  there  ever  was  a  statement  which  em- 


X  PREFACE, 

bodied  the  whole  truth  and  nothing  but  the 
truth. 

When  Hamlet  says  "  As  easy  as  lying,"  it 
might  seem  to  mean  that  it  is  difficult  to  tell  the 
truth  ;  and  so  it  is,  if  it  means  a  statement  in 
exact  conformity  to  facts.  If  it  means  to  relate 
our  impressions  from  observation  it  is  not  diffi 
cult. 

But  as  there  are  sounds  which  we  cannot  hear, 
and  rays  of  light  not  perceptible  to  our  eyes,  so 
there  is  a  truth  not  of  seeing  or  hearing,  but  of 
experience,  organization  and  reflection — a  truth 
which  depends  upon  the  mental  as  well  as  the 
physical  conditions  of  perception.  The  meta 
phorical  rose-colored  spectacles  may  not  be 
placed  before  the  physical  eye,  but  serve  as  a 
screen  behind  "  i.he  windows  of  the  soul,"  incor 
porated  into  the  substance  of  the  sentient  nerve 
itself,  or  made  part  of  its  mode  of  action  ;  so 
that  even  the  truth  of  simple  vision  is  not 
demonstrably  the  same  to  any  two  of  us. 
"  There  is,  moreover,  a  truth  of  fiction  more 
veracious  than  the  truth  of  fact,  as  that  of  the 
poet  which  represents  to  us  things  and  events 
rather  than  servilely  copies  them  as  they  are 
imperfectly  imaged  in  the  crooked  and  smoky 
glass  of  our  mundane  affairs." 

These  considerations  may  serve  to  give  at- 
idea  of  the  kind  of  truth  the  votaries  spoken  of 
in  this  volume  worshiped — the  imaging  of  that 
which  might  have  happened  with  "  Short  hand 
as  she  is  wrote,"  not  classically  or  with  the  abso 
lute  correctness  always  desirable  and  seldom 
attained,  but  with  the  dash  and  hurry  required 
by  the  exigencies  of  business  ;  and  the  reader  is 


PREFACE.  XI 

cordially  recommended  to  close  his  hypercriti 
cal  eyes  and  open  his  mental  capacities  to  the 
full  and  unquestioning  acceptance  thereof, 

TIMOTHY  BIGELOW, 
City  Court  of  Brooklyn., 
June,  1891 


THE   ODDITIES    OF    SHO3.V   HAND.  13 


CHAPTER  I. 

THE    WORSHIPERS    AND    THE    SHRINE. 

MR  NORTHCOATE  was  slowly  making 
*•  *•  his  way  to  the  flat,  that  is,  the  apart 
ment  house,  on  the  fourth  floor  of  which  he 
resided.  The  other  tenants  of  the  building, 
the  Coroner,  Engineer  Whitcomb,  Mr.  Grace, 
a  Real  Estate  Dealer,  and  a  Lawyer  in  the  ad 
joining  flat,  were  accustomed  to  meet  Mr. 
Northcoate  in  one  of  the  suite  of  rooms  occupied 
by  the  owner  of  the  premises. 

To  this  trysting  place  Mr.  Northcoate  was  go 
ing.  One  evening  each  week  was  devoted  by 
the  gentlemen  mentioned  to  reminiscences, 
smoking  tobacco  and  swapping  exaggerations  in 
the  host's  cozy  lounging  room.  These  six  gentle 
men  were  simply  members  of  an  unorganized 
social  club,  a  club  without  dues,  constitution, 
by-laws,  officers,  or  name,  the  members  of  which 
were  known  to  each  other  as  worshipers  at  the 
shrine  of  truth,  with  a  very  large  T. 

Northcoate  was  a  court  reporter,  and,  like  all 
of  his  class,  a  gentleman  of  extreme  leisure  ;  his 
whole  effort  in  life  had  been  to  kill  time.  Hurry 
was  a  thing  he  was  quite  incapable  of.  His 
walk  was  the  slow,  stately,  dignified  tread  pecu 
liar  to  sick  turtles  and  fat  policemen.  Haste 
was  a  thing  utterly  unknown  to  him.  His  daily 
business,  if  he  did  anything,  was  simply  to  go 
into  court,  sometimes  even  in  the  morning,  sit 
quietly  at  a  desk  and  make  little  marks.  The 


14  THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND. 

lawyers,  judges  and  witnesses  did  all  the  hard 
work  of  talking,  and  it  did  not  require  a  very 
strong  man  to  perform  Northcoate's  labor — per 
haps  we  should  say  recreation. 

He  sauntered  slowly  up  the  steps  of  the  house, 
rang  the  bell,  and,  when  the  door  was  opened, 
entered  what  the  Real  Estate  Man  called  the 
"  Snuggery." 

He  found  there  the  other  gentlemen  chatting, 
as  they  sat  in  various  attitudes  and  altitudes. 

The  Engineer  had  his  slippered  feet  upon  the 
marble  mantelpiece  over  the  grate  fire.  The 
Coroner  was  lolling  back  in  a  rocking  chair, 
watching  the  blue  smoke  as  it  curled  up  from  a 
rather  aged  looking  brierwood  ;  the  Host  and 
the  Real  Estate  Dealer  sat  in  armchairs,  each 
with  a  leg  thrown  over  the  arm.  The  Lawyer 
straddled  another  chair,  with  the  back  of  it  in 
front  of  him,  on  which  he  rested  his  folded  arms. 

The  Engineer  was  a  typical  Yankee,  with  the 
chinwhisker,  toothpick  and  drawl.  He  could 
expectorate  with  marvelous  accuracy.  He  was 
"  off"  service  in  the  Selineville  &  Mudchunk  R. 
R.  Co.  on  account  of  sickness,  and  having  been 
"subbed"  for  a  few  days,  was  resting  himself  in 
his  favorite  position  in  his  friend's  apartment. 

Occupying  the  second  flat  the  engineer  was  at 
home  wherever  he  went,  and  he  was  now  quietly 
waiting  for  the  seance  or  flow  of  soul  that  had 
been  provided  for  this  evening. 

The  Coroner,  short,  round,  with  considerable 
aplomb,  and  grey  eyes  that  sparkled  behind 
his  gold  rimmed  glasses,  was  quite  the  reverse 
of  the  railroad  man.  An  indifferent  listener,  he 
was  the  conscious  possessor  of  a  mine  of  narra- 


THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  15 

tives  from  his  own  personal  experience  that  was 
seemingly  inexhaustible.  He  always  began  "  I 
remember  once,"  and  then  you  were  in  for  it. 
The  Coroner  was  an  Irishman,  educated,  witty, 
polished  and  inclined  to  be  cynical.  His  horror 
of  what  he  called  "  rum  "  and  the  rum  traffic 
was  only  equalled  by  his  intense  affection  for 
the  weed.  He  had  been  thrice  elected  coroner, 
and  his  professional  duties  brought  him  in 
close  proximity  to  the  lower  strata  of  society, 
"  in  the  slums  and  alleys  of  a  great  sinful  city." 

The  pictures  he  drew  of  gaunt  poverty,  willful 
murder,  unexplained  suicide,  the  ghastly  morgue, 
the  police  court  and  the  hospital,  were  startling, 
vivid  and  gruesome. 

A  word  as  to  the  others.  The  Host  was  a 
gentleman  of  leisure  who  having  accumulated  a 
fair  share  of  this  world's  goods  was  content  to 
stop  at  the  age  of  two  score  and  ten  and  take 
life  easy.  Hard-headed  and  matter  of  fact ; 
with  him  seeing  was  believing  often,  though  not 
always.  It  was  occasionally  necessary  in  order 
to  convince  him  to  put  the  proposition  under 
discussion  in  such  shape  as  to  appeal  to  all  his 
senses.  He  was  ironical,  sarcastic  to  the  high 
est  degree,  and  withal  thoroughly  enjoyed  these 
gatherings  of  his  friends  on  Friday  evenings. 

In  marked  contrast  was  the  Real  Estate  Man, 
Somewhat  taciturn,  this  .gentleman's  forte  was 
listening.  He  claimed  to  be  of  mediocre  men 
tal  ability  and  limited  education,  and  accepted 
or  pretended  to  believe  everything  he  heard, 
though  he  had  been  known  to  say  in  a  moment 
of  great  confidence  that  his  motive  for  acquies 
cence  was  that  agreement  was  easier  than  argu- 


l6  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

irent.  "  No  man,"  he  said,  "  is  ever  convinced 
in  a  dispute,  his  friendship  is  often  lost  thereby. 
Concurrence  is  cheaper  than  Controversy,  and 
if  I  don't  agree,  I  pretend  to." 

He  had,  moreover,  a  very  pleasant  way  of 
listening  with  great  interest  to  learned  discus 
sions  on  sublimated  subjects  which  he  did  not 
understand,  and  the  happy  faculty  of  throwing 
in  a  suitable  monosyllable  such  as  "  Indeed," 
"Certainly,"  "  Oh,  yes,"  "Surely,"  that  pleased 
the  talkers  who  always  gave  him  credit  for  the 
possession  of  considerable  knowledge  concerning 
things  of  which,  he  admitted,  he  had  avast  fund 
of  ignorance. 

While  not  of  the  boastfully  disparaging  kind, 
this  gentleman's  self-admitted  dullness  was  in 
reality  a  mere  cloak  under  which  was  hidden  a 
deal  of  what  is  called  "horse  sense,"  and  more 
than  an  ordinary  share  of  book  knowledge. 

The  Stenographer  was  a  man  of  but  superfi 
cial  knowledge  for  one  of  his  calling.  Men  of 
his  profession,  he  asserted,  never  knew  enough, 
for  when  a  Stenographer  has  thoroughly  mas 
tered  surgery  so  as  to  be  prepared  for  a  mal 
practice  case,  it  is  his  fate  perhaps  to  be  called, 
professionally,  into  a  patent  suit  involving  me 
chanical  niceties  in  the  construction  of  a  steam 
engine  ;  or,  having  read  up  on  mechanical  con 
trivances  from  the  Barker  Mill  to  automatic 
switches,  he  is  employed  mostly  in  cases  involv 
ing  profound  questions  of  ecclesiastical  juris 
prudence  or  canon  law.  Coming  into  contact 
with  so  many  subjects  of  which  he  has  little  or 
no  knowledge,  he  rarely  profits  by  the  Emerso 
nian  advice  to  not  allow  things  you  do  not  knov.- 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  If 

to  hamper  your  knowledge  of  the  things  you  do 
know. 

No  man  in  the  profession  ever  knows  enough 
(except  of  course  the  amateur),  and  there  was 
never  but  one  who  was  thoroughly  up  in  every 
science  and  every  art.  He  mastered  it  all  from 
the  study  of  theology,  astronomy  and  the  occult 
sciences  downwards,  and  was  fully  and  perfectly 
equipped  to  grapple  with  anything  that  came  to 
him  professionally. 

"And  did — "  replied  the  deeply  interested  Host, 
to  whom  the  other  made  these  remarks.  "  No," 
said  the  Stenographer  softly,  "  he  died." 

"  Of  super-braincranium,"  suggested  the 
coroner  with  a  twinkle  in  his  little  grey  eyes. 

"  I  believe  so,"  answered  the  other  ;  "  it  was 
a  most  deplorable  case.  The  person  I  refer  to 
had  climbed  the  dizziest  heights  of  Parnassus, 
traversed  every  foot  of  the  field  of  knowledge, 
fitted  himself  by  long  years  of  constant  and  pro 
found  study  to  comprehend  thoroughly  every 
thing  that  might  come  in  his  way  ;  thus  steeped 
in  erudition  and  crammed  with  knowledge,  he 
was  called  upon  to  report  a  case  of  assault  and 
battery,  and  singularly  enough  found  that  he 
had  forgotten  how  to  write  shorthand  !  The 
mortification  of  this  discovery  killed  him." 

While  the  sensation  which  this  awful  recital 
evoked  is  subsiding,  let  us  glance  at  the  latest 
but  by  no  means  the  least  important  member  of 
the  company. 

Differing  from  the  others,  the  Lawyer  was  an 
all-around  literary  athlete,  thoroughly  up  in 
many  things,  and  while  a  ripe  scholar  he  was 
still  an  industrious  student  After  many  years 


l8  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

spent  in  gathering  information  he  had  reached 
what  is  called  by  some  the  pinnacle  of  know 
ledge — an  appreciation  of  one's  ignorance.  He 
required  but  collision  with  the  intellect  of 
others  to  bring  out  his  latent  powers,  and  then 
you  had  him  at  his  best. 

The  Counsellor  had  two  points  of  weakness — 
or  of  strength — as  you  may  view  it.  One  was 
an  intense  passion  for  old  and  much  worn  books, 
a  passion  which  despite  his  constant  and  persist- 
ant  assiduity  to  gratify,  was  never  sated.  An 
other  of  the  learned  gentleman's  peculiarities 
was  an  inordinate  liking  for  that  humble  off 
spring  of  the  Southern  negro's  necessities  which 
has  been  duly  adopted  and  endorsed  by  a  great 
President  of  the  United  States  of  America — the 
corncob  pipe. 

After  the  entrance  of  Mr.  Northcoate  the  meet 
ing  opened.  The  conversation  of  those  in  the 
room  shifted  but  never  lagged.  At  an  easy 
bound  it  went  from  China  to  Electricity  and 
then  to  Pallindromes. 

"  Taylor's  "  the  Host  was  remarking,  "  I  be 
lieve  has  never  been  equalled,  '  Evil  did  I 
dwell ' ;  reversed  it  reads,  '  Lewd  did  I  live.' 
Of  course  that's  fair,  but  what  Adam  said  to 
Eve  has  the  brevity  of  wit,  and  is  exactly  the 
same  both  ways,  'Madam,  I'm  Adam.'" 

The  Lawyer  ventured,  "  Well,  I  always  thought 
the  one  ascribed  to  Napoleon  was  the  best  of  all. 
It  is  related  that  toward  the  end  of  his  life  he 
was  asked  if  at  any  time  he  could  have  invaded 
England,  to  which  he  replied  :  '  Able  was  I  ere 
I  saw  Elba.'  How's  that  ? " 

"  Pshaw,"  said  the  Coroner,   contemptuously, 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  19 

"that's  too  venerable,"  at  which  the  Real  Estate 
Man  ejaculated,  "  Of  course." 

Then  Northcoate  spoke  of  a  professional  asso 
ciate,  who  being  ill,  was  visited  by  a  learned 
physician.  After  the  usual  preliminaries  made 
and  provided,  that  is,  feeliirr  the  patient's 
pulse,  taking  the  temperature,  noting  in 
his  diary  a  $3  charge  for  the  visit,  etc.,  the  doc 
tor  said  "  Are  you  sick  ?  "  The  poor  reporter 
stretched  out  his  hand,  he  was  suffering  from,  in 
cipient  tetanus  (commonly  called  lock-jaw)  and 
seizing  his  pencil  from  the  table  wrote  : 


(sic  sum). 

"  Well,"  snapped  the  little  Coroner,  "  what  of 
that  ? " 

"  The  point  of  it  is,"  said  the  other  quietl}r, 
"  did  the  sick  man  mean  it  to  be  in  Latin  or  in 
English?" 

"  Gracious"  interposed  the  Coroner,  "  how 
dreadfully  silly  ;  but,  talking  about  notes,  I  re 
member  once " 

The  others  sat  back  in  listening  attitudes. 


20  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


CHAPTER  II. 
THE  CORONER'S  NOTES. 

*•  T  REMEMBER  once,"  the  Coroner  went  on, 
*•  "a.  most  singular  thing  of  which  that 
reminds  me,  concerning  notes  taken  by  a  young 
man  who  acted  as  my  clerk  some  thirteen  years 
ago.  As  I  said,  he  was  young.  Very.  It  was 
during  my  first  term  of  office  at  one  of  the  first 
criminal  cases  I  had  to  do  with  officially,  and  at 
the  time,  I  am  free  to  confess,  I  was  rather  young 
myself. 

Word  came  from  Police  headquarters  that  a 
farm  hand  on  Benton's  homestead  had  been  dis 
covered  mortally  wounded  in  a  small  piece  of 
woods  not  far  from  the  farm. 

It  was  necessary  that  I  should  proceed  at  once 
to  the  scene  and  take  the  ante-mortem  statement 
of  the  dying  man.  That  was  my  official  duty, 
and  my  clerk  and  myself  started  at  once  for  the 
scene  of  the  assault.  Arriving  there,  we  found 
the  injured  party,  one  John  Simonetti,  an  Italian 
farm  laborer,  dreadfully  wounded  about  the  head 
and  unconscious.  He  was  in  a  state  of  coma  till 
shortly  after  our  arrival.  While  the  village 
physician  was  laboring  to  restore  him  to  con 
sciousness,  I  endeavored,  as  in.  duty  bound,  to 
get  what  information  I  could  concerning  the  oc 
currence.  It  was  meagre  enough.  No  one  had 
really  witnessed  it.  As  usual  in  such  cases,  there 


THF.    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  21 

was  supposed  to  be  a  woman  in  it,  a  housemaid 
on  a  neighboring  farm.  A  fellow  named  Peter 
Mari,  a  countryman  and  cousin  of  the  injured 
man,  was  suspected  of  having  committed  the 
assault  in  a  fit  of  jealous  rage.  He  was  a  tall, 
raw-boned,  sinister-looking  fellow,  and  I  was 
against  him  from  the  first,  and  believed  him 
guilty,  although  I  hadn't  a  particle  of  proof. 
He  claimed  to  be  entirely  ignorant  of  the  whole 
affair,  and  was  seemingly,  at  least,  solicitous  as 
to  the  injured  man's  condition,  attentive  about 
the  bedside,  and  endeavored  to  aid  the  village 
doctor  as  best  he  could. 

All  the  information  I  obtained  amounted  to 
nil.  It  was  mostly  made  up  of  village  gossip 
'  hearing  Mrs.  So-and-so  say  that  she  heard  So- 
and-so  tell  So-and-so  that  she  heard,'  etc.  ;  and 
'  I  think,'  and  '  says  I  to  myself,  says  I,'  etc., 
etc. 

The  simple  fact  was  that  the  man  was  hurt, 
and,  as  we  thought  at  the  time,  mortally,  and  if 
he  could  throw  no  light  on  it,  no  one  else  could. 
Of  course,  the  only  proper  thing  to  be  done 
under  the  circumstances  was  to  take  the  ante- 
mortem  statement  ;  and  when  the  injured  man 
exhibited  the  least  sign  of  intelligence,  we  pro 
ceeded  to  do  this.  The  task  was  rendered 
difficult  because  of  the  poor  knowledge  the 
patient  had  of  the  English  language,  and  hence 
he  could  not  think  of  the  proper  expression  to 
convey  his  meaning,  and,  while  seemingly  con 
scious,  he  was  scarcely  able  to  articulate.  When 
he  spoke  at  all,  it  was  in  a  mere  guttural 
whisper.  Consequently  I  directed  my  clerk  tc 
place  his  ear  close  to  the  patient's  lips,  in  ordei 


22  THE   ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND. 

to  hear  even  the  few  tones  he  could  utter.  To 
do  this  he  had  to  bend  over  the  bed  in  an  un 
comfortable  and  undignified  manner  that  I 
thought  quite  beneath  me.  I  had  another 
reason  for  this  :  I  had  a  few  questions  to  which 
I  wished  answers,  and  I  desired,  while  putting 
them,  to  keep  a  sharp  eye  on  Mari,  in  order  to 
discover,  if  possible,  any  indication  of  guilt  on 
his  strongly  marked  features.  I  thought  it  well 
to  write  the  questions,  and  taking  out  my  pre 
scription  book  (an  ordinary  paper  pad  about 
three  inches  by  four)  I  wrote  the  interrogatories 
— each  on  a  separate  slip  or  sheet  of  the  pad — 
which  I  stood  up  and  read  slowly  and  distinctly, 
to  the  injured  man,  all  the  while  watching  Mari, 
as  I  told  you,  in  the  endeavor  to  discover  the 
appearance  of  the  guilt  which  I  firmly  believed 
existed.  Then  I  gave  the  pad  to  the  clerk  to 
take  the  answers  on,  it  being  more  convenient 
for  him  to  use  in  his  awkard  position,  and  he 
recorded  all  the  answers  on  the  outside,  or  upper 
sheet.  Of  course,  I  should  not  have  delegated 
the  duty  of  recording  the  all-important  words  of 
the  dying  man  to  my  subordinate.  My  only 
excuse  for  this  is  that  it  was  one  of  my  first 
cases,  my  ears  were  not  as  good  as  my  clerk's — 
certainly  not  as  large — and,  as  I  say,  I  did  not 
care  to  assume  the  uncomfortable  attitude  that 
he  was  obliged  to  take  in  order  to  hear  the 
wounded  man's  monosyllables.  I  watched  Mari, 
hoping  to  get  evidence  sufficient  to  hold  him,  as, 
having,  as  I  say,  taken  a  dislike  to  him  from  the 
first,  I  wished  if  possible  to  bring  him  to  justice. 
I  made  the  mistake  of  many  young  persons  who 
have  to  do  professionally  with  criminal  cases, 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HANt>.  2j 

that  is  to  say,  I   went  into  it  with  a  prejudice. 
My  great  error  was  in  trusting  my  clerk. 

As  I  told  you,  I  stood  up  and  read  each  ques 
tion,  trying  to  catch  the  dying  man's  response; 
In  this  I  failed,  but  as  my  clerk  seemed  to  be 
writing  something  on  the  upper  sheet  of  the  pad 
which  I  gave  him,  while  he  bent  over  the  wounded 
man,  I  was  satisfied  that  nothing  was  lost.  I 
even  congratulated  myself  on  his  valuable  as 
sistance  ;  he  was  taking  notes,  as  I  had  instructed 
him  not  to  lose  a  syllable  uttered  by  Simonetti. 
Before  the  written  questions  were  put,  I  should 
have  stated  that  I  prefaced  them  by  informing 
Simonetti  that  in  all  probability  he  would  not 
live  ;  but  it  was  the  lot  of  all  men  to  die  ;  he 
would  die  to-day,  we  would  die  to-morrow,  and 
that  it  would  be  well,  having  made  his  peace 
with  God,  to  state  what  he  knew  of  the  occur 
rence,  fully  and  frankly.  We  have  a  certain 
form  for  use  on  such  occasions,  which  I  went 
through  with,  and  I  honestly  endeavored  to 
make  the  approach  of  death  to  the  dying  man  as 
easy  as  possible.  Whether  it  was  that  he 
understood  me,  or  whether  it  was  that  his 
intense  suffering  made  him  wish  for  the  end,  I 
will  not  pretend  to  say  ;  but  I  think  he  welcomed 
it,  if  I  could  judge  by  an  indescribable  lighting 
up  or  look  of  intelligence  on  his  ghastly  coun 
tenance.  During  the  reading  I  kept  one  eye  on 
the  man  I  suspected.  I  repeat  this  because  I 
have  thought  since  that  I  did  not  give  as  much 
attention  as  I  should  have  given  to  the  most  im 
portant  part  of  the  ante-mortem,  to  wit :  the 
words  of  the  dying  man.  The  patient  was  un 
able  to  answer  fully,  despite  repeated  efforts 


24  THE    ODDITIES    OF*   SHORT    HAND. 

made  by  both  my  clerk  and  myself,  and  we 
were  obliged  to  be  content  with  the  little  we  ob 
tained.  The  clerk  then  handed  me  the  pad,  on 
the  upper  sheet  of  which  he  had  taken  the 
answers  to  the  questions  in  his  short  hand  notes 
(God  bless  the  mark),  and  as  an  ante-mortem 
statement  I  endorsed  it  on  either  the  left  or 
right  margin,  I  don't  know  which,  but  I  think 
the  right,  as  follows  :  '  Ant.  M.  of  Simonetti,  t'kn 
by  C.,  ex  rel.  Mari,  Jan.  29,  '77,'  placed  it  on  top 
of  the  slips  I  had  read  from,  numbered  the  ques 
tions,  and  putting  a  light  rubber  band  about 
the  sheets,  inclosed  them  in  an  envelope  with 
the  proper  indorsement,  and  laid  it  aside  to  await 
results. 

As  I  afterwards  discovered,  I  had  numbered 
the  slips  of  the  pad  containing  the  questions  on 
one  corner  before  reading,  and  it  may  be  also 
that  I  did  an  unusual  thing  for  a  man  who 
writes  an  odd  screed  for  the  newspapers — it  may 
be,  I  say,  that  owing  to  my  nervousness  or 
anxiety,  instead  of  laying  the  first  sheet  face 
down  on  the  table,  and  the  others  in  the  same 
order  on  top  of  it,  it  is  possible  that  I  placed 
it  in  the  reverse  order,  face  up,  and  the  other 
above  it  in  the  same  order,  so  that  when  I  took 
them  up  the  numerical  order  of  the  interroga 
tories  was  reversed,  and  when  I  put  the  sheet 
containing  the  clerk's  notes  on  top  of  mine,  I 
raised  one  corner,  and,  not  remembering  that  I 
had  already  paged  the  slips  containing  my  ques 
tions,  I  renumbered  them  on  an  opposite  corner. 
This  I  found  out  afterwards — the  handwriting, 
of  course,  was  mine,  and  the  paging  of  each 
slip  was  mine. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  25 

When  we  had  finished  our  official  business,  I 
bade  the  dying  man  cheer  up,  for  although  I 
had  but  little  hope  of  his  recovery,  the  village 
physician  seemed  to  think  that  he  had  a  fighting 
chance  for  his  life  ;  and,  under  the  circumstances, 
we  departed  without  taking  any  further  steps  in 
the  matter." 

The  coroner  paused  here  while  he  re-lit  his 
pipe.  After  a  thoughtful  whiff  or  two,  he  re 
sumed  : 

"  Well,  do  you  know,  that  man  didn't  die  after 
all,  but  he  became  insane  by  reason  of  some 
obscure  injury  to  the  brain,  and  was  placed 
among  the  incurables  at  the  Steadville  Asylum, 
where  he  still  remains.  That  ended  that  chapter. 
Sometime  afterwards  the  Grand  Jury  of  the 
County,  without  anything  but  mere  suspicion, 
but,  as  I  always  thought,  on  generally  sound 
principles,  indicted  Mari  for  felonious  assault, 
with  intent  to  kill.  My  clerk  and  myself  were 
subpoenaed  to  attend  the  trial  at  the  Court  of 
Sessions,  having  been  served  with  a  subpoena 
'  Duce  Taketn,'  which  means,  in  plain  English, 
'  bring  all  the  papers  relating  to  the  subject 
under  the  investigation  that  you  can  lay  your 
hands  on.'  That,  I  may  say,  is  a  free  hand 
translation.  After  we  had  been  subpoenaed,  my 
clerk  asked  for  the  proceedings,  and  I  handed 
him  the  envelope  endorsed,  'Ant.  M.  Simonetti,' 
etc. 

Shortly  afterwards  he  came  to  me  with  a  very 
odd  look  on  his  face.  '  Coroner,'  he  says,  '  you 
numbered  these  questions  in  one  corner.'  I 
said,  '  of  course.  Isn't  that  proper  ?'  '  But,'  he 
went  on,  'you  also  numbered  them  in  the  opposite 


26  THE   ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND. 

corner  and  in  the  reverse  order.'  '  Oh,  well/  f 
said, 'it  can't  matter  much.'  'Do  you  remem 
ber,'  he  said,  '  in  which  order  you  read  them  ?'  I 
looked  at  them,  and  I  confess  I  could  not 
positively  tell  ;  you  see  the  double  paging  on 
the  opposite  corners  bothered  me  some,  but  I 
believe  I  had  read  them  in  the  order  which  I 
will  show  you  directly.  I  said,  however,  that  it 
was  a  matter  of  very  little  moment,  and  that 
the  answers  which  he  had  taken  would  unerr 
ingly  indicate  the  order  of  the  questions. 

The  clerk  sat  down  at  the  desk  again,  and 
after  pondering  a  while  he  approached  me  again, 
saying,  '  Do  you  remember,  sir,  on  which  edge 
of  the  sheet  I  gave  you  you  indorsed  the  state 
ment,  'Ant.  M.  of  Simonetti,  t'kn  by  C.,'  etc., 
as  I  handed  it  to  you  •  whether  on  the  right  side 
or  the  left  side,  that  is  to  say,  whether  it  was 
this  way  ? 


or  this  wayP'an-1  he  turned  the   paper  upside 
down. 


THE   ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  27 


O 


'Why,  of  course  not,'  I  said,  in  surprise.  'You 
might  as  well  ask  me  what  time  I  got  out  of  bed 
any  day  last  month.  What  difference  can  it 
make  ?  It  says  plainly  enough,  '  Ante-mortem, 
Jan.  agth,  '77,'  and  it  is  my  writing;  that  ought 
to  be  conclusive.'  He  went  off  with  an  unsatis 
fied  look  upon  his  face.  In  less  than  a  minute 
he  was  back  again.  '  Oh,'  he  said,  '  you  didn't 
place  those  sheets  face  down  as  you  read  them, 
did  you?'  There  was  something  in  the  man's 
tone  that  sounded  odd.  I  began  to  think  he  had 
been  drinking,  and  I  looked  at  him,  and  looked 
hard.  'Why,'  I  said,  'what  is  the  matter  with 
you  ?  Do  you  suppose  I  can  remember  such 
little  things  as  that  ?  I  don't  know,  and  I  don't 
care  ;  you  are  too  anxious  about  trifles.'  'Oh,' 
he  said,  with  a  short,  hard  laugh,  '  not  at  all,  I 
only  wanted  to  know,  you  know.' 

I  left  the  office  soon  afterwards,  and  although 
at  the  time  I  thought  it  strange  that  he  should 
ask  me  such  foolish  questions,  the  whole  thing 
soon  passed  out  of  my  mind.  It  all  came  back 
to  me  when  I  attended  court  on  the  following 
day  as  a  witness. 


28  THE   ODDITIES    OF   SHORT    HAND. 

As  I  already  told  you,  Mari  was  placed  on  trial 
for  assault  with  intent  to  kill,  and  we  attended 
court. 

The  case  of  the  people  was  fairly  presented. 
The  servant  woman  testified  that  she  knew  the 
accused,  and  related  little  instances  tending  to 
show  that  he  was  of  a  jealous,  revengeful  dispo 
sition.  The  injured  man  she  had  not  seen  for 
two  or  three  days  before  the  assault,  but  the 
accused  had  visited  her  that  evening,  leaving 
about  five  o'clock.  The  fact  that  Mari  was  the 
first  to  discover  the  injured  man  was  conclusive 
ly  shown,  Mari  himself  testifying  to  it ;  and  the 
constable  said  that  the  time  at  which  he  was 
notified  by  Mari  was  about  nine  o'clock.  The 
village  physician,  in  describing  the  condition  of 
the  wounds,  gave  it  as  his  opinion  that  the  in 
jured  man  had  been  first  struck  by  a  blunt  instru 
ment  in  the  back  of  the  head,  after  which  the 
stabbing  or  cutting  was  done.  A  stableman,  a 
co-employe  of  the  accused,  swore  that  he  heard 
Mari  threaten  some  one,  he  could  not  say  whom, 
the  night  preceding  the  assault  when  he  was  in 
the  stable.  My  evidence  was  of  little  account. 
I  identified  the  handwriting  of  the  questions  ; 
said  I  had  watched  the  accused  while  they  were 
being  read,  but  that  I  saw  no  positive  indication 
of  guilt  in  the  demeanor  of  the  prisoner  at  the 
injured  man's  bedside.  I  said,  also,  that  I  had 
not  heard  any  words  uttered  by  the  injured  man, 
owing  to  his  weak,  almost  unconscious  state,  and 
referred  to  the  fact  that  my  clerk,  in  whom  I  had 
the  utmost  confidence,  had  his  ear  close  to  the 
injured  party's  lips,  and  I  was  confident  that 
what  he  had  put  down  was  what  had  been  said 


THE   ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  29 

by  the  injured  man,  and  all  of  it,  but  that,  so  far 
as  I  knew,  there  had  been  no  positive  identifica 
tion  of  the  prisoner.  The  prisoner's  counsel, 
singularly  enough,  asked  me  just  the  same  ques 
tions  which  my  clerk  had  put  to  me  previously, 
that  is,  as  to  which  end  of  the  clerk's  slips  I  had 
made  the  indorsement  on  ;  whether  I  had  placed 
my  questions  face  down  or  face  up,  and  how  it 
occurred  that  I  had  paged  them  double  and  in 
reverse  order  and  in  opposite  corners.  On  these 
points,  of  course,  I  could  throw  no  light;  it  hav 
ing  been  a  matter  of  indifference  to  me  it  had 
escaped  my  memory.  The  fact  that  the  lawyer's 
questions  were  substantially  the  same  as  the 
clerk's  I  supposed  was  a  mere  coincidence.  The 
clerk  then  produced  the  record,  being  the  inter 
rogatories  on  the  slips  that  I  had  read,  and  the 
answers  I  had  recorded,  and  I  verily  believe  this 
is  the  order  in  which  I  read  them.  As  you  ob 
serve,  the  sheets  in  my  handwriting  are  num 
bered  in  the  upper  right-hand  and  in  the  lower 
left-hand  corners." 

The  Coroner  here  took  from  his  pocket  a  large 
red  diary,  and  taking  out  several  slips  of  paper, 
he  laid  them  on  the  table  so  that  we  could  read 
them  with  the  appended  answers  that  had  been, 
as  he  said,  transcribed  from  his  clerk's  notes  and 
read  on  the  trial  : 

1.  "  Can  you  give  any  account  of  the  assault 
or  state  what  you  did  or  said  when  you  were  at 
tacked  ? " 

A.  "Don't  cut  me.  Don't  kill  me." 

2.  "  Was  this  man  one  of  your  assailants — can 
you  indentify  him  by  his  talk  ? " 

A.  "  That  is  one  beyond  any  doubt.  Him  cut 
throat." 


30  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

3.  "  Are    you    positive    that    this    was   one  of 
them  ? " 

A.  "  That  is  one  of  them — Mari — Cousin." 

4.  "  Was  the  instrument  used,  a  knife  ?  " 
A.  "Razor." 

5.  '*  Was  the  motive  robbery  ?  " 
A.  "  Think  it  was  robbery." 

6.  "  Was  he  there  alone,  or  were  there  more 
than  one  ?  " 

A.  "  One  tall.     One  short." 

7.  "  Could  you  identify  the   man,  or  give  the 
authorities     any    information    as    to    his    char 
acter?" 

A.  "  Might  get  record,  sir,  of  Sing  Sing." 
"  This  record,  with  the  other  proof  adduced, 
made  a  strong  case  against  the  accused,  and  the 
people  'rested.'  The  prisoner's  counsel  then 
opened  the  case  for  the  accused,  and  said  that 
he  would  show  conclusively  that  the  injured  man 
had  stated  positively  and  unequivocally  in  his 
so-called  deposition  that  the  prisoner  was  not 
guilty.  As  to  the  manner  in  which  it  would  be 
shown  he  preferred  to  leave  that  to  the  develop 
ment  of  the  case,  but  it  would  be  'conclusive 
and  convincing  to  the  twelve  brilliant  and  incor 
ruptible  and  intelligent  gentlemen  that  he  saw 
before  him,'  etc.,  etc.  The  counsel  then  proved 
several  things  which  tended  to  weaken  the  case 
of  the  people  considerably.  They  were,  first  : 
the  servant-girl  mentioned  was  '  sweet,'  as  a 
witness  put  it,  on  the  hostler  who  had  testified 
to  hearing  the  threats  of  the  prisoner,  and  her 
feelings  were  decidedly  the  reverse  towards  the 
accused  ;  also  that  the  hostler  was  a  man  of  bad 
character  by  the  records  of  the  criminal  court, 


THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  3! 

and  that  Mari,  when  he  discovered  the  wounded 
man,  was  returning  from  the  city,  which  he  had 
left,  according  to  his  testimony,  five  miles  dis 
tant  at  about  the  time  when,  according  to  the 
people's  witnesses,  the  wounds  were  probably 
inflicted.  The  lawyer  then  called  my  clerk  and 
asked  him  if  he  had  repeated  aloud  the  answers 
of  the  dying  man.  No,  he  hadn't.  Was  he  con 
fident  that  the  paper  he  read  from  was  in  the 
exact  condition  in  which  it  was,  when  he  de 
livered  it  to  the  coroner  ?  He  said,  it  was  with 
the  exception  of  the  indorsement.  He  was  also 
questioned  as  to  whether  he  had  noticed  me 
when  I  made  the  indorsement,  whether  I  wrote 
it  on  the  left-hand  side  of  the  paper  as  handed 
me,  or  on  the  right-hand  side  ?  He  said  he  had 
not.  The  slip  of  paper  was  then  handed  to  the 
prisoner's  counsel,  who  took  a  large  envelope, 
cut  a  square  hole  in  it,  which,  when  the  paper 
was  placed  in  it,  allowed  nothing  to  be  seen 
but  the  notes.  After  calling  the  attention  of  the 
court  to  this  as  an  exhibit  in  the  case,  he  said  to 
the  clerk  :  "  I  observe,  sir,  that  there  are  spaces 
or  gaps  interpersed  among  the  characters  which 
represent  the  period  at  the  end  of  the  answers, 
or  indicate  that  the  answers  or  questions  are 
indented  or  paragraphed  ? ' 

The  witness  acquiesced. 

'  That  is  to  say,'  the  counsel  went  on,  '  each 
answer  or  question  in  your  notes  is  either  '  in 
dented  '  with  a  space  at  the  beginning,  or  the 
space  at  the  termination  indicates  the  period — 
the  blank  means  either  the  termination  or  be 
ginning  of  the  question  or  answer  as  the  case 
may  be  ? ' 


32  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

The  witness  answered  in  the  affirmative. 

'  Now,  sir,'  said  the  counsel,  '  I  will  read  the 
first  question  from  the  coroner's  slip,  and  you 
give  me  the  answer  as  it  appears  on  your  notes, 
with  that  side  of  the  paper  up.' 

The  lawyer  here  indicated  to  the  witness  the 
end  of  the  paper  he  was  to  read  from,  which,  as 
it  turned  out,  was  the  opposite  way  from  that 
in  which  the  clerk  had  held  it  in  making  his  pre 
vious  transcript.  He  then  read  the  question  in 
this  manner,  the  clerk  giving  the  appended  an 
swers  :" 

1.  "  Could  you  identify  the  man,  or  give  the 
authorities    any    information    as  to  his  charac 
ter  ?  " 

A.  "  Impossible — impossible  to  ;  face  covered  ; 
could  not." 

2.  "Was  he    there  alone,  or  were  there  more 
than  one  ?  " 

A.  "This  man  don't  mean." 

3.  "  Was  the  motive  robbery  ?  " 
A.  "Robbery,  think  it  was." 

4.  "  Was  the  instrument,  used  a  knife  ?  " 
A.  "Yes,  sir." 

5.  "  Are  you    positive   that   this  was  one  of 
them  ? " 

A.  "  Mistake — wrong  man,  sure." 

6.  "Was  this  man  one  of  your  assailants — can 
you  identify  him  by  his  talk  ?  " 

A.  "  At  this  talk,  no  ;  I  doubt  him  ;  I  am  not 
sure." 

7.  "  Can  you  give  any  account  of  the  assault, 
or  state  what  you  did,  or  said,  when  you  were 
attacked  ?  " 

A.  "  No  can  tell ;  no  talk  at  all." 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  33 

"  That  is  the  way  the  remarkable  record  was 
twisted  and  reversed. 

There  was  a  curious  buzz  in  the  court  room. 
My  clerk  wilted  as  he  faltered  on  with  the  an 
swers,  and  I  was  thunderstruck.  It  was  so  long 
since  the  answers  had  been  given,  that  perhaps 
the  clerk  knew  but  little  about  it — all  he  had  to 
rely  on  was  the  notes.  The  clever  lawyer  had 
found  out  that  they  were  two-edged  and  double- 
barrelled  ;  they  read  upside  down,  or  down 
side  up,  turned  one  way,  one  thing,  another  way, 
another  thing,  and  then  I  was  aware,  for  the  first 
time,  that  my  clerk  was  "  rattled  "  the  very  in 
stant  that  he  had  undertaken  to  transcribe  the 
wretched  marks,  three  days  before.  You  see,  I 
had  been  so  anxious  to  play  detective  that  I  paid 
no  attention  to  what  the  injured  party  said. 
Well,  of  course,  the  prisoner  was  acquitted,  and 
the  notes  went  to  protest.  Marks  that  could  be 
read  upside  down,  or  down-side  up,  forward,  or 
backward,  etc.,  were  not  considered  of  much 
value,  and,  of  course,  the  accused  was  acquitted. 
The  jury  never  left  their  seats. 

To  conclude  with,  I  will  tell  you  this  in  confi 
dence  :  The  coroner  who  took  that  inquest  has 
learned  a  thing  or  two.  When  he  is  a  coroner, 
he  proposes  to  act  as  a  coroner,  and  not  as  a  de 
tective.  And  when  he  takes  an  ante-mortem 
statement  he  takes  it  himself,  and  he  repeats  the 
answers  as  given,  and  writes  them  in  good,  large, 
round,  United  States.  That's  all.  I  may  add., 
that  if  Mari  was  not  guilty  in  that  case,  the  real 
culprit  was  never  discovered.  I  always  sus 
pected  him." 

"  What  became  of  the  clerk  ?  "  said  Mr.  North- 
coate. 


34  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

"Oh  !  "  answered  the  Coroner,  musingly,  "we 
parted,  and  he  was  employed  afterwards  driving 
mules  on  the  Second  avenue  cars.  Subsequently, 
I  think,  he  went  West,  became  secretary,  and  af 
terwards  president  of  the  Migginsville  Railroad  ; 
the  last  I  heard  of  him  was  that  he  had  been 
shot  through  the  skull  in  some  difficulty  in  Mon 
tana.  I  was  quite  sorry  that  I  didn't  hold  the 
inquest ;  it  was  a  treat  I  had  hoped  for  for  some 
years." 

"Well,"  said  Mr.  Northcoate,  "  it  was  time  for 
him  to  die,  but  I  never  thought  he  would  be 
shot  through  the  head  on' account  of  the  thick 
ness " 

The  Coroner  interrupted  :  "  Indeed,  I  think  a 
man  who  could  write  notes  that  would  be  legi 
ble  both  ways,  would  be  of  inestimable  value  to 
some  of  the  gentry  in  your  profession,  who  have 
great  difficulty  in  reading  them  one  way." 

Just  then  the  servant  brought  in  coal  to  re 
plenish  the  grate,  and  silently  left  the  room. 

The  Coroner  remarked  thoughtfully  ;  "  I  know 
that  face.  Where  have  I  seen  that  man  ?  Who 
is  he  ?" 

"  That,"  said  the  host,  as  he  winked  at  the 
others,  "  that  is  an  Italian:  his  name  is  John 
Simonetti." 

The  Coroner  got  up,  looked  hard  at  the  com 
pany,  and  said,  in  an  altered  tone,  "  Good-night, 
gentlemen,  good-night." 


THE    ODDITIES    Gc    SHORT    HAND.  35 

CHAPTER  III. 
THE  STENOGRAPHER'S  STORY. 

meeting  of  the  Worshipers  at  the  Shrine 
was  duly  opened  by  the  Host.  "Tell  us  a 
story,"  he  said  to  the  Coroner,  "  to  pass  the  time." 
"  No,  siree  "  was  the  emphatic  answer;  "  you  dis 
credited  my  narrative  of  the  clerk's  notes  which 
was  just  as  true  as  that  we  sit  here  and  sought 
to  impugn  " 

"  Not  at  all,"  interrupted  the  Scribe,  "  I  believe 
it  implicitly.  In  fact  I  have  known  of  far  more 
remarkable  things  in  my  short  and  short  hand 
career.  Your  tale  was  of  notes  that  read  either 
side  up.  What  say  you  of  notes  that  could  not 
be  read  at  all  ? " 

"  That,"  said  the  Coroner,  "  I  know  to  be 
common;  and  when  I  hear  fellows  of  your  craft 
preferring  the  makeshift  skeleton  of  short  hand 
notes  to  double  leaded  newspaper  print  for  legi 
bility,  I  always  think  of  Ananias."  The  others 
murmured  assent.  "  To  show  you,"  resumed  the 
Stenographer,  "that  I  never  in  the  least  doubted 
the  truth  of  your  story,  I  will  relate  something 
even  more  singular.  Your  narrative  was  of 
double  meaning  notes  that  read  downside  up  or" 
upside  down;  what  do  you  say  to  notes  that 
could  be  read  not  only  upside  down  and  down 
side  up,  but  inside  out?  " 

"Indeed!"  remarked  the  Taciturn  Member. 
The  other  listeners  looked  at  each  other  aghast. 

"Give  us  the  instance,"  said  the  Lawyer,  in  a 


36  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

tone  of  unfeigned  agitation,  as  with  a  great  effort 
he  recovered  himself  sufficiently  to  wipe  the  cold 
beads  of  perspiration  from  his  wrinkled  brow, 
"  and  we  will  tell  you  what  we  think." 

"  By  all  means"  broke  in  the  Coroner,  "  any 
thing  to  convince  a  '  Doubting  Thomas,'  and  he 
looked  squarely  at  the  Host.  "  There  was  once 
a  wall-eyed  tom-cat,"  he  went  on,  "  that  saw  what 
appeared  to  be  a  bull-dog's  tail  sticking  out  of  a 
thicket.  Not  fully  satisfied  by  the  evidence,  he 
went  to  investigate,  and  never  doubted  again. 
His  end  was  like  that  of  the  early  martyrs." 

"  How  ?  "  queried  the  lawyer. 

"Why,"  remarked  the  little  Coroner,  as  he 
nodded  triumphantly  toward  the  sarcastic  gen 
tleman,  "  the  'doubting  Thomas'  died  in  faith.' 

"  I  have  the  screed  in  my  pocket,"  said  the 
Stenographer,  ignoring  the  crest-fallen  air  of  the 
Host.  "  It  was  written  by  a  young  friend  of 
mine  who  was  then  employed  on  a  daily  paper. 
After  this  manuscript  was  submitted  to  the  edi 
tor,  my  friend  was  cashiered  on  the  spot,  as  a 
man  not  possessing  sufficient  veracity  to  meet 
the  requirements  of  one  holding  the  position  of 
a  newspaper  reporter." 

A  chorus  of  "  Oh's"  greeted  this  statement. 

The  cold-blooded  stenographer  then  produced 
a  roll  of  paper,  and  having  straightened  out  the 
folds  and  dog-eared  the  corners,  began  the  read 
ing  of  the  singular  narrative  called  : 

THE    FANLIGHT     NOTES. 

Miss  Kitty  Hammond  was  a  picture  as  she  sat 
at  her  desk  late  that  Saturday  afternoon.  She 
was  not  biting  her  pencil  in  vain  ;  although  a 
native  of  Pennsylvania,  she  was  a  stenographer 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


37 


or  a  stenographeress.  You  could  see  that  by  the 
small  black  spot  of  smut  on  the  left  side  of  her 
nose.  This  young  lady  was  employed  in  the 
office  of  Mr.  Theodore  Moffet,  the  rich  lawyer. 
They  were  not  yet  married,  much  as  that  gold- 
spectacled  and  eminently  respectable  looking 
gentleman  would  have  liked  to  enter  into  the 
contract.  Hence,  he  was  in  the  habit  of  dictat 
ing  to  her. 

The  girl  who  sat  there  was,  as  before  stated,  a 
picture,  and  quite  a  pleasant  one  at  that,  black 
spot  and  all. 

She  had  a  mouth  too  sweet  for  pencil  moisten 
ing,  a  fair  complexion,  a  soft  blue  eye — in  fact 
two  of  them,  hair  just  the  right  shade  (golden- 
brown,  as  a  description,  is  fair  to  middling  for  one 
who  knows  little  about  colors)  and  a  nose — 
gracious  !  one  of  those  saucy,  slightly  turned — 
no,  a  great  poet  says  "  Tip-tilted  like  the  petals 


38  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

of  a  flower."  Further  description  is  useless. 
You  young  fellows  can  think  of  one  girl  who  is 
all  perfection,  sweeter  and  fairer  than  all  others, 
and  Miss  Hammond  was  just  that  kind  of  a  girl. 
Her  father  was  a  rather  obscure  and  somewhat 
obstinate  clergyman  of  the  Methodist  persuasion 
in  the  Town  of .  The  reverend  gentle 
man  and  the  lawyer  were  old  friends.  Indeed, 
it  was  through  the  latter's  financial  stand  ing  and 
influence  that  the  clergyman  was  placed  over  the 
Church  of . 

These  "  Old  Cronies"  had  several  ideas  in  com 
mon  ;  and  lately  they  had  taken  it  into  their  ven 
erable  heads  that  a  certain  arrangement  in  which 
the  rector's  daughter  was  to  be  matrimonially 
disposed  of,  would  be  mutually  satisfactory. 

Although  close-fisted,  cross  and  domineering, 
Moffet  was  a  respected,  prospering  lawyer  ;  and 
Mr.  Hammond,  blinded  by  love  for  his  only 
daughter,  and  a  paternal  desire  to  see  her  well 
settled  in  life,  was  not  unwilling  that  his  old 
friend  and  benefactor  should  have  every  oppor 
tunity  to  make  a  matrimonial  alliance  with  his 
daughter ;  hence,  he  fell  in  with  the  lawyer's 
ideas  at  the  first  hint  from  that  gentleman.  At 
her  father's  suggestion,  the  girl  entered  the  em 
ployment  of  the  attorney,  "to  earn  pin-money," 
he  said,  although  she  scarcely  needed  it,  for  her 
father  had  been  saving  souls  and  money  like  a 
man  in  real  earnest.  The  "  pin-money  "  excuse 
had  a  deep  ulterior  design  known  to  both 
gentlemen,  but  not  as  yet  fathomed  by  the 
young  lady. 

Moffet,  as  a  prominent  lawyer,  was  in  the  habit 
of  bringing  suits,  and,  of  course,  while  in  his 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  39 

employ  he  had  the  opportunity  to  press  his  own 
suit  with  the  girl,  and,  indeed,  he  managed  to 
make  himself  quite  agreeable. 

Miss  Kitty,  actuated  by  that  spirit  of  inde 
pendence  born  in  most  women  and  some  men, 
accepted  the  employment  gladly,  but,  as  has 
been  said,  had  not  yet  fallen  in  with  the  deep 
laid  plan  of  the  rector  and  the  lawyer. 

There  was  an  obstacle  in  the  way,  that,  if  it 
did  not  blind  her  otherwise  keen  perception, 
certainly  interfered  seriously  with  her  father's 
programme  ;  for  a  young  fellow,  Thomas  M. 
Offet  by  name,  employed  in  the  N.  G.  R.  R. 
Co.'s  office,  was  becoming  interested  in  the 
young  woman.  He  had  as  yet  never  told  his 
love,  but  was  only  awaiting  the  "  raise  "  which 
comes  so  early,  often  and  suddenly  to  clerks  in 
railroad  offices,  especially  stenographic  clerks, 
to  put  in  a  bid  for  that  type-writer  ;  and,  being 
a  very  determined  young  stenographer,  he 
meant  to  have  that  girl  by  hook  or  by  crook. 

Several  times  of  late,  young  Offet  had  called 
at  the  office  for  Miss  Hammond,  and  accom 
panied  her  home.  Moffet  discovering  this 
endeavored  to  put  a  stop  to  these  meetings  by 
detaining  his  amanuensis  in  the  evening  at  the 
office  on  one  pretext  or  another,  and  occasion 
ally  escorted  the  young  woman  to  her  father's 
door  himself. 

Once  or  twice  the  young  man  visited  Miss 
Hammond  at  her  residence,  but  her  father  was 
always  present  during  the  evenings,  and  gave 
the  young  man  no  encouragement  to  call  again. 
In  fact,  the  reverend  gentleman  seemed  to  be 
consulting  his  repeater  most  of  the  time  during 


40  THE    ODDITIES    OF   SHORT    HAND. 

these  visits,  and  managed  to  sit  the  young  man 
out. 

Matters  had  been  going  on  thus  for  some 
time.  The  clergyman  learned  from  Moffet  that 
young  Offet  had  been  calling  at  the  office  to  see 
the  girl,  and  was  not  pleased  thereat.  As  usual, 
in  such  cases,  made  and  provided,  he  made 
things  worse  by  a  little  foolish  opposition, 
"  Do  not  allow  that  '  whipper-snapper,'  "  the 
doctor  called  him,  "  near  you,  my  child,  he  is 
quite  unfit  company  for  you,"  and  concluded 
with  some  general  remarks  about  the  impecuni- 
osity  and  general  good-for-nothingness  of  the 
young  man.  Miss  Hammond  did  not  draw 
herself  up  to  her  full  height,  her  eyes  flashing 
scorn,  etc.,  as  all  young  ladies  do  in  novels  under 
like  circumstances.  This  girl's  height  was  just 
four  feet,  eleven  inches  and  a  half,  and  the  sub 
lime  and  crushing  effect  would  have  been 
entirely  lost,  so  she  did  just  what  girls  of  that 
age  always  do  in  similar  circumstances, — took 
the  part  of  the  abused  party  through  pity  ;  and 
"  Pity  is  akin  to  love  ;  or  is  the  Irishman's 
quotation  more  truthful,  "  Achin'  to  love  ?"  At 
all  events  the  clergyman  thought  the  girl  could 
not  be  so  foolish  as  to  stand  in  the  way  of  a 
good  offer  such  as  Moffet  was  sure,  sooner  or 
later,  to  make  ;  and,  while  he  acted  as  home 
guard,  he  believed  the  lawyer  would  bring 
matters  to  the  happy  and  successful  issue  he 
desired.  Keeping  a  keen  eye  on  his  daughter 
while  she  was  at  home,  he  escorted  her  to  various 
places,  when  Moffet  was  not  on  hand  to  perform 
that  agreeable  duty,  and  fondly  believed  that 
with  his  own  espionage  and  Moffet's  watchful- 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  4! 

ness,  there  could  be  no  attachment  nor  any 
opportunity  for  the  young  man  to  prosecute  his 
suit. 

There  had  been,  so  far  at  least,  between  the 
girl  and  young  Offet,  nothing  warmer  than  a 
budding  friendship,  which  would  never  perhaps 
have  ripened  into  anything  stronger,  but  for  the 
parental  opposition.  They  were  interested  in 
each  other,  but,  as  yet,  nothing  further. 


Running  Errands. 

Now  the  office  of  Moffet  was  blessed,  or 
cursed,  with  a  boy — and  such  a  boy.  His  name 
was  Mike — just  plain  Mike,  but  his  companions, 
as  he  said  himself,  "  sometimes  call  me  Moriarity 
for  short."  The  son  of  poor,  but  Irish  parents, 
he  was  like  all  14  year  old  boys,  much  deeper 
than  he  seemed  to  be.  He  kept  both  eyes  and 
ears  wide  open,  and  to  his  limited  ability  was 
quick  at  everything  but  errands. 

This   lad   was    apparently   respectful    to    his 


42  THE    ODDITIES     OF  SHORT    HAND. 

employer,  whom  he  both  feared  and  disliked. 
In  Mofftt's  office,  he  was  retained  simply  on 
sufferance  because  he  was  useful  and  cheap. 
Although  earning  but  a  few  cents  a  day,  his 
employer  exacted  a  petty  fine  if  he  delayed 
in  opening  the  office  in  the  morning,  or 
spent  too  much  time  at  lunch  ;  and  the  lad's 
weakly  pittance  was  often  reduced  by  fines 
and  penalties  which  were  rigorously  exacted. 
No  wonder  there  was  no  love  lost  between 
master  and  servant.  While  he  respectfully 
"  sir-red  "  his  employer  to  his  face,  Mike  some 
times  so  far  forgot  himself  as  to  refer  to  the 
lawyer  as  "  the  Old  One,"  and  byway  of  variety, 
"  His  Nibs."  But  these  expressions  were  made 
use  of  in  out-of-the-way  places,  and  in  low 
tones. 

Miss  Hammond's  office  was  a  little  room  sep 
arated  from  the  main  office  (Moffet's)  by  a  short 
ground-glass  partition  and  door  that  Michael 
called  her  "  Bow-door." 

To  enter  her  room  the  visitor  passed  from  the 
outer  or  main  corridor  through  Moffet's  office, 
the  main  entrance  to  which  was  marked  "  Pri 
vate." 

The  room  in  which  the  boy  was  employed  was 
entered  from  another  corridor  or  hall  on  the  left 
or  long  side  of  the  "  L."  Between  that  room 
and  the  lawyer's  private  office  was  still  another 
door,  generally  kept  closed  by  Moffet's  ex 
pressed  wish,  over  which  was  the  ordinary  swing 
ing  fanlight.  In  this  ante-room  the  boy  was 
accustomed  to  sit  except  when  running,  or  per 
haps  we  should  say  crawling  errands.  It  was  a 
standing  rule  in  the  office  that  the  boy  should 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  43 

not  enter  the  main  or  private  office  till  sum 
moned  by  his  employer.  This  was  one  of  the 
rules  he  strictly  obeyed.  There  seemed  to  be 
an  air  of  cleanliness,  quietness  and  restraint 
about  the  inner  office  that  .was  not  to  his  taste. 
Once  or  twice  when  in  close  proximity  to  his 
employer  he  noticed  a  look  of  displeasure  on  his 
face  and  a  dangerous  glitter  in  the  elderly  gen 
tleman's  eye  that  frightened  him,  and  he  rightly 
attributed  the  look  of  disgust  to  the  odor  of  a 
cigarette  which  he  had  lately  left  half  smoked 
and  still  lighted  on  a  window-sill  on  the  outer 
corridor. 

This  left  corridor,  as  already  said,  was  only 
used  by  the  boy  in  entering  his  room,  and  by 
those  having  business  with  Moffet  not  of  a  pri 
vate  character.  Persons  who  had  not  the  entree 
to  the  private  office  at  the  front  hall  went  around 
into  the  room  occupied  by  the  boy,  who  took  the 
visitor's  card  or  wrote  the  name  on  a  slip  of 
paper,  as  the  case  might  be,  and  passed  it 
through  an  oblong  slit  in  the  door  separating 
the  ante-room  from,  the  private  office.  Mike 
preferred  and  enjoyed  the  freedom  of  the  ante 
room  where  he  reigned  supreme,  and  wherewith 
an  occasional  dab  at  a  short  hand  book  or  keen 
enjoyment  of  "The  Stolen  Maiden  or  the  Red 
Outlawed  Indian's  Bloody  Hand  "  he  managed 
to  pass  the  time  pleasantly  enough,  when  not  en 
gaged  in  throwing  wads  of  wet  paper  through 
the  air-shaft  at  the  boy  down-stairs  or  stealing  a 
smoke  in  the  silent  corridor. 

As  already  intimated,  he  was  employed  on 
sufferance.  Angry  words  with  an  occasional 
muttered  oath  thrown  at  him,  had  not  been  un- 


44  THE   ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND. 

common,  but  of  late  the  presence  of  Miss  Ham 
mond  had  served  to  curb  exhibitions  of  Moffet's 
temper  in  her  hearing  at  least,  and  for  this, 
among  other  things,  the  lad  was  grateful  to  her. 
Much  to  the  boy's  disgust  he  was  detained  quite 
late  on  this  particular  Saturday  evening.  Mr. 
Tom  M.  Offet,  between  whom  and  the  lad  a 
lasting  friendship  had  sprung  up,  called  and  had 
a  long  sit  of  it  in  the  ante-room.  Once  the 
lawyer  opened  the  door  and  speaking  to  the  lad 
and  at  the  visitor  whom  he  recognized,  roared  : 
"  Boy,  do  not  allow  us  to  be  disturbed  by  any 
callers  unless  the  business  is  of  the  utmost  im 
portance,"  and  slammed  the  door  to.  "  No  use 
waiting,"  whispered  the  lad  to  Offet,  "  they're 
in  there  till  they  finish  that  brief  or  job,  what 
ever  it  is."  Notwithstanding  the  hint,  the  young 
man  remained.  An  hour  passed.  Young  Offet 
fidgeted  in  his  chair  and  in  many  ways  exhibited 
his  impatience  ;  at  length  Michael  approached 
the  door  ostensibly  to  light  the  gas  when  much 
to  his  surprise  there  was  no  response  to  his  re 
peated  knock.  He  turned  the  knob,  the  room 
was  empty.  "They're  gone,"  he  gasped;  "I 
guess  they  went  off  together,  they  often  do  now  ; 
it's  getting  interesting."  Then  seeing  the  look 
of  disappointment  on  the  other's  face  he  consol 
ingly  remarked  :  "  I'll  help  you,"  and  in  a  tragic, 
Old  Bowery  tone,  "  Fear  not,  I  will  rescue  her 
or  die."  The  dreadful  alternative  was  lost  on 
the  ears  of  the  young  man  as  with  a  crestfallen 
air  he  passed  from  the  corridor  down  into  the 
street.  He  comforted  himself  with  the  reflection 
that  the  young  woman  was  not  aware  that  he 
had  been  in  waiting  in  the  ante-room  when  she 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  45 

left  the  office  with  her  elderly  escort.  Nor  was 
he  far  wrong  in  this  supposition.  As  for  Mike 
he  kicked  over  the  waste-basket,  banged  the 
windows  down  with  a  rush  and  was  about  to  in 
sert  the  key  in  the  door  when  he  saw  an  oblong 
piece  of  paper  projecting  from  the  pocket  of  Mr. 
Moffet's  office-coat,  which  hung  on  the  door 
frame. 

He  was  a  boy  ;  his  mother  was  a  woman,  and 
perchance  he  is  not  to  be  too  severely  condemned 
for  the  possession  of  a  curiosity  that  prompted 
him  to  open  that  paper. 

He  spread  it  out  as  heneared  the  window,  the 
better  to  see  it  in  the  gathering  dusk.  What  he 
saw  made  him  exclaim  almost  involuntarily: 
"  By  Jimmenaddy  !  "  It  was  a  marriage  license 
issued  by  the  County  Clerk  of  a  neighboring 
county,  addressed  to  "any  justice  of  the  peace 
in  and  for,"  &c.,  "  duly  authorized  to  solemnize 
marriage,"  and  "This  day  appeared  before  me, 
Theo.  Moffet,  one  of  the  contracting  parties,  of 
the  town  of  -  — ,  and  Richard  Hammond,  father 
and  natural  guardian  of  Kate  Hammond,  the 
aforementioned  party,  residents  of,"  &c.  It  was 
plentifully  interspersed  with  whereases  and  here- 
inbefores,  &c. 

The  boy  blew  a  long,  low  whistle.  His  curi 
osity  satisfied,  he  was  about  to  return  the  paper 
to  the  place  it  came  from,  but  in  folding  it  up  he 
saw  something  that  surprised  him.  As  he  had 
held  the  upper  part  of  the  document  in  a  posi 
tion  to  read,  the  lower  portion  naturally  rested 
on  the  lighted  end  of  the  half  consumed  cigarette 
between  his  fingers,  and  a  little  circular  brown 
spot  showed  in  the  paper  just  below  the  County 


(6  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

Clerk's  signature.  He  wet  his  finger  and  at 
tempted  to  rub  the  stain  off.  The  result  fright 
ened  him.  The  charred  spots  fell  out  and 
a  small  round  hole  appeared  with  dark  ser 
rated  edges.  Then  all  thought  of  replacing 
the  paper  was  abandoned.  It  would  bear 
the  marks  of  having  been  handled,  he 
thought ;  an  investigation  would  in  all  prob 
ability  lead  to  his  prompt  dismissal  if  not 
to  some  other  great  punishment.  He  thought 
of  his  mother — she  was  a  widow  and  he  was  her 
only  son,  and  the  pittance  he  received,  small  as 
it  was,  helped  to  pay  the  rent.  It  would  not  do 
to  lose  it.  He  would  destroy  the  paper  and  say 
nothing.  It  would  never  be  found  out.  The 
very  fact  of  Moffet's  having  left  it  in  the  pocket 
of  his  office  coat  showed  that  he  was  careless  and 
would  in  reality  never  know  what  had  become  of 
it.  He  would  make  away  with  it,  get  a  dupli 
cate  copy,  or  do  something  ;  and  as  he  hesitated, 
and  thought  of  all  this  he  almost  unconsciously 
slipped  the  paper  in  his  pocket  intending  to 
think  out  carefully  what  was  best  to  be  done  in 
the  matter.  His  next  impulse  was  to  see  Miss 
Hammond  and  tell  her  all.  But  how  could  he 
face  her  and  admit  that  he  had  purloined  it.  It 
was  hardly  a  thing  to  be  proud  of  ;  she  had  been 
kind  to  him  in  many  ways,  and  he  desired  to  re 
tain  her  good  opinion.  At  length  the  impression 
became  strong  in  the  lad's  mind  that  the  girl 
was  entirely  in  the  dark  as  to  the  arrangement 
hinted  at  in  the  paper.  If  he  could  warn  her  of 
the  secret  plan  and  also  save  himself  from  any 
evil  consequences  it  would  please  him.  If  he 
could  not  pluck  up  courage  to  tell  her,  he  would 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  47 

see  young  Offet  and  put  the  whole  matter  in  his 
hands. 

The  more  the  boy  thought  over  the  matter  the 
more  he  was  convinced  that  there  was  a  hidden 
design  under  consideration  ;  that  he  had  discov 
ered  "a  put  up  job,"  he  called  it,  and  the  oppor 
tunity  to  interfere  with  a  cherished  plan  of  his 
ill-tempered  old  employer  was  not  to  be  fore 
gone.  He  even  convinced  himself,  after  much 
cogitation,  that  he  was  doing  a  good  turn  to  his 
friends,  Miss  Hammond  and  Offet,  in  fact,  a 
clever  thing.  He  would,  however,  see  the  latter 
in  the  morning  before  business  hours,  and  mean 
time  he  would  sleep  over  it  and  see  what  the 
morrow's  sun  would  bring  forth. 

Mike  was  a  boy,  and  he  slept  the  sleep  of  the 
just.  At  an  early  hour  on  the  following  day  he 
called  at  the  young  man's  residence.  Offet  had 
left  some  time  before.  The  boy  consoled  him 
self  with  the  reflection  that  he  would  see  him  in 
the  course  of  the  day.  He  retained  the  ab 
stracted  paper  in  his  pocket,  not  having  the 
courage  to  destroy  it  till  he  had  shown  it  to  some 
one. 

How  the  long  morning  passed,  he  never  knew. 
Once  or  twice  he  fancied  he  heard  Moffet  rumag- 
ing  through  the  pigeon  holes  and  about  the  desk, 
and  trembled  when  called.  The  lawyer  did  not 
refer  to  his  loss.  Had  he  done  so,  there  was  an 
unmitigated  lie  ready  for  him.  On  his  way  to 
the  post-office  about  midday,  the  lad  managed 
to  call  and  see  Mr.  Offet ;  the  story  was  soon 
told  and  corroborated  by  the  production  of  the 
license.  To  say  that  the  lover  was  astonished 
would  be  putting  it  mildly.  He  was  mad.  "  A 


48  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

despicable  trick,"  he  savagely  exclaimed,  "  to 
trap  the  dear  girl  unwittingly.  I  am  sure  she  is 
no  party  to  it.  I  am  surprised  at  her  father  and 
astounded  at  the  audacity  of  that  old  villain." 
He  conjectured  that  it  was  the  father's  intention 
to  take  the  girl  on  a  trip  to  some  distant  place 
where  Moffet  would  join  them,  and  then,  remote 
from  the  influence  of  friends,  including  himself, 
the  girl  would  be  prevailed  upon  by  her  father 
and  Moffet  to  go  through  the  ceremony,  of 
which  the  procuring  of  the  license  was  the  first 
step.  He  had  no  idea  things  had  gone  so  far  ; 
he  was  much  startled.  Now  there  was  no  time  to 
hesitate.  Nothing  but  the  great  pressure  of 
business  in  the  office  of  the  N.  G.  R.  R.  Co.  (it 
was  the  time  of  the  great  "  strike  ")  prevented 
him  from  rushing  at  once  to  the  lawyer's  office 
and  blowing  up  or  cleaning  out  the  whole  con 
cern.  Offet  felt  that  he  must  act  promptly, 
because,  with  a  license  ready — and  perhaps  a 
duplicate  copy  of  the  one  purloined  was  on  its 
way,  if  not  already  procured — and  the  girl  in  a 
distant  place  under  her  father's  control,  what 
could  prevent  the  complete  success  of  the  plot  ? 
Only  the  girl's  will,  and  he  feared  this  would  give 
way  under  the  united  arguments  of  the  doctor 
and  the  lawyer.  He  was  in  a  quandary.  He 
would  write  her  a  note  at  once,  telling  her 'he 
would  call  that  evening ;  but  perhaps  her 
father's  intention  wr.s  to  leave  the  city  with  her 
to-night,  yet,  a  note  of  warning  written  promptly, 
seemed  the  only  thing  possible.  "  No,"  said  the 
boy  thoughtfully,  as  young  Offet  took  his  note 
book  from  his  pocket ;  "  it  is  useless  to  write, 
Moffet,  I  guess,  would  get  it."  "And  I  fear," 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  49 

said  the  other,  "that  her  father  receives  her 
letters  at  the  house,  and,  I  presume,  reads  them, 
but  he  is  her  father  ;  surely  I  can  send  her  a 
note  to  the  office."  "Well,"  said  the  boy,  "  I 
don't  see  how  it  is  to  be  delivered  when  it  is 
written  ;  he  watches  her  like  a  cat  watching  a 
mouse.  Perhaps  I  might  find  some  way.  Oh  ! 
I  have  it ;  write  it  in  shorthand,  and,  if  he  does 
get  it,  he  will  be  none  the  wiser."  "A  good 
idea,"  remarked  Offet,  tearing  a  leaf  from  his 
note  book,  and  jotting  down  a  few  sentences  ; 
"  I  shall  send  her  this,  and  if,  as  you  say,  he  is 
mean  enough  to  intercept  it,  he  won't  under 
stand  it,  that's  one  comfort."  "  May  I  read  it  ?" 
inquired  the  boy.  "  Certainly,"  answered  the 
other.  "  Because,"  the  lad  went  on,  "  if  it  is  lost 
or  intercepted  I  may  have  a  chance  to  see  her 
and  state  its  contents."  "  By  all  means,"  replied 
the  young  man,  "  read  it  ;  I  will  not  wait  to  seal 
it,  it  is  not  necessary."  "  Good,  good,"  ejacu 
lated  the  lad,  "  don't  wait  to  enclose  it.  I'm 
behind  time  now.  I  will  try  and  get  it  to  her 
someway  or  other." 

Mike  took  the  hurriedly  addressed  note,  and 
after  getting  the  mail  at  the  post  office,  thought 
it  would  save  time,  having  reached  Moffet's,  to 
let  the  elevator  boy  hand  in  the  letters,  while  he 
went  to  a  curb-stone  restaurant  for  a  two-cent 
dinner. 

Having  put  himself  outside  of  a  large  wedge 
of  Washington  pie,  and  having  regaled  himself 
with  a  cigarette,  he  at  length  concluded,  before 
re-entering  the  office,  to  fish  out  Offet's  note  to 
Miss  Hammond,  so  as  to  have  it  ready  to  hand 
her  if  an  opportunity  presented  itself.  To  his 


50  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

intense  surprise  he  failed  to  find  it.  Search 
as  he  would,  in  every  receptacle  about  his 
clothing,  he  failed  to  discover  it,  and  a  look  of 
dismay  over-spread  his  face  as  he  surmised  that 
the  elevator  boy  had  received  it  among  the  other 
letters,  and  had  handed  all  in  to  the  lawyer.  He 
dashed  up-stairs,  hoping  almost  against  hope, 
that  "  Elevator"  had  not  as  yet  delivered  the 
letters.  "Oh,  yes/'  the  latter  said  cheerfully, 
in  answer  to  his  eager  inquiry,  he  had  given 
them  all  into  Mr.  Moffet's  own  hand.  No,  he 
did  not  notice  any  unsealed  note  addressed  to 
Miss  Hammond,  or  a  small  red-lined  sheet  of 
note  paper.  It  fact,  he  didn't  look  at  any  of  the 
letters  ;  he  never  looked  at  letters  or  cards,  or 
anything  ;  no,  never  ;  and  if  anyone  thought  he 
did  such  a  thing,  let  them  deliver  their  own 
letters. 

The  lad  saw  that  there  was  nothing  further  to 
be  gained  by  parleying  and  congratulated  him 
self  that  as  he  knew  what  was  in  the  note  he 
could  deliver  a  verbal  message  to  the  same  effect 
or  write  another  note  just  as  good. 

Having  entered  the  ante-room  he  waited  close 
to  the  inner  door  what  seemed  to  him  a  long 
time  to  learn  if  the  lawyer  departed  from  the 
office  or  to  discover  if  the  girl  left  her  seat.  The 
outer  door  never  opened.  The  steady  clickity- 
click  of  the  type-writer,  and  the  lengthening 
shadows  warned  him  that  the  afternoon  was 
slipping  by  without  the  accomplishment  of  his 
purpose.  He  began  to  fidget,  and  at  length 
concluded  to  write  a  note  with  the  intention  of 
getting  it  to  the  girl  in  some  way.  The  commu 
nication  ready  in  his  hand  he  seemed  to  be  no 


THE    ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND.  5! 

nearer  the  consummation  of  his  purpose.  It 
would  not  do  to  call  her  out  to  the  front  door, 
Moffet  would  see  him,  and  to  wait  longer  was 
out  of  the  question.  Then  the  idea  occurred  to 
him  of  dropping  the  note  through  the  open  fan 
light  over  the  door  leading  from  the  ante-room 
to  the  private  office  and  trusting  that  the  young 
lady  would  find  it  on  the  floor  before  Moffet  saw 
it.  It  was  a  desperate  chance  and  he  would  in 
vestigate  first.  It  seemed  practicable,  and  he 
thought  it  wise  to  endeavor  to  first  attract  her 
attention  in  some  way.  Taking  a  tall  office 
stool  he  climbed  upon  it  and  was  barely  able  to 
look  into  the  room.  Cautiously  slipping  down 
and  getting  a  Webster's  Unabridged,  he  placed 
it  on  the  stool  and  as  cautiously  mounted  again. 
Then  he  slowly  and  carefully  unloosened  the 
cord  by  means  of  which  and  a  broom  handle  the 
sash  was  swung  and  lifted  the  fanlight  out  from 
the  sockets  in  which  its  pivots  rested.  He  laid 
the  transom  on  the  floor  and  mounting  the 
perch,  again  looked  in.  The  view  was  good. 
He  saw  Moffet  just  below  the  opening  with  his 
back  towards  the  door,  three  or  four  law  books 
in  his  lap  and  a  large  roll  of  legal  cap  in  his 
hand.  A  few  feet  beyond  sat  Miss  Hammond 
clicking  away  at  the  machine  and  occupying 
such  a  position  that  just  the  outer  edge  of  her 
left  ear  was  towards  him,  a  pose  known  to  pho 
tographers  and  football  players  as  three-quarter 
back.  The  boy  saw  at  once  that  owing  to  the 
respective  positions  of  the  parties,  dropping  the 
message  through  the  opening  without  attract 
ing  the  lawyer's  attention  was  almost  if  not 
cjuite  beyond  the  possibilities.  He  hoped  she 


52  THE    ODD/TIES    Of   LriOP  f    HAND. 

might  raise  her  eyes,  arA  he  stared  at  the  girl 
steadily  for  some  minutes  waving  his  hands  in 
the  air,  up  and  down,  crosswise,  lengthwise  and 
otherwise,  in  the  vain  effort  to  attract  her  atten 
tion  without  Moffet's  knowledge.  It  was  useless. 
He  even  attempted  to  make  a  low  hissing  noise 
between  his  teeth;  it  was  barely  audible  to  him 
self,  and  faint  as  it  was  frightened  him. 

Another  scheme  occurred  to  him  :  he  would 
make  what  school  boys  call  a  "  spit-ball "  and 
throw  it  at  her.  This  idea  was  dismissed  as  soon 
as  formed.  He  argued  that  if  it  were  thrown  so  as 
to  strike  her  with  sufficient  force  to  serve  his 
purpose  it  would  startle  her,  perhaps  cause  her 
to  utter  an  exclamation  of  some  sort  and  then  it 
was  all  up. 

All  these  thoughts  passed  through  the  lad's 
mind  in  less  time  than  t  takes  to  relate  the  oc 
currence.  Completely  baffled,  he  descended 
from  his  position  to  think,  and  just  scratched 
his  head  in  sheer  despair.  After  replacing  the 
book  and  stool  a  new  idea  entered  his  fertile 
mind.  Taking  up  a  sheet  of  paper  he  made 
several  idiotic  looking  marks  on  it  and  held  it  to 
the  light.  He  \vas  not  satisfied.  Again  and 
again  he  tried  it  and  finally  after  holding  the 
paper  bctv/cen  his  face  and  the  window  .he 
chuckled  softly.  His  glance  fell  on  the  displaced 
transom  and  he  grinned.  With  difficulty  he  sup 
pressed  a  loud  guffaw.  "There  is  the  fanlight," 
he  muttered  to  himself,  "  here  is  a  bottle  of  ink, 
a  mucilage  brush  and  a  stenographer;  what's  the 
matter  with  that  ? "' 

Nothing.  He  took  up  the  transom,  laid  it  on 
his  knee  and  without  waiting  to  clean  the  mu- 


THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND. 


53 


cilage  from  the  brush,  dipped  it  in  the  ink  and 
wrote  the  message  for  Miss  Hammond  on  the 
glass.  Then  cooly  and  cautiously  he  replaced 
th«  *ash  with  its  pinions  in  the  sockets,  quite 


confident  that  inthecourse  of  the  day  the  young 
lady  \voi:ld  look  up  and  see  the  message,  and 
that  even  if  Moffet  observed  it,  he  was  outwitted. 


54  THE    ODDITIES   OF   SHORT   HAND. 

CHAPTER   IV. 

THE  FANLIGHT  NOTES. — Continued. 

A  S  Mike  surveyed  his  work  he  laughed  softly 
**  and  shook  hands  with  himself  taking  his  left 
hand  in  his  right  and  giving  it  the  proper  mo 
tion  while  repeating  the  immortal  words  of  the 
great  John  Horner,  "  He  put  in  his  thumb, 
pulled  out  a  plum  saying,  Oh  !  what  a  good 
boy  am  I." 

As  stated  the  transom  swung  on  pivots. 
When  the  sash  was  not  pushed  or  pulled  to  the 
perpendicular  it  swung  to  the  horizontal,  being 
pivoted  in  the  end  centers,  and  if  swung  half 
around  the  top  of  course  became  the  bottom. 
When  the  cord  attached  to  the  upper  end  was 
pulled  the  sash  fell  to  the  horizontal — open — the 
top  balancing  the  bottom;  a  position  it  was  often 
kept  in  during  warm  weather.  When  in  its 
proper  place  and  closed  recourse  was  had  to  the 
cord  to  pull  or  the  stick  to  push  as  the  case 
might  be.  Being  of  a  mechanical  turn  of  mind 
the  lad  noticed  this  when  removing  the  sash  and 
replaced  it  so  that  the  message  for  the  girl 
would  appear  properly.  The  reader  paused  : 
"  I  will  show  you  what  the  writer  intended  to 
represent — a  working  model,  made  as  well  as 
could  be  with  transparent  paper.  It  explains  it 
much  better  than  any  verbal  description,  but 
how  it  could  be  arranged  to  appear  in  a  book  or 
magazine  in  this  satisfactory  shape,  I  am  at  a 
loss  to  imagine." 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  55 

"And  in  order  to  convince  his  readers  of  the 
truth  of  his  narrative  the  writsr,  ":ke  Mr.  Wegg, 
dropped  into  poetry." 

"Ah,"  said  the  Host  blandly,  "that  reminds 
me ;  a  person  was  once  boasting  of  having 
killed  a  notorious  burglar  who  attempted  to 
rob  him.  His  listeners  did  not  seem  to  believe 
the  statement.  But  the  boaster  in  order  to  con 
vince  them  of  the  truth  of  his  assertion,  produced 
a  map  and  proudly  pointed  out  on  it  the  country 
in  which  the  killing  took  place,  as  he  said,  to 
convince  his  hearers." 

The  others  nodded,  while  the  Stenographer 
went  gloomily  on  : 

"  This,  as  I  say,  represents  the  door  and  the 
fanlight.  It  is  in  fact,  as  I  have  already  told 
you,  a  working  model.  The  descriptive  poetry 
as  you  perceive,  is  written  across  the  main  panel 
of  what  represents  the  door.  Observe  the  rope, 
the  broom-handle  and  all  with  the  lines. 

"  This  is  the  door  that  swung  on  the  floor 

With  the  pivoted  fanlight  above  ; 
One  turn  of  the  sash,  and  quick  as  a  flash, 
In  darted  the  God  of  Love. 

This  is  the  string  that  moved  the  thing, 

And  this  is  the  stick  of  like  aid  ; 
This  is  the  cleat  that  held  the  rope  neat, 

And  this  is  the  sign  that  Mike  made." 

After  the  company  had  somewhat  recovered 
and  the  Host  and  Engineer  had  called  loudly  for 
water,  the  unabashed  Stenographer  continued 
the  reading  :  "  As  I  was  saying,  he  placed  the 
transom  bearing  the  short  hand  characters  in 
such  a  position  that  the  message  for  the  girl 
would  appear  properly.  Replacing  it  and  tying 


56  THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND. 

the  cord  fastened  to  the  sash  on  the  cleat  a.i  the 
door-frame,  the  boy  sat  by  his  desk  with  teeth 
clenched  tightly  and  almost  choked  in  his  effort 
to  prevent  himself  from  laughing.  He  sat  there 
for  some  time  with  the  glow  of  feeling  that  he 
had  done  a  good  day's  work.  Suddenly  the 
office  door  opened  with  a  bang  against  the  wall, 
that  shook  the  building,  and  the  angry  face  of 
Moffet  appeared.  Glaring  at  the  boy,  he 
shouted  :  "  Here,  you  ;  send  Biglore  to  me 
instantly,  you  rat ;  tell  him  to  come  into  my 
office  by  the  private  door.  Do  you  hear?  Go  !  " 
The  boy's  heart  beat  fast.  Biglore,  he  knew, 
was  a  stenographer,  having  an  office  on  the  floor 
above.  In  fact,  there  were  several  of  that  call 
ing  in  the  building.  They  fell  over  each  other  in 
the  passage-way  and  jostled  each  other  on  the 
stairs.  Biglore  was  one  of  the  best.  The  boy 
stole  a  timid  glance  at  the  hard  face  of  his  em 
ployer  and  needed  no  second  bidding.  Slowly 
he  went  up  the  stairs,  his  breath  coming  short 
and  fast.  "  Will  it  work  ? "  he  muttered.  "  Oh, 
it  must  not  fail !  I  have  tried  it ;  it  cannot  fail.  It 
is  as  solid  as  a  rock,  and  they  needn't  think  be 
cause  I'm  Irish,  born  in  Jersey,  that  I  don't 
know —  His  cogitations  were  cut  short  by  his 
arrival  at  Mr.  Biglore's  door.  The  message  de 
livered  to  that  gentleman,  the  boy  turned  quick 
ly  in  an  endeavor  to  hurry  down.  "  I  will  accom 
pany  you,"  said  Mr.  Biglore,  taking  the  unwill 
ing  boy's  arm  in  his  and  meandering  down  the 
broad  stairway  to  Moffet's  office.  "  You  are  to 
go  in  by  the  private  door,"  said  Mike,  shifting 
uneasily,  "  and  mind  you,  sir,  rub  your  feet  well 
on  that  mat — rub  them  hard.  He's  awful  par- 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


57 


ticular,  he  is.  Don't  hurry  yourself."  Leaving 
Biglore  industriously  scraping  his  feet  on  the 
mat  at  the  private  entrance,  Mike  dashed  around 
the  corridor  and  into  the  ante-room.  Quickly 
approaching  the  inner  door,  he  unfastened  the 


JKS  it  appeared  to  Mike  in  his  room  when  he  set  it  for  Biglore  in 
Moffet's  room. 

end  of  the  rope  from  the  cleat,  pulled  it,  and  with 
the  broomstick  quietly  pushed  the  lower  part  of 
the  fanlight  up.  He  believed  that  Moffet  would 
meet  Biglore  at  the  outer  private  door,  and  sur 
mised  that  he  could  go  through  the  performance 


53  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

just  related,  unnoticed.  Knowing  that  it  was  a 
desperate  chance,  he  took  it.  He  reasoned  well. 
It  succeeded.  Scarce  had  he  turned  the  transom 
and  settled  himself,  when  he  heard  the  voices  of 
Moffet  and  Biglore  just  below  the  opening. 

"And  I  have  reason  to  believe,"  the  former 
was  saying,  "that  my  boy,  or  some  other  irre 
sponsible  person  (he  had  Offet  in  mind)  is  taking 
a  dishonorable,  surreptitious,  and  underhand 
method  of  sending  insulting,  or  at  least  imperti 
nent  communications  to  myself  or  to  my  lady 
amanuensis,  and  I  have  sent  for  you  to  read  that, 
if  you  please."  "  What  ?  Where  is  it  ? "  in 
quired  the  dazed  Biglore.  "  Those  characters 
on  the  fanlight — that  Chinese  inscription  ;  read 
it,  please,  and  translate  it  for  me.  Miss  Ham 
mond,  you  take  this  down  as  Mr.  Biglore  reads 
it." 

The  bewildered  Biglore  raised  his  eyes  to  the 
transom,  scanned  it  carefully,  and  remarked,  af 
ter  a  pause  :  "  It  does  not  seem  to  be  very  alarm 
ing,  sir,  so  far  as  I  can  make  it  out.  It  is  really 
the  most  heart-rending  short  hand  I  ever  beheld, 
but  I  believe  this  is  the  reading — 

"  Oh,  read  it,  read  it,  read  it  !  "  exclaimed  the 
lawyer,  impatiently. 

Mr.  Biglore  hemmed  twice  or  thrice,  paused 
and  hesitated  as  he  looked  at  the  coarse  char 
acters  slobbered  by  the  careless  boy  with  the 
gummy  brush  on  the  not  over  clean  glass. 

He  then  read  and  Miss  Hammond  made  the 
transcript  as  follows  : 
"  Oh,  Doctor  K. 

"  How  can  a  fish  have  meat  by  mistake  ?  Color 
it.  For  it  will  save  all  year  for  each  of  two,  if 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


59 


not  more.  Give  the  vile  dust.  Sell  the  sinner. 
Although  the  officials  may  say  what?  Get  off 
the  perch. 

"But  don't  go." 


Ac  it  appeared  to  Biglore  in  Moffet's  room  after  Mike  set  the 
trap  in  the  ante-room. 

"It  may  be  nonsense,"  concluded  Biglore, 
"  Perhaps  a  cipher  or  secret  code,  but  I  doubt 
that,  though  I  have  heard  of  such  things.  In  all 
probability  it  is  as  I  have  read  it,  substantially." 
"  Is  that  all  ?"  queried  the  dumbfounded  lawyer. 


60  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

"All,  sir,  and  I  think  it  is  perfectly  harmless  un 
less  you  have  reason  to  think  otherwise." 

"Humph,"  muttered  the  counselor,  "I  suspect 
ed  that  it  might  have  been  something  much 
more  serious  than  that."  He  glanced  furtively 
in  the  waste  paper  basket  and  noticed  that  cer 
tain  pieces  of  red-lined  note  paper  were  much 
too  small  to  be  pieced  without  great  difficulty, 
and  he  regretted  now  that  he  had  not  saved  that 
sheet  for  a  translation. 

"  It  must  be  as  you  say,  and  if  so,  it  is  without 
meaning.  You  are  quite  confident  that  is  a  cor 
rect  translation  ?  " 

"  Oh,  certainly,"  answered  Mr.  Biglore,  "  I  be 
lieve  it  to  be  substantially  so,"  turning  to  Miss 
Hammond  who  nodded  her  head  in  the  affirma 
tive. 

"  Well,"  said  the  lawyer,  following  the  stenog 
rapher  to  the  private  door,  "  I  am  obliged  to 
you  and  I  am  glad  that  it  is  as  harmless  and 
nonsensical  as  you  say,  because — " 

"  Oh,  by  the  way,"  interrupted  Biglore,  as  he 
stood  in  the  hallway,  "  let  us  have  a  glance  at  it 
on  the  other  side." 

"  Of  course,  if  you  desire,"  answered  the  law 
yer,  and  both  turned  the  corridor  leading  to  the 
ante-room. 

"  Mike,  Mike,"  said  a  suppressed  voice  through 
the  key-hole,  "  they  have  gone  around." 

Mike  heard  the  voice  and  in  the  twinkling  of 
an  eye  had  the  string  pulled  with  such  a  jerk 
that  it  broke  from  the  ring  in  the  sash,  the  fan 
light  opened  and  reversed  with  the  broom- 
handle,  and  his  mouth  demurely  set  by  the  time 
the  stenographer  and  Monet  entered  the  ante 
room. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


61 


Mr.  Biglore  glanced  at  the  inverted  sash  and 
with  a  very  perplexed  look  scratched  his  left  ear. 
The  lawyer  and  stenographer  saw  at  a  glance 
ihat  without  a  string  attached  to  the  sash  it 
could  not  be  turned  without  difficulty.  .Then 


As  it  appeared  to  Biglore  in  Mike's  room  after  he  and  the 
sash  had  "  gone  round." 

Biglore's  face  brightened.  "  Never  mind,"  he 
said,  "you  must  excuse  me,  sir,  but  in  reading 
short  hand  notes  position  is  everything,  and  as 
this  is  reversed  to  me  I  perceive  I  shall  have  to 
accommodate  myself  to  circumstances  and  re- 


62  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

verse  myself  as  it  were."  Saying  this  the  stenog 
rapher  turned  his  back  to  the  fanlight  door, 
raised  his  coat  tails  carefully  and  lowered  his 
head  so  that  he  could  get  a  view  between  his 
nether  extremities.  He  seemed  to  be  making 
an  impossible  attempt  to  stand  on  his  head  while 
keeping  on  his  feet.  His  position  was  undigni 
fied  and  ridiculous — perhaps  better  imagined 
than  described — suffice  it  to  say  the  pose  was 
such  that  nothing  but  the  presence  of  his  em 
ployer  restrained  Mike  from  shouting  "Spurrins! 
Stick  in  your  noddle,"  and  taking  a  frog-like 
leap  over  the  arched  back  of  Biglore  and  finish 
ing  with  the  boyish  yell  of  "  P-a-r-r  !  " 

All  this  time  the  lad  sat  with  his  chair  tilted 
back  against  the  wall,  his  hands  nervously 
twisting  the  end  of  his  soft  hat,  the  rest  of  which 
was  in  his  mouth  ;  his  knees  working  up  and 
down  convulsively  and  from  his  bulging  eyes 
and  red  distorted  face  he  appeared  to  be  suffer 
ing  all  the  dreadful  agonies  of  a  violent  epileptic 
fit  or  the  final  spasms  of  hydrophobia. 

In  the  curious  manner  described  the  accommo 
dating  stenographer  scanned  the  boy's  coarse  in 
scription,  and  naturally  proceeded  to  read  it 
from  left  to  right  and  from  the  top  down  as  he 
viewed  it.  In  reality  he  began  at  the  lower 
right-hand  corner  and  read  to  the  left  upwards 
as  anyone  would  who  took  his  odd  position  and 
began  from  the  bottom. 

The  stenographer  thanked  his  stars  that  Miss 
Hammond  could  not  see  him  for  he  felt  that  his 
position  was  anything  but  dignified  and  whether 
from  a  feeling  of  gentlemanly  modesty  which 
all  stenographers  possess,  or  from  his  singularily 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  63 

unnatural    position    he    flushed    to    his    collar 
bone. 

Not  long  did  he  remain  in  his  dreadful  pose 
but  while  he  was  thus  standing  on  his  head  as  it 
were,  trying  to  decipher  the  fanlight  inscription 


"  One  good  turn  deserves  another." — Reading  the  fanlight 
notes  in  Mike's  room. 

Miss  Hammond  stood  at  lady-like  ease  in  the 
other  room  looking  at  the  message. 

"It  is  the  same  here,"  said  Biglore,  thought 
fully,  as  his  face  resumed  its  natural  color,  "it  is 
all  right,  of  course  ;  it  ought  to  be," 


64  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

"  Of  course,"  echoed  the  lawyer,  in  a  matter- 
of-fact  tone,  "how  could  it  be  otherwise?" 

"  It  could  not,"  murmured  Biglore  as  he  slow 
ly  left  the  room  with  Moffet,  "  of  course  not." 

Ah,  it  could  be  otherwise,  it  was  otherwise, 
and  the  office  boy  knew  it,  and  by  this  time  Miss 
Hammond  certainly  knew  it,  for  while  the  others 
were  going  around  Mike's  voice  went  through 
the  keyhole,  singing  : 

"  Hail  Columbia,  Right  side  up  side." 

By  the  pulling  of  a  string,  it  read  as  Biglore 
indicated,  and  by  the  poke  of  a  broom-handle  it 
was  : 

"  Oh,  Dear  K. 

"Although  the  lover's  note  was  read,  good  will 
and  patience.  Look  out  for  yourself  ;  you,  your 
pa,  and  the  old  one  go  to  N.  Y.  State,  Illinois  or 
West. 

"  I  gave  the  lawyer  your  note.  Ransack,  grab 
it. 

"  But  don't  go." 

For  the  first  time  Miss  Hammond  looked  up, 
for  the  first  time  she  saw  the  message.  A  quick 
witted  girl,  with  a  glance  or  two  and  a  little 
study  she  comprehended  it.  A  trip  with  her 
father  and  Moffet  to  a  distant  State  ?  Why  ?  It 
was  a  revelation  to  her.  The  idea  !  A  note  to 
her  !  What  is  that  ?  And  suppressed  ?  Moffet 
gave  her  no  note.  "  Ransack  ?"  Where  ?  Had 
he  witheld  it  ?  Could  it  be  possible  that  such  a 
thing  had  been  done  by  this  polite  old  gentle 
man?  That  was  the  meaning  of  the  fanlight 
message.  She  could  hardly  credit  it,  yet,  what 
object  had  this  boy  in  writing  such  a  communi 
cation  in  such  a  singular  manner  and  at  such 


THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND. 


risks  to  himself,  if  it  were  not  the  fact  ?  She  be 
gan  to  think  seriously  and  little  acts  and  circum 
stances  came  to  her  mind  that  had  been  almost 
forgotten  ;  such  as  Moffet's  escorting  her  home 
so  frequently  ;  the  fact  that  young  Offet  had 


As  it  appeared  to  Miss  Hammond  in  Moffet's  room  when  she 
read  it  at  lady-like  ease. 

called  to  visit  her  once  or  twice  previously,  as 
she  had  reason  to  believe  from  a  hint  dropped  by 
her  father  when  she  was  not  aware  of  that  fact  ; 
the  lawyer's  request  that  she  should  delay  her 
departure  from  the  office  on  the  pretended  ex- 


66  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

cuse  of  work  to  be  done  which  she  had  suspect 
ed  and  subsequently  discovered  was  only  a  pre 
tense,  and  a  certain  conversation  that  she  had 
with  young  Offetat  Aunt  Benson's  house  several 
evenings  before  and  a  promise,  a  conditional 
one  to  be  sure,  but  a  sweet  one  nevertheless  ; 
the  parting  at  the  gate  and — and  a  hint  of  letters 
she  had  failed  to  receive,  coupled  with  the  young 
man's  evident  desire  to  screen  her  father  ;  all — 
all  came  back  to  her.  The  girl's  mind  was  in  a 
whirl.  She  would  just  take  a  walk  and  think  it 
over,  and  without  a  word  to  her  employer  she 
whisked  out.  Mike  heard  the  vexed  girl  slam 
the  outer  door  and  hastened  in  to  find  Moffet 
reading  a  brief  or  pretending  to  and  wondering  if 
the  angry  girl  suspected  anything.  "  Did  you 
call  me,  sir,"  inquired  the  boy  ?  "  No,  leave  me 
at  once,  sir.  When  I  call  you,  you  will  know  it 
go  to  the  post-office  aud  hurry  back." 

The  agitated  girl  had  not  yet  reached  the  cor 
ner  as,  with  e.  laugh  and  a  skip,  Mike  approachec 
her.  "  Oh,  didn't  we  play  him,"  he  begat. 
"  Listen  to  me,"  she  said,  her  face  pale  with  in 
dignation,  "did  he  get  a  note  for  me  and  keep 
it?" 

The  boy  related  the  circumstances  of  handing 
the  mail  to  the  elevator  man  and  his  strong  sus 
picion  that  her  note  from  Offet  was  among  the 
letters  that  had  reached  Moffet's  hands.  Shf,  re 
membered  then  that  she  had  seen  him  with  a 
sheet  of  red-lined  note  paper  which  he  tore  in 
small  bits  as  he  eyed  her  curiously.  She  thought 
it  queer  at  the  time,  but  now  the  inference  was 
plain.  And  the  license  the  boy  told  her  of,  so 
Auspiciously  procured,  showing  that  they  in- 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND,  67 

tended  to  marry  her  off-hand  without  consulting 
her  wishes.  "Oh,  they  did,  indeed!"  She 
would  see  about  that.  Nothing  but  vexation 
kept  her  from  bursting  into  tears.  As  it  was  she 
was  in  a  fine  state  of  temper.  "  The  old  villain! 
the  wretch  !  "  she  ejaculated,  "  to  accompany 
me  home  while  playing  such  tricks.  Gracious 
me,  I  shall  never  step  foot  another  day  in  his 
office.  The  tricky  old  scamp  !  "  Mike's  efforts 
as  a  pacifier  were  not  of  the  best ;  he  was  a  boy, 
and  did  not  understand  young  ladies  in  tan 
trums,  but  he  suddenly  ceased  his  poor  efforts 
as  he  cried  :  "  Hi,  there,"  and  young  Offet  came 
towards  them. 

The  latter  saw  by  the  girl's  face  that  there  was 
something  amiss,  and  calling  a  cab  he  handed 
her  in,  and  directed  the  Jehu  to  drive  to  the  park. 
Before  they  started,  the  lad  asked  him  to  promise 
faithfully  to  stop  at  Aunt  Benson's  on  their  re 
turn.  "  Do  "  he  said,  "  looking  earnestly  at  Offet, 
the  game  is  yours  if  you  only  go  in  and  win,  the 
plan  can  be  arranged." 

Now,  I  forgot  to  tell  you  that  Offet  had  re 
ceived  that  "  raise  "  and  all  he  needed  to  make 
his  happiness  complete  was  the  consent  of  a 
young  woman  about  the  size  of  Miss  Hammond. 
He  was  under  the  impression  that  once  the  knot 
was  properly  tied  there  would  be  the  usual  for 
giveness  from  the  father,  and  he  tried  earnestly 
to  convince  the  girl  of  that  fact.  Forgetful  of 
the  promise  he  had  made  himself,  to  spare  the 
old  man  for  the  daughter's  sake,  he  plumply 
told  her  of  communications  sent  her  which  she 
had  never  received,  of  numerous  occasions  when 
^.e  waited  in  the  ante-room  to  escort  her  only 


68  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

to  find  that  she  had  left  with  Moffet,  and  inti 
mated  that  there  was  a  scheme  of  the  lawyer's 
on  foot,  whose  influence  with  her  father  she 
well  knew,  to  entrap  her  into  a  hasty  marriage. 

He  soon  learned  from  her  that  she  had  indig 
nantly  left  the  lawyer's  employ,  and  was  disin 
clined  to  see  her  father  just  yet,  until  she  had 
recovered  her  composure,  or — temper.  The 
time  seemed  propititous  and  the  young  man 
ardently  pressed  his  suit.  He  spoke  eloquently 
of  his  love,  his  brightening  prospects,  the  com 
fortable  home  he  had  with  only  a  younger  sister 
to  keep  house.  "  Dear  Kitty,"  he  urged,  "  we 
have  been  kept  apart  by  circumstances  we  could 
not  control ;  we  are  together  now  ;  I  offer  you 
my  home,  my  life,  my  protection — I  love  you." 

The  girl  covered  her  face  with  her  hands, 
sobbing,  "  I  am  friendless  and  alone,  a  con 
spiracy  against  me,  even  my  own  father" 

"  Kitty,"  the  impassioned  lover  whispered, 
"  you  have  me  to  love  and  protect  you  forever, 
be  mine,  come  and  we  will  end  all  this  wretched 
trouble  at  once.  Come,  love." 

The  woman  hesitated,  and  the  woman  that 
hesitates  is  won.  "It  seems  so  foolish,"  she 
piteously  exclaimed  through  her  tears  ;  "  so 
sudden,  without  preparation,  and  my  father"- 
then  she  broke  down  utterly  at  the  remem 
brance  of  her  condition,  believing  that  her  own 
father  was  in  a  plot  to  dispose  of  her  like  a 
chattel.  The  suppressed  letters,  the  many  ful 
some  and  disgusting  attentions  of  Moffet  came 
to  her  recollection  and  her  opposition  weakened. 
The  young  man  earnestly  endeavored  to  prove 
that  now  was  the  accepted  time,  that  there  was 


THE    ODDITIES    OF   SHORT    HAND.  69 

nothing  half  so  sweet  in  life  as  Love's  young 
dream,  and  paused  only  when  he  believed  that 
the  day  was  won  and  with  it  the  girl. 

He  deeply  regretted  now  the  lateness  >of  the 
hour  as  it  would  necessitate  waiting  another  day 
for  the  issuing  of  a  marriage  license.  A  delay 
however  short  was  dangerous.  This  girl  might 
change  her  mind  if  she  reached  home  and  were 
again  under  her  father's  control,  no  matter  how 
great  her  love  for  him.  A  postponement  might 
result  disastrously  to  his  hopes,  but  there  seemed 
to  be  no  help  for  it. 

Miss  Hammond,  as  a  discreet  young  woman, 
finally  consented  to  go  to  her  aunt's  house,  con 
sult  that  good  lady,  and  abide  by  her  decision. 

The  Mrs.  Benson,  to  whose  home  they  went 
was  a  life-long  friend  of  Mike's  mother,  and 
was,  moreover,  well  acquainted  with  Offet  and 
his  family,  therefore  a  mutual  friend,  and  in  the 
present  crisis  as  the  sequel  showed,  a  friend  in 
deed.  A  matter-of-fact  woman  of  the  world, 
with  a  woman's  quick  perception  she  knew  the 
situation  of  affairs  at  a  glance.  She  welcomed 
the  young  couple  with  unusual  warmth,  embraced 
her  niece  affectionately,  and  congratulated  the 
young  fellow  on  his  success  in  "  hurrying  the 
thing  up."  "  Oh,  you  rogue,"  she  said  smilingly, 
"you  need  not  look  so  innocently  surprised. 
Squire  —  -  sent  word  that  he  would  be  on 
duty  at  7.30  and  that  it  was  all  right,  and  as  you 
have  set  your  hearts  on  it,  and  every  one  is 
willing,  I  don't  see  what's  the  use  of  waiting. 
When  John  and  me  got  ready,  we  didn't  wait  a 
minute  either.  Yes,  you  silly  goose,"  she 
whispered  to  the  blushing  girl,  "  at  once,  and  I 
will  go  along." 


JO  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHO^T    HAND. 

CHAPTER   V. 

THE     FANLIGHT    NOTES. — Continued. 

VI OW  all  this  put  young  Offet  in  a  singular  con 
dition  of'mind.  The  good  lady  spoke  as  if 
something  were  arranged  and  the  Squire  ready. 
Ready  for  what  ?  He  could  not  understand  it, 
yet  there  was  a  handsome  girl  beaming  on  him, 
he  loved  her,  she  had  tacitly  consented  to  be  his, 
her  aunt  was  there  to  chaperone  her,  anxious,  it 
seemed,  that  the  "felicity  should  eventuate." 
How  did  it  come  about  ?  Had  the  father,  hear 
ing  of  his  promotion,  withdrawn  his  opposition? 
Perhaps  the  doctor's  name  had  been  forged  to 
the  license  and  he  had  repudiated  the  proposed 
alliance  with  Moffet.  The  extraordinary  turn  of 
affairs  was  incomprehensible  to  the  young  man; 
the  girl  was  in  a  fair  way  to  become  Mrs.  Offet, 
and  he  believed  he  could  nerve  himself  up  to 
stand  the  consequences. 

Mrs.  Benson,  with  smiles  and  winks,  conduct 
ed  them  to  Squire 's,  hard  by,  where  that 

legal  riveter  was  awaiting  them.  Ordinarily 
that  alone  should  have  startled  Offet,  but  he 
was  in  such  a  delightfully  dazed  condition,  the 
victim  of  a  good-natured  conspiracy  as  it  were, 
that  had  the  old  gentleman  himself  -suddenly 
appeared  and  presented  him  with  a  check  for 
$10,000  he  would  have  taken  it  as  a  matter  of 
course. 

The  parties  being  placed  by  Mrs.  Benson, 
the  Squire  asked  the  groom  if  he  was  Thomas 
M.  Offet  and  if  the  bride  was  Miss  Kate  Ham 
mond,  both  residents  of .  The  answers 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  7! 

being  in  the  affirmative,  the  knot  was  promptly 
and  effectually  tied.  The  squire  then  laid  down 
the  papers  and  took  off  his  glasses  the  better  to 
kiss  the  bride.  As  he  made  his  accustomed 
jump  the  alert  young  lady  stooped  to  imprint  a 
chaste  salute  on  the  brow  of  Michael,  who  ap 
peared  from  no  one  knew  where.  The  old 
gentleman  missed  the  bride  but  managed  to  give 
Tom  Offet  a  hearty  smack  on  the  left  ear.  The 
young  man  turned  to  rub  the  injured  member, 
/ind  then  and  for  the  first  time  got  a  good  glance 
At  the  paper  which  the  squire  had  placed  on  a 
chair.  Lo  !  It  had  a  small  round  hole  below  the 
Clerk's  signature,  and  "  Theo.  M  offet "  was 
easily  mistaken  by  the  near-sighted  old  man  for 
"  Thos.  M.  Offet,"  especially  as  he  had  been  ap 
plied  to  previously  on  behalf  of  certain  parties 
and  had  written  the  names  of  the  bride  and 
groom  in  his  own  large  plain  characters. 

Young  Offet  saw  it  all  now,  and  I  can  hardly 
describe  his  feelings  of  mingled  consternation 
and  delight.  He  began  to  consider  in  a  vague 
way  the  consequences  and  at  first  concluded  to 
say  nothing.  On  the  whole,  why  should  he. 
Why  not  take  the  gifts  the  gods  send  ?  It  was 
a  wretched  misunderstanding  on  their  part,  yet 
he  was  not  at  fault,  and  it  could  not  be  helped 
now.  No,  it  was  too  late  in  any  event,  and,  if 
silence  was  not  golden  in  this  case  it  was  the 
least  of  two  evils  and  therefore  preferable.  The 
blushing  bride,  receiving  the  congratulations  of 
her  aunt  and  the  squire's  wife  seemed  to  be 
happy,  and  was  he  to  blurt  out  the  truth  and 
cloud  her  fair  face  ?  He  saw  now  that  the  boy 
had  engineered  the  whole  thing  and  by  means 


^2  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND, 

of  the  purloined  license.  It  had  been  shown  to 
the  aunt  and  the  squire,  and  they  had  been 
grossly  deceived. 

The  poor  girl,  of  course,  had  never  been  mar 
ried  before,  and  supposed  having  her  aunt  by 
her  side,  her  father's  sicker  (rhe  having  been 
motherless  for  many  years)  that  everything  was 
straightforward  and  proper. 

Then  the  young  man  began  to  think  of  the 
disagreeable  results  when  the  facts  came  out  and 
he  bitterly  blamed  the  boy  ;  yet,  there  was  his 
young  wife,  the  tears  of  happiness  streaming 
down  her  face;  she  was  his,  and  as  he  looked  at 
her  he  really  thought  the  end  justified  the 
means. 

Intending  to  seize  Mike  and  make  him  confess 
the  whole  thing  he  looked  about  for  him.  The 
boy  was  gone.  That  resource  having  failed  him 
he  finally  concluded  to  tell  Mrs.  Benson  the  facts 
at  once  and  fully  and  be  guided  by  her.  Offet 
was  not  the  man  to  take  advantage  of  a  misun 
derstanding  for  any  reason,  or  to  place  himself 
in  a  false  position,  and  after  some  difficulty  he 
put  the  aunt  in  possession  of  all  his  facts  and 
suspicions. 

To  his  great  surprise,  the  good  lady,  who  had 
no  sympathy  for  Moffet,  looked  on  the  whole 
thing-  as  providential  and  concluded  that  it 
was  all  for  the  best.  She  was  even  pleased  that 
her  eyes  were  not  az  sharp  as  they  had  been 
twenty  years  ago  and  concluded  by  saying  that 
perhaps,  after  all,  the  boy  was  not  so  much  to 
blame. 

"All's  well  that  ends  well."  Through  the  in 
tercession  of  Aunt  Benson,  Dr.  Hammond  was 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  >]$ 

appeased,  and  when,  at  the  wedding  breakfast  a 
few  days  after  the  marriage  he  became  affection 
ate  and  mellow  "  with  much  drinking  of  wine," 
and  murmured  "  Bless  you,  my  children  "  the 
irrepressible  Mike  was  on  hand  and  despite  a 
mouthful  of  good  things,  responded  with  quite  a 
solemn  Amen.  And  Tom  Offet  and  his  bloom 
ing  young  wife  and  even  the  clergyman  forgave 
him  for  the  trick  about  the  license  because  of 
his  cleverness  in  making  "THE  FANLIGHT 
NOTES." 

The  Stenographer  ceased  reading  and  folded 
up  the  paper  amid  profound  silence. 

"  Is  that  all  "  said  the  Engineer  in  a  voice  of 
deep  disappointment. 

"  What  more  do  you  want  "  answered  the  nar 
rator  in  an  injured  tone. 

"Well,  I.  supposed"  the  other  went  on,  look 
ing  at  the  company  "  that  that  Offet  fellow 
would  have  got  the  Mike  boy  into  the  railroad 
company's  employ  and  that  he  would  be  now 
Secretary  of  the  Company  if  not  President  or 
Treasurer.  Don't  it  say  so  ?" 

"  No,"  said  the  Stenographer  calmly,  tying  up 
the  manuscript  and  placing  it  in  his  pocket,  "  he 
is  still  with  Counsellor  Moffet  as  managing  clerk 
and  receives  the  munificient  salary  of  $9  a 
week." 

"  Ah,"  remarked  the  Host,  "  it  reads  like  an 
able  lie,  but  of  course,  it  isn't.  What  a  great 
pity  that  he  was  left  an  orphan  at  such  an  early 
age,  that  his  father  died  so  young." 

"  How  so?"  queried  the  Coroner. 

"  I  am  morally  certain,"  murmured  the  Host, 
"  that  your  late  clerk  was  that  boy's  father." 

The  meeting  adjourned  in  great  disorder. 


74  THE    ODDITJKS    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

THE  DEAD  MAN'S  NOTES. THE    ENGINEER'S    STORY. 

HE  parties  met  pursuant  to  adjournment. 
Present,  the  Host,  the  Coroner,  Engineer 
Whitcomb,  the  Stenographer,  the  Lawyer  and 
the  Real  Estate  man. 

The  proceedings  were  opened  by  the  remark 
from  the  Host,  "  Now,  then,"  addressed  to  the 
Engineer. 

The  latter  shifted  uneasily  in  his  seat,  moved 
his  left  foot  over  his  right,  and  after  a  moment's 
thought  began  : 

"  I  am  afraid,  gentlemen,  that  you  have  slowed 
up  at  the  wrong  station.  I  might  open  the 
throttle  and  give  you  a  straight  run,  concerning 
an  odd  instance  about  the  rail  for  I,  in  common 
with  others  in  a  business  supposed  to  be  ex 
tremely  hazardous,  but  which  in  reality  is  only 
exciting  and  enticing — have  met  with  some 
curious  events  in  my  time.  But  it  appears  to 
me  that  you  expect  something  upon  the  subject 
of  stenography,  and  though  I  have  made  many 
dangerous  curves,  straight  dashes,  have  been 
behind  time,  got  off  the  track  and  made  full 
stops  as  often  as  anyone,  yet  short  hand  is  a 
subject  of  which  I  know  very  little  and  about 
which  I  care  less.  Notwithstanding  this,  I  think 
to-night  I  am  in  a  position  to  run  off  a  short  and 
quite  interesting  incident,  but  I  do  so  under  dis 
patchers'  orders,  and,  at  second  hand. 

"  Some  years  ago  I  ran    the  special  between 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  75 

Montery  and  Philippsburgh  on  the  G.  O.  P.  As 
my  real  tour  of  duty  did  not  commence  till  we 
reached  the  latter  place  I  often  whiled  away  the 
thirty  minutes'  run  when  I  was  not  with  the  en 
gineer  or  in  the  caboose,  in  the  mail-car,  watch 
ing  Tom  Mulligan,  the  mail  clerk,  as  he  sorted 
the  letters.  Tom  was  a  very  decent  fellow  and 
a  man  in  many  respects  after  my  own  heart.  In 
order  to  understand  my  feelings  towards  Mulli 
gan,  I  should  say  first  that  there  was  a  dashing 
young  widow  with  an  equally  dashing  daughter 
who  kept  the  hotel  known  as  the  '  Train  Men's 
Retreat,'  a  very  respectable  and  well  conducted 
hotel  at  Philippsburgh,  much  frequented  by 
railroad  men.  It  was  before  Tom  married  the 
daughter,  and  I  was  keeping  company  with  the 
widow.  I  supposed  at  the  time  that  he  was  mak 
ing  up  to  the  widow,  and  he  believed  I  was 
throwing  sheep's  eyes  at  the  daughter,  and  of 
course,  there  was  hot  rivalry  between  us  and 
some  feeling  in  consequence;  but  when  he  slipped 
out  one  night  with  the  daughter,  got  coupled  and 
returned  in  time  to  have  an  understanding  with 
me  and  to  tell  me  '  to  go  in  and  win,'  and  that 
he  would  use  his  influence  with  the  mother  in 
my  behalf,  we  clasped  hands  and  from  being 
rivals  oecame  fast  friends,  and  have  remained  so 
to  this  day. 

"Mulligan  left  the  position  of  mail  agent,  very 
suddenly,  to  accept  something  better,  'just  be 
fore  he  married  this  girl,  as  I  have  stated,  and 
he  is  now  a  rising  man  in  Chicago." 

"How  about  the  widow?"  said  the  Host 
softly. 

"Somehow,"  answered  the  Engineer   with    a 


76  THE    ODDITIES     OF  SHORT    HAND. 

sigh,  "  I  did  not  '  ketch  on, '  although  it  was  not 
Mull.'s  fault.  It  was  the  widow  herself.  The 
late  lamented  had  been  on  the  road  and  she  was 
afraid  of  train  men,  she  said.  He  was  like  that 
fellow  that  lost  the  fight  last  week." 

"How  so?"  inquired  the  Host. 

"He  was  over-trained,"  answered  the  Engi 
neer  with  another  deep  sigh,  "  fell  under  it, 
running  '  wild  cat.'  " 

The  Host  seemed  to  be  much  interested  in 
the  door-frame  at  which  he  gazed  steadily  under 
the  pitying  glances  of  the  others. 

The  Engineer  resumed  :  "  While  we  were 
keeping  company — I  think  it  was  one  Sunday 
night,  the  widow  had  been  singing  the  old  hymn 
'  Shall  we  know  each  other  there,'  that  brought 
up  the  subject  of  whether  people  follow  their 
earthly  vocations  in  the  other  world,  and  she 
wondered  if  her  '  dear  Harry '  was  still  an  engi 
neer.  So  I  in  joke  suggested  perhaps  he  was  a 
fireman,  and  do  you  know  she  afterwards  sent 
me  a  note  about  her  fear  of  engineers,  quoting 
Bludso,  '  them  engineers  is  all  purty  much 
alike,'  etc.,  and  that  I  was  so  fond  of  joking,  I 
might  '  brake  '  her  heart,  etc.,  and  the  thing  fell 
through."  The  Engineer  sighed  deeply  several 
times  and  after  a  pause  went  on  : 

"  Mull,  was  a  trump.  Without  doubt  he  was 
the  most  truthful  man  I  have  ever  known,  ex 
cept  perhaps,  you  two  gentlemen"  (here  the  En 
gineer  laid  his  hand  on  his  left  breast  and 
bowed  politely  in  the  direction  of  the  Coroner 
and  the  Stenographer.  The  salute  was  returned 
with  great  dignity  by  the  individuals  referred  to). 

"Before  Mull.'s  departure  for  the  West,  sever- 


THfi    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  77 

al  of  his  friends  including  myself,  invited  him 
to  the  parlor  of  the  hotel  and  presented  him 
with  a  diamond  shirtstud.  We  had  a  royal  time 
of  it  that  night,  and  I  took  occasion  to  ask  him 
quietly  how  it  was  that  he  got  over  the  widow's 
objection  to  his  marrying  her  daughter — on  ac 
count  of  his  poverty.  He  told  me  that  the 
story  was  too  long  to  relate  then,  but  after  he 
got  settled  in  the  West  he  would  send  me  a  long 
letter  giving  me  a  truthful  account  of  how  he 
'  struck  it.'  Mulligan  was  as  good  as  hjs  word, 
and  sent  me  this  package." 


Dead  Man's  Notes. — That  gentleman  then  seized  the  fire-tongs  a/<3 

with  averted  face  grasped  the  package  and  holding  it  at 

arm's  length  laid  it  iu  the  Lawyer's  lap. 

The  Engineer  took  a  wad  of  paper  from  his 
pistol  pocket  which  action  seemed  to  relieve  the 
company  greatly  as  the  bulge  had  looked  sus 
picious,  and  tossed  it  to  the  Host,  who  shuddered 
and- dodged  as  the  bundle  dropped  to  the  floor. 
That  gentleman  then  seized  the  fire-tongs  and 
with  averted  face  grasped  the  package  and  hold 
ing  it  at  arm's  length  laid  it  in  the  Lawyer's  lap. 
He  in  turn  trembled  and  became  pale,  but  as  no 


78  THE    ODDITIES    OF   SHORT    HAND. 

one  offered  to  relieve  him  he  opened  the  package. 
A  rising  voice  being  taken  as  to  whether  or  not 
he  should  read  it,  he  was  left  sitting,  the  other 
chairmen  declaring  that  the  thing  was  carried 
with  "unanimous  animosity." 

The  Lawyer  cleared  his  throat  and  began  fal 
tering  through  the  awful  recital.  Happily  his 
voice  grew  stronger  as  he  proceeded  in  reading 
the  narrative  of 

THE    DEAD    MAN'S    NOTES. 

I  am  a  mail  clerk.  Any  person  who  would 
take  even  a  casual  glance  at  me  would  surmise 
at  once  that  if  a  clerk  at  all  I  was  a  male  clerk, 
but  no  one  would  take  me  to  be  a  clerk  by  the 
smallness  and  softness  of  my  hands,  because 
they  are  neither  small  nor  soft.  I  am  a  believer 
in  the  sentiment  of  the  old  song,  "A  fig  for  your 
lord  with  his  soft  silken  hand,"  for  I  am  both 
hard-fisted  and  hard-headed  and  can  give  and 
take  as  much  in  the  way  of  hard  knocks  as  most 
men. 

To  begin  with,  I  was  born  quite  young,  like 
most  fellows,  and  owing  to  the  early  death  of 
my  parents  was  left  to  shift  for  myself.  As  long 
as  I  can  remember,  my  life  has  been  one  of 
bustle  and  hustle  up  to  a  week  before  I  mar 
ried  my  present  wife,  Mrs.  Mulligan,  if  you 
please.  Then  the  event  occurred  which  forms 
the  subject  of  this  little  story,  and  which  was 
the  foundation  of  my  present  serenity  and  the 
first  real  streak' of  what  little  financial  success  I 
ever  reached. 

•As  I  have  stated  I  have  been  hustling  since  I 
was  born,  and  worked  at  whatsoever  my  hands 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  79 

found  to  do.  From  a  bootblack  to  a  newsboy, 
then  an  errand  boy  in  an  office,  a  butcher's  as 
sistant  ;  I  did  a  horse's  work  in  a  grocery,  was  a 
stripper  in  a  tobacco  house,  a  farmer's  help,  a 
factory  hand,  a  boat  builder,  a  porter,  a  printer, 
a  clerk,  in  fact  I  worked  at  about  everything  in 
turn  and  was  nothing  long  except  poor.  The 
reason  I  followed  these  various  employments 
was  not  because  I  was  not  apt  to  learn  the  proper 
use  of  hands  and  head,  but  because  I  could  not 
afford  to  be  idle  and  when  one  thing  failed  I 
took  up  another.  It  was  work  or  starve  with  me 
and  of  the  two  evils  I  chose  the  least.  I  think 
the  bulk  of  my  time  was  spent  in  a  country 
printing  office,  where  I  started  as  a  "  devil "  and 
raised — Cain.  Here  I  arose  to  the  dignity  of  a 
"  sub,"  on  one  or  two  memorable  occasions, 
when  the  editor's  wife  was  ill  and  the  rest  of  the 
office  had  gone  to  the  circus  on  free  passes.  Dur 
ing  my  stay  in  the  printing  office  I  took  up  the 
study  of  telegraphy  by  the  Morse  system,  and 
tackled  stenography  having  found  a  discarded 
book  on  that  subject  in  the  lodging  house  where 
I  stopped.  While  employed  in  the  printing- 
office  as  a  "  galley  "  slave,  I  pursued  this  study 
assiduously,  but  never  reached  any  very  alarming 
speed,  although  I  could  read  notes  well,  in  fact, 
in  a  manner  surprising  to  myself. 

Indeed,  the  more  obtuse  the  notes  seemed, 
the  better  I  liked  them,  and  unless  they  were  ab 
solutely  shocking  I  could  generally  make  a  fair 
transcript.  As  I  say  I  never  could  write  with 
anything  like  half  speed.  I  not  only  could  read 
bad  notes  but  could  decipher  probably  the 
worst  writing  that  was  ever  handed  in  to  a  news- 


8o  THE    ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND. 

paper  office,  and,  I  think,  the  most  execrable 
scrawls  ever  made  are  those  that  come  into  the 
office  of  a  country  newspaper.  When  anything 
unusually  atrocious  reached  us,  on  which  the 
compositors  failed,  my  services  were  called  into 
requisition  and  I  do  not  now  remember  an  in 
stance  where  I  failed  to  make  out,  if  not  exactly 
what  the  writer  meant,  something  so  near  it,  that 
I  never  heard  any  complaint. 

Puzzles  in  writing,  rebuses,  riddles  and  cryp 
tographs  were  my  delight,  and  the  more  abstruse, 
the  more  pleasant  to  me  when  I  got  at  the  hidden 
meaning.  This  faculty  or  facility,  if  it  may  be 
called  so,  made  me  somewhat  famous  on  a  small 
scale,  and  through  the  influence  of  a  friend,  I 
was  billetted  on  the  po.st-office  of as  an  as 
sorting  clerk  where  my  known  skill  in  decipher 
ing  poor  writing  was  put  to  the  severest  tests. 
My  singular  facility  in  this  direction  was  soon 
observed  by  my  superiors,  and  I  was  in  demand. 
Becoming  proud  of  this  appreciation  of  my 
ability,  I  began  to  dip  into  the  subject  deeply. 

I  studied  cipher  codes,  I  endeavored  to  unravel 
cryptographs  or  cryptograms  and  various  me 
thods  of  secret  communication  I  took  a  shy  at, 
and  was  much  interested  in  the  subject. 

During  this  course  of  study  I  formed  the  the 
ory  which  I  believe  to  be  the  true  one,  that  there 
is  no  system  of  secret  communication  which 
cannot  be  deciphered  if  one  has  the  patience 
to  keep  at  it. 

In  other  words,  I  am  a  strict  believer  in  the 
authority  that  holds  it  to  be  doubtful  whether 
human  ingenuity  can  construct  an  enigma  of  a 
kind  which  human  ingenuity  cannot  by  proper 
application  resolve. 


THE    ODDITIES    OB'    SHORT    HAND.  8l 

There  is  a  key  to  every  lock  and  it  can  be 
found  by  a  diligent  and  persevering  search.  I 
felt  confident  of  this  and  encouraged  by  it;  and, 
many  a  night  while  other  young  men  of  my  ac 
quaintance  were  off  at  a  ball  or  a  theatre  seeking 
legitimate  recreation  after  the  labors  of  the  day, 
I  spent  poring  over  some  wretched  code  or 
mystery  in  writing,  which  even  when  unraveled 
was  not  worth  the  candle. 


82  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND, 


CHAPTER  VII. 

THE  DEAD  MAN'S  NOTES — Continued. 

jURING  my  stay  at  the  post-office  at 

a  middle-aged  gentleman  frequently  called 
for  mail  addressed  to  the  office  to  Charles  H. 
Rumsby  as  he  described  himself  to  be,  and  on 
several  occasions  I  was  at  the  delivery  window 
as  relief  clerk  when  the  man  whose  duty  it  was 
to  attend  there  was  absent  or  otherwise  engaged. 

After  this  party  had  called  for  mail  two  or 
three  times,  I  began  to  know  him,  and  could 
always  inform  him  as  he  came  up  to  the  door 
way,  even  before  he  approached  my  window, 
whether  there  was  anything  for  him.  Once  or 
twice  I  saw  postal  cards  addressed  to  him  writ 
ten  in  a  system  of  stenography  that  I  knew 
something  of.  I  was  pleased  to  know  that  he 
was  acquainted  with  the  art  and  pleasantly  bid 
him  the  time  of  day  when  he  called.  The  fact 
that  he  received  such  cards  convinced  me  that 
he  was  one  of  the  craft,  and  we  struck  up  quite 
an  acquaintance. 

If  the  truth  must  be  told  I  sometimes  looked 
at  the  message  on  such  postal  cards  ;  I  do  not 
say  that  this  was  fair  or  even  decent.  But  while 
it  would  be  despicable  or  perhaps  dishonorable 
in  another  person  it  was,  I  think,  justifiable  in 
my  case  (I  was  authorized  sometimes  to  open 
even  enclosed  letters  and  read  them),  and  having 
this  craze  I  tell  you  about  for  detecting  the 
medium  used  in  secret  communications  I  thought 


THE   ODDITIES    OF   SHORT    HAND.  83 

perhaps — well,  the  question  of  ethics  I  will  not 
go  into  now.  I  do  say  this,  however,  I  never 
read  a  card  sent  to  another  person  which  had 
been  written  in  good,  plain  handwriting.  But 
the  moment  I  saw  anything  like  an  attempt  of 
secrecy,  I  confess,  I  did  try  to  g  :t  at  the  bottom 
of  it,  not  to  serve  any  object  of  my  own,  but 
just  to  know — on  the  principle,  I  suppose,  that 
forbidden  fruit  is  always  the  sweetest. 

I  think  it  was  on  the  last  occasion  when  Mr. 
Rumsby  called  for  mail,  that  I  was  at  the  deliv 
ery  window.  He  was  accompanied  on  that  call 
by  a  tall  young  man.  I  had  a  postal  card  for 
him  covered  with  stenographic  characters,  and 
handed  it  out.  He  took  it,  read  it,  and  gave  it 
to  the  other  party,  saying,  "  Look  here,  Smith." 
Both  laughed  and  walked  off.  I  naturally  con 
cluded  at  once  that  his  friend  was  an  artist  in 
crooks  and  curves  also.  The  incident  was  soon 
out  of  my  mind. 

Some  months  after  that  I  was  promoted  to 
the  position  of  mail  clerk  on  the  G.  O.  P.  Rail 
road,  where  we  took  on  all  the  mail  for  the  gen 
eral  P.  O.  at .  It  was  my  duty  to  sort 

and  classify  this  mail  matter  en  route.  When 
not  engaged  in  this  work  I  could  read  the 
papers,  smoke,  chat  or  pass  the  time  in  whatever 
way  suited  my  fancy. 

Now,  I  am  no  great  hand  to  read  newspapers, 
strange  to  say,  but  it  happened  that  I  found  a 
half  sheet  of  the  New  York  Sun  which  some 
passenger  had  thrown  in  a  vacant  scat  in  one  of 
the  cars,  and  as  I  was  at  leisure  I  took  a  glance 
at  it.  I  was  about  to  throw  it  aside,  when  one 
paragraph  caught  my  eye.  It  was  this  : 


84  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

"  The  drowned  oodv  of  the  man  taken  from  the 
water  off  Sandy  Bench  as  stated  in  these  columns 
last  Tuesday,  was  Identified  as  that  of  Charles  H. 
Kumsby,  a  resident  of  Phillipshurgh.  It  is  not  known 
positively  whether  the  drowning  was  the  result  of 
accident  or  a  deliberate  suicide.  The  fact  that  the 
dead  man's  clothing,  containing  his  papers  and  valu 
ables  was  left  in  the  bathing-house,  would  seem  to 
set  at  rest  the  suicide  theory.  It  is  said  that  the  de 
ceased  carried  a  large  amount  of  insurance  on  his 
life.  The  Coroner  was  notified." 

I  started  to  think  where  I  had  heard  that 
name,  and  after  a  minute's  pause  it  came  to  me  ; 
it  was  the  gentleman  who  used  to  call  for  the 


Mull,  puzzled. 

mail  at ,  the  man  who  got  the  postal  cards 

in  short  hand.     "  Poor  fellow,"  I  thought,  "  that 
ends  it  all." 

I   dismissed    the   subject   from    my   mind,  or 
thought  I  had  done  so.     I  started  after  we  took 

on  the  bag  at to  sort  the  mail,  and  found 

in  it  one  postal  card  in  short  hand,  but  not  ap 
parently  in  any  system  with  which  I    was  ac- 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  8$ 

quainted,  and  addressed  to  some  one  named 
Smith.  I  laid  it  aside,  intending  to  take  another 
look  at  it  when  I  had  more  leisure,  but  Engineer 
Whitcomb  and  others  came  in  and  began  talk 
ing  about  that  widow,  the  fine  eyes  she  had,  &c., 
and  before  I  knew  the  mail  bag  had  to  be  locked 
so  as  to  be  "  snatched  "  at  the  next  station,  and 
it  was  time  to  put  the  card  in.  I  would  have 
liked  to  read  it,  but  could'not  delay  its  delivery, 
even  to  satisfy  my  curiosity. 

I  merely  mention  the  fact  of  receiving  that 
card  here  because  it  brought  to  my  mind  vividly 
poor  Rumsby  and  his  calling  at  my  window  at 
the  office  so  hale  and  hearty  a  few  weeks  before. 
Well,  I  got  thinking  over  this,  and  do  you  know 
I  went  and  got  the  scrap  of  paper  I  had  been 
reading  and  looked  at  the  date.  It  was  the  i5th; 
that  was  Friday.  The  "  Tuesday  last "  referred 
to  in  the  account  was  the  i2th.  I  became  in 
terested,  tried  all  I  could  to  get  the  paper  of  the 
1 2th,  and  after  some  difficulty  succeeded.  Open 
ing  it  quickly  my  eyes  soon  caught  the  heading, 
"A  Sad  Case  of  Drowning."  I  read  it  carefully, 
but  gleaned  no  additional  facts  from  the  ac 
count.  It  differed  in  no  particular  from  what  I 
had  read  in  the  issue  of  the  i5th,  save  in  the 
statement  that  the  deceased  was  accompanied  to 
the  watering  place  by  Mr.  J.  L.  Smith,  and  was 
unmarried  ;  that  he  was  an  expert  swimmer, 
and  it  was  supposed  that  he  was  carried  out  by 
the  undertow  and  met  his  death  as  above  stated. 

I  was  in  doubt  whether  to  try  and  forget  the 
whole  thing  or  to  go  into  it  deeper.  I  was  con 
vinced  now  that  the  deceased  was  my  chance 
acquaintance  of  the  post  office  window,  and  that 


86  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

the  Smith  who  accompanied  him  on  the  fatal  day 
was  the  young  fellow  to  whom  he  had  shown 
the  postal  card  the  last  time  I  had  seen  him 
alive.  I  was  really  grieved  for  the  poor  gentle 
man. 

Carried  out,  I  thought,  by  the  undertow,  to 
die  a  lonely,  horrible  death  in  the  awful  expanse 
of  the  angry  waters.  Above  him  the  sky,  and 
about  him  the  cold,  treacherous,  unfathomed 
and  relentless  waves,  in  whose  awful  roar  the 
shriek  of  the  exhausted,  dying  man  was  lost. 

Oh  !  it  was  terrible  ! 

The  mere  fact  that  he  was  a  dextrous  swim 
mer  simply  prolonged  his  sufferings. 

I  endeavored  again  to  dismiss  the  subject  from 
my  mind,  but  as  much  as  I  tried  it  seemed  to  be 
utterly  impossible. 

The  hideous  picture  of  the  strong  swimmer  in 
his  agony,  the  gallant  struggle  in  the  seething 
waters,  the  final  gasp  of  the  exhausted  man,  the 
white  face  and  stiffened  form  tossed  about  on 
the  mountainous  waves  of  the  ocean,  and  finally 
the  ghastly,  bloated,  stiffened  corpse  thrown  up 
on  the  beach  at  Sandy  Bar — I  shuddered.  The 
more  I  endeavored  to  get  rid  of  it  the  worse  it 
got.  I  even  think  that  I  would  have  attended 
the  inquest,  but  as  my  duties  did  not  permit  me 
to  do  this  I  did  the  next  best  or  worst  thing,  that 
is,  invested  in  a  daily  paper  and  read  the  pro 
ceedings  before  the  Coroner. 

The  account  was  quite  short.  J.  L.  Smith  de 
posed  that  he  accompanied  the  deceased  to  the 
beach  ;  that  the  deceased  went  in  for  a  bath  ; 
swam  some  distance  beyond  the  safety  lines  ; 
then  he  suddenly  threw  up  his  hands  with  a 
shriek,  and  that  was  all. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  87 

By  the  time  he  (witness)  had  found  and  noti 
fied  the  bathing-house  keeper,  who  in  turn  had 
found  the  life  saver,  who  in  turn  had  found  the 
life  boat,  and  had  gone  to  where  the  deceased 
had  disappeared,  there  was  nothing  to  be  seen, 
of  course.  And  I  said  to  myself,  sarcastically, 
Of  course  not  !  Oh,  no  !  The  deceased  left  no 
hole  in  the  water,  not  even  a  note  on  the  waves, 
or  an  anchored  buoy,  or  anything  by  which  he 
could  be  traced;  and  the  jury  returned  the  same 
old  verdict  of  "accidental  drowning."  In  my 
opinion  if  they  would  hang  a  bathing  house 
keeper  or  two  for  malfeasance,  or  misfeasance, 
or  nonfeasance,  or  something,  or  even  fine  them 
fifty  dollars  and  collect  the  hard  cash  for  every 
time  some  poor  creature  lost  his  life  under  such 
circumstances,  because  the  appliances  or  remedy 
for  life-saving  (that  is,  the  man  and  the  boat) 
are  not  on  hand  when  wanted,  it  would  reduce 
the  accidental  drownings  at  watering  places  by 
about  ninety-five  per  cent. 

I  wrote  this  when  the  thing  occurred  and  I  was 
hot  and  full  of  the  subject,  having  heard  of  so 
many  such  casualties,  and  I  hope  you  will  pardon 
me  for  this  angry  digression. 

There  was  one  little  statement  in  the  account 
of  the  inquest  that  made  me  mad — yes,  mad  ! 
It  was  this  :  "  The  proceedings  were  watched  by 
Shrewd  &  Grippe,  attorneys  for  various  life  in 
surance  companies  in  whom  it  is  said  the  de 
ceased  had  policies  on  his  life  for  a  large  amount." 

I  finished  reading  the  account  and  tried  again 
to  dismiss  the  whole  thing  from  my  mind  ;  I 
tossed  the  paper  out  of  the  car  window  ;  J  wanted 
to  forget  it.  I  might  as  well  try  to  fly. 


00  THE   ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

You  know  the  trouble  which  a  person  some 
times  has  to  get  rid  of  a  distasteful  thought,  or 
of  a  tune  which  you  hate  yet  catch  yourself 
whistling  or  humming.  You  stop  suddenly,  dis 
gusted  at  yourself,  and  determined  not  to,  and  in 
less  than  two  minutes  you  are  at  it  again.  That 
was  my  case  exactly  about  this  matter.  Then  I 
took  the  other  course,  and  devoted  all  my  spare 
time  to  it — went  into  it  thoroughly,  thinking 
that  perhaps  I  could  wear  the  thing  out  by  that 
means.  I  eagerly  scanned  the  papers  for  any 
further  account  of  the  case,  and  after  a  while 
found  about  two  lines  in  the  New  York  Herald 
to  the  effect  that  "  the  policies  had  not  yet  been 
paid  on  the  life  of  the  late  Charles  H.  Rumsby 
to  Mr.  J.  L.  Smith,  the  dead  man's  beneficiary, 
as  the  companies  were  not  wholly  satisfied."  I 
laughed  at  this,  wondering  what  would  satisfy 
companies  in  paying  out  money.  There  were 
the  policies,  premiums  all  paid  and  regular,  and 
the  man's  dead  body.  Of  course,  I  said,  they 
were  corporations,  and  if  they  could  prove  that 
the  man  had  been  killed  several  years  previously 
in  a  railroad  accident,  or  that  such  a  person  had 
never  existed,  or  had  died  in  infancy  it  might 
work.  But  they  had  collected  the  premiums 
steadily  when  due,  you  see.  Ah  !  that's  a  differ 
ent  thing  !  They  took  the  man's  money  right 
along,  and  when  he  wanted  his,  or  his  folks  did, 
there  was  trouble.  So,  I  says,  no  wonder  people 
sometimes  remark  that  corporations  have  no 
souls. 

Well,  I  had  begun  to  get  tired  of  the  whole 
matter,  and  I  thought  it  was  getting  faint  in  my 
mind.  In  a  week  or  two,  I  dare  say,  it  would 


THE  ODDITIES  OF  SHORT  HAND.  89 

have  faded  away  altogether.  Then  something 
happened  that  set  my  brain  working  and  my 
nerves  tingling. 

While  sorting  the  mail  a  day  or  two  afterwards 
I  saw  a  thing  and  I  could  hardly  tell  you  what  it 
was.  This  is  what  it  appeared  to  be  :  a  U.  S. 
postal  card  addressed  to  J.  L.  Smith,  Phillips- 
burgh,  postmarked  St.  Louis,  with  a  stenographic 
message  on  the  reverse  side. 

This  card  which  I  held  in  my  hand  was  as 
follows  : 


EX?  £  5  A  M  A  Cr  A    fft.ift  C  si  3  A-  A 


f 


^Q  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

Smith,  as  I  remembered,  was  the  name  of  the 
witness  in  the  Rumsby  drowning  case — the 
young  man  who  accompanied  the  deceased  to 
my  post-office  window  and  who  laughed  so 
pleasantly  at  poor  Rumsby's  short  hand  message. 

I  looked  at  this  with  all  my  old  curiosity  ex 
cited,  and  I  must  confess  I  did  not  read  it  readily. 
This  only  stimulated  me  to  get  at  the  bottom 
facts  which  I  proceeded  to  do. 

I  scrutinized  it  steadily  for  several  minutes. 
Then,  fearing  to  be  interrupted  by  Whitcombor 
some  of  the  others  passing  through  the  car,  and 
desiring  time  to  investigate,  I  searched  my 
pocketbook  for  a  small  piece  of  tracing  paper  or 
cloth  which  I  thought  I  had. 

Having  found  it  I  laid  it  over  the  card  and 
taking  my  pencil  carefully  traced  the  notes  as 
they  appeared  through  the  semi-transparent 
cloth. 

This  copy  I  cautiously  placed  in  my  pocket- 
book  and  again  took  up  the  card  to  study  the 
message.  It  was  well  I  had  made  the  copy. 

Scarcely  had  I  seated  myself  card  in  hand 
again  when  two  or  three  parties  came  in  to  chat. 
Although  desiring  much  to  be  left  alone  I  could 
not  order  them  out  ;  nor  did  I  care  to  be  seen 
reading  the  mail  before  them,  and,  as  I  could  do 
nothing  at  the  time  I  put  the  card  in  the  mail 
bag. 

During  that  whole  day  so  pre-occupied  was  I 
with  cogitation  on  the  subject  that  I  was  not  as 
quick  in  sorting  as  usual  and  it  was  all  I  could 
do  to  get  the  mail  ready  for  "  snatching  "  at  the 
way  station. 

When   my  duty  for   the  day  ended  I  could 


THE    ODDITIES    OF   SHORT    HAND.  pi 

scarcely  wait  to  eat  before  I  was  up  in  the  quiet 
of  my  own  little  room  with  a  lamp,  a  magnify 
ing  glass  and  such  things  as  I  might  need.  It 
was  with  a  thrill  of  delight  that  I  took  out  my 
facsimile  of  the  card  and  placed  it  on  the  little 
table. 

As  a  matter  of  extra  precaution  I  began  first 
and  made  two  more  copies  of  the  tracing  and 
had  the  fourth  about  completed  when  I  dis 
covered  that  I  could  read  the  message  in  a  way. 

This  is  not  surprising.  I  had-  looked  at  it  in 
the  course  of  the  day  perhaps  twenty  times  ; 
had  written  or  traced  it  four  times,  so  it  was 
no  wonder  that  I  read  it  :  but  as  I  say,  in  a  way, 
that  is  to  say,  I  failed  to  make  good  sense  out  of 
it.  I  carefully  wrote  down  the  transcript  as  I 
made  it  out  on'  this  shape  : 

I  R2L 
'«  EDEBAMAGA  10=10  C  S1  B  A—A 

"  Divine  science  gives  no  influence  to  direct  to  the  home. 
Strife  is  overcome  here  below  ;  it  shall  get  the  deep  ocean  to 
tarry,  for  the  Lord  is  giver.  Each  syndicate  may  keep  death 
down,  but  pains  secure  would  feel  it. 

"  10  verse,  on  Chap.  S1  St.  Paul.  Addison-Testimony 
161." 

I  read,  re-read,  studied,  worried  and  pondered 
over  that  blessed  thing  for  four  mortal  hours. 
It  was  in  vain.  I  could  make  nothing  else  out 
of  it. 

Not  being  sure  that  even  this  was  the  correct 
or  the  apparently  correct  reading  I  determined 
to  have  that  question  settled  at  once. 

Before  going  on  duty  next  day  I  took  one  of 
the  tracings  to  Mr.  David  McKoon,  a  well  known 
stenographer,  who  roomed  with  others  of  the 
same  calling  in  the  Jones  Building.  Requesting 


92  THE   ODDITIES    OF   SHORT    HAND. 

a  transcript  of  the  notes  I  promised  to  call  for  it 
in  a  few  hours  which  I  did. 

I  do  not  know,  of  course,  what  difficulty  that 
gentleman  or  his  associates  had  with  the  cipher 
but  the  transcript  furnished  me  was  substantially 
as  1  had  already  made  it  with  the  difference  of 
a  word  or  two. 


As  easy  as  print—"  By  the  Card." 

The  same  request  to  others  of  McKoon's  pro 
fession  brought  from  some  that  it  could  not  be 
read,  it  was  "jargon  "  or  "buncombe."  Others 
read  it  in  part,  and  still  others  made  the  trans 
cript  or  meaning  somewhat  as  McKoon  and  my 
self  had  made  it. 


THE   ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  93 

I  was  by  no  means  sure  as  I  say  that  even  this 
was  correct. 

Looking  at  the  foot  of  the  message  I  observed 
what  I  supposed  was  a  reference  to  a  certain 
verse  and  chapter  of  St.  Paul.  I  then  sub 
mitted  it  to  certain  newspaper  reporters  assum 
ing  of  course  that  they  would  be  thoroughly 
acquainted  with  Holy  Writ.  One  of  them  was 
too  busy  to  bother  with  it.  Two  or  three  others 
could  not  understand  what  I  meant  by  the 
"  Scriptures."  One  quoted  a  passage  from 
Shakespeare  and  insisted  in  solemn  earnest 
that  it  was  such  and  §uch  a  chapter  and  verse  of 
the  Book. 

Still  another  began  as  he  thought  to  quote  the 
Bible  and  got  in  "  Now  he  laid  him  down  to 
sleep,"  &c.,  as  a  certain  portion  of  it. 

I  even  tackled  a  very  clever  journalist  from 
Chicago,  asking  him  if  he  knew  anything  about 
St.  Paul.  Upon  his  answer  that  it  was  a  regular 
one-horse  place  away  behind  "our  town,"  I  gave 
the  thing  up  in  disgust  and  started  to  do  my 
self,  what  I  should  have  done  in  the  first  place, 
that  is  :  follow  the  advice  of  my  poor  old  mother, 
"Search  the  Scriptures." 

Well,  I  searched  and  searched  till  grey  day 
came  in  through  the  window  blinds  in  the  morn 
ing.  I  found  nothing  in  St.  Paul,  or  any  other 
epistle  or  gospel,  or  anything  in  the  New  or  Old 
Testament  that  seemed  to  be  at  all  like  it. 

I  then  turned  to  Addison,  and  went  through 
the  "  Spectator,"  looking  for  "  testimony,"  any 
thing  and  everything  from  his  poems  and  essays 
that  I  could  lay  hands  on.  In  vain. 

I  then  counted  the  words,  read   them  in  col- 


94  THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HANB. 

umns,  or  tried  to,  upside  down,  forwards  and 
backwards,  counted  the  letters  ;  took  the  first 
letter  of  each  word  in  the  transcript,  the  last,  and 
the  middle.  It  was  all  useless,  and  I  was  just 
where  I  started. 

I  was  utterly  baffled,  I  confess,  by  the  ab- 
struseness  of  this  seemingly  simple  message. 

I  remembered  reading  somewhere  that  to  mas 
ter  a  thing  of  this  kind  the  way  is  to  read,  if  you 
can,  the  connected  legible  characters,  and  then 
the  difficulty  of  the  thing  disappears  ;  otherwise, 
there  is  no  alternative  but  experiment,  directed 
by  the  probabilities  of  every  device  known  to 
him  who  attempts  the  solution,  till  the  true  one 
is  attained. 

On  the  whole,  this  did  not  seem  to  be  very  en 
couraging,  but  my  course  was  to  keep  on. 

I  looked  long  and  carefully  at  the  top  of  the 
message,  at  what  McKoon,  myself,  and  others 
had  made  out  to  be  "odd,"  or  "  due,  R  2  L." 
The  conclusion  I  reached  was  that  this  meant 
"  odd,  right  to  left."  I  tried  to  apply  it.  No  go. 
Disheartened  and  vanquished,  I  thought  of  giv 
ing  it  up,  but  reconsidered  it.  No ;  you  were 
never  yet  beaten  by  any  secret  code,  I  said  to  my 
self  ;  you  must  conquer  or  burst,  Tom,  and  you 
never  burst.  Tried  it  again — the  same  result. 
I  own  I  was  dispirited  to  the  verge  of  despair. 
I  have  one  recourse  always  to  fall  back  on  when 
everything  else  fails.  I  believe  it  has  pulled  me 
through  when  I  had  many  a  close  call.  That  is, 
prayer. 

Oh !  you  wretched  skeptic ;  you  needn't 
laugh.  Try  it  in  a  pinrh,  and  if  there  is  no  God, 
the  prayer  won't  hurt  you  ;  if  there  is,  you  may 
get  help. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  95 

I  admit  that  this  is  a  poor  argument,  yet,  it  is 
the  only  one  that  reaches  some  people. 

And,  surely,  the  being  who  made  us  is  willing 
to  aid  even  such  poor  creatures  as  we  are,  if  he 
is  : 

' '  Who  sees  with  equal  eye,  the  God  of  all, 
A  hero  perish  and  a  sparrow  fall." 

I  knelt  down  to  it — Whitcomb,  you  know  that 
my  faith  is  not  exactly  the  same  as  yours  ;  older, 
perhaps — but,  as  I  say,  I  knelt  down,  invoked 
help,  got  up  and  looked  at  that  insignificant  bit 
of  tracing  paper  again.  I  intended  to  fix  it  in 
my  mind  before  I  went  to  bed,  so  that  by  chance 
I  might  dream  out  the  meaning.  I  turned  it, 
and Oh  !  by  the  Lord  Harry,  I  had  it. 

I  gave  one  whoop,  and  then  I  shook  hands  with 
myself,  in  imagination.  Then  I  sat  down  and 
had  a  good  comfortable  smoke,  wrote  the  true 
transcript  out,  placed  it  with  the  other  papers 
and  retired. 


96  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND, 


CHAPTER  VIII. 
THE  DEAD  MAN'S  NOTES. — Continued. 

TT  was  some  time  before  I  dropped  off.  I  felt 
the  bed  shaking  under  me  as  I  burst  out  into 
the  most  dreadful  fits  of  laughter.  I  must  have 
spent  an  hour  or  two  giggling  at  the  newspaper 
men,  at  the  stenographer,  at  everything  and 
everybody,  including  "  Yours  truly,"  and  at  times 
felt  like  kicking  myself,  because  I  didn't  see  it 
before.  So  palpable,  too. 

Next  morning,  bright  and  early,  I  got  a  letter 
of  introduction  to  and  was  at  the  office  of 
Shrewd  &  Grippe,  the  lawyers  for  the  Payupsoon 
Life  Assurance  Company,  and  after  what  I 
thought  was  an  interminable  wait,  the  senior 
partner  came  in. 

After  the  usual  salutations,  I  asked  him  if  the 
company  which  his  firm  represented  had  paid  up 
the  policies  on  the  life  of  Peter  Johnson,  or  any 
other  person  who  had  lost  his  life  by  drowning, 
and,  I  added,  "or  was  said  to  have  lost  it." 

The  old  lawyer  looked  at  me  cautiously  and 
inquiringly.  I  am  not  so  simple  ;  I  said  nothing 
further,  just  then. 

He  called  in  his  partner  and  they  both  got  at 
me,  wanting  to  know  what  I  meant. 

I  said  this  :  "  I  desire  to  know,  gentlemen,  if 
anything  is  to  be  paid,  and  if  so,  how  much,  to 
the  heirs  of  Jones,  for  instance,  or  his  represen 
tatives,  if  he  is  really  dead,  and  assuming  that  he 
had  his  life  insured  in  such  a  company. 

"If   he   is   not   dead,  as   claimed,"  I  went  on, 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  97 

<:  and  conclusive  proof  of  his  existence  is  given  to 
the  company,  is  the  person  who  furnishes  that 
information  entitled  to,  and  will  he  receive,  any 
recompense  for  furnishing  information  of  the  ex- 
istence  of  the  insured,  and  if  so,  how  much  ?  " 

The  younger  lawyer,  Mr.  Grippe,  jumped  up, 
all  excitement,  and  shot  off  his  jaw  too  soon.  He 
blurted  out :  u  Do  you  know  anything  about  it  ? 
Where  is  this  Charles  H.  Rumsby,  anyhow  ?  " 

I  said,  "  Who  ? "  with  a  deprecating  smile,  and 
what  I  meant  to  be  a  blank  look  of  innocent  in 
quiry,  that  I  think  convinced  the  lawyers  they 
had  no  fool  to  deal  with. 

The  senior  member,  turning  to  the  other,  said 
something  in  a  low  tone,  and  then  approaching 
me,  earnestly  remarked  : 

"Young  man,  you  seem  to  be  a  discreet, 
shrewd  and  deserving  person.  It  may  be  that 
you  are  justified  in  asking  the  question,  a  ques 
tion  which,  from  another  person,  we  would  con 
sider  highly  impertinent ;  but,  as  it  is  a  matter 
of  public  knowledge,  I  feel  at  liberty  to  say  this 
much,  in  strict  confidence,  to  you  : 

"The  amount  involved  in  the  Rumsby  case, 
which,  I  doubt  not,  is  the  case  which  you  are 
talking  a/,  is  $75,000. 

"  The  companies  have  thus  far  refused  payment 
of  the  claim,  in  the  honest  belief  that  the  assured 
is  not  dead.  They  have  now  no  other  legal  or 
technical  ground  on  which  to  resist  the  payment 
of  it. 

"  We  are  interested  especially  in  the 

company,  and  it  may  be,  that  if  the  officers  of 
that  company  can  obtain  satisfactory  proof 
which  will  enable  them  to  resist,  honestly  anc1 


98  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

honorably,  mind  you,  the  payment  of  the 
amount  of  the  policy  which  the  assured  held  in 
that  company — $28,000 — it  is  possible  that  some 
such  arrangement  as  that  you  speak  of  might 
be  made. 

"  In  all  probability,"  the  lawyer  went  on, 
"  that  case  will  settle  the  others,  and  I  have  no 
doubt  that  if  the  proof  is  satisfactory  and  con 
clusive,  the  companies  will  be  fair — yes,  liberal 
with  you.  Please  remain  seated." 

Well,  I  waited.  In  less  than  thirty  minutes 

the  President  of  the Insurance  Company 

came  in,  in  a  state  of  great  excitement,  puffing 
and  blowing  like  a  porpoise. 

The  matter  was  cautiously  gone  over  by  the 
lawyer.  He  said  in  substance  to  the  president, 
that  this  young  man  (myself)  had  called,  bear 
ing  a  letter  of  .introduction  from  a  friend,  and 
he  (the  y^.ung  man)  thought  he  could  perhaps 
show  where  there  was  a  fraud  being  perpetrated 
or  attempted  on  the  company.  .Of  course,  it  was 
only  right  that  if  he  did  so — furnished  conclu 
sive  information  of  that  fact  and  saved  the  com 
panies  the  payment  of  a  large  amount  of  money 
— he  should  be  compensated. 

The  president  listened  and  bobbed  his  head 
up  and  down  over  his  gold-headed  cane  at  every 
word. 

He  looked  at  me  earnestly,  and  asked  was  I 
the  person.  I  answered  in  the  affirmative,  and 
hastened  to  assure  him  that  I  knew  what  I  was 
talking  about. 

The  president  then  remarked:  "Young  man,  a 
reward  has  already  been  offered  in  this  case  of 
$3,000  for  proof  such  as  you  claim  you  have. 


0   0. 


THE  oDmxms  wi**o*'£4!lwlr>.  99 

•'  That  amount  was  offered  by  our  own  com 
pany,  which  has  the  most  at  stake. 

"  It  is  true  that  a  drowned  body  was  recovered 
which  was  said  to  answer  the  description  of  the 
insured  person,  but  so  far  as  we  can  learn  there- 
has  been  no  conclusive  identification. 

"I  trust  I  do  not  discouia^e  you  too  much, 
young  man,  when  I  state  that  I  believe  it  to  be 
among  the  bare  possibilities  only,  that  you 
should  succeed  in  furnishing  a  clue  where 
others,  including  some  of  the  most  expert  detec 
tives,  have  failed  so  signally. 

"  But,  assuming  that  you  succeed,  I  think  1 
can  safely  promise  the  amount  that  I  have  al 
ready  mentioned  on  behalf  of  our  company,  and 
fully  as  much  more  on  behalf  of  the  others.  Of 
course,  sir,  before  we  lose  any  time  on  the  ques 
tion  of  compensation,  we  would  like  to  know 
what  is  the  nature  of  the  proof  which  you  deem 
so  conclusive  and  of  which  you  are  so  confi 
dent." 

''Draw  up  a  paper,"  I  answered,  "and  make 
it  short  and  strong  first,  and  after  the  paper  is 
ready  and  signed,  I  will  tell  you." 

The  president,  after  a  thoughtful  pause,  said  : 
"This  is  a  very  unusual  proceeding,  sir,  but  if  I 
consent  to  this,  I  cannot  bind  the  company  ;  I 
will  biad  myself  personally,  and  will  sign  such 
a  paper;  but  it  must  be  with  the  provision  that 
if  the  information  is  of  such  a  character  as  to  be 
vague,  unsatisfactory  or  useless,  that  my  written 
promise  is  not  binding " 

"  We  will  take  care  of  that,"  interrupted  the 
lawyer. 

Well,  after  some  further  hesitation,  a  paper 


IOO  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

was  drawn  up  by  which  I  was  to  get  $6,000  it 
the  proof  was  such  as  to  enable  the  insurance 
companies  to  successfully  resist  the  payment  of 
"Policies  Nos.  109511  and  51736  alleged  to  be 
due  the  legal  heirs  or  representatives  of  one 
Charles  H.  Rumsby,  alleged  to  be  dead." 

I  read  the  paper  over  carefully,  after  which 
the  lawyer  put  an  endorsement  on  it,  and  placed 
it  in  his  safe  "  in  escrow,"  he  said,  whatever 
that  may  mean.  He  then  motioned  us  to  pro 
ceed  with  our  conversation.  I  looked  at  them. 

"Now,  sir,"  said  the  president,  "you  feel 
doubtless  secure,  but  I  assure  you  you  would  be 
equally  so  relying  on  my  word.  Now,  as  to  the 
nature  of  your  information.  Is  it  such  as  will 


"  It  is  the  man  himself,"  I  cried,  with  a  rising 
inflection,  and  I  could  scarcely  keep  down  my 
voice  in  my  excitement. 

"How?  where?  when?"  inquired  the  old  law 
yer,  rising. 

The  president  seemed  to  be  struck  helpless. 

"I  have  his  address,"  I  answered.  "The  man, 
Charles  H.  Rumsby,  is  alive  and  well  ;  I  have 
seen  a  postal  card  from  him  since  his  alleged 
death.  You  have  nothing  to  do  but  take  an 
officer,  go  to  his  address,  and  put  your  hands 
upon  him." 

The  lawyer  whistled.  The  president's  mouth 
opened  wide  with  astonishment  and  his  eyes 
danced  for  joy. 

"  Where,  where,  where,  is  this  proof.  How  did 
you  come  by  it  ? "  he  cried. 

I  took  out  my  tracing  paper,  and  represented 
first  that  it  was  the  fac  simile  of  a  postal  card 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  IOI 

addressed  to  one  J.  L.  Smith.  I  produced  the 
testimony  adduced  at  the  inquest  to  show  that 
this  Smith  was  the  person  who  accompanied 
Rumsby  to  Sandy  Beach  on  the  supposed  fatal 
Sunday.  I  showed  them  that  the  card  was  writ 
ten  as  the  post-mark  indicated,  eleven  days  after 
the  alleged  death,  and  posted  in  St.  Louis  as  "a 
blind."  I  asserted  that  it  was  written  by  the 
assured,  and  that  his  address  was  1072  Beach 
Street,  St.  Paul,  Minn.,  where  he  was  quietly 
awaiting  the  collection  of  the  "soap,"  and  if 
they  wanted  him  at  once  they  had  only  to  say 
the  word. 

After  some  further  talk  at  the  request  of  the 
president,  I  went  over  the  whole  thing  in  minute 
detail  and  stated  my  theory  to  them.  To  judge 
by  the  way  the  insurance  man  nodded  he  was 
convinced  of  its  truth. 


102  THE   ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


CHAPTER  IX. 

THE  DEAD  MAN*S    NOTES. — Concluded. 

Ml  Y  statement  or  theory  was  this  :  Two  of 
*  *•  the  conspirators,  Rumsby  and  Smith, 
went  to  the  beach  to  bathe,  and  were  seen  to 
enter  the  water  together,  after  having  procured 
bathing  suits  and  disrobing.  Rumsby,  an  ex 
ceedingly  expert  swimmer,  floated  out  of  sight 
of  the  hundreds  of  bathers,  who  in  truth  paid 
but  little  attention  to  him.  He  left  his  clothing, 
valuables  and  trinkets  in  the  bathing-house,  and 
his  adroit  friend  was  on  hand  to  give  the  alarm 
at  the  proper  time. 

Silently  and  surely  the  insured  made  his  way 
by  strong  swimming  to  a  distant  rowboat  which 
if  seen  from  the  shore  at  all  appeared  to  be  the 
merest  speck  upon  the  waters.  Reaching  the 
"  off  shore  "  side  of  the  boat  the  swimmer  was 
quickly  helped  on  board.  Willing  hands  aided 
him  to  to  take  off  the  bathing  suit,  which  was  at 
once  placed  on  a  "cadaver"  that  was  ready  to 
hand,  furnished  by  Dr.  Smith.  The  key  of  the 
bathing  house  was  taken  from  the  wrist  of 
Rumsby  and  buckled  on  the  stiff  arm  of  the 
corpse.  The  "  cad.aver"  was  of  such  size  and 
general  appearance  that  after  the  buffetting  of 
the  waters,  the  work  of  the  crabs  and  fishes  it 
passed  without  question  for  the  body  of  the 
missing  man. 

While  the  insured  was  clothing  himself  at  his 
leisure  with  the  apparel  provided  for  him  in  the 
yawl  it  was  rowed  out  still  further.  The  body 


THE    ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND.  103 

of  the  unknown  dead  was  then  cast  into  the 
deep.  After  making  a  wide  detour  the  conspi 
rators  landed  miles  below  the  point  where  seve 
ral  days  afterwards  the  body  was  picked  up. 

The  distracted  friend  Smith,  when  the  proper 
time  came  and  his  companion  disappeared, 
had  nothing  to  do  under  the  circumstances  but 
describe  the  death  cry  he  deposed  to,  and  the 
sinking  of  the  sturdy  swimmer  which  of  course 
he  did. 

Strangely  enough  others  present  at  the  beach 
first  hinted  and  then  insisted  that  they  observed 
something  of  the  kind.  As  you  know  it  is  not 
uncommon  when  anything  dreadfully  horrify 
ing  takes  place  that  some  who  know  nothing  of 
the  occurrence  rush  to  the  front  (perhaps  to  get 
their  names  in  print),  and  vehemently  assert 
that  they  were  there  and  saw  it.  In  time  they 
tell  it  so  often  they  really  believe  they  are  tell 
ing  the  truth.  So  it  was  in  this  case. 

The  bruised,  swollen  and  fish-eaten  body  was 
thrown  on  the  beach  by  the  incoming  tide  two 
days  subsequently  as  described  in  the  news 
papers. 

The  bathing-house  keeper  and  his  assistants 
identified  the  key  that  hung  on  the  dead  man's 
arm,  and  the  bathing  suit  in  which  the  stiff 
body  was  clothed.  They  insisted  with  some  de 
gree  of  positiveness  that  the  drowned  body  was 
that  of  the  man  who  so  foolishly  and  despite  all 
warnings  ventured  beyond  the  life  lines  and  was 
lost  through  his  own  carelessness. 

The  great  fact  that  Smith  recognized  and 
positively  identified  the  body  of  his  friend,  that 
Rumsby  was  not  seen  again,  taken  in  connection 


IO4  THE    ODtHTIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

with  the  papers  and  valuables  found  in  the 
clothing  in  the  bath-house,  the  key  of  which  was 
still  on  the  body,  and  the  other  circumstances, 
not  forgetting  the  hysterical  and  agonizing  sor 
row  of  Smith,  would  be  quite  enough  to  con 
vince  anyone  as  it  did  the  coroner's  jury,  of  Mr. 
Rumsby's  death  by  drowning. 

Of  course  there  was  no  doubt  of  it. 

There  was  but  one  question  :  whether  it  was 
suicidal  or  accidental. 

The  coroner's  jury  mercifully  held  to  the  lat 
ter  theory  and  rendered  the  somewhat  stereo 
typed  but  obviously  just  and  proper  verdict  that 
appeared  in  the  daily  papers  under  the  heading 
of  "A  sad  case  of  accidental  drowning." 

The  arch  conspirator  from  his  distant  hiding 
place  in  the  West  to  which  he  had  proceeded  on 
the  afternoon  of  the  "  fatal"  day,  not  having 
heard  from  his  friend  and  beneficiary  became  a 
little  anxious  to  find  out  just  how  matters 
stood,  and  hence  wrote  the  cipher  card  to  Smith 
renewing  his  promise  to  share  the  "  soap  "  and 
all  that. 

It  was  the  crudest  thing  in  the  world. 

Any  one  with  his  eyes  in  his  head,  if  he  had  a 
head  fit  to  hold  eyes,  could  see  through  it  at  a 
glance. 

Here  it  is  in  extenso. 

To  the  obtuse  this  is  abstruse  ;  yet  how  ob 
vious. 

A  "  house  afire  "  is  not  more  apparent,  nor  the 
nasal  appendage  affixed  to  your  countenance. 
You  can  see  it  at  once  if  you  know  just  how  to 
look. 

The  clever  fellow  locked  up  the  secret  but 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  105 


EPZPAMAG-A    10.10   C  51  3  A-  A 

•  r 


foolishly  left   the  key   in   the  lock.     Don't   you 
perceive  it  yet?     Well,  look  at  this: 

|  R  8  L 
EDEBAMAGA  10=10  C  S1  B  A=A 

"  What  is  that  perpendicular  stroke  before  the 
first  R— R,  2,  L  ?"  It  is  the  character  for  "  odd." 

"  What  is  odd  ?  "  In  this  case  a  number  that 
cannot  be  divided  by  2  without  a  fraction  or  re 
mainder.  But  these  are  letters,  you  say.  Just 
so.  Consider  that  the  letters  are  numbers  and 
what  have  you  ? 


106  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

A  is  i  ;  B  is  2  C,  3  ;  D,  4,  and  so  on. 

See  it  now  ?     No  ?     Let  us  test  it  once   more. 

Well,  B  represents  2  and  is  even  so  is  D,  4,  F. 
6,  etc.  But  A,  i,  C,  3,  E,  5,  etc.,  are  all  "odd." 
Now  you  see  it,  of  course.  To  make  sure,  go 
through  it  seriatim  from  the  beginning.  A  is 
odd  and  B  is  even,  and  so  on  alternately.  That's 
plain.  Now  take  all  the  letters  we  have  called 
"  odd,"  make  a  mental  note  of  their  numerical 
position  in  the  alphabet  ;  reverse  this  card  as 
you  come  to  them  and  read  what  follows  from 
right  to  left.  E  (5)  "odd,"  for  instance,  is  re 
versed  and  you  have :  "  My  dear  Smith,  secure 
my  " — D  (4)  is  even,  and  read  in  the  usual  way 
is  :  "  things  and  direct  to."  Then  a  misleading 
comma,  and  A  (i)  "odd  "  again,  "  new."  Invert 
ed  it  is  "  home." 

Go  through  it  all  in  this  manner  and  you  see 
at  a  glance  that  it  is  really  elementary  if  not  ab 
solutely  shallow.  Note  that  the  A  (i)  is  either 
"  odd  "  or  even,  and  reads  either  way.  It  is  put 
in  simply  to  prove  the  rule  and  fool  the  mule 
that  attempts  to  resolve  the  tangle.  Not  me. 
The  sagacious  old  lawyer  saw  through  it  in  less 
than  two  minutes.  And  the  initials  of  the  sig 
nature  "Chay  Hay  Ray"  "C.  H.  R."  resemble  so 
much  "  161,"  yet  that  in  itself  is  what  the  boys 
call  "a  dead  give  away."  And  Oh!  the  patient  way 
in  which  I  pored  and  studied  over  "Addison's 
Spectator,"  and  looked  for  "  testimony  "  to  find 
the  meaning  of  one  word  written  twice,  when  by 
the  application  of  this  simple  device  I  could  see 
with  half  an  eye  it  was  "  Minnesota."  It  makes 
me  savage  even  now  to  think  of  it. 

Now  apply  the  key  to  the  lock  and  try  it.     In- 


THE    ODDITIf.S    OF    SHORT    HAND.  lO/ 

sert  it  carefully  and  turn.     Don't  you  hear  the 
click  ? 

Ah  !  it  is  open,  as  you  see.  The  obscuration 
is  dispelled.  Look  : 

"  My  Dear  Smith,  secure  my  things  and  direct 
to  the  new  address  as  given.  Did  they  get  the 
body  alone  all  right  in  the  way  as  figured  ?  Are 
documents  in  ?  Keep  shady  till  the  soap  comes. 
We  share  it. 
1072  Beech  St.,  St.  Paul,  Minnesota.  Ch.  H.  R." 

To  make  it  "more  definite  and  certain,"  as  the 
lawyers  said,  and  so  intelligible  that  he  who 
runs  may  read,  let  us  put  it  in  good  plain  print, 
inverting  the  words  as  they  are  inverted  in  the 
cipher.  Put  your  eye  on  this  : 


-TB9Q  Xj\[  tiling  gjnoas  Xui   things  and  direct 
to  the  Avau  ssajppn  SB  ua/iS  here  below. 
9in  Xpoq  auore  JJB  }uSu  ui 
<;  3_iB  S}U3tunDOp  ui    "Keep 

S9UIOO       '3AV  9JBqS  ^1 

10  U3A9S  z  qoaag  81  St.  Paul,  ' 

Ch.  H.  R. 

The  initials  of  the  signature  "Chay  Hay  Ray" 
I  took  for  161  —  so  dreadfully  like  it  —  but  a  great 
poet  has  truly  said  :  "  And  things  are  not  what 
they  seem."  I  agree  with  him.  "  Addison  "  and 
"  testimony  "  are  simply  two  ways  of  writing 
"  Minnesota."  Turn  the  lower  part  of  the  card 
up  and  look. 

Well,  that  is  all. 

I  made  out  the  cipher  to  the  satisfaction  of  the 
interested  companies.  The  conspiracy  collapsed 
like  a  bursted  soap  bubble.  Neither  the  "  dead  " 


I&8  THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND. 

man  nor  his  beneficiary  got  the  money  on  the 
policies.  Smith  was  not  arrested,  nor  was  any 
thing  done  to  apprehend  his  "  pal,"  Rumsby. 
They  were  clever  fellows,  both  ;  and,  somehow 
or  other,  suspecting  there  was  something  in  the 
wind,  "lit  out." 

Of  course,  the  claim  on  the  policies  was  not 
pressed  to  a  law  suit,  and  they  never  got  the 
money.  I  got  mine  all  right,  and,  as  you  know 
I  married  the  widow's  daughter,  and  here  I  am 
as  near  heaven  as  I  can  be  in  Chicago. 


As  the  Lawyer  ceased  reading,  a  loud 
shriek  from  the  Host  startled  the  company  when 
that  gentleman  fell  on  the  floor  in  an  epileptic 
fit.  The  Coroner  unloosed  his  clothing  and, 
with  the  assistance  of  the  others  present,  suc 
ceeded  after  a  time  in  bringing  the  unfortunate 
gentleman  to,  after  which  the  Worshipers  at 
the  Shrine  of  Truth  solemnly  adjourned. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND,  109 


CHAPTER  X. 

THE  BURGLAR'S  NOTES — 

THE  LAWYER'S  STORY. 

HE  meeting  of  the 
worshipers  was 
duly  called  to 
order.  After 
some  informal 
chat  the  Lawyer 
began  : 

"  I    am  about 
to    relate    what 

may     with      propriety     call     an    event " 

"  Fable,"  suggested  the  Host,  in  a  loud  whis 
per,  which  brought  a  warning  "  sh  "  from  the 
others  and  a  disdainful  glance  from  the  Coun 
sellor,  as,  scarcely  pausing,  he  continued,  "  we 
will  say  it  happened  about  twenty  years  ago." 

11  If  ever,"  murmured  the  Host,  and  he  was 
about  to  add  something,  but  the  threatening 
glances  of  the  others  rendered  him  motionless. 
This  event,  the  lawyer  began  in  a  positive  tone, 
happened  about  twenty  years  ago. 

If  it  had  occurred  in  any  other  age  or  country 
you  or  those  of  you  who  have  brains  to  remem 
ber  (looking  steadily  at  the  Host),  would  easily 
recall  it.  But  in  our  time  and  land,  with  the 
multiplicity  of  crimes  and  the  vast  number  of 
newspapers  and  periodicals  that  are  so  active  in 


IIO  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

hunting  down  and  publishing  the  details  of  sen 
sation  after  sensation,  it  is  almost  impossible  to 
remember  any  one  such  event  more  than  a  day 
or  two,  the  only  one  in  the  public  mind  being 
the  last  one. 

The  occurrence  I  refer  to  was  known  as  the 
robbery  of  the  South  Hampton  Trust  Company. 
For  forty-eight  hours  the  papers  teemed  with 
accounts  of  it,  but  the  blowing  up  of  that  steam 
boat  on  Lake  Erie,  in  which  so  many  passengers 
were  drowned,  overshadowed  the  occurrence  I 
mention. 

This  most  gigantic  burglary  was  committed 
between  the  hours  of  10  o'clock  on  a  Sunday 
night  and  6  A.  M.  on  Monday.  The  roundsman 
who  had  just  come  on  post  discovered  the  jani 
tor  of  the  building,  bound  hand  and  foot,  lying 
across  the  doorway  of  the  bank.  The  man  was 
gagged  and  unconscious.  The  blood  streamed 
from  an  ugly  cut  in  his  forehead,  made,  as  the 
officer  conjectured,  by  a  "jimmy." 

The  "  burglar  proof  "  safe  was  discovered  wide 
open,  the  heavy  iron  door  broken  from  its 
hinges,  and  the  wards  of  the  locks  bent  and  bat 
tered  out  of  shape. 

Over  $500,000  in  cash,  besides  a  large  quantity 
of  negotiable  and  non-negotiable  securities,  ag 
gregating  in  total  a  vast  amount — nearly  a  mil 
lion  dollars  in  cash  and  notes — were  taken. 

The  Scribe  here  broke  in  :  "I  perceive  you  are 
going  to  show  that  a  stenographer  was  the 
guilty  party." 

The  Lawyer  spoke  up  with  some  asperity : 
"  Am  I  not  to  be  allowed  to  proceed  in  an  or 
derly  manner  ?  Why  anticipate  ? " 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  Ill 

The  abashed  Stenographer  said  hurriedly : 
"  Oh,  certainly — excuse  me  ;  I  simply  inferred 
that  was  the  idea,  because  a  stenographer  would 
be  the  only  one  to  take  notes." 

The  Coroner  was  on  his  feet  in  an  instant. 
"  I  protest,"  he  said,  with  some  heat,  "against 
any  further  interruption.  We  listened  quietly 
to  your  very  transparent  fanlight  matter,  and  if 
this  is  going  to  continue  it  may  become  my 
official  duty  to  sit  on  somebody." 

In  profound  silence  the  narrator  resumed  : 
"  Humming  Bird  and  Howl  was  the  law  firm  for 
whom  I  was  managing  clerk  at  the  time — the 
well-known  criminal  lawyers " 

The  irrepressible  Host  inquired  :  "Ah,  did  you 
become  one " 

"Do  not  interrupt  me,  sir,"  said  the  Lawyer  in 
a  lofty  tone.  "  I  was  about  to  say  well-known 
criminal  lawyers — meaning  lawyers  who  ap 
peared,  when  retained,  for  criminals,  and  also 
for  innocent  persons  accused  of  crime." 

We  were  retained  by  a  client  who  had  nearly 
$40,000  worth  of  securities  among  those  that 
had  been  feloniously  taken  from  the  bank  vaults, 
and  armed  with  a  letter  of  authority  from  our 
firm,  I  waited  on  the  Trust  Company's  officials 
within  an  hour  or  two  after  the  discovery  of  the 
crime. 

When  I  arrived  there  I  found  everyone  in  a 
state  of  excitement.  On  the  street  a  lot  of  news 
paper  men  were  cooling  their  heels,  waiting  for 
even  the  smallest  crumb  of  news  for  the  insati 
ate  appetite  of  the  reading  public.  They  were 
not  permitted  to  enter  the  bank  where  there 
was  a  meeting  or  rather  a  consultation  taking 


II£  THE  OD-LMiiES   OF   SHORT  "HAND. 

place  among  the  creditors,  directors  and  officials, 
and  when  I  showed  them  for  whom  I  was  acting 
I  was  allowed  to  enter  the  directors'  room.  I 
saw  there  the  most  woe-begone  looking  set  my 
eyes  ever  beheld.  It  seemed  to  be  assumed  that 
if  something  were  not  done  immediately  to  re 
cover  the  proceeds  of  the  robbery  the  company 
would  have  to  close  its  doors  at  once,  and  it  was 
a  question  whether  the  bondsmen  of  the  officials 
could  not  be  called  upon  to  make  good  the  de 
ficiency  to  the  creditors  to  the  extent  at  least  of 
these  securities  for  whose  safe  keeping  they  were 
personally  responsible.  When  I  entered  the 
room  a  well  known  detective  from  the  central 
office  was  giving  his  theory  of  how  the  crime 
was  committed,  and  was  listened  to  with  pro 
found  attention.  According  to  his  statement 
there  was  a  gleam  of  hope — one  chance,  a  small 
one  to  be  sure,  but  a  chance  ;  it  was  embraced 
in  this  :  The  manner  in  which  the  burglars  had 
effected  an  entrance  was  well  known,  in  fact,  one 
could  not  help  knowing  it,  for  a  hole  almost 
large  enough  to  drive  a  horse  and  cart  through, 
appeared  in  the  wall  at  the  southwest  side  of  the 
"  strong  room."  This  opening  led  into  the  ad 
joining  premises  which  had  been  for  many 
months  and  up  to  the  night  preceding  the  rob 
bery,  ostensibly  an  innocent-looking  segar  store. 
The  occupants  of  this  store,  who  were  supposed 
to  be  honest  but  were  now  non-est,  were  a  Ger 
man  lady,her  husband  and  her  brother.  They  were 
gone,  bag  and  baggage,  leaving  this  large  jagged 
hole  in  the  waL1  and  quite  a  large  hole  in  the 
"  resources  "  of  the  South  Hampton.  It  was  the 
detective's  belief  that  they  were  members  of  a 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  113 

gang  who  for  some  time  having  covetous  eyes 
on  the  well  filled  bank  vaults  had  taken  this 
simple  method  of  reaching  the  "  swag."  The 
officer  stated  that  although  apparently  conduct 
ing  a  quiet  and  respectable  business  they  had 
been  in  reality  engaged  for  several  months  cut 
ting  through  the  solid  three-foot  wall  between 
the  vault  room  and  the  premises  which  they  had 
hired  as  a  vantage  ground  from  which  to  work 
in  order  to  safely  complete  the  "job."  Carefully 
and  cautiously  they  had  carried  off  the  debris 
until  a  thin  partition  remained  between  their 
premises  and  the  "  strong  room."  He  explained 
all  this  very  clearly  and  we  saw  how  it  was  done. 
The  work  was  doubtless  performed  in  the  silent 
watches  of  the  night  ;  little  particles  of  the  wall 
were  quietly  picked  out  piece  by  piece,  the  bricks 
taken  out  whole,  if  possible  or  lifted  out  in  bits. 
Just  below  the  opening  there  were  several  pieces 
of  old  carpet  and  a  quantity  of  cotton  waste  the 
utility  of  which  was  to  deaden  the  sound  of  the 
falling  debris.  So  that  when  particles  of  bricks 
or  mortar  accidentally  fell  out  of  the  wall,  while 
being  pried  out  or  worked  at  with  the  crow-bar 
or  cold  chisel,  if  not  caught  by  willing  hands  be 
fore  they  reached  the  floor  they  simply  dropped 
on  this  thick  covering  as  softly  and  noiselessly 
as  bits  of  paper  or  flakes  of  snow.  You  know 
Ivhat  some  poet  says  of  the  ballot : 

"  It  falls  as  lightly  as  the  snow, 

Upon  the  hardened  winter  sod  ; 
And  executes  the  freeman's  wish, 
As  lightning  does  the  will  of  God. ' ' 

Of  course   this  doesn't   seem  to  apply,  for  the 
fellows  were  not  working  out  anything  so  sublime 


IT4  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

as  the  designs  of  providence,  but  in  the  language 
of  the  street  they  "got  there"  as  the  dismantled 
safe,  the  frightened  creditors,  the  woe-begone 
directors  and  the  missing  "  boodle"  amply  testi 
fied.  On  the  Sunday  night  of  the  robbery,  the 
slight  four  inches  of  brick  wall  remaining,  after 
the  long,  patient  and  steady  work  of  digging, 
went  down  at  once  before  the  crow-bars  of  the 
sturdy  fellows  and  the  rest  was  easy.  It  was 
conjectured  that  the  janitor,  hearing  the  noise, 
was  about  to  go  into  the  vault  room  through  the 
door  way,  and  as  he  entered,  one  of  the  gang  on 
watch,  dropped  a  heavy  bar  on  the  unfortunate 
man's  head,  and  he  never  knew  what  struck 
him. 

Efforts  had  been  made  to  revive  him,  with  the 
hope  that  he  would  be  able  to  give  a  description 
of  the  parties  or  throw  some  light  on  the  matter. 
The  man  died  within  a  day  or  two  even  while 
the  doctors  were  working  over  him  and  the 
secret,  if  he  possessed  any,  was  undivulged.  It 
seemed  plain  that  the  poor  fellow's  death  was 
due  to  his  fidelity. 

The  man's  name  was  Michael  O'Hara  ;  he  had 
been  assisted  in  his  duties  by  his  brother  James, 
who  lived  with  him  in  a  suite  of  rooms  in  the  up 
per  part  of  the  building.  Unfortunately,  or 
perhaps  fortunately  for  himself,  James  was  ab 
sent  on  the  night  of  the  robbery  and  did  not  re 
turn  till  gray  day  in  the  morning.  He  reached 
the  scene  as  the  officer  on  post  was  lifting  his 
unfortunate  brother  from  the  pool  of  blood  which 
had  oozed  from  his  dreadful  wound.  Thus 
there  was  no  one  who  had  positive  knowledge 
about  the  matter.  The  two  employees  to  whom 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  115 

we  might  have  looked  for  information,  were  one 
in  a  state  of  coma,  the  other  in  a  state  of  total 
ignorance  and  could  of  course  advance  no  facts  in 
regard  to  it,  so  we  had  only  the  detective's  theory 
to  go  upon. 

At  the  invitation  of  the  officer  I,  with  others, 
went  to  the  rear  end  of  the  cigar  store,  on  a  visit 
of  inspection. 

We  saw  the  irregular  hole  in  the  wall,  about 
three  feet  high  by  two  in  width,  at  which  the 
burglars  had  evidently  been  working  a  long 
time.  The  detective  showed  us  a.  nail  in  the 
wall  above  the  opening  and  a  torn  map  of  the 
United  States  among  the  debris.  His  theory  was 
that  each  night  they  gathered  up  the  particles 
of  sand,  mortar  or  brick  taken  from  the  wall, 
packed  it  securely  in  cigar  boxes  and  shipped  it 
off  as  merchandise — /.  e.,  cigars. 

During  the  day  the  map  carefully  hung  over 
the  battered  wall,  effectually  covered  the  gang's 
work  from  the  glance  of  any  casual  visitor,  who 
might  by  chance  enter  the  rear  room  of  the 
cigar  store.  Of  course  no  one  would  ever  think 
of  lifting  up  the  map  to  see  if  the  wall  behind  it 
was  broken.  The  opening,  in  all  probability, 
could  have  been  made  by  a  couple  of  masons  in 
a  day  or  two,  but  these  shrewd  fellows  had 
worked  slowly,  cautiously  and  noiselessly,  but 
surely,  on  it  for  seven  months  before  they  were 
quite  satisfied.  They  had,  without  doubt,  hired 
the  premises  for  their  felonious  purpose,  and, 
while  ostensibly  pursuing  a  legitimate  business, 
had  successfully  carried  out  what  the  officer 
termed  the  "  swiping  of  the  swag." 

This  was  so  apparent  as   to  require  only  the 


Il6  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

bare  statement,  and  the  police  easily  obtained  a 
description  of  the  parties  and  undertook  to  fol 
low  them  up.  They,  of  course,  had  at  least 
eight  or  ten  hours  start,  and,  having  previously 
arranged  their  plans,  knew  just  how  to  baffle 
pursuit.  It  was  a  "  stern  chase,"  and  proverb 
ially  a  "long  "  one.  Outside  of  the  hope  of  a 
speedy  apprehension  of  the  guilty  parties,  the 
detective's  statement  gave  little  encouragement 
to  the  directors.  The  valuables  were  gone,  and 
how  they  were  taken  was  not  so  important  as 
how  they  ceuld  be  recovered,  if  at  all. 

The  investigation  was  a  sort  of  Coroner's  in 
quest — of  little  use  to  the  principal  party — but 
as  a  knowledge  of  how  the  job  was  done  might 
throw  some  light  on  how  it  could  be  undone,  the 
subject — the  inquest — was  continued,  A  mes 
senger  was  dispatched  to  Shadhouse  &  Co.'s, 
the  safe  manufacturers,  with  a  request  that  a 
mechanical  expert  be  sent  down  to  examine  and 
report.  The  man  sent  by  that  firm  quietly  en 
tered  the  room  while  the  inspector  was  still  de 
tailing  his  theory.  The  officer  pointed  out  the 
holes  drilled  in  the  door  of  the  safe  near  the 
lock,  in  which  the  giant  powder  or  dynamite  was 
inserted,  and  argued  that  the  charge  was  of 
such  strength  that  it  blew  the  door  completely 
off  the  hinges.  I  agreed  with  him,  and  intimat 
ed  that  perhaps  it  was  the  noise  of  the  concus 
sion  which  brought  the  janitor  to  the  scence  of 
operations.  The  officer  did  not  accept  this 
theory  with  alacrity,  but  hinted  that  it  was  sin 
gular  that  the  steady  digging  at  the  wall  had 
been  going  on  for  many  months  without  at 
tracting  the  attention  of  either  the  janitor  or  his 
assistant. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


117 


I  took  a  good  look  at  the  mechanic  as  he  en 
tered.  Jackson  was  his  name,  and  from  the 
start,  after  closely  observing  his  demeanor,  I 
was  favorably  impressed. 

He  came  forward  when  called  upon  by  the 
treasurer,  and,  throwing  his  coat  in  a  corner, 


JACKSON— Making  a  safe  conclusion. 

pushed  his  hat  down  tight  on  the  back  of  his 
head,  rolled  up  his  sleeves  over  a  pair  of  brawny 
arms,  and  took  a  good  stare  at  the  safe.  He 
looked  at  it  front  face  and  side  face,  took  a  three- 
quarter  view,  and  then,  lying  on  his  back,  put 
his  head  inside  and  looked  up  at  what  I  may  call 
the  ceiling  or  roof  of  it.  Then,  with  the  aid  of 


Il8  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

an  assistant,  he  raised  the  iron  door  from  the 
floor  and  put  it  through  what  I  thought  to  be  a 
thorough  examination.  Of  course  I  did  not 
know  what  it  all  meant,  but  had  full  confidence 
in  the  fellow.  I  saw  he  was  a  mechanic — an 
artist  in  his  line — and  while  burglars,  especially 
safe  breakers,  are  as  smart  as  they  make  them, 
I  really  believed  that  if  there  was  any  clew  to  be 
discovered,  or  any  weak  spot  in  the  "  job  "  this 
clear-eyed  mechanic  would  see  it.  Aided  by  his 
assistant  he  then  placed  the  door,  as  well  as  its 
battered  condition  would  allow,  in  its  proper 
position  on  the  safe  and  stood  silent  and  thought 
fully  staring  at  the  bent  wards  of  the  locks.  He 
rubbed  his  fingers  slowly  along  the  nosing  of 
the  iron  frame  in  which  the  wards  worked,  scru 
tinized  it  and  tested  the  combination,  of  which 
this  is  a  crude  representation  : 


He  turned  the  knob  that  was  fast  to  and  part 
of  the  inner  rim  and  moved  the  hands  in  various 
directions.  He  then  put  his  mouth  to  one  of 
the  small  holes  drilled  in  the  door  near  the  lock 
and,  keeping  the  other  holes  closed  with  his 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  1 19 

finger  tips,  appeared  by  the  motion  of  his  lips 
and  the  hollows  in  his  cheeks  to  b~  drawing  air 
through  it. 

Then  the  assistant,  under  his  directions, 
turned  the  door  over  face  down  on  the  floor, 
and,  having  placed  two  round  balls  under  it, 
moved  it  about  for  several  minutes,  for  the  life 
of  me  I  could  not  guess  for  what. 

Lifting  it  again  the  mechanic  bent  down  and 
scrutinized  the  floor  with  great  intentness.  We 
watched  him  "breathlessly — I  know  I  did — firmly 
convinced  that  he  saw  something  with  his  keen, 
mechanical  eye  that  was  beyond  our  ken. 

We  were  nearly  all  professional  men,  and 
thought  we  knew  or  should  know  much  more 
f  ban  ''  a  mere  mechanic,"  but  were  like  infants  at 
the  feet  of  a  master — blind,  groping  and  fumb 
ling  in  the  darkness,  where  this  man  saw  clearly. 

I  was  then  a  young  fellow  ;  had  lost  nothing ; 
was  neither  disheartened  nor  bewildered  like 
the  others,  and  could  look  calmly  and  serenely 
on  the  whole  proceedings  ;  and  I  was  much  in 
terested  in  all  this. 

After  going  through  this  pantomime  for  some 
time  he  uttered  one  word — not  even  a  word — it 
was  "  Huh  !  then  stood  silent  and  expectant. 

"Have  you  made  any  discovery  ?"  said  one  of 
the  directors. 

"Gentlemen,"  said  Jackson,  as  he  took  out  his 
pipe,  filled  it,  and,  after  igniting  a  match  on  his 
thigh,  lighted  it,  and  abstractedly,  as  I  supposed, 
dropped  the  lighted  match  in  one  of  the  drilled 
holes  of  the  safe,  "  gentlemen,"  he  said,  slowly, 
"  I  cannot  give  you  (puff)  anything  definite  (puff) 
now  (puff)  ;  I  want  to  make  a  further  test  or 


120  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

two  ;  if  I  can  have  the  use  of  this  room  half  an 
hour  I  will  write  a  report  and  have  it  ready  for 
you  some  time  to-day  or  to-morrow  morning." 

"  Can  you  give  us  anything  definite  and  posi 
tive  ? "  said  a  director. 

'•  Oh,"  answered  Jackson,  with  a  smile,  "  what 
I  give  you  you  can  bet  on.  Scientific  theories 
may  or  may  not  be  founded  on  positive  facts, 
but  mechanics  must  be,  and  are  a  good  deal  like 
figures,  when  you  have  them  they  prove  them 
selves,  and  you  have  got  something  perfectly 
solid  to  rest  on.  I  will  make  the  written  report." 

We  then  adjourned  to  an  adjoining  room  and 
held  a  secret  session,  not  even  the  police  officers 
being  present, 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  121 


CHAPTER  XI. 

THE  LAWYER'S  STORY. — Continued. 
AS  a  lawyer  representing  a  large  creditor  and 
**  depositor  in  the  bank,  who  was  vitally  in 
terested  in  the  recovery  of  his  securities,  I  was 
treated  with  entire  confidence  by  the  directors 
and  my  advice  freely  sought  at  this  strictly 
private  confab.  ^ 

The  conclusion  of  the  directors  and  the  sense 
of  the  meeting  was  this  :  Make  every  effort  to 
recover  what  could  be  recovered — all  if  possible  ; 
if  not  all,  or  if  not  the  cash,  at  least  the  securi 
ties,  or  some  of  them.  » 

The  Trust  Company  people  did  not  like  to  at 
tempt  this  themselves — in  fact  did  not  desire  to 
be  known  in  the  transaction — but  they  gave 
me  carte  blanche  and  full  authority  to  act  in  the 
matter,  with  the  understanding  that  I  was  to 
take  no  important  step  without  consultation 
with  them. 

The  ostensible  reason  for  having  me  to  act 
was  that  one  of  our  firm  was  ill ;  the  other  had, 
consequently,  many  important  matters  to  attend 
to,'  and  as  the  directors  were  somewhat  dazed 
and  unable  to  act  cooly,  some  active  person  was 
needed  in  the  emergency. 

The  real  reason  was  that  neither  the  members 
of  our  firm  nor  the  officials  cared  to  put  them 
selves  in  the  positions  of  "compounding  a 
felony.  ' 

It  was  supposed  that  the  negotiations  to  be 
successful  would  result  in  just  this,  and  nothing 
more. 


122 


THE   ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND. 


I  am  free  to  say  this  hypothesis  was  quite  cor 
rect.  I  was  to  act  with  a  detective — Reynolds, 
by  name — and  under  the  direction  of  our  firm, 
as  representing  the  creditor  before  mentioned, 
who  was  cur  client. 

A  "community  of  interests"  is,  perhaps,  as 
strong  as  the  "  cohesive  power  of  public  plunder," 
and  in  this  case  it  was  one  against  the  other. 


Detective  Reynolds. 

The  main  point,  as  I  say,  was  to  avoid  even 
the  appearance  of  compounding  a  felony,  an 
offence  often  committed  and  rarely  punished, 
because  ChG  proof  of  its  commission  must  come, 
in  a  great  measure,  from  the  party  who  commits 
it,  and,  therefore,  it  doesn  tcome. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  123 

That  afternoon  I  called  on  the  president, 
Mr.  Ames,  and,  while  waiting  for  him,  was  in 
troduced  to  Detective  Reynolds. 

We  began  to  compare  notes,  and  mutually 
agreed  on  a  scheme  which  he  put  in  practice,  of 
going  to  theU.  S.  Internal  Revenue  Department, 
to  see  in  what  district  the  segar  dealer,  Rein- 
hardt  was  booked,  having  already  got  a  descrip 
tion  of  the  parties  from  the  bank  clerks,  police 
officers,  and  neighbors. 

The  Revenue  books  simply  said,  "  Charles 
Reinhardt;  district  411 ;  manufacturer  and  dealer; 
factory  999." 

It  appeared  that  he  had  been  a  large  pur 
chaser  of  revenue  stamps  many  of  which  in  all 
probability  had  been  used  on  boxes,  containing 
only  particles  of  bricks  and  lime. 

This  goes  to  show  that  "  the  gang  "  did  not 
consider  the  question  of  expense  while  pursuing 
their  object  in  order  to  ward  off  suspicion. 

The  detective  then  started  to  go  the  rounds 
of  the  segar  an  1  tobacco  dealers  to  discover  what 
could  be  learned  concerning  persons  answering 
to  the  description  of  either  of  the  suspected 
parties.  He  discovered  nothing  that  would  aid 
us  at  all. 

Subsequently  the  president  came  in,  and  on 
my  asking  him  for  the  safe-expert's  report,  he 
brought  me  into  his  private  office,  and  with  an 
air  of  great  secrecy  handed  out  the  document. 

There  was  not  much  taste  displayed  in  its 
"  get  up."  No  flaming  seals,  or  red  marginal 
lines  or  tasty  blue-ribbon  knots  about  it.  No 
formalities. 

Not  even,  "know  all  men  to  whom  these  pre 
sents  doth  come."  No. 


124  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

None  of  that.  It  went  right  into  the  subject 
in  this  way  : 

"  Gents  :  That  safe  of  yours  v>  as  neither  broken 
open  nor  blown  open. 

"  It  was  opened  by  some  one  who  knew  the 
combination  and  done  in  the  regular  way. 

"It  was  not  a  combination  that  could  be  worked 
on  chance  ;  there  are  four  movements  in  it,  each 
one  releasing  a  corner  of  the  two  wards  ;  a  man 
would  have  twenty-eight  hundred  and  some  odd 
movements  to  make  before  he  could  strike  it 
right.  So  whoever  opened  it  knew  how  to  go 
about  it. 

"  The  smashing  of  the  door  was  done  after  the 
stuff  was  taken  to  relieve  from  suspicion  who 
ever  gave  the  combination  or  opened  the  safe. 

"  The  two  wards  on  the  door-lock  are  out  of 
place  ;  the  upper  one  forced  up,  the  lower  one 
down,  not  driven  in  or  out.  The  dents  at  the  nos 
ing  do  not  come  where  the  wards  strike  it.  They 
don't  chime.  They  were  shoved  out  of  place  by 
the  blows  of  a  sledge  hammer  or  pried  apart  by  a 
jack-screw ;  most  likely  the  latter  as  silent  and 
sure. 

"  The  holes  drilled  in  the  locks  never  had  any 
powder  in  and  were  not  intended  for  any.  They 
don't  go  through  the  second  iron  plate. 

"  They  are  not  deep  enough  and  there  are  too 
many  of  them. 

"  The  japan  has  no  appearance  of  powder  un- 
consumed  or  used  ;  there  was  none  applied. 

"  There  was  no  glass  broken  in  the  room,  and 
no  window  left  open  as  is  generally  the  case 
when  a  job  of  that  kind  is  finished  up  in  a  hurry. 

"  The  holes  were  drilled    while  the  door  was 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  125 

lying  flat  on  the  floor  and  off  the  hinges  be 
cause  the  marks  of  the  legs  or  clamps  of  the 
heavy  toggle  lever  drill  show  at  the  hinges  and 
they  could  not  be  inserted  between  the  door  and 
frame  at  the  hinged  side  if  the  door  was  on. 

"  There  ain't  space  enough.  The  door  was 
pried  off  by  being  wedge-jammed  against  the 
frame  which  broke  the  hinges.  To  conclude,  I 
say  that  safe  wasn't  broken  open  ;  it  was  opened 
in  the  usual  way  and  the  breaking  done  after 
wards  as  a  'blind.'  That  is  all. 
"  Very  truly  yours, 

"  JOHN  C.  JACKSON,  Locksmith." 

I  read  this  over  carefully,  re-read,  studied  it 
through  and  when  I  got  a  good  mental  grip  of 
it  handed  it  back. 

The  president  looked  at  me  inquiringly,  "What 
do  you  think  of  that,"  he  whispered,  "  can  it  be 
by  any  possibility  true  ?  " 

I  did  not  -answer  unhesitatingly  or  positively. 
I  saw  that  his  anxiety  was  much  greater  than  he 
cared  to  admit. 

He  had  stated  to  us  at  the  meeting  on  the 
previous  day  that  the  combination  of  the  safe 
was  known  only  to  himself  and  the  treasurer. 

As  one  not  unfamiliar  with  the  subtleties  of  the 
law  I  supposed  that  ordinarily  bank  officials  are 
no  more  liable  for  the  act  of  burglars  than  for 
the  act  of  God.  Ill  advised  and  excited  creditors 
might  think  differently  and  be  disagreeable. 

There  were  hints  of  carelessness  in  the  air  ; 
the  good  name  of  the  institution  as  well  as  the 
honor  and  integrity  of  its  officers  was  at  stake. 
Doubtless  there  were  private  or  personal  papers 
or  securities  among  those  "  looted  "  for  the  safe- 


120  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

keeping  of  which  both  the  president  and  treasurer 
were  under  heavy  bonds.  I  thought  of  all  this  and 
concluded  that  suspicion  could  have  no  resting 
place  against  either  of  these  men.  In  all  proba 
bility  they  had  protected  their  bondsmen  against 
possible  loss  and  in  any  event  they  would  them 
selves  be  the  sufferers.  The  theory  of  guilt  was 
untenable.  The  slight  suspicion  that  arose  in 
my  mind  was  dissipated  at  once.  Sane  men  do 
not  rob  themselves. 

I  finally  replied  to  his  question  :  "Perhaps  the 
mechanic  was  mistaken;  his  theory  was  so  totally 
at  variance  with  tnat  advanced  by  the  police  that 
most  likely  Jackson  was  wrong." 

A  rap  at  the  door  interrupted  us  and  in  answer 
to  "  Come  in  "  police  officer  Powers  entered  and 
laid  on  the  desk  a  murderous-looking  "jimmy" 
and  a  scrap  of  paper  with  some  plaster  still  ad 
hering  to  it. 

The  jimmy  he  had  found  in  the  rear  of  the 
cigar  store,  he  said,  and  the  paper  had  been 
firmly  glued  to  the  wall,  near  the  opening. 

In  trying  to  peel  it  off  with  his  fingers  it  had 
become  slightly  torn  at  the  lower  corner,  so  he 
took  his  pocket-knife  to  remove  it  and  dug  it 
out  with  patches  of  mortar  still  sticking  to  it. 

The  paper  and  plaster  were  in  this  shape  : 


All  pio    ways' 
this  over  fine 

let;     Destroy  Mike,  nay  not  be 

lll«ntsS     Man  Jin  1   fresh 
thinned;     Madam     %.,££,   snout 


: 


Seven  -or  a  tire 

i          exoopt  -_-_  ~  -I- 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  127 


CHAPTER     XII. 
THE  LAWYER'S  STORY. — Continued. 

£NUT  of  curiosity  I  accompanied  the  officer  to 
^•^  where  he  said  he  cut  the  paper  from  the 
wall. 

I  wanted  to  see  what  were  the  words  preced 
ing  that  written  on  the  plaster,  just  near  the 
edge  of  the  paper  at  the  left,  "this  over  fine." 
I  found -that  the  wall  had  been  so  mutilated 
with  the  knife  that  the  white  mortar  had  en 
tirely  disappeared  for  some  distance  beyond  the 
space  where  the  man  had  taken  off  the  lime. 

I  inquired  if  he  knew  or  had  observed  whether 
anything  else  was  written  on  the  wall. 

Yes,  there  was  two  or  three  words  ;  he  thought 
one  was  "steady,"  or  something  like  it ;  it  had 
an  "  s  "  in  it,  he  believed,  and  he  had  inserted 
his  knife  far  enough  out  to  save  the  piece  of  wall 
the  words  were  en,  but  while  trying  to  dig  it 
loose  it  broke  and  fell  out ;  in  his  hurry  to  catch 
it  before  it  reached  the  floor  he  grasped  it  too 
roughly  in  his  fingers  and  it  crumbled  into 
sand. 

After  carefully  taking  the  thickest  of  the  plas 
ter  from  the  back  of  the  paper  and  writing  the 
words  that  appeared  on  the  lime  in  his  note 
book,  he  placed  the  paper  in  his  pocket-book 
and  said  he  would  return  it  to  me. 

He  then   indicated  where  he  had  found  the 


128  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

"jimmy,"  after  which  he  went  back  to  the  presi 
dent's  office. 

"  I  have  a  theory  about  this  paper,"  the  officer 
began,  as  he  held  it  in  his  hand. 

"Well,  sir,"  said  the  president,  with  a  faint 
smile,  "  this  case  bids  fair  to  be  more  or  less 
complicated  by  theories  ;  another  theory  cannot 
do  it  any  harm.  Speak  up,  sir." 

The  officer  spoke  hesitatingly,  "  I  will  give 
you  the  grounds  of  my  suspicion  ;  if  it  is  well 
founded  and  there  is  any — a — reward — assuming 
that  my  information  is  availed  of — have  I  your — 
a — personal  word  that  if  I  cannot  officially  make 
a  claim  you  will  at  least — reim — er — re — member 
me  ?" 

The  president  nodded  gravely,  and  the  other 
went  on  ;  "  This  paper  was  glued  on  the  wall 
near  the  opening  on  the  other  side.  It  is,  I 
think,  some  sort  of  secret  communication,  yet 
some  of  it  seems  plain  enough.  There  are  names 
here  and  one  is  "  Jim  "  the  other  is  "  Mike." 

Officer  Powers  paused  and  looked  steadily  at 
Mr.  Ames. 

The  president  remarked,  "  What  of  that?  " 

''  Well,"  said  the  other,  "  Mike  was  the  name 
of  the  janitor,  don't  you  see?" 

"  What  then  ?  " 

"Why,  he  was  your  janitor." 

"  Tut,  tut,"  said  the  president  sharply,  "  I 
cannot  pretend  to  misunderstand  you,  but  you 
surely  are  not  silly  enough  to  claim  that  you 
have  a  well  founded  suspicion  against  the  man 
who  received  his  death  wound  while  trying  to 
protect  the  property  of  this  institution  ?  That 
man,  as  I  am  informed,  will  in  all  probability 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  129 

never  recover,  and  is  even  now,  poor  fellow,  in 
his  dying  agony." 

"  But — "  began  the  detective. 

"  Not  a  word,  sir,"  said  the  president  sternly, 
"  the  man  you  would  point  the  finger  of  sus 
picion  at  risked  his  life  while  at  his  post  of  duty, 
and  a  suspicion  that  points  in  that  direction  is 
preposterous  and  baseless ;  nay  more,  it  is  des 
picable  and  mean  to  the  lowest  degree." 

The  president  spoke  hotly,  and  while  honor 
ing  him  for  it,  I  wanted  to  hear  what  the  other 
had  to  say. 

I  encouraged  the  officer  with  a  wink  and  he 
Went  on  : 

"  If  you  will  listen  to  me " 

"  Even  supposing,"  the  president  interrupted, 
"  that  there  were  something  in  your  suspicion,  if 
you  mean  to  claim  that  he  would  be  accessory 
to  such  a  crime,  there  is  honor  among  thieves 
and  burglars  do  not  assault  each  other." 

"But,"  said,  the  officer,  "suppose  it  was  the 
intention  to  simply  stun  the  janitor — injure  him 
slightly,  then  bind  and  gag  him  in  order  to  avert 
suspicion — we  have  all  heard  of  such  things — 
perhaps  it  was  done  at  his  own  suggestion — and 
that  owing  to  the  darkness,  the  excitement,  close 
proximity  of  the  person,  or  from  some  other 
cause,  the  blow  was  unintentionally  severe,  what 
do  you  say  then  ?  " 

The  president  got  on  his  feet,  pale  with  anger, 
"I  say,  sir,"  he  answered,  "that  your  theory  is 
ridiculous,  beastly  and  damnable." 

The  police  officer  stood  up  in  turn  in  a  state 
of  considerable  excitement.  "Hear  me  out," 
he  cried.  "  There  was  a  relative  of  his  here.,  a 


IJO  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

sort  of  assistant  janitor  named  Jim,  wasn't 
there  ? " 

"  There  is,"  said  the  president,  impatiently. 
"  There  was  ;  what  of  that  ?  " 

"  Can  you  tell  me,"  said  the  detective,  earn 
estly,  "how  it  comes  that  those  two  names  are 
on  that  paper  pasted  on  the  wall,  to  be  seen  by 
no  one  but  those  who  planned  the  robbery  ? 

"  Why  is  it  that  the  first  intelligible  words 
here  are  :  '  Destroy  Mike.'  He  is  the  one  that, 
according  to  your  statement,  the  attempt  was 
made  to  injure,  /.  e.,  'destroy.'  Do  men  of  that 
kind  write  their  intentions  on  paper  and  leave 
the  writing  where  it  can  be  found,  or  would 
they  be  more  likely  to  do  the  very  opposite  ? 

"They  might  as  well  have  written  here  :  '  We 
will  break  open  such  and  such  a  safe  and  do  so 
and  so  with  the  money.'  Besides,  the  reference 
to  the  '  man  Jim,'  these  parties  being  '  clients,' 
and  '  fresh,'  is  to  my  mind  very  suggestive." 

"Tut,  man,"  answered  the  president  contempt 
uously,  "  Jim  is  a  very  common  name,  and  so  is 
Mike.  There  are  probably  thousands  of  men  in 
this  great  city  bearing  those  names — aye,  tens  of 
thousands." 

"  I  grant  you,"  replied  the  detective  earnestly, 
emphasizing  his  words  with  his  index  finger,  "  I 
grant  you  that  Mike  is  a  common  name  and  that 
Jim  is  a  common  name  ;  still  I  say  that  the  con 
junction  of  the  names  of  Mike  and  Jim,  the  jan 
itor  and  assistant  janitor  of  this  bank,  on  a  piece 
of  paper  in  the  hands  of  the  gang  who  burglar 
ized  it  is  not  at  all  common  but  quite  unusual. 
Now,  what  do  you  think  ? " 

The  president's  face  was  a  study. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  131 

I  began  to  see,  and  perhaps  he  did,  the  subtle 
force  of  the  detective's  argument. 

"  I  know  them  both,"  said  the  president,  after 
a  pause,  "  I  know  them  long  and  favorably  as 
honest,  faithful,  hard-working  men.  I  believe 
they  would  lay  down  their  lives  to  protect  this 
Company,  and  I  trust  that  I  will  be  the  last  man 
in  the  world  to  entertain  such  a  dirty,  despicable 
and  damnable  suspicion  against  these  men,  one 
of  whom  has  shed  his  life-blood  to  defend  his 
trust. 

"  But,  sir,  this  young  gentleman  (pointing  to 
myself)  has  been  given  charge  of  the  entire  mat 
ter  by  the  directors  and  officials,  and  if  he  thinks 
it  proper  that  you  should  do  anything,  however 
uncalled  for,  in  the  line  of  your  duty,  it  is  not 
for  me  to  gainsay  it.  Personally,  I  shall  not 
touch  the  matter  at  all,"  and  with  a  gruff  "good- 
day  "  the  president  stalked  out. 

I  thought  over  it  and  finally  concluded  it 
would  be  wise  to  follow  out  the  suggestions  of 
the  police  officer.  I  applied  for  a  warrant  on 
papers  verified  by  the  treasurer,  and  before  many 
hours  passed  James  O'Hara  was  under  arrest, 
charged,  on  information  and  belief,  with  being 
involved  as  accessory  in  the  gigantic  robbery  of 
the  Southampton  Trust  Company.  I  drew  up, 
as  I  say,  the  legal  papers.  Like  other  men,  I 
have  done  mean  things  in  my  life,  but  in  all 
probability  that  was  the  meanest  thing  I  ever 
did.  When  I  think  of  it  now  I  feel  my  cheeks 
reddening,  and  even  now  my  eyes  fill  when  I  re 
member  that  I  was  the  one  who  took  the  active 
steps  to  have  a  faithful  man  publicly  charged 
with  burglary  and  dragged  by  the  officers  of  the 


132  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

law  from  the  bosom  of  his  little  family  and  from 
the  still  open  coffin  of  a  dead  brother  who  had 
given  up  his  life  to  protect  the  property  of  his 
employers. 

If  I  had  any  doubt  of  the  meanness  of  the 
act  at  the  time,  I  was  thoroughly  convinced  of 
it  when  I  called  on  James  at  the  city 
prison  the  next  day  after  his  arrest.  His  wife 
was  there  with  two  of  his  little  children,  and  if 
there  had  been  an  opening  in  the  floor  of  that 
cheerless  cell  large  enough  for  a  rat,  I  think  I 
would  have  tried  to  crawl  into  that  hole  and  pull 
it  in  after  me.  He  had  been  taken,  as  I  say, 
from  the  bier  of  his  dead  brother.  His  wife  and 
the  widow  of  the  dead  man  looked  to  him  in 
their  great  trial  as  the  father  and  common  pro 
tector,  and  while  he  was  locked  up  in  jail, 
charged  with  being  the  aider  and  abettor  of 
thieves,  his  friends  fell  off,  and  the  poor  fellow 
seemed  to  be  deserted  by  all.  Like  a  stranger 
in  a  strange  land,  he  was  friendless  and  alone. 

Owing  to  the  arrest  of  James  there  had  been 
a  complete  revulsion  of  public  feeling,  even  as 
to  the  dead  man,  a  thing  which  often  occurs 
and  is  always  unaccountable.  The  day  before, 
the  conduct  of  the  deceased  janitor  had  been 
held  up  to  the  admiration  of  all  as  that  of  a 
faithful  servant — he  was  spoken  of  in  the  news 
papers  as  a  martyr  to  duty  ;  now  his  conduct 
appeared  in  quite  another  light  ;  his  untimely 
taking  off  was  deplored  by  few  or  none. 

The  impression  had  gone  abroad,  through 
some  channel,  that  he,  and  perhaps  the  surviving 
brother,  had  been  concerned  in  the  felony,  and 
that  his  violent  death  was  simply  an  unfortu- 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  133 

nate  mistake — a  miscalculation  on  the  part  of 
the  criminals,  and  "  served  him  right  "  was  the 
general  verdict. 

Outside  the  widow  and  immediate  relatives 
there  were  few  mourners,  and  no  strangers'  tears 
were  shed  on  the  dead  man's  grave. 


134  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

THE  LAWYER'S  STORY. — Continued. 

\i/HILE  talking  to  James  he  casually  re- 
*"  marked  that  the  president's  private  ste 
nographer  knew  the  combination  of  the  safe.  I 
pressed  him  to  be  more  explicit  on  this  point, 
'and  he  said  that  he  was  tolerably  sure  that  on 
at  least  one  occasion,  he  had  seen  Mr.  Slocum 
open  it  after  the  other  clerks  had  left  the  bank. 
But  he  (James)  was  not  surprised,  as  the  secre 
tary  had  the  privilege  of  the  office  next  to  the 
president  himself,  and  his  authority  was  unques 
tioned. 

James  did  recall  that  one  evening,  several 
months  previously,  after  banking  hours,  when 
he  was  cleaning  the  president's  room,  Mr.  Slo 
cum  came  in  in  great  haste  saying  he  had  lost 
or  destroyed  a  theatre  ticket.  It  was  some  place 
in  the  office  and  he  seemed  much  relieved  that 
the  contents  of  the  waste-paper  basket  had  not 
been  removed.  Carefully  looking  through  this 
receptacle,  the  secretary  gathered  up  several 
scraps  of  white  paper,  which  he  said  resembled 
the  ticket,  and  departed  with  a  pleasant  "  good 
night." 

James  thought  the  pieces  did  not  look  much 
like  a  theatre  ticket  to  the  best  of  his  opinion, 
but  as  it  was  not  his  business  to  interfere,  he 
said  nothing,  and  would  never  have  mentioned 
the  matter  if  I  had  not  drawn  it  from  him. 


THE   ODDITIES   OF    SHOUT    HAND.  135 

The  following  day  I  saw  the  President,  Mr. 
Ames,  and  suggested  to  him  that  perchance 
his  private  secretary  and  stenographer  knew  the 
combination  of  the  plundered  safe.  He  doubted 
it.  He  was  pretty  positive  he  had  not  given  it 
to  any  one,  not  even  to  the  treasurer,  but  he 
(the  treasurer)  had  it  as  it  was  necessary  he 
should,  having  received  it  from  the  manufac 
turers.  Yet  if  the  janitor  asserted  that  Stenog 
rapher  Slocum  had  it,  it  was  barely  possible  that 
he  had  given  it  to  him.  Of  course,  James  in 
the  vault-room,  cleaning  about,  ought  to  know  ; 
but,  on  the  whole,  he  thought  James  was  mis 
taken.  He  had  often  opened  the  safe  himself  in 
the  morning,  and  left  it  unlocked  to  enable  the 
secretary  to  get  papers  from  it,  and  likely 
enough  the  janitor  might  have  seen  Mr.  Slocum 
on  one  of  these  occasions. 

"  Oh,  by  the  way,"  he  said,  "  the  secretary 
has  been  quite  ill  for  some  days  and  in  the  ex 
citement  of  this  catastrophe  I  fear  I  have  neg 
lected  him.  I  must  go  or  ask  someone  to  call 
upon  him." 

I  cut  him  short  by  referring  again  to  the  com 
bination  of  the  safe.  "  It  was  sent  to  me,"  he 
said,  "  by  the  manufacturers  in  a  note  marked 
'  private  and  confidential'  with  a  request  that  I 
should  make  a  mental  note  of  the  combination 
and  then  destroy  the  written  directions.  I  have 
no  copy  of  it,  but  if  you  would  like  to  See  it,  I 
will  write  it  for  you  so  that  you  can  have  it  to 
morrow,  I  am  in  haste  to-day.  The  treasurer 
has  a  copy  of  it  and  you  can  see  him  or  call  in 
the  morning  and  get  it ;  it  is  certainly  of  no 
use  to  us  now."  Mr.  Ames  left  me,  and  as  I  had 


136  THE   ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND. 

promised  the  detective  the  combination,  though 
for  what  purpose  he  wished  it,  I  did  not  know. 
I  went  to  the  treasurer's  room  and  made  the  re 
quest. 

"  Oh,  certainly,"  he  said,  "  you  can  have  it,  it 
is  of  no  earthly  consequence  now,  yet  it  is  still 
under  lock  and  key." 

I  accompanied  him  to  a  closet,  the  door  of 
which  he  unlocked,  and,  lifting  his  coat  from  a 
nail,  he  showed  me  a  paper  securely  pasted  on 
the  wall. 

"  I  kept  it  here,"  he  said,  "  fearing  that  I 
might  forget  it  or  be  taken  sick  during  the  pre 
sident's  absence,  and  it  would  be  much  easier 
for  me  to  give  some  authorized  person  the  key 
of  the  closet  with  directions  where  to  look 
than  to  write  out  or  explain  the  whole  combi 
nation." 

I  saw  on  the  wall  beneath  where  his  coat  hung 
a  scrap  of  paper  which  I  began  to  copy. 

"  Oh,"  said  he,  "  take  the  whole  thing  right 
with  you  ;  the  next  safe  will  have  a  different  and 
certainly  a  better  combination — take  it  right 
along  with  you.  It  is  no  secret  now  if  it  ever 
was." 

He  then  left  and  I  undertook  to  remove  the 
paper  by  inserting  my  pocket-knife  beneath  the 
edge,  and  finding  it  was  likely  to  tear  I  cut 
deeply  into  the  plaster,  and  removed  what  I  be 
lieved  was  the  only  written  combination  of  the 
burglarized  safe  in  existence,  outside  of  the  of 
fice  of  the  manufacturer.  I  broke  away  with 
my  fingers  most  of  the  heavy  plaster  attached 
to  it,  and  carefully  placed  the  scrap  in  my 
pocketbook,  along  with  the  paper  handed  me 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


137 


by  the  police  officer  on  the  authority  of  which 
we  had  procured  the  warrant  for  the  arrest  and 
incarceration  of  the  assistant  janitor.  This  is 
what  the  treasurer  told  me  to  take  from  the 
wall. 


•j/"^   To  open  safe 
let*  Outside  nick  betwe.en  D  &  < 
2nd*  Inner  notch  at  11 
3rd*  Long  hand  to  6  twice 
4th»  Shorthand  upside  down 
W*  M  U»  Treasurer* 


It  is,  as  you  observe,  signed  with  his  initials, 
and  was  kept  securely  locked  in  the  closet 
beneath  his  office  coat  on  the  rack. 


138  THE    ODD1TIKS    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

THE  LAWYER'S  STORY. — Continued. 

I  SAW  Reynolds  that  afternoon  and  learned 
from  him  that  we  were  at  fault.  There  was 
not  the  slightest  trace  of  the  tenants  of  the  ad 
joining  store. 

It  was  as  though  the  ground  had  opened  and 
swallowed  them  up.  They  were  a  clever  set. 

All  points  were  watched  and  nothing  dis 
covered. 

As  a  last  resort,  I,  on  my  own  account,  inser 
ted  a  "personal"  in  the  Herald,  promising  im 
munity  if  the  non-negotiable  securities  taken 
from  the  South  Hampton  Bank  were  returned  to 
"X.  Y.  Z." 

Nothing  came  of  it. 

The  detective  smiled  sarcastically  when  I  told 
him. 

"  You  promise  them  immunity,"  he  said,  "  a 
safe  promise.  It  must  make  those  fellows  laugh. 
Offer  them  immunity,  that  is  freedom ;  why 
they've  got  that  now.  It  is  ridiculous.  If  you 
had  them,  or  one  of  them,  safely  under  lock  and 
key,  you  would  be  in  a  position  to  offer  them 
something  for  something.  Now  you  offer  them 
nothing  for  something.  What  do  you  take  them 
for?  Bah!" 

I  was  still  confident,  but  he  was  right. 

Nothing  came  of  it. 

I  waited  one  more  day  and  saw  that  we  were 
just  where  we  started. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  139 


CHAPTER  XV. 

THE  LAWYER'S  STORY. — Continued. 

\  i  JITHIN  a  day  or  two  the  directors  were 
**  called  together  and  negotiations  were  in 
progress  to  reopen  the  bank  for  business. 

I  called  on  the  president  in  relation  to  some 
minor  formalities  about  it,  and  stated  that  there 
had  been  a  total  failure  to  find  a  clue  to  the 
guilty  parties,  so  far,  though,  we  were  hopeful. 
I  remarked,  casually  : 

"  I  see  you  are  getting  in  a  new  safe  ;  I  hope 
it  will  have  a  combination  that  will  not  be  in  the 
hands  of  outsiders." 

"  Do  you  know,"  he  said,  smilingly,  "  that 
since  you  spoke  to  me  about  it,  I  have  tried  to 
remember  the  combination  of  the  old  safe,  and  I 
cannot  seem  to  recall  it  perfectly  ?  " 

"  Why,"  I  answered,  "  I  have  it  right  here  in 
writing." 

"  Let  me  see  it,  for  curiosity." 

I  opened  my  pocketbook  and  handed  out  the 
original  paper,  of  which  the  detective  had  made 
a  copy. 

Mr.  Ames  looked  at  it  and  laughed.  "  Why 
this  isn't  it ;  the  treasurer  didn't  give  you  that, 
though  it  is  written  on  our  paper.  I  don't  know 
what  it  all  means — Oh,"  he  added,  "I  guess  that 
is  the  thing  the  officer  took  from  the  wall  the 
other  day,  isn't  it  ? 

"  I  never  took  a  good  look  at  it  before,  the 


140  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

fellow  vexed  me  so,  and  —  by  the  way,  you  must 
take  steps  at  once  to  release  James." 

I  interrupted  him,  as,  with  some  trepidation,  I 
took  the  paper  and  glanced  at  it.  Sure  enough, 
it  was  what  the  officer  had  given  me,  on  the 
strength  of  which  he  had  made  the  argument 
followed  by  the  warrant  for  and  the  arrest  of  the 
assistant  janitor. 

"  Mr.  Ames,"  I  said,  looking  him  squarely  in 
the  eye,  "  the  release  of  the  janitor  is  a  matter  of 
very  little  consequence  just  now.  I  will  attend 
to  that  if  you  will  answer  me  one  question.  You 
have  just  said  that  this  was  the  Trust  Com 
pany's  paper.  How  do  you  know  ? 

"  You  will  understand  the  importance  of  this 
question  when  I  tell  you  that  the  release  of  a 
humble,  and,  as  you  claim,  an  innocent  man,  and 
the  clearing  of  his  character,  depend  upon  it. 
Again  I  repeat,  how  do  you  know  ?  " 

"  I  know,"  he  replied,  "  by  the  letter-head  —  the 
lower  portion  of  the  letters  in  'New  York.' 

"  Our  letter-head  is  like  this  -  " 

He  took  a  sheet  of  the  bank's  note-paper,  with 
the  heading,  in  part  : 


Jictrrjplar)    M**usf 


"  The  words  '  f^ew  ^or^5  '  are  m  script  print 
—  you  see  the  long  tail  of  the  'Jf,'  the  curl  end 
ing  with  a  dot,  and  the  same  as  to  a  portion  of 
the  'V  Look!  This  is  what  philosophers  call 
'ocular  demonstration.'  " 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  141 

Lifting  the  scrap  of  paper,  he  placed  it  evenly 
on  the  letter-head  sheet  of  the  Company. 

The  little  marks  which  I  had  before  failed  to 
notice,  formed  the  lower  portion  of  the  stems  of 
",y  "  and  "lj,"  and  fitted  to  a  nicety.  Very  mi 
nute  portions  of  the  (ijrbirV  appeared  to  be 
completed  by  letters  of  the  same  word  on  the 
letter-head. 

There  was  no  room  for  further  doubt. 

I  could  scarcely  repress  an  exclamation  of  sat 
isfaction.  He  noticed  it,  wonderingly. 

"  Is  this  very  important  ?  "  he  asked. 

"  It  is  important  in  this  way,"  I  replied.  "  I 
think  it  tends  to  prove  that  the  contention  of 
the  locksmith  was  well  founded,  and  that  the 
theory  of  the  police  was  entirely  erroneous.  I 
think  that  is  a  settled  fact. 

"  But  again,  the  janitor  is  not  capable  of  writ 
ing  a  thing  of  this  kind.  Whatever  it  means,  it 
was  written  by  some  one  in  this  bank. 

"  Somebody  gave  the  combination  to  these 
parties,  and  the  question  is  'who  did  it?'  But 
you  and  the  treasurer  had  it. 

"  Neither  of  you  gave  it  ;  yet,  this  means 
something,  and  it  is  equally  true  that  the  Jani 
tor,  were  he  ever  so  willing,  could  not  get  up  a 
secret  code  of  this  kind. 

"  Of  course,  I  see  no  meaning  in  this  tangle 
of  words  ;  yet,  as  you  say  it  is  on  the  Bank 
paper,  in  the  hands  of  the  enemy,  and  I  am  con 
vinced  that — By  the  way,  have  you  heard  from 
your  stenographer  lately  ?  " 

"  Nothing,  but  that  he  is  convalescent,"  he  re 
plied,  "but  I  shall  call  on  him — 

"  No,  no,"   I   answered.     "Leave  it  tome.     I 


142  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

feel  convinced  that  we  are  on  the  eve  of  a  dis 
covery.  Do  not  breathe  a  word  of  this  for 
twenty-four  hours,  and  if  by  that  time  we  are 
not  a  great  deal  wiser  than  we  are  now,  I  will 
throw  up  this  whole  thing." 

I  suddenly  left  the  president  in  a  brown 
study. 

After  an  interminable  wait  at  the  office  Rey 
nolds  called,  and  in  a  few  brief  and  hurried 
words  I  made  him  acquainted  with  the  late  dis 
covery,  and  my  belief  that  the  secretary  knew 
more  than  we  at  first  imagined. 

He  did  not  seem  much  surprised  at  my  state- 
ment,  and  I  wondered. 

He  proceeded  to  enlighten  me.  "  I  have  sus 
pected  a  certain  party  from  the  first.  That  per 
son  was  not  at  the  bank  during  all  the  excite 
ment  following  the  robbery — quite  ill  since  the 
night  preceding  it.  I  '  piped  '  him. 

"  What  was  his  object  in  being  so  ill  at  such  a 
time  ?  Is  it  fear  that  he  would  inadvertently 
'  give  away  '  something  ?  Why  did  he  go  back 
to  the  bank  after  business  hours  and  pick  out 
scraps  of  paper  from  the  waste  basket  as  a 
theatre  ticket  ? 

"  Are  such  tickets  white  ?  How  many  scraps 
do  you  think  you  could  make  out  of  a  theatre 
ticket  ?  Why  tear  it  ?  and  how  did  he  know  just 
where  to  look,  or  that  he  had  torn  it,  and  put 
the  scraps  in  that  basket  ? 

"  Is  a  ticket  of  that  kind  a  private  matter  that 
must  be  destroyed  ?  How  did  he  happen  to  go 
to  the  president's  room  first  and  find  it  without 
looking  further  ?  Was  it  worth  while  to  return 
to  the  bank  for  a  mere  ticket  that  cost  perhaps 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  143 

not  over  a  dollar  or  so  ?  What  good  were  the 
pieces  ?  I  have  mentally  dovetailed  many  little 
circumstances,  and  they  seem  to  fit  into  each 
other  perfectly  on  only  one  theory — guilt. 

"  Can't  you  get  a  letter  from  the  president  or 
a  director  of  the  company  introducing  or  recom 
mending  a  good  doctor  to  attend  the  sick  man 
on  behalf  of  the  trustees,  and  at  once.  I  can 
get  the  doctor  if  you  can  get  the  letter." 

Reynolds  winked,  and  I  believed  I  saw  the 
scheme. 

In  thirty  minutes  I  was  at  the  president's 
house  on  Money  Hill,  and,  finding  him  at  home, 
suggested  the  propriety  of  sending  a  physician 
to  the  secretary's  house,  and  after  a  thoughtful 
pause  he  began  to  prepare  the  letter. 

I  felt  that  the  game  was  in  our  hands. 

He  had  it  partly  written,  and  looking  up 
quietly,  said  :  "  Who  is  the  doctor  ;  what  name  ? " 

"  Oh,  anything,"  I  said,  hurriedly,  forgetting 
myself,  and  losing  sight  of  the  importance  of 
doing  the  thing  right. 

He  stopped  with  a  half  suspicious  look  at  me, 
and  remarked  :  "  Well,  there  is  no  use  in  sending 
some  nameless  quack  to  see  a  sick  person,  for  I 
can  give  you  a  note  to  my  family  physician,  a 
medical  man  of  high  repute." 

"Doctor  Jumeau,"  I  ejaculated  desperately  at 
a  venture.  "  It  is  a  foreign  name,  and  hard  to 
remember."  "Well,"  he  replied,  "just  as  you 
wish." 

Then  he  completed  and  folded  the  letter.  I 
seized  it,  rushed  out,  and  at  the  foot  of  the  stoop 
ran  into  the  arms  of  Reynolds. 

I  scarcely  knew  him.    He  wore  a  pair  of  green 


144  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

glasses,  was  elegantly  dressed,  furbished  up; 
carried  a  large  professional  cane,  and  appeared 
to  be  a  very  sedate  and  prosperous  looking 
M.  D.  "  Have  you  got  it,"  he  said  in  a  whisper. 

As  I  placed  the  note  in  his  hand  he  called  a 
cab,  and  telling  me  to  be  at  the  office  at  9 
o'clock,  started  for  the  residence  of  Private  Sec 
retary  Slocum,  on  the  outskirts  of  the  city. 

I  waited  patiently  at  the  down  town  rendezvous 
for  him,  and  in  about  two  hours  he  joined  me. 

"  I  was  just  in  time,"  he  said,  in  answer  to  my 
look  of  inquiry,  "  I  think  our  bird  was  preparing 
to  fly." 

"  I  flatter  myself  if  he  had  any  suspicions  I 
allayed  them  by  telling  him  of  the  president's 
solicitude  for  his  physical  well-being,  and  as  the 
bank  was  to  resume  on  Monday  morning,  I  was 
commissioned  to  call  professionally  in  order  to 
ascertain  whether  he  could  stand  the  strain  of 
his  regular  duties. 

"I  think  he  can.  He  was  a  little  doubtful  him 
self  at  first,  but  to  give  his  doubtfulness  the 
benefit  of  the  doubt  I  took  the  liberty  of  put 
ting  a  man  on  up  there,  lest  something  might 
happen. 

"Meantime  prepare  your  papers  and  get  out 
your  warrant  without  delay — have  it  at  an  early 
hour  in  the  morning." 

I  immediately  called  on  the  treasurer,  got 
his  verification,  and  soon  after  Court  opened  in 
the  morning  obtained  the  committment,  placed 
the  papers  in  the  hands  of  an  officer,  and  before 
12.30  Mr.  Private  Secretary  and  Stenographer 
Slocum  was  in  quod. 

The  detective  had  a  strong  impression   that 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    brtUR'i     R.iNI>.  145 

the  prisoner  would  break  down  and  confess  if 
left  to  himself,  and  at  the  suggestion  of  the  of 
ficer  an  order  was  left  at  the  prison  that  he  be 
strictly  secluded  if  possible. 

We  subsequently  learned  that  he  was  visited 
by  a  lawyer  at  his  own  request — this  was  an  evil 
that  could  not  be  prevented  ;  but  from  that  mo 
ment  the  prisoner  seemed  to  recover  backbone. 


146  THE    ODDITIES    OF   SHORT    HAND. 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

THE  LAWYER'S  STORY. — Continued. 

|N  the  following  day  accompanied  by  Rey 
nolds  I  called  at  the  City  prison  and  had  a 
conversation  with  the  prisoner.  He  seemed  to 
take  the  charge  of  being  accessory  in  the  burglary 
as  a  cool  piece  of  impudence  on  our  part  and 
hinted  that  he  would  discover  the  active  parties 
and  make  them  suffer  for  his  unjustifiable  and 
uncalled  for  arrest,  and  would  invoke  the  strong 
arm  of  the  law.  Becoming  quite  vehement  and 
indignant  on  this  point,  he  called  it  a  high 
handed  outrage,  I  think,  and  trusted  he  would 
have  a  speedy  trial.  He  finally  calmed  down 
and  said  while  willing  to  assist  us  in  any  possi 
ble  way  in  recovering  the  securities,  he  was  as 
innocent  as  the  child  unborn  and  really  knew 
nothing,  and  so  on. 

The  detective  after  some  further  conversation 
took  a  hand  in  the  talk  ;  "  If  you  .are  inclined  to 
own  up,"  he  said,  "  restore  the  securities,  inter 
ested  parties  will  give  all  hands  immunity;  other 
wise  the  law  will  take  its  course." 

"That is  what  I  desire,"  Mr.  Slocum  rejoined  ; 
"  Nothing  would  suit  me  better,  because  there 
is  really  no  proof  that  I  have — I  do  not  see  how 
an  innocent  man  can  be  held  for  such  a  das 
tardly  crime  when  there  is  really  no  motive. 
Had  I  been  one  of  the  guilty  parties  I  certainly 
should  not  have  waited  all  this  time  in  the  vU 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  147 

cinity.  Why,  look  at  my  case.  Enjoying  tie 
confidence  of  my  employers,  nothing  to  gain 
and  everything  to  lose.  Would  anyone  suppose 
I  should  be  the  associate  of  a  low  gang  of  bank 
wreckers  with  red — red  hands — I  may  say  ;  and 
you  seem  to  want  a  man  to  confess  when  he  has 
nothing  to  confess.  You  hint  that  I  gave  away 
the  combination." 

"  Did  I,"  said  the  detective  quickly,  "  there  is 
no  use  in  being  so  quick  to  deny  a  charge  of 
which  you  are  not  accused." 

The  other  evidently  saw,  to  use  an  expressive 
vulgarism,  that  he  "put  his  foot  in  it;"  still  he 
was  alert  enough,  too. 

"  Well,  I  heard  or  read  in  some  of  the  papers 
that  some  one  had  been  accused  of  some  such 
thing,  and  that,  I  suppose,  is  what  you  want  me 
to  admit.  I  assure  you,  gentlemen,  you  are  to 
tally  at  fault." 

"  Well,"  remarked  the  detective,  "  suppose  it 
was  found  in  the  possession  of  red — Red  Jerry 
for  instance  (he  had  already  hinted  to  me  that 
the  Southampton  job  was  so  well  managed  it 
was  doubtless  the  work  of  this  noted  gentleman 
and  he  seemed  to  mimic  the  prisoner  in  the  repe 
tition  of  the  word  'red'). 

"  And  that  something  was  found  in  his  pos 
session  or  he  was  in  such  a  position  that  he  was 
about  to  give  the  whole  thing  away  ;  that  is 
short  and " 

"Who  says  that?  "cried  the  young  gentleman, 
evidently  startled,  as  he  glanced  quickly  and 
searchingly  at  the  officer,  who  was  about  to  add, 
as  I  supposed,  "  pointed  "  or  something,  "  who 
says  I  gave  a  short  hand  combination  ? " 


148  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

The  detective's  eyes  grew  as  large  as  saucers. 
The  prisoner  was  seized  with  a  most  violent  fi> 
of  coughing. 

"  Not  I,"  Reynolds  remarked,  in  an  innocent 
off-hand  way,  "  I  do  not  think  anybody  did." 

The  prisoner  still  coughed  violently. 

"  It  will  be  best  for  you,"  the  detective  re- 
sumed  earnestly,  "  to  make  a  clean  breast  of  it 
at  once,  and  the  sooner  the  better ;  this  is  your 
last  chance.  Do  you  take  it?" 

The  secretary  cast  a  curious  glance  at  us  and 
I  really  thought  he  nodded  in  acquiescence. 

Before  I  could  get  my  paper  out  to  prepare 
his  statement,  I  heard  the  jailer's  voice  addressed 
to  someone  outside  the  cell-door,  saying,  "  Put 
them  right  on  that  table  there." 

Speaking  to  the  prisoner  he  said,  "  The  party 
is  here  from  the  restaurant  with  your  lunch. 
Will  you  take  it  now  or  wait  till  these  gentlemen 
retire." 

"  Oh,  certainly,  take  your  lunch  at  once,  sir," 
I  broke  in,  despite  a  warning  frown  from  Rey 
nolds,  "we  will  not  interrupt  you  in  that  inter 
esting  pastime,  by  all  means  take  it  now." 

I  reasoned  that  we  wou-ld  find  the  accused  in 
a  much  more  agreeable  mood  after  a  substantial 
meal ;  and  that  if  he  had  any  intention  of  mak 
ing  a  statement  he  would  be  much  more  confi 
dential  over  the  coffee  and  cigars. 

I  was  woefully  mistaken. 

"  Red,"  said  the  detective,  giving  him  a  part 
ing  shot  as  we  withdrew  to  the  other  side  of  the 
room  or  cell,  "  is  inclined  to  save  himself  if  he 
can.  But  if  there  is  anyone  who  is  to  be  given 
the  privilege  of  turning  State's  evidence  and  the 
consequent  immunity,  you  are  the  man." 


THE   ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  149 

I  thought  I  noticed  the  prisoner's  hands  trem 
ble  while  Reynolds  was  speaking  ;  it  may  have 
been  only  imagination  on  my  part. 

At  all  events,  if  he  was  at  all  disconcerted  he 
recovered  at  once. 

We  silently  watched  him  as  the  jailer  and 
waiter  both  busied  themselves  getting  out  the 
edibles,  and  if  a  good  appetite  is  a  sign  of  a 
good  conscience  the  private  stenographer  had 
the  conscience  of  an  angel. 

We  drew  near  when  he  had  about  concluded 
the  substantial  portion  of  the  meal.  Then  the 
waiter  spoke  through  the  grating,  "Will  the 
gentleman  finish  the  dessert  so  that  I  can  re 
move  the  dishes?" 

"  Certainly,"  the  gentleman  answered,  and 
without  another  word  the  lackey  handed  through 
the  grating  a  bottle  of  wine. 

"  The  boss  says  that  is  to  keep, "  he  said 
and  then  he  passed  in  a  large  pie.  This  the 
warden  received,  and  before  handing  it  over 
took  up  a  table  knife  and  ran  it  around  under 
the  crust.  The  steel  passed  through  it  easily, 
showing  that  there  was  no  obstruction  in  its 
way. 

I  surmised  that  the  jailer's  action  was  done 
with  a  view  of  seeing  if  there  was  hidden  within 
its  innocent  exterior  a  knife,  file  or  deadly 
weapon.  At  all  events  it  attracted  our  attention 
to  it.  Apparently  satisfied,  he  laid  it  before  the 
prisoner. 

I  watched  the  latter  when  he  began  at  the 
dessert,  and,  he  seemed  to  be  in  great  good 
humor  as  he  gingerly  broke  off  a  corner  of  the 
rich  pastry  and  began  to  nibble  it. 


150  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

Reynolds  seemed  to  be  in  a  brown  study.  He 
took  out  his  note-book  and  with  his  back  to 
wards  the  accused,  began  to  tap  it  as  though 
testing  the  point  of  his  pencil. 

I  noticed  several  holes  made  through  the  up 
per  crust  of  the  pie,  evidently  with  a  fork,  to  le^ 
the  heat  enter  or  allow  the  steam,  when  baking, 
to  escape ;  and  just  below  these  were  other  holes 
made  with  a  three-lined  fork  also,  perhaps,  indi 
cating  the  name  of  the  fruit  of  which  it  was 
composed. 

You  know  that  all  pies  look  alike,  except  those 
in  which  the  generic  substance  is  exposed,  such 
as  cranberry,  custard  and  the  like.  In  fact,  gen 
erally  speaking,  a  pie  is  like  a  pudding,  the  proof 
is  in  the  eating  ;  though  it  is  a  little  late  for  the 
ordinary  citizen  to  find  out  what  the  article  is 
when  he  has  spoiled  the  sale  of  it ;  hence  pastry 
made  for  restaurants  often  has  its  kind  indicated 
as  this  had. 

Well,  the  accused  nibbled  at  it,  drank  two 
glasses  of  wine,  and  having  lighted  a  Concha, 
lolled  back  in  his  chair  with  a  quiet,  self-satisfied 
smile  on  his  handsome  face. 

I  felt  much  encouraged  and  began  where  we 
left  off. 

"  You  were  about  to  say  that  you  would  make 
a  full,  frank  and  free  statement,  concerning  this 
matter — in  short,  give  the  inside  facts  of  this 
robbery.  Please  proceed." 

"  Sir,"  he  answered  coldly,  "  I  said  nothing  of 
the  kind.  If  you  have  any  such  belief  it  is  en> 
tirely  without  foundation.  Nothing  has  occurred 
here  between  us  to  warrant  any  such  conclusion 
on  your  part ;  quite  the  contrary." 


THE   ODDITIES    OF    SHORT   HAND.  151 

''  You  intimated  an  intention,"  the  detective 
remarked  in  a  conciliatory  tone,  "  that  you  would 
make  a  clean  breast  of  it." 

"Ah,"  rejoined  the  other,  with  a  sarcastic 
smile,  "  a  clean  breast  of  it."  "  Is  this  it  ? "  and 
he  held  up  the  breast  bone  of  a  chicken  which 
he  had  thrown  aside,  "was  that  what  you  re 
ferred  to  ? " 

At  this  I  lost  my  temper  and — I  don't  really 
know  what  I  did  say.  The  more  I  ranted  and 
swore  the  more  imperturbable  the  secretary  was. 
I  ended  by  declaring  hotly  that  it  was  a  childish 
quibble,  a  subterfuge,*, wriggle,  I  think  I  called 
it ;  we  would  call  to-morrow  and  hoped  to  find 
him  in  a  more  repentant  frame  of  mind  ;  I  ended 
by  saying  that  true  repentance  could  not  e-:ist 
without  restitution,  and  if  he  were  still  obstin 
ate,  information  could  be  had  from  a  more  will 
ing  source. 

I  rolled  up  my  still  blank  paper  and  we  left 
the  prison. 


352  THE   ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND. 


CHAPTER  XVII. 

THE  LAWYER'S  STORY.  -Continued. 

Y  companion  seemed  to  be  considerably 
displeased  as  we  reached  the  street. 

"  I  shall  certainly  throw  up  the  whole  case  if 
I  am  going  to  be  hampered  and  thwarted  by 
you  in  this  manner,"  he  began.  "  You  may  as 
well  understand  that  first  as  last." 

"  Why,  what's  the  matter,"  I  rejoined. 

"  Matter  enough,"  he  answered.  "  We  could 
have  had  that  statement  had  it  not  been  for  your 
foolish  interference." 

"  How — when,"  I  interposed,  "  I  certainly  did 
not  intend  to  interfere  with  you  in  any  way  at 
all." 

"  Well,  doubtless  you  meant  it  for  the  best,'' 
he  said,  somewhat  mollified.  "But,  did  you 
notice  that  he  seemed  to  be  on  the  point  of 
capitulation  just  when  you  suggested  that  he 
should  have  lunch  first  ?  "  I  nodded  unconsci 
ously.  I  certainly  thought  so. 

"  Did  you  see  that  waiter  hand  in  the  wine 
with  the  remark  that  the  boss  said  it  was  '  to 
keep '  ? " 

"  Yes,"  I  said  wonderingly. 

"  Well,  that  bottle  was  labelled  '  Mumm,'  the 
signal  was  as  plain  as  words  could  make  it, 
Keep  Mumm.'  " 

"Ah!" 

"  Moreover,"   he   went   on,   "  you    heard  him 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  153 

mention  or  let  slip  the  remark  about  not  having 
given  a  short  hand  combination,  when  there  was 
no  suggestion  or  thought  of  the  kind,  and  reas 
oning  by  contraries,  that  is  probably  just  what 
he  did  do  ;  and  how  he  changed  when  he  got  at 
the  pie — you  saw  the  upper  crust  of  it  full  of  ir 
regular  holes — I  took  a  copy  of  it  as  well  as  I 
knew  how,  and  I  am  going  to  find  out  if  there 
is  anything  in  it  before  I  am  many  hours  older  : 
This  is  it." 

He  quickly  took  out  his  note-book  and  showed 
me  the  tapping  marks  he  had  made  while  in 
the  prisoner's  cell.  I  studied  it  long  and  care 
fully. 

"  There  is  nothing  in  that,"  I  said  "  nothingat 
all,  and  nothing  in  your  theory." 

"  Of  course,  there  may  be  nothing  in  it,"  he 
replied,  "but  in  the  vernacular  of  criminals, 
'peach'  means  to  admit,  to  inform  or  confess. 
I  will  see  what  it  all  means  and  at  once.  I  have 
the  slips  with  me  and  will  meet  you  at  your 
house  this  evening." 

A  curt  "  So  long,"  and  he  left  me,  with  my 
thinking  cap  on  and  I  imagined  that  there  might 
be  just  the  faintest  glimmer  of  light' in  the  dis 
tance. 

Before  finishing  tea  that  evening  he  was  at 
the  house  and  informed  me  that  he  had  had  an 
interview  with  a  party  down  town  who  was  con 
nected  with  some  court. 

"  Have  your  papers  and  pen  ready,  I  will  have 
a  notary  and  we  will  take  the  prisoner's  deposi 
tion  to-morrow  at  12  o'clock." 

"  You  speak  confidently  ;  have  you  found  a 
lever  to  move  the  sphinx  ?  " 


154  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

"  Yes,"  he  answered,  "  it  is  right  here." 

I  was  all  impatience. 

"  For  goodness  sake,  let  me  see  it." 

"  You  may  smile,  perhaps,  when  you  see  this 
lever,  but  I  have  no  doubt  of  its  strength  or 
efficiency." 

With  these  words  he  opened  his  coat  and  took 
from  under  his  arm  two  tin'  plates  wrapped  in 
heavy  paper  and  tied  tightly  face  to  face  with 
cord.  The  metal  was  exposed  through  an  open 
ing  in  the  paper. 

This  package  he  proceeded  to  undo  in  such  a 
slow,  leisurely  and  methodical  way  that  I  almost 
lost  patience.  Lifting  off  one  of  the  plates, 
finally,  he  disclosed,  what  do  you  suppose  ?  A 
pie.  I  repeat  it,  gentlemen,  a  pie.  Just  a  plain, 
every-day,  innocent-looking  pie. 

"  Is  it  loaded  or  poisoned  ?  "  I  inquired,  think 
ing  the  man  had  taken  leave  of  his  senses  and  it 
might  be  just  as  well  to  humor  him. 

"  It  is  not  poisoned,"  he  gravely  answered, 
"but  I  may  say  it  is  loaded.  At  all  events,  to 
use  your  own  expression,  it  is  the  lever  that  is 
to  move  the  sphinx." 

He  seemed  quite  sane  while  saying  this,  but 
the  thing  struck  me  as  so  supremely  ridiculous 
that  I  dropped  in  a  chair  and  fairly  shrieked 
with  laughter.  This  continued  till  the  tears  ran 
down  my  cheeks.  I  managed  at  last,  between 
bursts  of  cachination,  to  say  :  "  The  loss  of  home 
and  friends,  the  loss  of  character,  coupled  with 
a  prospect  of  twenty  years'  imprisonment  at 
hard  labor  are  useless  to  extort  an  admission  of 
guilt  from  a  prisoner,  but  it  will  be  done  with  a 
pie.  Oh,  it  is  too  funny  for  anything,"  and  I 
went  off  again. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  155 

"When  you  get  through  with  your  idiotic 
guffaw,  I  will  explain  it  to  you." 

His  tone  was  so  earnest  that  I  succeeded  after 
a  time  in  recovering  composure,  and  he  pro 
ceeded  with  a  statement  which,  though  singular, 
was  perhaps  plausible. 

"After  we  separated  I  went  down  town," 
he  said,  "  and  called  on  Mr.  Schnellschreiber,  a 
personal  friend  of  mine,  a  stenographer  in  one 
of  the  courts.  Having  retained  him  in  the  case 
I  told  him  of  the  wine  signal  and  the  prisoner's 
unguarded  statement  that  he  had  not  given  a 
short  hand  combination.  I  laid  the  two  papers 
before  him  and  showed  him  the  fac  simile  of  the 
marks  on  the  pie,  which  seemed  so  strengthen 
ing  to  the  prisoner  when  he  was  about  to  weaken. 
This  is  it  : 


"After  a  careful  study  of  it,  and,  of  course,  with 
full  knowledge  of  the  circumstances,  he  intima 
ted,  with  some  degree  of  positiveness,  that  it  was 
a  communication  to  the  secretary,  who  was  a 
stenographer,  and  was  just  as  clear  as  though  it 
had  been  in  raised  letters  of  gold.  It  meant 
'  Do  not  peach.'  This,  you  see,  corroborates 
my  definition  as  given  to  you  yesterday  concern- 


156  THE   ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

ing  the  word  '  peach,'  and,  taken  in  connection 
with  the  '  keep  mum  '  signal,  had  a  strong  ten 
dency  to  stiffen  and  strengthen  the  weak  nerves 
of  the  prisoner.  Do  you  see  it  ?  " 

I  nodded.     It  was  becoming  interesting. 

"  And  Mr.  Schnellschriebef  suggested  that  it 
would  be  well  to  try  a  similar  experiment,  using 
another  pie  with  a  different  inscription.  At  his 
direction  I  procured  one,  which  he  signed  and 
sealed,  and  there  it  is.  What  do  you  think  of 
it?" 

It  was  a  very  plain  pie,  yet  the  thought  struck 
me  that  there  might  be  something  behind  it,  and 
I  was  doing  some  tall  thinking. 

Reynolds  caught  his  breath  and  went  on  :  "I 
also  placed  the  paper  which  the  officer  gave  you 
before  him  and  a  copy  of  the  treasurer's  combi 
nation,  and  he  promised  to  do  his  best  to  cipher 
something  out,  and  he  will  meet  us  here  to-mor 
row  at  9  o'clock  A.  M.  I  trust  you  will  not  allow 
your  desire  to  giggle  to  interfere  with  your 
preparations  for  taking  the  prisoner's  deposition 
at  the  luncheon  hour  to-morrow  We  will  bring 
a  notary  along." 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  157 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

THE  LAWYER'S  STORY. — Continued. 

T  CONFESS  I  was  restless,  and  slept  little  that 
*  night.  Try  as  I  would,  I  could  not  get  the 
thing  out  of  my  mind.  At  one  minute  I  was  in 
clined  to  look  at  the  whole  thing  as  a  silly  fiction 
of  the  detective's  fertile  brain,  a  fine-spun  lot  of 
nonsense,  and  the  next,  when  I  went  over  it 
slowly,  piece  by  piece,  it  did  seem  somewhat 
convincing.  At  all  events  a  few  hours  would 
settle  it,  and  we  would  see  what  we  would  see. 

Reynolds  and  his  friend  Schnellschrieber,  the 
stenographer,  were  on  hand  the  next  morning 
before  I  was  fully  dressed,  and  while  the  latter 
was  cooly  confident,  the  former  was  elated.  "It 
is  all  right,"  he  whispered.  "  We  have  got  it 
dead  to  rights  ;  Schnellschrieber  is  a  notary,  so 
you  needn't  bother  about  that  ;  get  ready  and 
come  on." 

He  refused  to  relieve  my  anxiety  by  stating 
further  particulars,  but  bade  me  possess  my  soul 
in  patience  and  wait  and  see. 

The  time  wore  on  somehow,  and  at  the  hour 
appointed  we  reached  the  prison.  Before  enter 
ing  the  cell  I  saw  the  detective  stop  and  con 
verse  earnestly  with  the  jailer.  Reynolds  gave 
him  something  wrapped  in  a  newspaper  that 
looked  not  unlike  a  plate,  and  shook  hands  with 


158  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

him  in  a  most  friendly  manner,  while  we  waited 
for  him  in  the  corridor.  There  he  joined  us 
with  a  very  pleasant  smile  on  his  face  and 
winked  at  us  as  though  he  had  just  been  ap 
pointed  to  some  fat  office.  We  were  greeted  in 
the  politest  manner  as  we  entered  the  cell  by 
the  secretary,  and  I  concluded  that  this  time  I 
should  not  let  my  impetuosity  disarrange  what 
ever  plan  the  others  had  in  mind,  and  would 
allow  them  to  handle  the  delicate  matter  in  their 
own  way. 

The  effect  of  the  pie  and  wine  of  the  previous 
day  was  still  visible  in  the  imperturbable  man 
ner  of  the  prisoner.  In  addition  to  his  calm 
politeness  he  was  much  more  wary  and  watchful 
than  he  had  been.  He  talked  of  the  idiotic 
charge  against  him,  and  referred  with  some  heat 
to  the  heavy  damages  someone  would  have  to 
pay  because  of  his  unjustifiable  confinement, 
and  on  the  whole  I  felt  somewhat  over-awed  by 
him. 

There  was  no  hint  of  guilt  in  his  words  or  ac 
tions  ;  quite  the  contrary.  And  I  began  to  sur 
mise,  that  after  all,  we  were  entirely  mistaken. 
The  detective  did  not  seem  to  be  much  surpris 
ed,  and  the  conversation  on  various  subjects 
proceeded.  My  paper  was  still  a  virgin  blank 
when  the  jailer  announced  that  lunch  was  ready, 
and  as  the  waiter  was  called  away,  he  would 
serve  it.  The  meal  was  handed  in,  and  Slocum 
did  full  justice  to  it.  I  watched  him  closely  as 
the  detective  was  remarking :  "  You  will  find 
that  the  honest  way  is  the  shortest  and  best, 
There  will  be  no  trouble  if  you  will  do  the  right 
thing  in  this  matter.  I  told  you  yesterday  that 


THE    ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND.  I$9 

while  others  might  turn  State's  evidence,  it  was 
the  desire  of  your  friends  that  that  privilege 
should  be  accorded  to  you  in  preference  to  any 
one." 

The  prisoner  smiled  derisively. 

"  If  you  have  any  doubt  about  '  Jerry's  '  incli 
nation  we  might  possibly  bring  you  from  parties 
in  a  position  to  know,  conclusive  proof  of  it  ; 
but  it  would  take  time  for  that,  therefore,  take 
my  word  and " 

"  Here  is  your  pie,  sir,"  interrupted  the  ward 
en.  "The  wine  and  cigars  the  waiter  had  gone 
for." 

With  these  words  he  passed  into  the  cell,  and 
laid  down  before  the  prisoner  the  identical  pie 
which  I  had  seen  the  night  previously  in  the 
possession  of  Reynolds. 

The  detective  winked  at  me  and  the  prisoner's 
demeanor  changed  in  a  most  surprising  manner. 
Never  was  there  such  an  alteration.  The  col 
lapse  was  total  and  unaccountable.  He  covered 
his  face  with  his  hands,  then  looking  up  sud 
denly,  he  said,  in  a  low,  faltering  tone  : 

"  Well,  if  the — if  a — you  get  what  you  ask  for; 
that  is,  a  statement  or  a — er — you  know  what  I 
mean — have  you  entire  authority  to  promise  the 
er — immunity,  you  speak  of  ? " 

"It  is  useless  to  beat  about  the  bush  longer," 
the  detective  answered  firmly.  "  lam  authorized 
to  make  such  promise  in  behalf  of  those  most 
interested,  if  you  will  do  your  part  and  inform 
us  where  the  securities  are.  Shouid  you  doubt 
my  word,  put  it  in  writing  ;  you  yourself  will 
go  scot  free,  and  there  will  doubtless  be  some 
thing  put  in  your  way  to  enable  you  to  go  where 


l6o  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

you  can  begin  life  over  again.  I  understand 
this  is  your  first  false  step.  You  can  retrieve 
yourself  and  get  in  the  straight  path  again.  Are 
the  securities  to  be  had  ? " 

The  secretary  seemed  to  be  swallowing  a 
lump  in  his  throat.  "  I  will  tell — take  this 
down,"  and  he  began  in  an  almost  inaudible 
way — "  Rather  than  have  others  do  it,  I  will 
take  advantage  of  your  offer." 

He  proceeded  in  a  slow,  hesitating  manner, 
and  finally  stated  at  full  length  his  connection 
with  the  matter,  which  I  reduced  to  writing.  It 
is  too  long  to  give  in  detail  here. 

The  all  important  thing  for  us  was  the  fact 
that  the  non-negotiable  and  most  of  the  other 
securities  were  still  intact  in  a  tin  box  at  the 
office  of  the  Safe  Deposit  Company,  and  could 
only  be  had  on  the  strength  of  a  voucher  which 
he  produced. 

The  substance  of  his  statement  was  that  the 
gang  took  the  cash,  about  $62,000.  The  securi 
ties  were  placed  in  his  charge  in  the  belief  that 
as  he  knew  most  about  them  he  could  the  more 
readily  convert  them,  &c. 

For  over  an  hour  he  went  right  through  and 
told  us  the  whole  business. 

It  was  one  of  the  best  planned  robberies  that 
was  ever  carried  through  in  the  metropolis. 

The  secretary's  first  false  step  began  at  the 
race-course  where  he  was  a  heavy  loser.  He  had 
tried  to  recoup,  as  so  many  others  have  done  by 
investing  what  he  did  not  own  ;  he  had  met 
Whang  Breaker  on  the  track.  Introduction  was 
followed  by  intimacy,  friendship  succeeded  in 
timacy  and  a  proposition  to  surrender  the  com- 


THE   ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  l6l 

bination  of  the  strong  safe  was  finally  agreed 
on.  A  scholar  like  Burchard,  the  engraver, 
counterfeiter  and  polyglot  of  the  gang,  wac 
thoroughly  up  in  many  methods  of  secret  writ 
ing,  including  stenography.  The  key  was  agreed 
upon  and  easily  mastered  by  men  who  have 
mastered  more  profound  mysteries. 


l62  THE   ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

THE  LAWYER'S  STORY. — Continued, 
T  GOT  the  sworn  statement  of  the  prisoner  le- 
*  gaily  signed,  sealed  and  acknowledged,  and 
the  voucher  for  the  securities  from  the  Safe  De 
posit  Company,  and  after  some  little  delay  ob 
tained  them.  They  were  securely  sealed,  en 
dorsed  :  "  To  be  delivered  on  presentation  of 
the  voucher." 

As  the  box  afterward  showed  there  were  over 
$700,000  worth  of  paper,  railroad  stocks  and 
bonds,  notes,  certificates  of  indebtedness,  bonds 
and  mortgages,  &c. 

Great  as  my  hurry  was  to  handle  the  securities 
I  waited  long  enough  to  take  a  careful  inspec 
tion  of  that  miraculous  pie. 

I  broke  off  a  ccrncr,  tasted  it  and  still  lived. 
While  on  our  way  for  the  securities,  Schnell- 
schrieber  explained  it.  It  was  punched  with  a 
fork  in  this  manner  : 


A  Pie  with  another  inscription. 

As  translated  for  me  it  said  :  "  Make  best 
terms,  Jerry  has  given  up." 

It  was  only  a  pie,  but  "  when  the  pie  was 
opened  the  bird  began  to  sing." 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  163 


CHAPTER   XX. 

THE  LAWYER'S  STORY. — Continued. 

\  .  /ELL,  I  got  the  tin  box  and  brought  it  to 
"  the  Southampton  Trust  Company,  and, 
you  may  be  sure  there  was  a  genuine  love  feast 
among  the  sedate  old  trustees  when  we  got 
there  with  the  valuables. 

The  detective  was  hugged  and  kissed  by  those 
grey-headed  old  fellows  in  a  way  that  was  shame 
ful  and  almost  wanton. 

While  this  mutual  admiration  society  was  in 
session  there  was  an  elaborate  feast — "a  spread," 
Reynolds  called  it — prepared  and  served  in  the 
president's  room.  Then  we  had  speeches,  toasts, 
&c., — I  was  referred  to  as  the  most  clever  any 
thing,  and  Reynolds  was  promised  enough  to 
make  him  rich  for  the  rest  of  his  life. 

Amid  breathless  silence  Schnellschrieber  was 
called  upon  and  explained  the  whole  cipher.  He 
found  it  out  by  the  merest  chance,  he  said,  al 
though  no  one  believed  this  :  "  I  saw  the  words 
'  stenography  '  reversed  after  '  4th,'  and  happen 
ing  then  to  look  at  the  other  paper,  I  observed 
that  it  said  "short  hand  upside  down,"  and  that 
to  be  sure  is  plain  enough.  It  was  by  the  merest 
chance  I  discovered  that  and  the  rest  was  easy. 
A  child  could  see  through  it.  This  is  the  whole 
thing  as  plain  as  a  pike-staff. 


164 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


To  open  safe 

Outside  nick 
Inner  notch  at  li 
Long  hand  to  6  twice 
4th«   Shorthand  upside  down 
*•  K*.  j|*   Treasurer* 


^ 


1st* 
2nd« 
3rd- 


D  &  4 


"Put  the  burglar's  '  key'  in  short  hand  char 
acters  according  to  any  of  the  modern  systems 
of  swift  writing,  '  write  and  reverse  '  the  burg 
lar's  key  and  you  have  the  treasurer's  key. 

"In  order  that  you 
may  understand,  I 
now  put  these 
scraps  in  juxtapo 
sition. 

"First :     the    one 
spoken    of    as   the 
'Treasurer's    Key.' 
Immediately     be 
low  it  is  the  paper  known  as  the  'Burglar's  Key.' 

"On  the  upper  margin  of  this,  as  I  am  informed, 
appeared  originally  a  small  piece  of  plaster, 
containing  the  words  '  this  over  fine,'  but  being 
exceedingly  frail  or  fragile,  it  had  crumbled  into 
dust.  A  copy  of  the  writing  was  made,  and 

no  particular  care 
was  exercised  to 
preserve  the  plas 
ter  containing  the 
simple  words,  even 
if  it  were  possible, 
which  I  very  much 

Seven  or  a  tire  \     .V 

doubt. 

"At  all  events,  the 
portion  referred  to  did  not  make  a  complete 
sentence,  and  while  we  do  not  know  just  what  pre 
ceded  the  word  'this,'  we  can  easily  imagine  that 
the  meaning  was  a  direction  or  caution. 

"Glancing  at  these  scraps  in  close  proximity, 
the  professional  eye  will  readily  discern  that  the 
'Burglar's  Key'  is  the  'Treasurer's  Key.' 


All  pio  wayff 

Xrt;  Destroy  Mike,  may  not  be 

ail«nts:  Man  Jtn  |  fresh 

Thinned;  Madam  gT<)%.  snout 

4th: 


THE    ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND.  165 

"This  is  manifest.    Here  it  is  in  stenographic 
characters  : 


except '-  -  »  - 


"  I  reverse  this  sheet  now  and  read  from  the 
right  to  the  left  except  as  the  cipher  states  plainly 

the  figures  with  dashes  under  them,  as 

six  of  them. 

"To  make  it  more  explicit  let  us  take  it  in  sec 
tions: 'All  Plo  ways'  with  the  stenographic  char 
acters,  I  invert  the  page,  vowellize  it,         ^       _^^ 
and  the  reading  is,  '  To  open  Safe.'^        \          * 

"The  next  line  is:   ist, 
Destroy  I       Mike,    may 

not  be  V'    with"  the 

*-/-  . 

proper/      short  hand  written: 

"Inverted  and  read  towards  the  left;  it  indi 
cates  plainly  :  '  Outside  nick  between  D  &  4.' 

"The  '  ist'  and  *4th'  come  under  the  excep 
tion  stated  and  have  short  dashes  beneath  them. 

"  We  recur  to  the  next  line.  It  begins,  as  you 
perceive,  '  Clients  ;  Man  Jim  at  fresh/  putting 
this  in  stenographic 

characters      revers-  C"T".    ^~^    /—^    \          \/ 
ing  and  reading  the 


166          THE  ODDITIES  OF  SHORT  HAND. 

transcription  is  'ad:  Inner  notch  at  n.'  Th.? 
'at'  is  made  by  the  short  hand  '  t '  a  recognized 
'sign  word,'  and  being  a  single  perpendicula' 
stroke,  it  is  immaterial  which  side  of  it  is  up. 

"  We  proceed  to  the  following  line  :  '  Thinned, 
madam  262.  ^  ~  Q — 1 

snout  ;'    that  is    *°;     ^/-""*\       %1      ^.—         A' 
Obviously,  the   mean:ng    is    '3rd  :    Long  hand 
to  6  twice'  or  '2  times/  and  surely   I   need   not 
say  to  you  that  '  two  times'  is  '  twice.' 

"  Recurring  to  the      ^       x  H  *  *  H  o  o  «  «  »  • 
last    line;     '  Stenog-    — 

raphy'  as  you  are  all  aware  is  an  interchange 
able  word  for  'short  hand,'  and  when  one  sees 
the  sign  stenography  reversed  or  inverted  in  this 
manner:  XqdnjSouaig,  he  knows  without  further 
explanation  that  it  is  '  short  hand  '  upside  down. 

Finally,  'seven  or  a  tire'  is  like  this    p    S~~\1'/ 
and    if    you    understood    ever     so     ^^      y 
little  about  any  of  the  systems  of  swift  writing 
you  would  perceive  at  a  glance  when  you  turned 
the  paper  and  looked  at  this  that  it  was  the  key 
to  the  whole  thing.     It  is  'write  and   reverse,' 
with    the    exceptions    stated.     That's   all.     The 
entire  thing  is  really  elementary,  but  like  many 
other  very  simple  things  you  don't  comprehend 
the  great  simplicity  of  it  till  you  understand  it. 

"Doubtless  the  words  on  the  wall  were,  'Study 
this  over  fine'  or  'con'  or  'read'  or  some 
such  thing,  so  that  when  they  got  through  the 
wall  they  just  opened  the  safe  at  once.  It  fol 
lows  that  the  safe  expert's  report  was  correct 
and  the  police  theory  all  wrong. 

"  It  is  quite  ingenious  and  was  fairly  well  exe 
cuted. 


THE   ODDITIES   Of   SHORT    HAND.  167 

"After  all  you  have  not  lost  so  much,  every 
thing  is  lovely,  and  here  is  to  us  all." 

I  remember  while  the  applause  evoked  by 
Schnellscrieber's  clever  explanation  was  at  its 
height  I  thought  of  the  lonely  days  of  James  in 
prison,  the  dead  janitor,  the  widow  and  children, 
and  I  am  sure  some  such  thought  came  into  Mr. 
Ames'  mind,  for  I  noticed  him  putting  down 
names  and  figures  on  a  slip  of  paper  for  some 
good  purpose,  I  know. 

Well,  we  had  what  the  detective  called  "  a 
humming  old  time." 

I  myself  got  pretty  well  for  the  one  time  in 
my  life.  The  last  thing  I  remember  seeing  was 
the  treasurer  and  Jim,  the  Janitor,  waltzing 
around,  while  half  a  dozen  venerable  looking 
directors  were  "patting  Juba." 


l68  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


CHAPTER  XXI. 

THE  LAWYER'S  STORY. — Continued. 

*y  HIS  most  gigantic  robbery  dwindled  down 
to  a  loss  of  less  than  $70,000. 

I  subsequently  made  it  my  business  to  get  a 
thousand  dollars  from  the  bank  officials  and  in 
less  than  forty-eight  hours  I  slipped  it  into 
Slocum's  hands  as  I  bade  him  good-bye  at  the 
door  of  the  city  prison.  There  was  no  proof 
against  him  and  he  was  discharged  as  a  matter 
of  course.  I  have  not  seen  him  since  but  I  have 
heard  indirectly  that  he  is  an  honest  man  in  a 
distant  city,  and  has  succeeded  in  retrieving  his 
one  false  step. 

The  other  parties  were  never  discovered — in 
fact,  we  didn't  look  for  them  and  don't  want 
them  any  more;  they  got  over  $60,000.  They 
can  keep  it  and  keep  themselves  away. 

The  reader  paused. 

"  And  is  that  all,"  said  the  Host  ? 

"  No  "  said  the  Lawyer,  as  the  smile  faded 
from  his  face  and  his  voice  faltered  ;  "  no,"  he 
said  softly.  "Some  balmy  spring  day  you  may 
perchance  enter  a  cemetery  not  many  miles 
from  this  great  bustling  city ;  you  pass  along 
the  broad  gravelled  carriage  drive  where  the  air 
is  laden  with  the  odor  of  flowers.  You  see 
many  mounds  with  great  white  shafts  above 
them,  and  many  humbler  graves  marked  only 
with  the  soft  verdure  that  nature  plants  on  God's 
acre. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF*    SHORT    HAND.  1  69 

"  Passing  through  the  winding  walks  of  the 
City  of  the  Dead  you  at  length  come  to  a  corner 
obscure  and  alone.  You  see  a  mound  there. 
Above  it  a  great  grey  boulder.  Behind  the 
stone  a  small  weeping  willow  tree  droops  grace 
fully  over  the  unhewn  rock,  its  slender  branches 
sway  and  bend  in  the  gentle  breeze  and  almost 
hide  the  stone  from  view. 

"  There  is  a  brass  plate  on  the  southerly  cor 
ner  of  the  rock,  with  the  inscription,  '  Erected 
by  the  Officers  and  Trustees  of  the  Southamp 
ton  Trust  Company,'  and  a  long  reference  to 
the  quiet  sleeper  beneath  the  mound. 

"  Go  closer  ;  bend  low,  and  lift  the  swaying 
branches  from  the  face  of  the  stone,  and  you  see 
deeply  cut  in  its  rugged  front  : 


of 

JHicljitcL 
'faithful  unto 

The  Lawyer  turned  his  back  to  the  company 
and  blew  his  nose  loudly  ;  the  Coroner  had  his 
hand  over  his  face,  apparently  asleep,  though  his 
lips  were  quivering  ;  the  Host  seemed  to  be  tak 
ing  motes  from  his  eyes  with  the  corner  of  his 
handkerchief  ;  the  Stenographer  was  intently 
studying  the  pattern  of  the  carpet,  and  the  Real 
Estate  Man  was  silently  staring  through  the 
window  at  the  dismal  darkness  of  the  winter's 
night. 

The  silence  was  unbroken,  save  for  an  occa 
sional  sniff,  low  and  sob-like. 

They  were  men  of  many  callings,  varying 
creeds  and  different  nationalities,  but,  "  One 
touch  of  Nature  makes  the  whole  world  kin." 


fjo 


THE    ODDITIKrf    OK    SHORT    HAND. 


CHAPTER  XXII. 
THE  PRISONER'S  NOTES. 

*T~HE    worshipers  were  promptly  gathered  at 

the  shrine. 

It  being  understood  that  on  this  evening  it 
was  the  Real  Estate  Man's  turn  to  "  shoot  off  his 
mouth,"  as  the  Host  expressed  it,  the  other  mem 
bers  were  filled  with  curiosity  to  see  how  the 
poor  gentleman  would  acquit  himself. 


The  worshipers  were  promptly  gathered  at  the  shrine. 

After  many  apologies  about  a  severe  cold, 
which  rendered  him  very  hoarse,  about  the  lack 
of  opportunity  for  preparation,  and  a  piteous 
appeal  for  an  extension  of  time,  that  was  prompt 
ly  voted  down,  the  sufferer  adjusted  his  glasses 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  1 71 

at  the  proper  angle,  produced  a  great  coil  of 
paper,  which,  amid  the  profound  silence  of  the 
company,  he  unrolled,  and,  having  taken  the 
kink  out,  read  as  follows  : 

An  isolated,  bleak,  desolate  place.  Never 
inviting,  it  is  gloomy,  if  not  uncanny  looking  on 
this  dark,  cheerless  November  day. 

A  barren  spot  indeed,  as  may  be  known  by 
the  stunted  cedars  and  scrub  oaks  that  strive  to 
get  sustenance  from  the  hard,  stony  ground. 
No  sunlight  seems  to  strike  it.  No  birds  are 
carolling  blithely  from  leafy  trees. 

No  sound,  save  ever  and  anon  a  faint  shriek 
of  unearthly  laughter,  and  the  almost  inaudible 
but  steady  "  clink,  clink,"  of  hammering  stone. 
Around  about  you  all  is  desolate,  grim,  cheer 
less. 

In  the  background  stand  a  group  of  great 
stone  buildings,  surrounded  by  massive  walls. 
The  sinister  and  forbidding  appearance  of  the 
nearest  structure  is  intensified  by  a  glance  at  the 
iron-latticed  windows,  through  the  interstices  of 
which  are  seen  pale,  drawn  faces — faces  that, 
once  seen,  are  not  forgotten  in  many  a  day. 
Gaunt,  wolfish,  terror-stricken,  white,  with  glar 
ing  eyes  ;  some  tear-stained  and  intelligent  look 
ing,  but  all  bearing  in  some  respect  the  awful 
mark  of  God's  greatest  affliction — a  shattered 
mind. 

Just  beyond  is  another  structure.  They  are 
both  public  institutions. 

In  one  it  sometimes  happens  that  iniquit}', 
under  the  guise  of  charity,  does  its  hideous 
work.  And  despite  the  power  of  riches,  some  of 
the  patients  here  are  wealthy. 


Z72  THE   ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND. 

The  poor  are  not  so  often  declared  insane, 
without  sufficient  excuse.  Having  no  estates, 
there  is  no  good  reason  why  they  should  be. 
Without  relatives  financially  interested  in  their 
incarceration,  the  very  poor,  even  when  some 
what  demented,  are  suffered  to  plod  along  in  the 
even  tenor  of  their  way,  oblivious  of  certificates 
signed  by  experts,  unclutched  by  the  grip  of 
the  modern  press-gang,  and  live  out  their  lit 
tle  lives,  enjoying  liberty  and  the  pursuit  of  hap 
piness " 

The  Coroner  interrupted  the  reader  : 

"  Excuse  me  for  breaking  in  here,  but  a  thought 
strikes  me " 

The  aggravating  Host  interrupted  in  turn,  in  a 
tone  of  feigned  interest ; 

"  Oh,  how  singular  !  Strike  you  hard,  and 
where  ? " 

"  It  is  this,"  said  the  little  Irishman,  heedless 
of  the  Host :  "  The  wisdom  exhibited  by  the 
Fathers,  when  they  declared  that  every  man  had 
the  right  to  life,  liberty,  and  t.he  pursuit  of  hap 
piness.  You  observe  it  is  the  pursuit,  not  the 
possession,  and  people  have  been  pursuing  it  for 
thousands  of  years — will  pursue  it  to  the  end  and 
can  never  grasp  it,  so  that  it  may  he  true  after 
all  that  men  must  first  '  seek  the  kingdom  of 
God,'  that  the  other  things  may  be  added.  And 
it  seems  to  me  that  Moore  put  it  glori-?'.^Jy  vJv.** 
he  said  : 

"  This  world  is  all  a  fleeting  show, 

For  man's  illusion  given  ; 
The  smiles  of  Joy,  the  tears  of  Woe, 
Deceitful  shine,  deceitful  flow — 

There's  nothing  true  but  Heaven.* 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  173 

"  But,"  began  the  sarcastic  gentleman,  "  where 
do  you  put  the  narratives  we  have  been  listening 
to,  and  the  men " 

"Order,  order!"  the  Lawyer  said,  authoritative 
ly,  "  we  are  here  to  listen  to  a  story,  and  these 
discussions  are  entirely  inappropriate  and  un 
called  for." 

The  irrepressible  gentleman  was  not  to  be 
subdued. 

"  Why,  I  have  heard  it  said  by  good  authority, 
that  men  would  be  happy  but  they  want  too 
much.  There  is  happiness.  The  truest  and 
most  perfect  picture  of  happiness  and  content 
ment  that  I  ever  saw  was  a  hog  that  lay  grunt 
ing  in  three  feet  of  soft  mud,  and  I  have  seen  a 

cow  in  a  meadow  chewing  its  cud Pray,  excuse 

me,"  he  said  abruptly,  as  the  Real  Estate  Man 
with  a  look  of  displeasure  on  his  face  began  to 
fold  up  his  papers — "  Pray  excuse  me  and  pro 
ceed." 

The  reader  resumed  : 

Let  us  enter  this  sepulchre — we  may  justly 
call  it  such,  for  although  the  inmates  have 
physical  life  in  their  bodies,  yet,  they  are  in 
reality  dead  to  the  wor:^.  What  matters  to 
them  progress  in  the  arts  and  sciences  ;  like  the 
brutes  of  the  field  and  the  birds  of  the  air  they 
have  no  thought  but  to  eat,  to  drink,  to  sleep. 

Grasping  the  strong  balustrade,  we  go  up  the 
broad  staircase  to  the  big  door  with  its  massive 
hinges,  tremendous  knob,  double  panels  and 
solid  stiles  which  seem  to  say  that  all  may  not 
pass  here.  We  pull  the  bell  at  the  door  frame 
and  a  deep,  resonant  clang,  reverberates  through 
the  long  halls  of  the  madhouse.  After  some 


174  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAXD. 

delay  there  is  a  noise  of  the  unloosening  of  bolts, 
the  door  opens  a  few  inches,  and  a  grizzly, 
strongly  marked  face  peers  through  the  aper 
ture  :  "  You  can't  come  in  here.  Visitors'  day 
is  next  month. — Oh,  a  pass  from  the  superin 
tendent?  Come."  Another  moment,  the  chain 
is  off  and  the  big  door  swings  open.  After  pre 
senting  the  proper  voucher  you  are  directed  to 
follow  the  keeper  and  pass  through  the  long, 
clean  corridors,  now  silent  and  deserted.  The 
inmates  are  at  dinner.  Everywhere,  cleanliness 
and  order. 

I  digress  here  long  enough  to  challenge  the 
truth  of  the  two  old  saws  that  "  Cleanliness  is 
next  to  Godliness,"  and  that  "  Order  is  heaven's 
first  law."  One  is  merely  the  trade-mark  of 
some  wide-awake  soap  maker,  and  while  the 
other  rests  on  fair  authority,  it  is  none  the  less 
false.  You  see  at  a  glance  that  order  reigns 
here.  And  order  reigned  in  Warsaw  after  the 
devastating  armies  passed  over  it  and  crushed 
the  people  ;  then  there  was  order,  for  there  was 
no  life  to  create  disorder. 

The  resident  superintendent,  as  he  smilingly 
bids  you  welcome,  warns  you  that,  "  It  is  one  of 
the  singular  idiosyncracies  of  nearly  all  forms 
of  dementia  known  to  alienists  that  the  more  the 
unfortunates  insist  upon  their  complete  sanity 
the  more  unbalanced  they  are  ;  and,  it  net  un- 
frequently  happens  that  visitors  to  such  institu 
tions,  •  who  are  otherwise  intelligent,  after  the 
round  of  inspection,  go  forth  with  a  strong  im 
pression,  if  not  a  preposterous  belief,  that  sane 
persons  are  sometimes  under  confinement  as  de 
mented,  and  that  the  innocent  often  suffer  the 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  175 

punishment  of  the  guilty.  This  never  occurs. 
Never.  There  is  scarce  room  for  the  unques 
tionably  insane,  and  no  innocent  person  is  ever 
unjustly  confined.  Reilly,  show  the  gentlemen 
through  the  male  ward  and  prison." 

Following  the  attendant  into  the  almost  empty 
wards,  and  then  to  the  grounds,  we  see  the  sad 
dest  sights  that  the  human  eye  has  ever  beheld. 

The  most  incongruous  companionship  is  ob 
served  in  the  scattered  groups  about  the  court 
yard.  In  one  corner  two  very  aged  gentlemen 
and  a  mere  boy  are  playing  some  childish  game 
with  small  stones.  Here  a  native  American  and 
an  unmistakable  Briton  with  clasped  hands  are 
sauntering  lovingly  up  and  down  the  yard. 
There  an  Irishman  and  an  Israelite  sit  on  one 
bench  with  arms  entwined  in  reverential  af 
fection.  Another  loving  group,  partly  French, 
partly  German,  in  a  corner  of  the  enclosure  in 
dicates  that  the  ordinary  feelings  of  sane  men 
have  no  place  in  this  remote  retreat.  Other 
sights  there  are,  strange,  heart-rending  and 
gruesome.  We  forbear  to  describe  them,  or  the 
chatter  of  those  who  imagine  themselves  to  be 
kings,  emperors,  popes  and  potentates  possessing 
unlimited  wealth  and  innumerable  slaves  to  carry 
out  their  wishes.  We  follow  the  guide  to  a 
break  in  the  otherwise  solid  wall.  He  inserts  a 
key  in  an  iron  door,  pushes  us  through  the  open 
ing,  quickly  turns  and  secures  the  door.  This  is 
the  outer  yard  of  the  prison.  Through  another 
higher  and  stone-capped  wall  and  we  are  within 
the  inner  enclosure  in  which  the  jail  proper  is 
situated.  Cheerless  and  forbidding  as  this  great 
grey  structure  is,  it  is  less  gloomy  than  the  build- 


176  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

ing  we  have  just  left.  One  of  these  buildings  is 
the  frying  pan  ;  the  other  is  the  fire.  The  term 
of  confinement  in  one  is  fixed  by  law.  The 
term  of  incarceration  in  the  other  depends  upon 
the  mental  condition  of  the  subject.  In  one  the 
demented  ;  in  the  other  the  malefactor.  In  one 
idiocy  and  indifference  darken  the  countenance 
of  the  inmate  ;  in  the  other  the  expectation  of 
release  brightens  the  face  of  the  criminal.  In 
one  the  incarcerated  bear  the  mark  of  mental 
affliction  ;  in  the  other  Hope  brightens  days  to 
come. 

The  heavily  ironed  door  that  leads  to  the 
first  tier  of  cells  in  this  building  bears  on  its 
lintel  a  sign  as  of  mockery  :  "  The  way  of  the 
transgressor  is  hard."  As  if  these  poor  creatures 
knew  it  not !  It  is  thrust  on  the  attention  of 
even  the  most  callous  every  minute,  of  every 
hour,  of  every  day  in  the  long  and  weary  years 
of  their  confinement  "at  hard  labor."  Aye! 
even  until  the  iron  grip  of  the  law  in  due  course 
of  time  is  relaxed,  the  clemency  of  the  execu 
tive  is  moved  to  intervene,  or,  until  "The  night 
cometh  and  no  man  can  work."  Yes,  "the  way 
of  the  transgressor  is  hard." 

The  strong  walls  grimly  frown  it.  The 
furtive  looks  show  it.  The  ironed  barred  win 
dows  bespeak  it.  The  ball  and  chain  strike  it 
as  they  come  together.  The  great  metal  door 
emphasizes  it  in  every  clang.  The  air  that  fit 
ters  through  the  little  high  windows  whispers  it. 
The  hard-faced  jailers  jingle  it  in  the  rattle  of 
the  big  keys.  The  handcuffs  click  it.  The 
dark  cell,  the  solitary  confinement,  the  coarse 
fare,  all — all  tell  the  unfortunate  in  unmistak- 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


177 


able  tones  and  without  the  aid  of  the  emblazon 
ed  sign  on  the  outer  walls  that,  "The  way  of 
the  transgressor  is  hard." 

As  you  stand  here  the  prisoners  come  from 
the  dining-room,  rapidly  and  in  disorderly 
squads. 


"  Halt ! "  comes  from  a  keeper  in  a  harsh 
voice.  "  Form  and  fall  in;  drop  the  left  hand 
to  your  sides  ;  put-your-right  hand-on-the-right- 
shoulder-of-the-man-in-front.  Steady,  now. 
Shuffle." 

It  is  the  "lock  step,"  executed  with  military 
precision,  and  the  men  are  going  out  to  break 


178  THE    ODDITIKS    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

stone  for  the  State.  No  laughing,  no  pushing. 
Every  man  falls  into  his  place. 

A  mere  boy,  intelligent  and  innocent  looking, 
tries  in  vain  to  catch  the  eyes  of  the  visitors.  A 
warning  shout  from  a  keeper,  and  with  averted 
face,  he  passes  on  with  his  fellows.  At  a  little 
distance  the  close,  compact,  moving  mass  of  hu 
man  beings  in  the  striped  garb,  looks  not  unlike 
a  great  spotted  serpent  wincing  its  way  through 
the  huge  gateway.  After  a  time  the  strangers 
follow  the  gang  to  watch  the  work. 

Again  the  youthful  prisoner  endeavors  to  at 
tract  the  notice  of  the  obtuse  visitors,  but  a  loud 
imprecation  from  the  watchful  keeper  warns 
him  that  the  infraction  will  be  punished. 

Tiring  of  the  monotony,  heart  sick  of  the 
whole  thing,  the  stupid  visitors  wait  but  a  mo 
ment  and  depart.  Like  the  Idols  of  the  Gen 
tiles,  having  eyes,  they  see  not.  They  fail  to 
note  the  agony  of  the  boyish  face,  the  furtive 
attempts  to  attract  their  attention,  the  awful 
desire  to  speak. 

At  the  risk  of  punishment — the  coarse  bread, 
the  impure  water,  the  dark  cell,  he  is  about  to 
put  his  idea  into  execution.  He  fears  not  his 
fate  too  much,  but  will  put  it  to  the  touch  at  alt 
hazards,  and  he  rises. 

Too  late  !  they  are  gone.  Too  late  !  Again  ? 
•'  How  long,  O,  Lord,  how  long  ?  "  And  again 
as  before  the  tears  drop  hot  and  fast  on  the 
hardened  stone  and  melt  it  not.  Nor  have  they 
softened  the  hearts  of  jailers.  He  is  young, 
buoyant,  hopeful,  and  even  as  the  bitter  tears 
blind  him  he  thinks  in  his  heart,  "  Blessed  are 


THi:    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  179 

they  who  hunger  and  thirst  after  justice,  for 
they  shall  be  filled." 

Many  months  afterwards  one  of  the  visitors 
learned  the  facts  embodied  in  this  additional 
manuscript,  which  I  may  call  the  sequel  to  this 
prelude. 

The  boyish  prisoner  was  not  baffled  in  the 
end. 

He  mourned  and  was  comforted.  He  suffered 
persecution  for  Justice's  sake,  and  came  to  his 
kingdom  after  all. 

The  relation  concerns  him,  and  begins  in  this 
way. 


l8o  THE    ODDITIES     OF  SHORT    HAND. 


CHAPTER  XXIII. 

IT  was  a  very  ordinary  looking  dwelling-house 
*  in  a  thriving  town  in 

Its  look  of  plainness  was  increased  by  the 
drawn  shutters,  and  the  almost  uninhabited 
look  of  the  whole  exterior,  for  the  windows  and 
doors  were  shut  close. 

No  shout  of  children  playing  in  the  yard 
broke  the  solemn  stillness.  No  sign  of  house 
work  was  to  be  seen. 

At  rare  intervals  a  villager  entered  at  the 
dilapidated  gate-way,  passed  through  the  yard 
to  the  rear  of  the  house,  walked  noiselessly  in 
and  spoke  in  whispers. 

The  black  crape  streaming  from  the  knob  of 
the  door  told  the  sad  story.  There  was  death 
in  the  house. 

No  wonder  that  the  passer-by  sighed.  No 
wonder  that  the  good  women  wept  and  spoke 
softly. 

Death  was  present  in  its  worst  form.  In  the 
humble,  darkened  sitting-room,  resting  on  two 
chairs,  was  a  cheap  stained  coffin  containing  all 
that  remained  of  the  dead  woman,  aged,  as  the 
cheap  plate  put  it  "32  years." 

Around  about  the  casket  sat  a  few  neighbors 
and  the  bereaved  children — a  little  girl  and  two 
boys,  aged  respectively,  four,  eleven  and  four 
teen. 

All  were  silent,  save  when  a  mournful  wail  or 


THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  l8l 

a  barely  suppressed  sob  broke  the  stillness  of 
the  room. 

The  father  and  husband  sat  at  the  head  of 
the  coffin  apparently  stunned  and  disheartened. 
There  was  a  look  of  sleeplessness,  of  fatigue, 
and  a  faint  indication  of  dissipation  or  inde 
cision,  on  his  strongly  marked  and  weather- 
beatenface. 

John  Morley  and  his  wife  Ann,  had  started 
life  hand  in  hand  some  fifteen  years  before,  with 
good  health  and  nothing  else.  God  had  blessed 
their  union  with  three  children. 

The  boys  attended  school  in  a  near-by  city, 
Joseph,  the  eldest,  being  of  a  studious  turn  of 
mind  had  been  encouraged  to  learn  phonogra 
phy  with  other  branches  of  knowledge.  The 
boys  had  been  progressing  fairly  well  at  school, 
but,  since  the  mother's  grievous  illness,  house 
hold  matters  had  not  gone  just  as  they  should 
have.  Minnie,  the  girl,  was  a  mere  babe. 
Although  the  elder  children  did  their  utmost  to 
assist  in  the  household  work  and  to  continue 
their  studies,  it  was  found  difficult  to  retain  the 
usual  orderly  routine.  One  of  the  boys  was  re 
quired  to  be  in  constant  attendance  at  his 
mother's  bedside,  and  cleanliness,  order,  and 
promptness,  in  serving  the  meals  was  the  excep 
tion.  During  his  wife's  illness  the  father  began 
gradually  to  neglect  his  home. 

Occasionally,  too,  he  came  home  from  the 
shop  with  a  sleepy,  watery  look  about  the 
eyes,  walking  with  unsteady  gait  and  speaking 
with  thick  utterance.  The  truth  is  the  man  was 
unstable  and  weak.  The  ailing  condition  of  his 
wife  and  the  almost  helpless  condition  of  the 


1 82  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

family,  instead  of  making  him  stand  firm  and 
equal  to  the  emergency,  discouraged  and  dis 
heartened  him. 

The  dying  wife  saw  that  he  was  failing  in  his 
duties,  but  alas,  was  powerless  to  prevent  it. 
He  disliked  to  remain  at  home  in  the  evenings. 
He  could  not  bear  it,  he  said,  it  was  not  a  man's 
place  ;  let  the  children  or  the  neighbors  do  that ; 
he  could  do  her  no  good. 

The  woman's  sickness,  consumption,  had  the 
usual  termination.  After  long  suffering  that  she 
bore  like  a  martyr,  her  spirit  went  to  God. 

The  thin  worn  hands  were  folded  across  the 
dead  woman's  breast  ;  the  simple  shroud  was 
wrapped  about  the  wasted  form  and  the  freshly 
upturned  earth  in  the  cemetery  told  the  end. 

The  little  family  vainly  struggled  to  recover 
from  the  shock.  The  father  made  weak  attempts 
in  his  own  poor  way  to  conduct  household  mat 
ters  properly,  but  after  a  few  signal  failures, 
gave  it  up. 

Gradually,  he  absented  himself  from  home. 
Night  after  night  he  spent  at  the  public  house 
or  visiting  the  neighbors.  Thus  he  soon  forgot 
his  bereavement. 

Matters  went  on  in  this  way  for  several 
months.  At  length  Morley  married  again.  The 
new  Mrs.  Morley  although  neither  comely  nor 
in  the  prime  of  life,  had  what  was  said  to  be  im 
portant  to  Morley  :  an  interest  in  some  farming 
land  supposed  to  be  valuable. 

After  her  advent,  household  affairs,  formerly 
barely  tolerable,  became  decidedly  unpleasant. 
A  woman  of  ungovernable  temper,  from  the 
first  she  seemed  to  have  an  intense  dislike  to  her 


THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  I&3 

husband's  children,  and  took  every  occasion  to 
manifest  it.  Looking  upon  them  as  interlopers, 
on  the  slightest  provocation,  even  without  ex 
cuse,  she  scolded,  insulted,  and  chastised  them 
severely.  Little  mementoes  of  the  dead  woman 
hoarded  as  treasures,  she  disdainfully  threw  in 
the  dust  heap  despite  the  tears  and  protests  of 
the  children.  Under  this  treatment  they  became 
restive.  Complaints  to  the  father  brought 
neither  redress  nor  interference,  and  served 
only  to  increase  the  wife's  anger.  This  state  of 
things  gradually  made  the  children  cross  and 
peevish.  It  was  a  house  divided  against  itself, 
and  could  not  stand.  Bickering  was  not  un 
common.  The  elder  lad  seemed  to  come  in  for 
a  large  share  of  unreasonable  abuse  ;  and  the 
once  quiet  boy  answered  the  stepmother  with 
disrespect  and  anger.  She  said  and  did  what 
most  aggravated  him.  Again  and  again  appeals 
were  made  to  the  father.  A  weak  protest  on 
his  part  was  followed  by  prompt  submission, 
"Anything  for  peace  sake,"  he  said. 


184  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


CHAPTER  XXIV. 

|NCE  after  the  boys  had  gone  to  school, 
noting  the  absence  of  the  little  girl,  her 
stepmother  called  her  impatiently.  There  was 
no  immediate  response.  The  woman  softly  crept 
up  the  garret  stairs,  and  finding  the  child,  she 
roughly  accused  her  of  heedlessness  and  seizing 
a  stout  billet  of  wood  was  about  to  inflict  con 
dign  punishment  on  her. 

Just  then  the  elder  boy  returning,  entered  the 
house.  At  the  sight  of  his  sister,  pale  and  trem 
bling  and  the  passion  distorted  face  of  the 
woman,  he  unfortunately  gave  way  to  anger. 
All  the  real  and  fancied  insults  and  ill-treatment 
he  had  suffered,  came  to  his  mind  and  his  blood 
boiled. 

"  Let  my  sister  alone,"  he  cried,  and  he 
rushed  to  the  rescue.  His  only  intention  was  to 
protect  the  girl.  In  striving  to  save  the  child  a 
disgraceful  hand-to-hand  struggle  ensued.  In 
scuffling  about  the  enraged  woman  tripped  on 
some  obstacle,  and  in  falling  heavily  to  the  floor 
struck  her  head  against  the  stove.  At  that  in 
stant,  a  peddler,  who  had  been  a  silent  witness 
of  the  occurrence  from  the  open  door- way,  see 
ing  the  unpleasant  termination  of  the  affair, 
uttered  a  loud  cry  and  rapidly  left  the  scene. 
The  woman  lay  gasping  and  unconscious  with 
the  blood  slowly  oozing  from  a  dreadful  wound 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  185 

in  the  head.  The  boy  retained  the  weapon  from 
which  she  had  released  her  grasp  and  for  a 
brief  instant  he  stood  over  the  bleeding  woman 
in  this  guilty  attitude.  Save  for  the  presence  of 
the  injured  woman,  he  was  alone.  Early  in  the 
struggle,  the  little  girl  had  run  out  shrieking. 
Her  cries  and  the  noise  of  the  struggle  brought 
the  neighbors  into  the  room  and  they  observed 
the  lad  in  the  compromising  position  referred  to. 

Scarcely  knowing  what  he  said  Joe  uttered  a 
loud  cry  of  "What  have  I  done  ?"  and  stooping 
down  attempted  to  raise  the  woman's  head  on 
his  lap. 

To  his  intense  horror,  she  was  gasping.  An 
other  moment,  and  she  was  dead.  The  limbs 
were  rapidly  growing  stiff  and  cold.  The  dead 
eyes  glared  at  him.  Neighbors  gathered  about 
uttering  wild  cries  of  consternation  and  affright. 
Shocked  as  they  were,  no  pen  or  tongue  can  de 
scribe  the  speechless,  ghastly  terror  of  the  lad. 
Deprived  of  reason  and  almost  of  utterance,  by 
the  awful  occurrence  he  jabbered  some  inco 
herent  excuse,  while  those  who  had  heard  his 
words  and  the  noise  of  the  struggle  and  saw  the 
blood-stained  weapon  in  his  hand,  looked  at  him 
askance  and  shook  their  heads. 

Stunned  and  shocked  by  the  awful  accident — 
unconscious  of  the  dreadful  predicament  in  which 
he  was  placed,  the  dazed  youth  could  say  noth 
ing  in  his  own  behalf.  Circumstances  were 
strongly  against  him.  '  He  was  discovered  red- 
handed,  the  horror  of  guilt  on  his  face. 

The  local  police  took  the  necessary  steps,  and 
acted  throughout  the  dreadful  proceeding  on 
the  only  apparent  theory — guilt.  Of  course,  the 


i86          THE  ODDITIES  OF  SHORT  HAND. 

ill-feeling  between  the  dead  woman  and  the  step 
son  was  known.  It  was  believed  by  all  that  the 
woman  had  undertaken  to  chastise  the  little  girl, 
this  was  forcibly  resented  by  Joe,  and  unfortu 
nately,  allowing  his  temper  to  overcome  his 
reason,  he  had  struck  the  woman  and  wounded 
her  to  death.  It  was  too  plain.  The  accused 
did  not  deny  it.  He  could  not.  Had  he  done 
so,  the  denial  would  not  be  accepted  in  the  face 
of  the  circumstantial  evidence.  The  most  that 
could  be  said  was  that  he  did  not  mean  murder; 
the  blow  was  unintentionally  severe,  perhaps. 
Yet  he  was  none  the  less  guilty  of  bloodshed. 

But  barely  charitable  as  this  construction  was 
it  was  entertained  by  few  or  none.  The  dis 
tracted  father  appeared  on  the  scene  crying  for 
vengeance  before  he  knew  the  facts,  and  the  boy 
was  soon  lodged  in  jail  on  a  charge  of  Murder. 

The  county  court  of  -  —  was  in  session  and 
the  case  was  promptly  disposed  of.  The  Jury 
found  a  verdict  of  murder  against  the  boy  with 
a  recommendation  to  mercy  on  account  of  his 
youth  and  previous  good  character. 

The  accused  was  sentenced  to  fifteen  years  at 
hard  labor  in  prison.  There  was  no  interference 
on  his  behalf  by  anyone;  his  friends  turned  from 
him  for  the  reason  that  his  natural  protector  be 
lieved  him  guilty,  and  the  father  certainly  did 
not  oppose  any  obstacle  to  the  due  course  of  law. 
Wiihin, a  few  days  after  the  jtrial  the  sheriff  of 
the  county,  with  a  commitment  under  the  seal 
of  the  court  appeared  on  the  scene,  and  by  him 
the  poor  lad  was  placed  in  the  bleak  and  gloomy 
prison  that  I  have  attempted  to  describe  in  the 
opening  of  this  story,  and  had  for  his  close  com- 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  187 

panions,  some  of  the  most  incorrigible  of  the 
criminal  classes. 

It  so  happened  that  one  of  the  keepers  in 
charge  of  the  stone-breaking  gang  in  which  the 
lad  was  placed  in  jail,  was  distantly  related  to 
the  deceased  woman,  and  this  man's  feeling:: 
were  decidedly  hostile  to  the  boy. 

This  is  hardly  to  be  wondered  at ;  he  believed 
as  the  jury  did,  that  the  young  convict  was  a 
red-handed  murderer,  who  had  escaped  gallowc 
by  a  technicality.  No  sooner  was  the  youthful 
prisoner  within  his  power  than  he  began  a 
course  of  treatment  towards  him,  both  in.  regard 
to  the  day's  task  and  infractions  of  the  prison 
rules  that  made  Joe's  life  in  the  institution  seem 
like  a  hideous  nightmare. 


1 88  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


CHAPTER  XXV. 

*|  HE  prisoner  after  a  time  seemed  to  have  re 
covered  his  senses,  so  to  speak;  he  could  look 
back  now  with  reasonable  composure  at  the 
horrid  scene  in  which  he  had  been  a  participant, 
and  for  which  he  had  suffered  so  grieviously. 
He  began  to  think  that  if  the  trial  were  to  take 
place  again,  he  could  have  convinced  the  jury 
that  he  was  entirely  innocent.  He  remembered 
now  that  the  peddler  had  seen  the  occurrence, 
and  while  he  did  not  know  where  the  man  could 
be  found,  he  felt  that  if  he  could  be  produced, 
his  evidence  would  be  sufficient  for  an  acquittal. 
He  vainly  attempted  to  communicate  with  those 
who  were  or  should  have  been  his  friends.  No 
letters  were  allowed  to  go  from  prisoners  unless 
with  the  sanction  and  concurrence  of  the  prison 
authorities.  No  communication  passed  from  the 
convict  to  the  outside  world  save  such  as  suited 
the  prison  officials.  Letters  were  sent  and  inter 
cepted.  Smarting  under  a  sense  of  injustice, 
weak  from  lack  of  proper  food,  worrying  about 
the  condition  of  his  brother  and  sister  from 
whom  he  was  entirely  isolated,  coupled  with 
thoughts  of  his  own  forlorn  and  friendless  state 
made  his  lot  anything  but  enviable.  He  wrote 
a  kind  and  truthful  letter  to  his  father  in  which 
he  spoke  of  his  sad  life  in  the  prison,  and  begged 
him  "  for  God's  sake  "  to  hunt  up  the  one  wit 
ness  of  the  dreadful  occurrence,  whose  truthful 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  189 

statement,  he  had  no  doubt,  would  fully  exoner 
ate  him,  adding,  that  he  would  either  die  or  go 
mad  if  his  afflictions  in  the  prison  continued.  It 
was  piteous  but  useless.  The  letter  was  opened 
in  the  main  office  by  one  of  the  officials  who  in 
formed  the  convict  that  they  did  not  allow  such 
reports  of  ill-treatment  to  be  made  by  prisoners, 
so  tenderly  cared  for  by  the  merciful  authorities 
of  the  jail.  Again  and  again  he  strove  to  com 
municate  with  visitors. 

This  was  an  infraction  always  punished.  He 
endeavored  to  send  word  through  the  discharg 
ed  prisoners — to  those  he  thought  might  be 
friend  him,  his  schoolmates,  his  mother's  rela 
tives,  his  teachers,  but  no  one  cared  to  interfere 
in  his  behalf. 

Placed  in  jail  under  circumstances  that  seemed 
to  justify  it,  his  own  father  and  neighbors  being 
the  principal  witnesses  against  him,  those  who 
would  otherwise  have  interfered  held  aloof,  fear 
ing  that  it  might  be  meddling  in  family  affairs 
which  did  not  concern  them. 

The  only  letter  it  was  permissible  to  send 
from  the  prison  was  one  expressing  gratitude  to 
those  in  charge  of  the  institution,  extolling  the 
management,  and  praising  the  officials  for  their 
thoughtful  consideration  of  those  under  their 
charge.  All  communications,  which  in  the 
slightest  degree  commented  on  or  criticised  the 
prison  management  were  intercepted  or  destroy 
ed,  or  returned  to  the  prisoner  with  a  reprimand 
and  occasionally  something  more.  So  it  is  not 
surprising  that  no  letter  was  received  from  the 
boy  during  the  long  period  of  his  incarceration, 
certainly  none  that  would  cause  uneasiness 


igO  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

among  friends,  if  there  were  any  who  desired  to 
aid  him. 

One  day  in  each  month  was  set  apart  for  visi 
tors,  and  although  poor  Joe  had  no  friends  to 
call  upon  him,  he  was  carefully  removed  on  these 
occasions  from  the  sight  of  callers  to  a  lonely  cell. 

The  annual  visit  of  inspection  by  the  State 
Prison  Authorities  was  to  be  made  to  the  jail 
on  the  agth  of  May.  Although  conversation  was 
strictly  prohibited  among  the  prisoners,  this 
fact  leaked  out  and  Joe  hoped  much  from  it. 

The  unfortunate  lad's  hope  was  that  he  would 
have  an  opportunity  of  stating  his  case  to  some 
of  the  humane  public  authorities,  who  would 
look  into  it  and  do  justice  for  justice's  sake. 

Judge  of  his  dismay,  when  informed  that  dur 
ing  the  time  of  the  visit  of  inspection,  he  was* to 
be  placed  in  a  remote  part  of  the  institution 
where  he  could  neither  see  nor  communicate 
with  the  visitors.  Early  on  the  morning  set 
apart  for  the  inspection,  he  was  ordered  to  throw 
the  loose  paving  stones  that  had  been  trimmed 
by  the  prisoners  from  the  gravel  walk  to  the 
side  of  the  road,  so  as  to  allow  the  carriages  of 
the  officials  free  access  through  the  prison  yard. 

This  work  was  to  be  completed  by  ten  o'clock, 
the  visitors  being  due  at  eleven.  While  engaged 
in  this  task  a  bright  idea  occurred  to  the  lad 
which  he  thought  it  well  to  put  into  practice. 
Although  the  keen  eyes  of  the  keeper  were  upon 
him,  he  managed  in  carrying  the  stones  to  place 
them  on  the  hill-side  in  this  order  : 

"There,"  thought  tne  boy,  "thanks  to  my 
education  I  have  been  able  to  do  that.  If  the 
overseer  understands  it  I  may  spend  years  in 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


191 


this  place  ;  if  he  does  not  it  will  be  strange  in 
deed,  if  some  of  the  visitors  do  not  see  and 
comprehend  it." 


He  was  ordered  back  to  his  cell,  and  shortly 
afterwards  the  Inbpector  and  the  Governor's 
Secretary,  accompanied  by  a  party  of  ladies  and 
gentlemen,  entered  the  prison  yard.  The  Inspec 
tor,  followed  by  his  wife  and  little  boy,  mounted 
the  staircase  on  one  side  of  the  prison  yard  and 
i  Imirably  performed  the  duty  of  watching  the 
prise ners  file  before  him  under  the  care  of  the 
keeper,  after  which  he  shook  hands  with  the 
prison  authorities,  congratulated  the  prisoners 
on  their  happy  life,  advising  them  to  be  good, 
and  just,  and  fear  not,  etc.,  and  finished  the  in 
spection  by  eating  a  good  dinner  at  the  expense 
ol  the  State. 


192  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


CHAPTER  XXVI. 

\  i  7HILE  the  dinner  was  under  discussion,  the 
"  Governor's  secretary,  a  keen-looking  young 
man,  sauntered  about  the  grounds  enjoying  a  fra 
grant  Havana.  His  attention  attracted  to  the 
pile  of  cut  stones,  he  glanced  at  it  casually  and 
noticed  with  surprise  the  order  in  which  they 
were  placed.  Another  glance,  he  rubbed  his 
eyes,  went  closer  and  looked  again.  Then  he 
uttered  a  low  whistle. 

{JWell/'  he  said,  when  he  had  somewhat  re 
covered,  "  this  is  most  remarkable  ;  it  cannot 
be  an  accident ;  it  is  surely  a  singular  thing.  I 
will  see  about  it." 

He  was  about  to  call  the  attention  of  one  of 
the  keepers  to  what  he  had  first  thought  might 
be  an  odd  coincidence  or  whim  of  a  prisoner,  but 
paused.  The  mere  fact  that  these  stones  were 
placed  in  such  an  order,  indicated  to  him  that  if 
they  were  placed  there  by  design,  the  person 
who  so  placed  them  desired  secrecy,  for  some 
reason. 

"  It  can  do  no  harm,"  thought  the  secretary, 
"  to  carry  out  the  party's  intention,  for  the  pres 
ent,  at  least." 

While  these  thoughts  were  passing  through  his 
mind,  he  re-read  the  characters,  slowly,  careful 
ly,  and  without  difficulty  : 

"  An  innocent  boy  is  being  ill-treated  in  this 
place  and  cannot  complain.  Help  !  Cell  10. 
Joe." 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  193 

"  It  spells  that,"  said  the  secretary,  softly,  "  if 
it  spells  anything,  and  while  they  are  finishing 
dinner  I  will  see  it  through." 

Taking  out  a  slip  of  paper  he  carefully  noted 
the  number  of  the  cell,  as  indicated  by  the  stones, 
and  continued  his  walk  towards  the  rear  of  the 
prison.  The  young  man  was  wise  beyond  his 
years,  and  thought  it  well  not  to  be  too  abrupt 
in  seeking  knowledge. 

"Which  are  the  even-numbered  cells?"  he 
asked  of  the  keeper.  The  latter  bowed  respect 
fully  and  obsequiously  as  he  indicated  the  tier  of 
cells  on  the  east  side  of  the  building. 

"Ah, "said  the  secretary,  "where  is  the  inmate 
of  number  eight  ? " 

On  being  informed  by  the  keeper  that  the  pris 
oner  referred  to  was  in  the  hospital,  the  secretary 
said  : 

"Well,  suppose  you  send  me  number  ten?" 

"Certainly,"  answered  the  keeper,  hesitating 
ly,  "  but  he's  a  bad  one." 

"  No  matter  about  that,"  retorted  the  secretary, 
authoritatively,  "  that's  just  the  kind  of  a  one 
that  I  want." 

In  five  minutes  more  Joe  was  tearing  out  like 
a  madman,  in  advance  of  the  keeper.  With  sobs 
and  tears  he  began,  in  a  disconnected  and  inco 
herent  way,  to  tell  his  sad  story.  By  degrees  the 
clever  young  secretary  put  the  lad  at  his  ease 
and  got  possession  of  the  essential  facts  of  the 
case,  which  he  promised  to  lay  before  the  gover 
nor. 

At  his  suggestion  the  peddler  was  hunted  up 
by  clever  detectives,  sent  down  from  the  metrop 
olis,  and  the  man's  statement,  -under  oath,  to- 


194  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

gather  with  the  boy's  previous  good  character, 
counted  for  something.  Above  all,  the  testimo 
ny  of  a  clever  doctor,  who  had  attended  the  de 
ceased  woman  for  a  number  of  years,  to  the  ef 
fect  that  the  dead  woman  was  subject  to  heart 
disease,  and  that  the  position  and  condition  of 
the  wound,  as  described  before  the  coroner's 
jury,  could  not  possibly  have  caused  her  death, 
was  procured. 

This  brightened  the  outlook,  and  a  little  of  the 
sunshine  penetrated  the  gloomy  recesses  of  the 
jail.  There  was  a  revulsion  of  public  feeling. 
Newspapers  vied  with  each  other  in  publishing 
accounts  of  it,  under  startling  headlines  : 

"  The  Clever  Ruse  of  an  Innocent  Youth," 
"Justice  Triumphant,"  etc. 

Nothing  succeeds  like  success.  The  jailers, 
once  exacting,  harsh  and  tyrannical,  became  po 
lite,  considerate  and  almost  servile  to  the  once 
oppressed  victim,  and,  in  less  than  a  month,  the 
re-habilitated  convict  stood  on  the  outside  of  the 
great  grim  door,  unfettered,  basking  in  the  sun 
light  of  freedom,  unshackled  ;  free. 

Good  fortune  continued  with  him.  His  bene 
factor  stood  by  him  manfully.  The  once  friend 
less  lad,  before  whom  the  future  had  looked  so 
dark  ;  the  wearer  of  the  striped  suit,  who  bid  fair 
to  become  a  dangerous  member  of  society,  is 
now,  thanks  to  knowledge  and  kindness,  a  rising 
man  in  the  office  of  his  firm  friend,  in  the  city 
of 

The  reader  paused,  with  a  sign  of  satisfaction, 
and  carelessly  crammed  the  manuscript  into  the 
coal  scuttle. 

"Well,"  said  the  Host,  "it  ends  well,  don't  it  ? 


THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  IQ5 

If  ever  that  young  man  gets  tired  of  that  po 
sition,  I  shall  be  glad   to  introduce   him  to  the 

Coroner  here,  who  may  want  another  clerk- " 

Without  waiting  for  further  sarcasms,  a  mo 
tion  to  adjourn  was  promptly  put  by  the  Coro 
ner,  and  as  promptly  carried  by  a  majority,  and 
the  Host  was  left  alone  to  address  his  conclud 
ing  remarks  to  the  smouldering  embers  in  the 
grate. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


CHAPTER    XXVII. 

THE  TRAMP  STENOGRAPHER. 
HE  parties   met  by  appointment.     All  were 
present  but  the  Stenographer.    As  that  gen- 


The  Vi:tim  of  Circumstances. 

tleman  was  usually  prompt  his  continued  absence 
excited  comment,  if  not  uneasiness.  While  the 
members  present  were  still  discussing  the  prob 
able  cause  of  his  absence  and  considering  the 
advisability  of  adjourning  there  was  a  knock  at 
the  door  and  the  missing  gentleman  came  in, 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  197 

He  was  not  alone.  In  his  wake  was  an  ex 
ceedingly  seedy  individual  who  slouched  into  an 
obscure  corner  of  the  room  in  a  fruitless  endea 
vor  to  make  himself  as  unconspicuous  as  possi 
ble.  The  person  will  bear  a  brief  description. 
The  shabby  dress  coat  that  enveloped  his  per 
son  was  closely  buttoned  about  his  throat  with 
the  evident  design  of  hiding  the  absence  or  un- 
laundried  condition  of  a  collar  or  perhaps  a 
larger  garment  of  wearing  apparel. 

The  man  was  about  forty  years  of  age  and 
had  perhaps  a  week's  growth  of  hair  on  his 
face.  He  was  dressed  in  odds  and  ends  of 
clothing,  the  individual  contributions  of  the  char 
itably  disposed.  Clad  in  a  fat  man's  trousers, 
a  boy's  waistcoat,  a  slender  gentleman's  coat,  he 
wore  a  pair,  or  what  was  left  of  a  pair,  of  lady's 
shoes,  much  dilapidated,  in  the  condition  known 
as  "  down  at  the  heels."  A  soft  hat  sat  at  a 
raking  angle  on  his,  by  no  means  unintellectual 
looking  head. 

This  weather  beaten  headgear  he  removed 
and  exhibited  an  exceedingly  unkempt  head  of 
hair.  He  was  an  odd  and  singular  looking  per 
son,  but  the  man  carried  himself  well,  in  fact 
jauntily,  despite  his  poor  attire  and  rather 
rough  appearance. 

Apparently  in  the  first  stage  of  consumption, 
the  only  sanative  indication  about  him  was 
a  nose  with  a  real  healthy,  ruddy,  "countrified" 
look.  Flanking  this  member  was  a  pair  of 
bright  grey  eyes,  and  below  a  mouth  with  just 
the  least  hint  of  a  smile  lurking  in  its  corners. 
There  was  about  the  fellow  a  certain  "  style" — 
a  combination  of  dirt  and  dignity  difficult  to  un- 


198  THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND. 

derstand  and  impossible  to  describe.  As  before 
stated,  he  shuffled  to  a  corner  of  the  room  behind 
a  chair  in  the  endeavor  to  make  himself  as  un 
observed  as  possible.  This  intention  was  ab 
ruptly  frustrated  by  the  Stenographer  who  took 
the  stranger's  hand  and  drawing  the  reluctant 
individual  towards  the  middle  of  the  room  in 
troduced  him  as  a  friend  and  fellow-craftsman, 
adding:  "  The  night  is  cold,  he  is  not  overclad, 
and  if  you  have  anything  at  hand  for  such  cases, 
made  and  provided,  trot  it  out."  The  Host 
soon  placed  a  pitcher  of  beer  on  the  table  with 
the  necessary  utensils.  Without  a  word  the 
visitor  pushed  the  poker  in  the  open  fire,  filled 
a  glass  and  having  darkened  the  white  froth 
with  a  good  sprinkling  of  pepper  he  plunged 
the  red  hot  iron  into  the  chilled  ale.  With  a 
cheerful  sniff  at  the  ascending  steam  a  glance  at 
the  company  and  a  "  God  bless  us  all,  gentle 
men,"  the  stranger  lifted  the  glass  to  his  lips 
and  put  the  mulled  bumper  where  he  believed 
it  would  do  the  most  good.  A  second  and  a 
third  followed  in  rapid  succession.  Then  the 
stranger  turned  to  the  company,  a  different  man 
in  his  own  estimation,  and  the  others  observed 
with  surprise  that  he  seemed  to  have  lost  there- 
served  "slouchy"  look  before  so  conspicuous. 

Bowing  to  the  company,  he  said  by  way  of 
introduction  "  You  see  before  you,  gentlemen, 
one  who  is  called  by  a  cold  and  heartless  world, 
'tramp.'  I  am  the  victim  of  circumstances," 

"Quite  so,"  murmured  the  quiet  gentleman. 

The  Stenographer  spoke  up  :  "I  met  this  gen 
tleman  under  peculiar  circumstances.  As  you 
perceive,  he  is  a  man,  and  as  such  has  a  claim 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  iC)9 

on  us  all,  for  we  are  all  brothers  in  Adam.  As 
a  fellow-craftsman  of  mine  he  has  an  especial 
claim  on  me  ;  in  addition  to  this  he  has  also  an 
especial  claim  on  you,  gentlemen,  for  I  was  at 
tracted  to  him  by  his  truthfulness  and  no  one 
knows  better  than  I,  your  great  appreciation  of 
that  sublime  virtue." 

"  Explain  this  mystery,  for  goodness  sake," 
said  the  Coroner,  in  a  quick,  jerky  way,  "Let 
us  have  it." 

"  I  stood  on  the  street  a  few  minutes  since," 
the  scribe  began,  "  conversing  with  a  friend  ;  I 
facing  the  roadway  and  my  friend  facing  me. 
Suddenly  I  heard  a  voice  saying,  '  Say,  boss, 
would  you  mind  giving  a  fellow  a  lift?'  My 
friend,  who  was  addressed  by  the  gentleman 
now  present,  looked  up  with  the  curt  remark, 
'  Ah,  you  want  a  lift  ;  that  is  a  quarter  ;  and  I 
know  just  what  you  want  it  for.  Your  wife  is 
dying  on  the  upper  floor  of  a  tenement  house 
and  you  need  a  little  money  to  get  medicine  that 
may  preserve  her  life  or  some  little  thing  to 
cool  the  parched  tongue  of  the  dying  woman, 
Eh?'  '  No,'  said  the  stranger,  smilingly,  'No, 
boss,  that  ain't  it.'  '  Oh,'  said  my  friend,  some 
what  surprised,  '  I  know  now.  You  had  a  raffle 
to  raise  funds,  you  are  still  a  little  short  of  suf 
ficient  to  enable  you  to  rejoin  your  family  in 
Philadelphia  whence  you  were  lured  by  the 
false  promise  of  work  in  this  great  city — you 
want  a  little  to  buy  your  return  ticket,  Eh  ? ' 

"  'No,  boss,' answered  the  other  with  a  chuckle, 
'  that  ain't  it.' 

"My  friend  who  is,  in  his  own  opinion,  a  great 
reader  of  character  and  the  motives  of  men,  was 


200  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

somewhat  nonplussed.  'Ah,'  he  said,  '  I  know 
now.  Your  baby  is  dead — you  know  the  little 
one  with  the  dimples  and  golden  hair  that  used 
to  crow  when  she  heard  your  footsteps  and  lisp 
'  Papa.'  She  died  in  your  arm  at  grey  day  this 
morning.  There  is  no  fire  on  the  hearth  ;  no 
bread  on  the  table  ;  no  money  in  the  house  ;  the 
heartless  landlord  threatens  to  turn  you  out ; 
the  form  of  the  one  you  loved  so  dearly  may  be 
taken  by  the  unfeeling  authorities  to  an  un 
known  grave  and  you  want  to  raise  enough  to 
inter  it  decently ;  for  it  grieves  you  sorely  to 
think  that  the  stranger's  alien  hand  may  touch 
the  body  of  the  little  darling  that  God  has  taken 
and  that  loved  you  so,  Eh  ? ' 

"  '  No,  boss,'  answered  the  other,  with  a  rising 
guffaw,  '  that  ain't  it.' 

"  Utterly  beaten,  in  a  dejected  and  much  in 
jured  tone  my  friend  faltered,  '  Well,  I  give  up. 
What  do  you  want  ?' 

"  '  Why,'  said  the  other  in  a  surprised  way,  '  I 
want  to  get  a  darn  good  hooker  of  whiskey.' 

"And  he  got  it  and  more  too,"  continued  the 
Stenographer,  "  and  I  have  brought  him  here 
among  the  worshipers  at  the  shrine  of  truth. 
'  Magna  est  veritas  et  prevalebit,'  and  a  man 
who  would  thus  proclaim  it  when  so  sorely 
tempted  is  one  after  my  own  heart  and  well  fit 
to  associate  with  this  goodly  company.  What 
say  you  all  ?  "  An  unanimous  "  Aye  "  was  the 
response  from  the  others. 

.  The  Coroner  seemed  to  be  studying  the  new 
comer.  As  it  was  that  gentleman's  custom  to 
look  at  everybody  with  a  view  of  seeing  how  he 
or  she  or  it  would  do  to  "  Sit  on,"  his  scrutiny 
passed  unnoticed. 


THE   ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  2OI 

The  Stenographer  continued  :  "Our  friend  has 
promised  to  give  us  a  discourse  or  an  autobio 
graphical  sketch  which  I  believe  will  be  well 
worth  hearing." 

The  Stranger  cooled  the  poker  again  and  after 
wiping  his  mouth  with  a  small  and  not  too  clean 
rag,  he  began  : 

I  repeat,  gentlemen,  I  am  the  victim  of  cir 
cumstances.  Educated  at  one  of  the  leading 
colleges  of  this  country,  I  have,  given  up  what 
men  call  prospects.  I  am  by  choice  a  philoso 
pher,  a  citizen  of  the  world,  or,  if  you  will,  a 
tramp. 

I  began  life  as  a  cook  on  a  trading  vessel — 
a  tramp  schooner  they  call  it — my  intention  be 
ing  to  see  all  I  could,  and  I  have  seen  my  share 
of  this  terraqueous  sphere. 

Most  of  you  are  men  who  have  settled  down 
to  some  humdrum  pursuit  or  calling  and  dare 
not  leave  it. 

And  toil,  even  pleasant, — continuous  toil,  day 
after  day  in  the  one  eternal  groove  or  routine 
eats  into  your  daily  existence  like  a  chain  around 
a  tree,  loose  and  harmless  once  but  the  bark  of 
your  lives  grows  over  it  and  to  remove  it  lacer 
ates,  hurts  and  even  kills. 

You  are  perhaps  hoarding  up  money  for 
child- en  who  would  be  better  without  it.  Very 
probably  you  have  never  been  a  hundred  miles 
from  where  you  sit.  Behold  in  me  no  Prome 
theus  bound  by  the  Mercury  of  business  to  the 
Mount  Caucasus  of  daily  labor. 

I  assure  you,  gentlemen,  that  I  have  seen  al 
most  every  prominent  city  in  the  world,  many 
towns  and  nearly  every  village  in  the  United 


26i  THE    ODDITIES    OF   SHOUT    HAND. 

States.  I  know  all  the  customs  and  some  of  the 
traditions  of  all  peoples  in  all  lands.  Who  of  you 
can  say  this  much  ?  Not  one.  Your  truest 
student  is  the  traveler.  And  who  so  equipped 
for  the  road,  or  in  such  light  marching  order  as 
the  tramp?  His  jewelry  gives  him  no  trouble  ; 
he  has  none.  His  luggage  requires  no  special 
attention  ;  he  has  none.  His  servants  do  not 
bother  him;  he  has  none.  He  is  not  the  victim 
of  confidence  men  who  desire  his  money ;  he 
has  none.  Those  who  do  him  a  kindness  do  it 
through  motives  of  charity,  not  with  the  expec 
tation  of  the  douceur  or  tip,  hence  the  kindness 
is  so  much  more  welcome  to  the  beneficiary,  for 
he  is  known  to  be  poor ;  for  that  charity  rarest 
and  best  is  given  without  money  and  without 
price.  His  mind  is  not  distracted  by  any  of  the 
innumerable  cares  and  troubles  that  worry  and 
vex  the  ordinary  traveler  ;  his  senses  of  hearing 
and  seeing  not  rendered  less  acute ;  his  under 
standing  not  dulled  ;  his  enjoyment  not  lessened 
by  the  thousand  and  the  one  little  things  that 
so  seriously  interfere  with  the  pleasures  of  travel 
and  sight  seeing.  He  can  surely  find  a  place  to 
sleep,  a  crust  to  eat,  and  good  water  is  every 
where  free 

"  Pardon  me,"  the  Stenographer  said,  "  you 
promised  a  sketch  of  your  life,  and  as  you  have 
been  at  one  time  a  stenographer  I  am  sure  the 
company  would  be  pleased  to  hear  you.  The 
lies — I  mean  that  subject  has  been  under  discus 
sion  for  some  time  here  and  doubtless  you  can 
throw  some  further  light  on  it." 

After  the  sizzing  made  by  plunging  the  hot 
poker  into  the  beer  had  subsided,  the  Stranger 
resumed  : 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  263 

"  Yes,  I  have  among  other  things  followed  that 
profession.  I  was  knocked  out  by  the  typewriter. 

"  When  young  and  innocent  I  perused  with 
avidity  the  works  of  Billings,  studied  the  pho 
netic  style  of  spelling  advocated  by  Elisha 
Brandt  and  others,  and  read  the  Phonetic  News, 
which  Dean  Alvord  thought  was  '  Frantic 
Nuts.'  In  writing  such  a  word  as  '  believe,' 
when  doutful  whether  the  '  i  '  or  '  e  '  came  first, 
I  would  simply  make  a  '  u  '  with  a  dot  over  the 
middle  of  it  ;  and  by  such  tricks,  and  using  poor 
handwriting  to  cover  bad  spelling,  I  got  along 
for  a  while 

"  But  don't  you  think,  sir,"  the  Stenographer 
began,  "  that  the  present  method  of  spelling  is 
sadly  in  need  of  reform  ?  It  does  seem  that 
fully  one-eighth  of  the  letters  used  in  the  so- 
called  spelling  are  of  no  value,  being  either  silent 
or  misleading,  and  simply  serve  to  make  its  pro 
nunciation  difficult  and  its  orthography  well 
nigh  impossible  of  attainment.  Who  would 
think  of  v/riting  p-h-1-e-g-m  for  '  flem'  if  he  were 
not  told,  contrary  to  reason  and  common  sense, 
that  the  former  was  the  authorized  and  ortho 
dox  method  of  spelling  ?  What  a  needless  waste 
of  alphabetical  characters  !  If  letters  are  silent 
what  do  we  want  with  tbem  in  English  words  ? 
As  much  use  are  they  as  the  bunghole  of  a  barrel 
after  the  barrel  itself  has  been  destroyed  " 

"Aha  !  "  remarked  the  Stranger,  with  a  shrug, 
"  you  put  it  well,  and  what  you  say  may  be  true 
enough  ;  yet  there  are  other  reforms  far  more 
needful  in — I  cannot  bear  to  say  '  English  '  lan 
guage,  I  prefer  to  call  it  '  United  States.'  We 
have  our  own  laws,  our  own  customs  and  our 


2O4  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

own  form  of  government.  We  have  our  own 
land,  our  own  flag,  and  certainly,  as  a  nation,  I 
think  we  are  strong  enough  to  have  our  owh 
language." 

"  We  use  the  term  English,"  the  other  inter 
posed,  "  merely  to  show  the  origin  of  the  words 
in  the  language." 

"  Stop  right  there,"  the  Stranger  said  ;  "  you 
just  quoted  the  word  '  phlegm  '  as  a  word  to  be 
reformed  in  spelling,  /.  e.,  English  spelling.  It 
is  not  an  English  word  at  all,  hence  your  argu 
ment  is  inapplicable  ;  this  being  a  Greek  root 
the  method  of  spelling  it  serves  to  indicate  its 
origin  from  <&Xef*a. 

"  We  know  that  our  Common  law  is,,  in  a 
measure,  taken  from  that  of  England,  but  the 
most  abject  American  citizen,  if  on  trial  for  any 
offence,  cannot  be  deprived  of  the  right  of  trial 
under  the  laws  of  the  United  States. 

"  We  have  our  flag  ;  true  there  may  be  in  it 
some  of  the  colors  of  the  '  Union  Jack,'  but  nev 
ertheless  it  is  our  own  Stars  and  Stripes — our 
own  banner  that  floats  over  a  free  people,  its 
glory  as  undimmed  and  its  stars  as  brilliant  as 
when  the  first  thirteen  gemmed  the  azure.  It 
may  be  taken  from  the  ensign  of  Great  Britain, 
but  it  is  our  banner,  and  we  will  uphold  it  now 
as  we  did 

"  '  When  Freedom,  from  her  mountain  height, 

Unfurled  her  Standard  to  the  air, 
And  tore  the  azure  robes  of  night 
To  set  the  stars  of  glory  there. ' 

"  No  matter  what  its  origin,  it  is  ours,  and  we 
will  maintain  it  and  sustain  it  at  all  hazards. 
"  As  with  the  flag,  so  with  the  language.     No 


THK    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 


205 


matter  whence  it  came,  it  is  ours  ;  therefore  I 
am  not  speaking  English  to  you  but  United 
States." 

"  Good  !  "  cried  the  Coroner,  with  animation, 
"  that's  the  way  to  strike  it  !  " 

"  Correct  sir,  quite  correct,"  chimed  the  En 
gineer  with  enthusiasm,  while  the  Real  Estate 
man  ejaculated,  "Of  course." 

"The  same  is  true  of  our  land.      'Twas  Eng- 


•'As  wtth  the  flap  so  with  the  language.  No  matter  whence  it 
came,  it  is  ours ;  therefore  I  am  not  speaking  English  to  you  but 
United  States." 

land's  once  but  is  so  no  longer.  We  wrested  it 
from  her  ;  it  is  ours  ;  and  do  you  think  of  calling 
this  land  English  ?  Of  course  not. 

"The  same  with  our  customs  ;  they  may  have 
been  adopted  or  adapted  from  England,  France, 
or  goodness  knows  where,  but  they  are  ours.  As 


206  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

we  have  our  own  flag,  our  own  land,  our  own 
customs  and  our  own  laws,  so  we  have  our  own 
language — that  is,  the  language  of  the  United 
States.  See  ? " 

"Well,"  said  the  Stenographer,  thoughtfully, 
there  may  be  some  logic  in  that  ;  but  to  return 
to  the  question.  Do  you  not  think  it  high  time 
to  reform  the  wretched  spelling  in  vogue  to-day 
that  violates  all  rules  of  euphony,  phonetics  and 
common  sense  ?  What  an  immensity  of  time  is 
wasted  and  what  rivers  of  ink  in  the  writing  or 
printing  of  so  many  silent,  useless  unmeaning 
letters.  The  present  spelling  is  misleading  and 
reform " 

"  That  will  come  in  good  time,  sir.  We  have 
not  yet  reached  that  point,  for  there  is  another 
and  more  important  matter  in  relation  to  our 
language  which  demands  our  attention." 

"  Well,  what  can  that  be  ? " 

"  It  is  to  have  a  more  comprehensive  meaning, 
or  rather  a  more  exact  definition  of  words  in 
order  that  they  might  convey  an  exact  idea." 

"  Pshaw  !  "  answered  the  Scribe,  with  some 
asperity,  "  how  can  that  be  so  ?  Where  is  there 
a  language  so  beautiful,  so  abounding  in  words 
and  phrases,  that  gives  with  such  exactitude  the 
finest  shades  or  distinctions  of  meaning  as  the 
English " 

"  There  you  go  again,"  the  Stranger  corrected, 
"  United  States,  please." 

"Well,  United  States,"  answered  the  Stenog 
rapher  testily  ;  "  it  is  the  most  subtle,  the  richest 
of  all  spoken  tongues  to-day  in  words  or  phrases 
which  express  to  the  finest  point  of  perfection 
the  idea  of  the  speaker  or  writer  and  with 
absolute  mathematical  exactitude." 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  2O"J 

"  Bosh  !  "  retorted  tf..»e  Stranger  with  emphasis. 
"  Bosh  and  buncombe.  If  the  purpose  of  a  lan 
guage  is  to  conceal  thought,  as  it  is  somewhere 
claimed,  I  grant  you  the  English — excuse  me — 
United  States  is  most  powerful  ;  but  I  am  far 
from  admitting  that  such  is  the  purpose  of 
speech.  Now  the  point  I  was  coming  to  was 
this  :  many  words  in  our  language  are  ex 
tremely  inexact,  and  this  is  where  the  reform  is 
most  essential,  in  my  opinion.  Take,  for  in 
stance,  the  word  'very;'  poor  little  word  !  What 
a  multitude  of  states  and  conditions  it  covers. 
A  man  is  very  sick.  How  sick  is  he?  Confined 
to  his  bed  ?  Seriously  ill  ?  Dying  ?  'Very  ' 
tells  you  nothing.  One  is  '  very  '  good  or  '  very' 
bad.  You  perceive  that  the  word  gives  to 
the  mind  no  definite  idea  of  degree  at  all.  It  does 
not  show  how  much  or  to  what  extent  the  third 
person  may  be  sick,  or  good  or  bad.  Where, 
then,  the  '  absolute  mathematical  exactitude  ' 
you  have  referred  to  ?  The  poor  adverb  covers 
such  a  vast  field  that  it  is  utterly  unmeaning,  for 
forty  men  or  forty  hundred  may  be  '  very  '  good 
but  they  are  all  good  to  the  same  extent  accord 
ing  to  this  expression.  It  is  extremely  incon- 
cise  even  when  used  with  the  adjective.  Now, 
this  defect  or  lack  of  meaning  in  such  a  word — 
the  failure  to  convey  the  idea — is  so  appreciated 
by  the  ordinary  man  that  he  has  adopted  a  word 
now  common  in  the  vernacular,  which  I  may 
call  the  superlative  degree  of  the  adverb  '  very  ' 
— the  inelegant  but  explosive  d— " 

The  Host,  who  had  been  nodding,  seemed  to 
suddenly  wake  up  at  this  remark,  and  affected 
that  he  had  simply  been  in  deep  thought,  but 
with  indifferent  success. 


208  THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND. 

"  I  am  reminded  of  this  by  one  of  those  little 
incidents  not  uncommon  in  a  great  city.  On  a 
recent  occasion  I  observed  a  crowd  gathered  in 
a  busy  street.  Edging  my  way  through  it  I  saw 
in  the  centre  of  the  gaping  people  a  street 
gamin  grieviously  wounded  ;  his  leg  had  been 
broken  by  a  runaway  horse.  The  little  fellow 
manfully  bore  the  pain  which  must  have  been 
severe,  as  it  was  what  surgeons  call  a  compound 
comminuted  fracture.  The  jagged  end  of  the 
broken  bone  projected  through  the  flesh,  and  I 
saw  at  once,  from  the  position  of  the  wound,  the 
color  of  the  blood  and  the  manner  in  which  it 
flowed,  that  an  artery  had  been  severed  and  the 
boy  would  bleed  to  death  if  not  attended  to  at 
once.  I  took  a  handkerchief,  knotted  it,  and 
having  found  the  break  on  the  blood  vessel 
placed  the  knot  over  it  and  by  means  of  the 
turniquet  stopped  the  flow,  and  endeavored  to 
make  the  lad  as  comfortable  otherwise  as  pos 
sible,  till  the  arrival  of  the  ambulance  some  time 
later. 

"  Perhaps  the  boy's  life  was  saved  by  this 
prompt  and  heroic  treatment,  but  that  is  neither 
here  nor  there.  While  engaged  in  this  I  was 
somewhat  amused  by  the  expressions  of  those 
who  crowded  about  the  scene.  I  think  every 
man  said  to  all  the  rest :  '  Git  back  there.'  'Give 
him  air.'  'Go  for  the  ambulance.'  'Git  a  doctor,' 
&c.  Everyone  had  a  suggestion  and  a  remedy  ; 
and  expressions  of  sympathy  and  regret  were 
heard  on  all  sides  :  '  How  shocking!'  '  Oh,  how 
sad  ! '  'So  sorry  !  '  &c.  A  practical  man  who 
aided  me  with  the  injured  boy  finally  turned  to 
the  crowd,  saying :  '  Good  people,  you  are  all 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  200 

sorry  for  this  poor  lad,  and  I  am  sorry,  too. 
Now,'  he  said,  taking  off  his  hat,  into  which  he 
dropped  a  coin,  '  What  is  the  extent  of  our  sor 
row  ?  I  am  sorry  fifty  cents,  how  much  sorry 
are  you  ? '  This  proceeding  had  two  good  re 
sults  ;  it  diminished  the  crowd  and  brought  out 
a  practical  response  from  those  who  remained." 

"  Now,  the  reform  I  propose,"  the  stranger 
continued,  '  is  to  give  the  adverb  and  adjective 
a  positive  and  mathematical  meaning  so  as  to 
obviate  the  use  of  senseless  idiotic  expressions 
that  convey  no  idea  of  degree,  quantity,  quality, 
or  condition.  Under  the  new  order  of  things, 
instead  of  using  the  word  '  very  '  bad,  or  'too  ' 
bad,  or  '  very  '  ill,  one  may  say,  I  am  ill.  To  the 
natural  inquiry,  How  much  so?  the  response  will 
be,  "  22  ill  "  or  some  such  answer.  Then  you 
can  know  just  how  ill  the  speaker  is,  100  being 
the  extreme  degree  or  normal  point  beyond 
which  one  cannot  go  or  be. 

"Then  you  will  hear  the  remark,  'I  am  15  glad, 
42  delighted,  64  sad,  24  pleased,  82  astounded, 
96  disgusted,'  &c.,  &c. — instead  of  the  wretched 
'very'  glad,  or  'too'  sad,  or 'much'  astound 
ed,  or  some  other  such  silly,  unmeaning  phrase. 
This,  you  observe,  would  be  a  sensible  reform. 
For  example,  a  witness,  in  giving  sworn  testi 
mony,  who  says  an  event  happened  quickly,  will 
be  asked,  "how  quickly?"  The  reply  will  be, 
96  quick,  for  instance,  and  the  listeners  will  com 
prehend  just  exactly  what  is  meant.  Horsemen 
appreciate  to  a  great  extent  this  vagueness  of 
expression  and  in  their  own  way  have  done  some 
thing  to  obviate  the  difficulty.  Whoever  hears 
one  of  them  say  that  a  horse  went  'very  quick- 


210  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

ly,'  or  at  '  great  speed  ? '  The  expression  in 
use  by  them  is  that  such  and  such  a  horse  went 
a  2.30  or  2.40  gait,  or  they  mention  a  figure 
which  has  a  definite  meaning.  You  have  a  sum 
to  rely  on  and  comprehend  precisely  what  is 
meant  by  the  speaker.  There  may  be  doubt 
about  the  speed,  but  none  about  the  statement. 
'  Very '  in  the  instance  referred  to  would  indi 
cate  a  horse  going  at  all  gaits  from  a  four-minute 
trot  to  a  mile  a  minute  run  ;  this  is  due  to  the 
weakness  and  inefficiency  of  the  expression. 
There  are  many  such  words  that,  like  charity, 
cover  a  multitude — or  rather  have  to  stretch  so 
far  that  there  is  no  substance  left  in  them. 

"  If,  or  rather  when  we  have  reformed  the  lan 
guage  in  this  wise  so  that  a  man  speaks  and  you 
know  his  meaning,  your  friend  may  remark  : 
'  Last  night  I  was  at  the  dinner  of  the  Humbug 
Club.  Before  going  I  was  39  gloomy,  but  the 
company  was  83  good,  the  dinner  99  perfect,  the 
wine  74  excellent,  and  after  the  final  toast,  I  lost 
all  the  gloom,  became  23  philosophical,  then  63 
cheerful  and  finally  reached  98  exhilarated.' 
You  would  understand,  of  course,  just  what 
manner  of  men  he  fell  in  with.  The  sinfulness 
of  his  course,  the  danger  he  ran  would  be  appar 
ent  and  hence  you  could  use  this  most  convinc 
ing,  because  mathematical, argument,  'But  don't 
you  know,  my  dear  fellow,  that  98  exhilaration 
is  so  much  above  the  normal  12,  that  you 
have  exhausted  the  supply  of  exhilaration  for 
nine  days,  and  you  cannot  have  any  more  till 
next  week  ?  You  have  also  overdrawn  on  philo 
sophical  u,  and  cheerfulness  42,  and  you  will 
have  53  disgust,  and  27  remorse  for  the  next 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  211 

fortnight.  Now,  does  this  pay?'  This  argu 
ment  which  you  can  cipher  on  a  slate  like  a  sum 
in  proportion,  based  on  exact  figures,  will  be 
simply  unanswerable.  All  the  pulpit  orations, 
all  the  pamphlets  you  can  print,  all  the  appeals 
for  morality,  all  the  threats  of  future  punishment 
or  disaster,  and  all  the  good  advice  that  you  can 
din  into  your  friend's  ears  about  it  being  'very' 
bad  for  him,  &c.,  will  not  come  home  to  him  like 
this  simple  but  positive  mathematical  statement. 
And  he  will  doubtless  govern  himself  accord 
ingly  and  endeavor  to  preserve  that  daily  allow 
ance  of  the  normal  amount  of  contentment, 
satisfaction,  cheerfulness,  &c.,  which  is  given  to 
every  individual  in  certain  mathematical  pro 
portions.  The  person  appealed  to  in  this  exact 
way  will  be  vigilant  and  careful  so  as  not  to  suf 
fer  any  dimunition  in  the  normal  quantity  of  the 
good  attributes,  and  a  consequent  over  draught 
or  influx  of  remorse,  disgust,  or  unhappiness  so 
far  above  the  normal.  This  is  the  first  point  of 
reform,  speaking ' 

"  Speaking  figuratively,"  the  Lawyer  mur 
mured,  with  just  the  least  tinge  of  a  smile  in  his 
voice. 

The  Stranger  winked,  almost  audibly,  and 
went  on  : 

"  Where  was  I  ?  Oh,  at  reform  spelling.  '  To 
return  to  our  muttons,'  as  the  French  say,  I  er- 
deavored  to  carry  out  the  idea  of  reform  in 
spelling,  and  I  subsequently  found  that  the  im 
proved  method,  while  most  philosophical,  was 
not  appreciated  by  merchants  and  business  men, 
who  preferred  the  style  of  spelling  in  general 
use,  and,  while  in  reality  a  reformer,  I  was  looked 


212  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

upon  as  an  ignoramus.  Hence,  I  was  often,  as 
boys  say,  '  on  my  uppers.'  I  became  too  much 
disheartened  at  repeated  failures  to  retain  a  sit 
uation,  and,  finally,  did  not  try  to. 

"Ordinarily,  if  a  person  is  i"  doubt  about  the 
spelling  of  a  word,  he  writes  it,  and,  looking  at 
it,  the  eye  notes  anything  peculiar  or  abnormal 
in  its  appearance.  This  is  not  so  much  the  case 
with  the  stenographer,  who,  as  a  general  thing, 
spells  by  sound. 

"  Now,  gentlemen,  this  brings  me  to  the  (please 
put  that  poker  in  again)  discussion  of  two  of  the 
great  senses  of  the  five,  in  fact,  the  two  :  hearing 
and  seeing.  Now,  the  delights  of  the  eye — vis 
ion — may  be  all  well  enough,  but  the  important 
sense  is  hearing.  Smelling,  I  consider  more  a 
sense  belonging  to,  useful  to,  and  only  acute  in 
animals.  I  dare  say  it  is  more  a  source  of  pain 
than  pleasure  to  man. 

"  Take  the  blind  man, — one  utterly  deprived  of 
vision,  he  is  generally  a  self-sustaining  person, 
and  always  a  useful  member  of  society.  De 
prived  of  sight  though  he  is,  the  other  senses  be 
come  so  preternatural ly  acute  as  to  almost,  if 
not  wholly,  supply  the  loss  of  it.  The  sense  of 
touch,  as  we  all  know,  is  really  wonderful  in  the 
blind.  But  whoever  heard  of  the  sense  of  touch 
so  sharply  developed  in  the  deaf  man  ?  Surely 
he  would  seem  to  require  it  in  all  its  preternat 
ural  acuteness,  as  much  as  his  sightless  brother. 
A  blind  person,  though  deprived  of  the  sense  of 
physical  vision,  as  I  may  call  it,  still  has  the 
keenest  "  insight"  or  appreciation  of  the  fine  arts 
of  poetry  and  music,  which  not  only  soothe  the 
savage  breast,  but  lift  mere  men  to  the  portals 
of  heaven. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  213 

"  Your  deaf  man,  on  the  contrary,  is  generally  a 
dullard.  If  his  other  senses  be  abnormally  acute 
he  has  no  way  of  indicating  it,  and  suffers  under 
his  misfortune  till  the  welcome  end.  Being  deaf, 
he  is  generally  dumb — dumb,  because  he  does 
not  hear  sounds,  and  hence  cannot  make  them, 
for  man  is  an  imitative  animal,  and  therein  does 
Darwin  find  the  '  missing  link '  between  man 
and  the  monkey — mainly  in  the  imitative  faculty 
of  the  latter. 

"  I  have  simply  stated  this,  gentlemen,  to  show 
you  the  great  importance  of  sounds  and  sound- 
writing,  /.  e.,  phonography. 

"  Natural  sounds  are  to-day  as  they  were  in  the 
beginning,  and  doubtless  will  be  when  the  arch 
angel's  trumpet  bids  the  dead  arise  and  come  to 
judgment.  It  has  been  well-said  that  the  lark 
now  carols  the  same  song  and  in  the  same  key 
as  when  Adam  first  turned  his  enraptured  ear  to 
catch  the  moral.  The  owl  first  hooted  on  IB-flat, 
and  it  still  loves  the  key.  The  three  chirps  of 
the  cricket  have  been  in  B  since  Tubal  Cain  first 
heard  them  in  his  smithy,  or  the  Israelites  in 
their  ash-ovens.  Never  has  the  buzz  of  the  gnat 
risen  above  the  second  A,  nor  that  of  the  house 
fly's  wing  sunk  below  the  first  F." 

The  Host  here  broke  in  : 

"  But  don't  you  think,  sir,  that  the  voice  of  the 
Jersey  mosquito  is  deeper,  broader  in  tone, 
denser,  more  earnest,  business-like  and  sleep- 
banishing  now,  than  it  was  some  ages  ago,  owing 
to  that  animal's  wonderful  physical  progress  and 
mental  development,  arising  from  the  constant 
imbibition  or  transmission  of  the  fine  blood 


214 


THE   ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND. 


Disdaining  to  notice  this  unseemly  interrup 
tion,  the  other  continued  : 

"  The  breaking  of  the  storm-billows  on  the 
beach  is  still  the  same  mighty  roar  as  it  was  in 
the  beginning,  when  '  the  Spirit  of  God  moved 
over  the  waters.'  The  wind  still  shrieks  through 
the  rigging  of  our  sailing  vessels  as  it  did  through 
the  cordage  of  '  the  two  ships  that  stood  by  the 
lake  at  Gennesareth.'  The  murmur  of  the  brook 
and  the  gurgling  sound  of  flowing  water  is  the 
same  to  day  as  it  was  when  the  elder  servant  of 
the  house  of  Abraham  drank  from  the  pitcher  of 
Rebecca,  and  this  applies  to  other  fluids  besides 
water,  gentlemen. 

"  Listen  !  " 


The  Stranger  here  raised  the  pitcher  high  over 
the  empty  glass,  which  he  filled  to  the  brim,  and 
resumed  : 


THE    ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND.  2l$ 

"  I  have  even  attempted  to  describe  sounds  in 
verse,  which,  after  I  take  this,  I  will  give  you. 
You  hear  the  hiss  of  the  poker  in  this  beaker. 
To  me  the  sound  is  not  unpleasant,  but  if  I  were 
to  hear  either  of  you  gentlemen  attempting  to 
make  a  similar  sound  with  your  organs  of  speech, 
while  I  am  speaking,  I  should  be  much  offen 
ded." 

After  three  or  four  repetitions  of  a  noise  like 
that  made  by  extracting  a  rubber  shoe  out  of 
soft  mud,  the  Stranger  wiped  his  mouth  on  the 
rag,  cleared  his  throat,  and,  with  considerable 
dramatic  effect,  recited  what  he  called 

SOUNDS. 
I. 

What  cheer  in  the  shout  of  the  mast-head  lookout 

To  the  exile  returning  home, 
Who,  tired  of  war,  in  countries  afar, 

Is  crossing  the  salt  sea  foam  ? 
The  expectant  eye  would  land  descry 

Beneath  the  shading  hand, 
When  loud  and  clear  breaks  on  nis  ear 

The  welcome  cry  of ' '  Land  !  ' ' 

II. 

How  sweet  to  rest  on  Earth's  green  breast 

On  a  balmy  summer's  day, 
And  hear  the  bleat  of  the  browsing  sheep, 

Or  the  rustle  of  new-mown  hay  ; 
But  sad  to  hear  the  sob  so  drear 

Over  the  still,  white  dead, 
And  the  hollow  tones  of  clay  and  stones 

As  they  fall  on  the  coffin  lid. 

III. 

How  soft,  how  sweet,  is  the  "twfeet,  tweet,  tweet," 
Of  the  mating  birds,  in  spring, 


2l6  THE    ODDITIES    OF*    SHORT    HAND. 

And  what  so  gay  as  children's  play, 

When  their  laugh  makes  the  welkin  ring  ? 
In  clear  moonlight,  on  a  frosty  night, 

How  fierce  the  bark  of  "  Tray," 
When  the  faithful  brute  hears  the  stealthy  foot 

As  it  treads  its  devious  way. 
Not  loud,  but  worse,  comes  the  muttered  curse 

From  the  felon's  close-set  jaw, 
Within  the  grasp,  the  iron  clasp, 

And  sudden  clutch  of  the  law. 

IV. 

Soft  and  low,  in  the  bright  fire's  glow, 

Is  the  old  cat's  pleasant  purr, 
From  his  place  so  snug  on  the  cosy  rug, 

At  each  stroke  of  the  silky  fur  ; 
But  sharp  the  yowls  and  fierce  the  howls 

Made  by  the  same  old  cat, 
When  the  sleepless  and  rash,  at  the  window  sash, 

In  the  upper  room  of  the  flat, 
Sneak  vengcfully  ba;k  for  the  big  boot-jack 

To  throw  it  out  like  a  shot : 

While  the  nimble  puss,  with   a  m-e-a-o-w  and  a 
whiz, 

Laughs  in  a  sheltered  spot. 

V. 

What  seemeth  only  to  the  watcher  lonely 

At  the  dying  couch  of  the  sick, 
To  measure  the  gloom  in  the  silent  room 

Like  the  clock's  monotonous  tick, 
So  steady  and  slow,  as  hither  and  fro 

It  ticks,  then  ticks  again  ; 
But  like  whisper  of  hell  is  the  shriek  of  the  shell 

As  it  bursts  amid  sleeping  men. 

VI. 
As  the  coo  of  the  dove  is  the  murmur  of  love, 

When  youth  is  free  and  fair, 
And  the  future  seems  all  pleasant  dreams, 

With  naught  of  trouble  or  care. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF   SHORT    HAND.  2iy 

Sweet  whisper  of  bliss  in  love's  first  kiss, 
But  time  turns  the  wheel — and  pshaw  ! 

How  glibly  flung  from  the  supple  tongue 
Is  the  taunt  of  the  mother-in-law. 

VII. 

What  so  loud  as  the  thunder-cloud 

That  breaks  oil  the  listening  ear  ? 
What  so  fine  as  the  low  of  the  kine 

When  homing  time  grows  near  ? 
The  purling  brook  in  a  pebbly  nook 

Hath  the  softest  murmur  of  all  ; 
And  a  dread,  quaint  sound  seems  to  resound 

In  the  "  ping  "  of  the  minie  ball. 

VIII. 

How  slow  to  the  weary  is  the  time  ;  how  dreary, 

How  welcome  the  six  o'clock  bell, 
Bidding  workers  depart  who've  acted  their  part 

To  rest  for  another  brief  spell  ; 
At   its    loud,  joyous  clamor,    the    wheel  and  the 
hammer, 

May  wait  until  called  on  again  ; 
But  what  echo's  so  shrill  o'er  valley  and  hill 

As  the  toot  of  the  "  wild-cat  "  train. 


All  nature  abounds  with  the  quaintest  of  sounds 

And  what  so  appalling,  yet  mild, 
When  silent  and  dark,  the  night  waneth — hark  ! 

'Tis  the  moan  of  a  dying  child  ! 

The  ominous  silence  which  settled  on  the 
company  was  broken  by  the  Stenographer,  who 
muttered  something  about  all  this  being  very 
fine  but  hardly  relevant  to  the  subject  under 
discussion. 

"  I  am  coming  to  that,"  the  other  said — "  in 
fact  I  am  right  at  it  now.  The  subject  of  short 
hand  is  one  which,  though  interesting  to  a  great 


2l8  THE   ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

number  of  people,  there  is  a  great  deal  of  hum 
bug  about.  The  art  is  looked  at  generally  as  if 
it  were  something  entirely  new  and  simple.  The 
fact  is,  the  easier  it  may  be  as  a  study  the  slower 
it  is  in  practice.  It  is  not  enough  to  compre 
hend  and  retain  its  principles  ;  they  must  be  put 
in  practice,  systematically  and  perseveringly,  or 
not  at  all. 

"And  to  its  being  a  modern  thing  I  will  only 
quote  one  of  the  oldest  and  best  adepts  of  the 
art  in  the  country,  who,  in  his  time,  was  called 
by  the  late  William  Smith  O'Brien  the  'record 
ing  angel.'  I  quote  from  memory,  gentlemen, 
because  my  library  is  not  accessible  just  now. 
Ahem  ! 

" '  Systems  of  writing  designed  to  keep  pace 
with  speech  have  at  all  times  enjoyed  the  privi 
lege  of  awakening  the  curiosity  of  young  persons 
disposed  to  study,  and  of  attracting  the  atten 
tion  of  people  devoted  to  intellectual  pursuits. 
What  higher  satisfaction  could,  in  fact,  be  offered 
to  the  man  of  learning  or  of  letters  than  that 
which  would  supply  the  implements  whose  use 
would  enable  him  to  secure  instantaneously 
whatever  might  strike  him  in  a  discourse,  an  im 
provisation,  or  a  dramatic  representation  ;  a 
means  which  would  empower  the  poet,  the  dra 
matist  or  the  novelist  to  fix,  at  will,  the  inspira 
tions,  often  glowing  but  always  fleeting,  that  at 
times  light  up  his  imagination,  and  which  he  re 
grets  his  inability  to  retain  in  his  memory  with 
all  their  first  vivid  coloring?  To  fasten  his 
thoughts  as  rapidly  as  they  present  themselves 
would  establish  his  mastery  over  them  and  aug 
ment  the  activity  of  his  imagination.  Therefore 


THE   ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND.  219 

one  can  readily  understand  why  the  creation  of 
an  instrument  so  valuable  should  have  engaged 
the  attention  of  learned  men  of  lofty  merit,  such 
as  Leibnitz,  Porta,  Condorcet,  &c.,  who  were 
sustained,  perhaps,  by  the  hope  of  restoring  an 
art  once  so  flourishing  as  we  can  readily  conjec 
ture  by  an  inspection  of  the  system  of  Tyro  and 
the  semiography  of  the  ancients.  For,  long  be 
fore  the  time  of  the  Knickerbockers  ;  long  before 
America  was  dreamed  of,  except  in  old  Irish 
prophecies  ;  long  before  Charlemagne  sat  on  the 
throne  of  Western  Europe  ;  long  before  the  Sar 
acens  had  invaded  Spain  or  the  Saxons  had  set 
foot  in  Britain  ;  long  before  the  Roman  cut 
throats  who  fled  into  the  Pontine  marshes  had 
carried  off  the  Sabine  women — the  grand  old 
philosophical  Greeks  had,  according  to  Dion 
Cassius,  their  '  half  letters  '  or  short  hand  " 

The  cynical  Host  here  broke  in  :  "  And  long 
before  Billy  Patterson  was  struck  by  the  man 
in  the  iron  mask,  and  long  before  Junius  wrote 
the  Mulligan  letters" 

The  Stenographer,  with  a  warning  wave  of  the 
hand  and  a  muttered  "sh/'cut  short  the  inter 
ruption. 

The  Victim  of  Circumstances  resumed  :  "  As 
I  have  said,  there  is  more  humbug  to  the  square 
inch  in  stenography  than  in  anything  else,  not 
excepting  the  occult  sciences — theosophy,  mind- 
reading,  palmistry,  cryptomancy,  professional 
jugglery,  the  new  sciences  of  painting  sounds  or 
weighing  thoughts,  etc.  One-quarter  tuition  or 
twelve  easy  lessons,  and  you  have  it. 

"  Seduced,  like  others,  by  brilliant  promises,  I 
studied  one  of  the  methods  in  vogue,  and,  by 


220  THE    ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND. 

means  of  it,  attained  skill  enough  to  write  three 
or  four  times  more  rapidly  than  by  the  ordinary 
method  ;  but  when  I  tried  to  follow  a  speaker, 
even  the  most  deliberate,  or  a  dramatic  declama 
tion,  I  made  a  complete  failure  of  it.  Having 
had  occasion  afterwards  to  impart  my  painful 
confidence  to  persons  who  had  studied  the  ab- 
breviative  art,  In  methods  different  from  those 
I  had  followed,  they  acknowledged  that  my  ex 
perience  had  been  almost  their  own.  At  the 
same  time  the  superior  and  well-established  ca 
pacity  of  those  persons  not  permitting  me  to 
attribute  their  lack  of  success  to  the  cause  which 
I  assumed  led  to  my  own  failure  I  was  naturally 
encouraged,  and  believed  that  non-success  was 
due  to  the  inefficiency  of  the  means  rather  than 
the  inaptitude  of  the  scholar. 

"  It  all  comes  down  to  what  our  greatest  poet, 
Longfellow,  says  : 

'  Art  is  long  and  time  is  fleeting.' 

"(Yes,  if  you  will,  please  fill  it  again.)  To  show 
that  you  are  really  and  truly  gazing  on  the 
victim  of  circumstances  I  shall  relate  one  in 
stance  which  this  subject  brings  up  that  occurred 
in  my  little  Ijfe. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  221 

CHAPTER  XXVIII. 
THE  STRANGER'S  STRANGE  NARRATIVES. 

^T   DID   a  gigantic  corporation  a   good  turn 

1  once  that  is  now  forgotten,  but  I  shall 
remember  it  to  my  dying  day.  I  was  marked 
as  an  exhibit  in  that  case  and  will  bear  the  mark 
to  my  grave.  I  prevented  a  robbery  by  the  ex 
ercise  of  my  art " 

"  You  did,"  said  the  Engineer  increduously. 
"Aye,"  said  the  other,  "  I  saved  the  pay-car." 
"Oh,"  added  the  Engineer,  "  what  we  call  the 
Salvation  car?" 

"Yes,"  returned  the  Stranger,  "I  was  the 
humble  means  of  preventing  a  well  planned 
robbery." 

'"  And,  of  course,"  said  the  Host,  "you  got  the 
presidency  for  it  ?  " 

"  No,  indeed,"  answered  the  Stranger,  sadly. 
"  I  got  jugged,  assaulted,  and  nearly  sent  up  to 
do  time  for  the  State." 

"For  saving  a  train  ?"  the  Engineer  inquired, 
wonderingly. 

"Certainly,"  rejoined  the  Stranger.  "  To  re 
lieve  your  anxiety  I  will  narrate  it  with  as  few 
words  as  possible  : 

"  Years  ago,  when  I  became  a  travele,r  on  the 
road,  I  had  tramped  and  trucked  a  few  hundred 
miles  from  San  Francisco,  and  I  may  say  in 
passing  you  never  experience  the  real  exhilara 
tion  of  railroad  travel  until  you  '  truck '  it 
at  50  miles  an  hour  or  so.  You  are  fixed  in 
one  position,  without  daring  to  change,  the 
ground  flying  under  you,  death  within  a  few 
inches  of  your  nose  all  the  time,  your  feet  and 


222  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

hands  extended  and  braced  against  the  iron  work 
of  the  truck  unable  to  make  the  slightest  move 
ment.  The  least  slip  means  destruction.  Belo"/ 
the  car  the  dust  is  often  so  thick  that  you  can 
cut  it  with  a  shovel  and  the  awful  smell  of  hot 
oil  and  steam  which  is  the  peculiarity  of  rapidly 
moving  trains  is  almost  stifling.  It  is  danger 
ously  exhilarating  and  no  mistake. 

I  had  gone  several  hundred  miles  as  I  say  in 
this  manner  and  was  disturbed  by  an  oiler  as  we 
stopped  at  a  way-station.  I  hardly  know  where 
it  was — several  miles  from  Syrroltown,  wherever 
that  is.  I  didn't  care  much,  but  I  wanted  to  reach 
New  York.  I  remember  asking  a  smart  young 
man  at  the  freight  house  what  state  I  was  in,  and 
on  his  answering  that  I  was  in  a  state  of  dilapi 
dation  I  left  him  and  trudged  on  over  the  ties.  I 
footed  it  for  quite  a  distance,  and — pardon  this 
further  digression,  but  I  take  this  occasion  to 
remark  that  constructors  of  American  railroads 
have,  as  I  firmly  believe,  intentionally  placed  the 
ties  in  such  a  position  as  to  tire  out  the  most 
energetic  pedestrian  who  undertakes  to  walk  on 
the  wood  work  over  the  road-bed.  The  ties  are 
too  close  for  ordinary  stepping  and  to  skip  one 
so  as  to  walk  on  each  alternate  tie  makes  the 
steps  so  long  that  fatigue  soon  supervenes.  It 
has  always  seemed  to  me  that  this  was  the  in 
tention  of  the  companies — the  ties  are  placed  as 
they  are  with  malice  aforethought  because  the 
more  distressing  walking  becomes  the  more 
anxious  people  are  to  ride.  See  ? 

The  Real  Estate  Man  nodded  :  "  Quite  so." 
I  trudged  on,  as  I  say,  until  I  had  gone  many 
miles.     Judging   from   the  speech  and  dress  of 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  225 

the  few  people  I  met,  the  deep  cuts  in  the  road 
and  slaty  condition  of  the  banks,  I  believe  I  was 
somewhere  in  Northern  Ohio.  I  soon  became 
tired,  and  at  a  desolate-looking  way-station  I 
noticed  an  empty  cattle  car  side-tracked,  and 
getting  on  the  "  off-side  "  of  it  found  the  lattice 
door  open.  Quickly  entering  it  I  made  myself 
at  home,  as  much  so  as  if  I  had  chartered  the 
car,  which  I  really  had  done,  except  that  I  had 
not  paid  for  it. 

In  the  upper  end  of  the  car  there  was  a  quan 
tity  of  hay  and  as  the  weather  was  tolerably  mild 
I  made  myself  comfortable  in  it  and  took  a  long 
and  much  needed  nap.  How  long  I  slept,  I 
knew  not.  I  was  awakened  by  the  bump  of  the 
car  and  the  clank  of  the  coupling  pin  that  told 
me  my  car  was  hooked  on  and  was  soon  whirling 
over  the  ground  at  a  good  lively  pace,  nearly 
forty  miles  an  hour  as  I  judged.  I  can  generally 
tell  the  speed  of  a  train  by  one  of  two  simple 
calculations  ;  counting  the  telegraph  poles,  or 
observing  the  frequency  with  which  the  wheels 
strike  the  ends  or  joints  of  the  thirty  foot  rails  ; 
that  is,  so  many  feet  in  a  second.  For  want  of  a 
watch  I  have  my  pulse  with  me,  and  if  that  fails 
me  (it  is  seldom  out  of  tune)  I  can  tell  within  a 
fraction  of  the  length  of  a  minute  by  repeating 
Hamlet's  soliloquy  or  a  certain  number  of 
lines  of  Paradise  Lost  ;  ergo  :  so  many  feet  to  a 
rail,  so  many  rails  to  a  minute  or  to  a  mile. 
For  instance,  five  thirty  feet  rails  to  every  two 
seconds,  or  a  hundred  and  fifty  feet  is  a  fraction 
over  fifty  miles  an  hour.  If  I  hear  the  jolt  of 
the  wheels  on  the  rail-joint  twice  every  second, 
that  is  sixty  feet  or  forty  miles  an  hour  about." 


224  THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND. 

The  speaker  paused  and  glanced  furtively  at 
the  Engineer  as  the  latter  passed  his  hand  weari 
ly  over  his  forehead  and  shut  his  teeth  hard  on 
a  fresh  cud. 

I  hoped  to  reach  some  civilized  community 
before  nightfall.  As  I  lay  among  the  hay  I  be 
gan  to  be  racked  by  a  most  intolerable  thirst, 
which  was  somewhat  aggravated  by  the  strong, 
dry  odor  of  the  hay  with  which  I  was  covered. 

My  thirst  increased  to  such  a  degree  that  I 
was  about  to  indicate  my  presence  to  the  brake- 
man  on  the  forward  car  and  take  my  chance  of 
getting  "  fired,"  when  I  felt  the  train  slowing  up. 
Approaching  the  wicket-door  and  looking  out  I 
observed  that  it  was  dusk. 

Before  the  engine  had  fully  stopped  on  the 
east  side  of  the  "  Y  "  I  dropped  lightly  to  the 
ground  and  ran  along  to  the  station.  Finding 
water  in  the  freight  house  I  took  a  good  pull, 
and  having  procured  a  sandwich  returned  to  my 
car,  which  I  re-entered  on  the  safe  side — oppo 
site  the  station.  I  had  hardly  re-entered,  when 
looking  out  I  saw  the  disconnected  engine  and 
forward  cars  cross  the  "Y"  to  the  main  track, 
leaving  the  cattle  car,  in  which  I  was,  to  my  great 
disgust,  at  a  standstill.  As  I  glanced  at  the 
moving  train  the  rear  brakeman  seemed  to  be 
making  a  motion  either  to  me  or  to  the  station 
agent,  and  I  heard  him  shouting  something 
which  I  did  not  catch. 

Fearing  discovery  and  desiring  to  retain  my 
comfortable  quarters,  I  looked  about  the  car  for 
a  better  hiding  place  than  the  loose  hay.  I  then 
observed  what  I  had  not  before  noticed,  two 
empty  ale  casks  in  a  corner  of  the  car,  one  head- 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  225 

less  and  both  bungless.  The  first  of  these  I 
raised,  turned  the  headless  end  down  and  tipped 
it  over  my  head.  Crouching  on  the  floor  on 
which  the  chimes  rested  the  barrel  effectually 
concealed  me.  Once  in  it  I  turned  in  such  a 
way  that  my  eyes  and  ears  were  in  close  proxim 
ity  to  the  open  bunghole.  Here  I  made  myself 
as  comfortable  as  the  cramped  quarters  would 
permit  and  waited.  Nor  had  I  long  to  wait.  I 
soon  heard  the  station  master  stumbling  about 
the  car,  and  peering  through  the  aperture  I  saw 
him  swing  his  lantern  around  and  heard  the 
rustle  of  the  dry  hay  under  his  heavy  feet. 
Coming  to  the  other  end  of  the  car  where  I  was 
he  kicked  the  barrel  which  enveloped  me  with  a 
muttered  :  "Darn  the  tramp,  Til  fix  him  ;  I  guess 
he  is  in  the  other." 

The  man  left  the  car,  and  I  kept  extremely 
quiet  for  fully  half  an  hour.  I  was  about  to 
change  from  my  restricted  and  uncomfortable 
position,  when  hearing  the  rumble  r.nd  noise  of 
a  moving  engine,  I  concluded  to  keep  just  where 
I  was  till  we  were  fairly  coupled  and  on  the 
road.  In  a  few  moments  I  felt  the  bumper 
strike  the  draw-head,  which  always  makes  a  pe 
culiar  sound,  as  you  know,  sir,  unless  as  too 
often  happens  some  poor  fellow's  body  serves  as 
a  cushion,  to  prevent  injury  to  the  coupling  gear 
of  the  car. 

The  engine  had  hardly  taken  up  the  slack, 
and  I  was  just  about  to  tilt  my  house  over  and 
emerge,  when  I  heard  a  suppressed  voice  say 
ing  :  "  Jump  in  boys  ;  easy,  now."  By  the  noise 
of  the  shuffling  feet  I  judged  I  had  at  least  half 
a  dozen  others  for  company.  "Whistle  for 


226  THE    ODDITIES    OK    SHORT    HAND. 

Jack,"  said  the  same  voice,  and  I  put  my  ear  to 
the  bunghole. 

I  have  a  musical  ear,  gentlemen,  and  if  the 
new  comers  were  philosophers  of  the  road  I 
would  know  the  signal.  It  is  the  tuning  gamut 
of  the  banjo  on  the  open  strings,  beginning  with 
A  on  the  second  space,  and  ending  with  the 
three  G's  below  the  second  ledger  line.  Had 
this  been  the  signal  I  should  have  kicked  over 
my  barrel  and  welcomed  the  new  comers  witli 
that  fellow  feeling  which  makes  us  wondrous 
kind.  I  heard  the  whistle.  It  was  a  railroad 
signal,  a  long  toot  and  three  short  ones,  and  I 
thought  it  better  to  wait  a  while  before  pro 
claiming  my  presence. 

The  man  called  Jack  reached  the  car  before 
it  had  got  under  headway,  and  I  could  hear 
that  he  was  being  assisted  to  enter.  The  group 
came  up  to  the  corner  where  I  was,  and  I  be 
gan  to  feel  somewhat  uneasy.  One  of  the  men 
sat  on  the  head  of  the  barrel  which  enclosed 
me,  and  I  could  feel  and  appreciate  the  noise 
his  heels  made  as  he  swung  them  against  the 
staves  of  the  ca?k. 

By  the  time  we  had  settled  into  a  steady  run 
I  heard  one  of  the  parties  say  :  "  Now,  do  you 
fellows  all  understand  it?"  "I  do,"  one  re 
marked. 

"  Well,  I  ain't  got  it  down  very  fine,"  another 
answered.  "That's  funny,  too,"  the  first  voice 
continued.  "The  pay  train  comes  in  at  the 
Saloonville  station ;  that  is  50  miles  from  any 
wheres.  No  one  near  there  but  the  telegraph 
operator,  and  the  side  track  is  most  three 
miles  from  it.  Tom,  Jack  and  you  get  be- 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  227 

hind  the  trees,  and  you  fellows  are  tamping 
on  the  road  and  jump  on  as  she  slows  up. 
Bill  gets  in  the  caboose,  as  he  knows  the 
engineer,  and  gets  up  a  game — euchre,  or 
anything  that  will  bring  the  crew  to  the  front ; 
he  goes  back  and  pulls  the  pin  as  the  engine 
crosses  the  switch  so  as  to  sidetrack  the  pay- 
train.  It's  easy  enough — just  the  same  as 
making  a  flying  switch,  and  she  will  be  going 
slow  over  that  bit  of  road  ;  anyhow  you  must 
be  right  there  to  throw  the  switch  when  Bill 
waves  his  hand  that  the  pin  is  out.  You  wait 
till  95  gets  on  the  main  and  you  throw  it  to  cut 
off  the  'pay,'  see?  It  is  the  only  car  on.  To 
do  it  you've  got  to  be  spry." 

"  I  should  think  he  would,"  the  Engineer  put 
in  with  just  a  faint  tone  of  doubt.  "  To  throw 
a  switch  between  the  wheels  of  two  trucks  when 
a  train  is  moving,  even  slowly,  requires  some 
agility.  But  excuse  me.  Go  right  on." 

"  I  am  simply  telling  you  what  I  heard,"  the 
Stranger  resumed.  "Another  of  the  fellows 
then  remarked,  "  Is  it  the  '  pay'  sure  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  said  the  one   I  took  to  be  the  leader. 

"Do  you  think,"  another  spoke  up,  "They 
will  leave  it  unprotected  like  that  ?" 

"There  will  be  only  one  man  on  it  at  most," 
the  first  speaker  returned,  "because  they  don't 
suspect  anything  here.  If  he  is  ugly  we  will 
make  short  work " 

"  Well,  I  didn't  come  to  do  any  of  that  kind 
of  business.  I  know  the  Company  didn't  treat 
us  fair  in  that  strike  and  put  on  outsiders.  But 
I  don't  go  for  smashing " 

"  No  more  do  we,"  another  says,  "  but  46  will 


228  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

stand  by  us,  and  if  we  can  do  it  and  get  off.  it'll 
be  no  mor'n  squaring  things  and  what's  the 
harm  ?  We  can  prove  we  weren't  there  if  any 
thing  does  happen.  Bill  says  he  can  show  an 
aliby." 

At  this  there  was  a  general  laugh  and  I  began 
to  be  a  little  startled.  Here  were  men  with  a 
real  or  pretended  grievance  against  a  corpora 
tion.  They  had  evidently  conspired  systemati 
cally  to  rob  the  pay  train  on  the  road.  As  I 
gathered  some  were  to  make  a  pretence  of  re 
pairing  the  road  ;  one  of  them  was  to  engage  the 
attention  of  the  operator  at  the  point  near  the 
proposed  looting ;  another  acquainted  with  the 
engineer  was  to  board  and  coax  the  trains'  crew 
to  the  caboose  and  disconnect  the  pay  car  which 
as  I  understood  was  at  the  rear  of  the  train  ;  a 
third  was  to  throw  the  switch,  in  order  to  side 
track  it  and  the  gang  were  to  plunder  it  at  their 
leisure.  I  confess  I  was  somewhat  startled. 

Between  the  heat  of  my  close  quarters  and 
my  fear  of  discovery  I  felt  the  cold  sweat  run 
ning  down  my  face.  I  held  my  breath  and  no 
living  man  can  tell  the  awful  tortures  I  suffered 
in  my  wretched  cramped  position.  It  was  then 
too  late  for  me  to  acknowledge  my  preser.ce. 
These  fellows  would  know  that  I  had  heard  the 
programme  discussed,  and  in  order  to  carry  out 
their  designs  they  might  make  short  work  of  me. 
I  must  remain  quiet  at  all  hazards.  I  think  I 
would  have  given  ten  years  of  my  life  for  an  op 
portunity  to  sneeze,  but  I  suppressed  the  terri 
ble  temptation  by  the  most  heroic  effort.  I  felt 
that  under  the  circumstances  it  might  cost  me 
dearly,  and  my  position  was  not  one  to  be 
sneezed  at. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF   SHORT    HAND.  22Q 

Hunger  and  thirst  I  have  grappled  with  but 
they  are  nothing  in  comparison  to  what  one 
suffers  when  endeavoring  to  choke  off  or  post 
pone  a  sneeze  or  cough,  which  if  allowed  to  es 
cape  would  imperil  one's  life. 

How  I  passed  the  night  in  that  place  you  can 
hardly  imagine.  I  stood  it  somehow,  and  soon 
knew  by  the  freshness  of  the  air  that  daylight 
was  breaking.  I  gathered  from  the  chat  of  my 
companions  that  we  had  scarce  fifty  miles  to  go, 
a  journey  of  less  than  two  hours  as  we  were 
then  traveling. 

After  a  while  we   began    to   slow   up    and    I 
heard   my  fellow    passengers   making   prepara 
tions  to    leave.     Our  car   was    to   continue    on,, 
though  we  were  to  wait   a   short   time   on  the 
switch  to  let  the  8.30  pass  us. 

As  we  slowed  up  they  all  left  the  car  and  the 
other  train  passed  us  at  a  rapid  rate.  I  waited 
till  my  fellow  travelers  were  some  distance  away 
before  emerging  from  my  hiding  place.  I  had 
no  burning  desire  to  let  them  know  that  their 
plans  had  been  heard.  There  was  a  curve  in 
the  road  near  by  and  when  they  reached  it  and 
turned,  I  felt  that  I  might  leave  unobserved; 
at  that  point  I  dropped  off  and  started  to  walk 
slowly  behind  the  others  who  were  some  few 
hundred  yards  away.  Shortly  after  the  train 
started  to  reach  the  next  switching  point  some 
eighteen  miles  distant.  It  was  scarcely  out  of 
sight  before  I  bitterly  -regretted  my  want  of 
thought  in  not  acquainting  the  train  hands  with 
what  I  had  heard. 

Here  I  was  in  a  desolate  part  of  the  line,  no 
one  near  but  half  a  dozen  desperate  men  bent  on 


230  THE   ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND. 

committing  a  crime,  and  single-handed  I  could 
not  hope  to  cope  with  them. 

True,  in  an  isolated  freight  shanty  some  miles 
up  the  road  there  was  a  telegraph  operator.  He 
was  in  all  probability  alone,  and  would  soon  be 
in  the  clutches  of  these  lawless  fellows  ;  more 
over  there  was  no  train  due  on  this  line  till  seve 
ral  hours  after  the  pay  car  train. 

I  thought  of  all  this  and  cursed  myself  for  my 
stupidity  in  letting  the  train  go,  without  an  effort 
on  my  part  to  state  the  condition  of  affairs  to  the 
company's  employees. 

When  I  looked  at  the  situation  of  things,  I 
tried  to  convince  myself  that  it  was  not  my  busi 
ness  to  interfere.  Perhaps  it  was  all  for  the 
best,  and  if  the  railroad  company  could  stand  it, 
why  not  I  ?  In  all  probability  these  men  had 
been  ill-treated,  and  were  actuated  solely  by 
tvhat  is  called  the  wild  justice  of  revenge.  I 
soon  dismissed  this  sophistry  as  I  thought  of  the 
many  poor  wives  so  anxiously  awaiting  the  ar 
rival  of  the  pay-car,  and  finally  concluded  it  was 
my  bounden  duty  as  a  man  to  do  my  best  to  pre 
vent  the  consummation  of  the  crime. 

I  left  the  road-bed,  struck  through  a  path  in 
the  woods,  and  as  I  walked  along  I  became  so 
exasperated  at  my  stupidity  that  I  finally  sat 
down  under  a  tree  to  think  it  out.  Having 
turned  the  matter  over  in  my  mind,  I  arrived  at 
the  conclusion  that  there  was  a  bare  chance  if  I 
hurried  on  of  reaching  the  operator's  hut  before 
the  others,  in  time  to  warn  him,  so  that  he  could 
telegraph  for  help. 

Starting  to  my  feet,  I  struck  out  on  a  good 
brisk  walk  through  the  woods,  keeping  the  tele- 


THE    ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND.  23 

graph  poles  in  sight  for  "  bearings,"  in  the  di 
rection,  as  I  supposed,  of  the  telegraph  station. 

After  a  steady  half-hour's  tramp,  in  which  I 
lost  ground  travelling  through  the  woods,  I  ob 
served  smoke  arising  from  the  direction  of  the 
track,  and,  conjecturing  that  it  came  from  the 
operator's  hut,  I  made  for  that  point. 

As  I  reached  the  clearing,  I  saw  a  rough  look 
ing  customer  just  entering  the  operator's  shanty. 
Quickening  my  pace,  I  crossed  the  threshold  be 
fore  he  had  hardly  time  to  speak   to  the  opera 
tor. 

The  fellow  had  the  grimy  look  of  a  railroad 
employe,  and  seemed  somewhat  displeased  at  my 
presence;  and,  though  he  addressed  me  as  mate, 
his  manner  seemed  to  indicate  that  my  company 
was  not  entirely  welcome. 

In  answer  to  his  interrogatories,  I  informed 
him  that  I  was  going  westward,  a  fib,  on  my 
part,  to  which  he  replied:  "There  ain't  noth 
ing  here,  mate,  but,  if  you  go  two  miles  below, 
there's  a  farm-house  ,and  very  nice  people,  too — 
never  turned  a  hungry  man  away.  Push  right 
on,  mate." 

As  I  had  just  come  from  that  direction  and 
had  seen  no  farm-house,  I  felt  that  my  little  fal 
sification  was  quite  dwarfed  in  comparison  with 
'lis  big  whopper,  but  I  mentally  called  it  even. 
I  noticed  that  he  looked  rather  displeased  be 
cause  I  did  not  leave  instantly. 

I  sauntered  over  to  the  operator,  whom  I 
thought  much  too  young  and  effeminate  looking 
for  an  isolated,  lonely-looking  spot  like  that,  and 
was  about  to  whisper  to  him,  when  the  fellow  at 
the  door  ar.d  another,  whom  he  called  Jake,  that 


232  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

I  had  not  previously  seen,  approached  me  before 
I  had  time  to  wink,  and  in  a  manner  that  I 
thought  exceedingly  threatening. 

"  Get  out,  you  !  Clear  !  Come,  git !  Make 
yourself  scarce,"  the  new  comer  said,  authorita 
tively. 

Under  the  circumstances,  I  felt  that  to  blurt 
out  my  suspicions,  or  to  attempt  any  conversa 
tion  with  the  operator,  might  lead  to  my  mal 
treatment  by  these  two  burly  ruffians.  I  was  no 
match  for  either  one  of  them.  I  endeavored  to 
temporize,  but  saw  at  once  that  they  did  not  in 
tend  to  give  me  an  opportunity  to  speak  to  the 
telegraph  agent,  and  I  concluded  it  would  be 
foolhardy  in  the  extreme  for  me  to  insist  upon 
doing  so,  at  the  risk  of  what  might  be  serious 
consequences  to  myself. 

In  an  humble  and  conciliatory  tone,  I  said  : 
"  Well,  gents,  I  am  a  poor,  tired  tramp.  I  just 
want  to  rest  here  a  couple  of  minutes  and  then  I 
am  off." 

"Well,  make  it  short  and  hook  it  quick," 
growled  Jake's  companion. 

I  looked  furtively  at  the  operator,  but  his 
glance  at  me  was  one  of  blank,  innocent  igno 
rance,  and  that  was  all. 

I  stood  gazing  out  of  the  window,  thinking 
what  was  best  to  be  done,  and  raised  my  coat 
sleeve,  in  a  casual  way,  to  wipe  off  the  condensed 
steam  which  had  formed  on  the  window  glass. 
It  came  from  the  kettle  on  the  stove,  which  was 
steaming  merrily  over  the  little  fire,  the  smoke 
of  which  had  attracted  my  attention  when  the 
operator  was  preparing  his  frugal  lunch. 

One  glance  at  the  window-pane  and  I  adopted 
a  ruse. 


THE   ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  233 

"Is  that  an  eagle? "  I  suddenly  cried,  looking 
out  of  the  upper  sash. 

"  Where  ?  "  cried  Jake  and  his  companion,  si 
multaneously. 

"  There  he  goes,"  I  said,  "away  behind  those 
trees." 

They  both  rushed  to  the  doorway  and  looked 
out. 

I  winked  at  the  operator,  and.  with  my  fore 
finger,  made  this  mark  on  the  window-pane: 

•V    C     (Can  you  read  this  ?) 
0  A  knowing  glance  from  the 

young  man,  as,  with  a  swish  of      j  his  foot  on 
the  saw-dust  floor,  he  answered  :      o    (Yes.) 

I  then,  in  an  apparently  absent-minded  way, 
drew,  with  my  fingers,  these  characters  on 
the  steamed  and  not  over-clean  glass  :  — 

x 


(Good:  These  fellows,  and  others  on  the  switch, 
have  made  it  up  to  rob  the  pay-train.  Look 
out!),  and  moved  towards  the  door  to  get  a  better 
view,  as  it  were,  of  the  "  invisible  "  eagle.  In 
passing,  I  looked  at  the  floor,  near  the  operator's 
chair,  and  saw  where  his  heel  had  scraped  the 
saw-dust  from  the  floor,  leaving  a  vacant  spot, 
like  this  :  s  A  (All  right !) 

Having  observed    this    and    failing,    of 

course,  to  see  the  "  eagle,"  I  was  about  returning 
to  my  place  at  the  window  when  Jake's  compan 
ion  interposed  his  burly  form  at  the  threshold, 
as  he  growled :  "  You  better  go,  now.  You 


234  THE    ODDITIFS   OF    SHORT    HAND. 

ain't  wanted.  Is  he  .'  "  Naw,"  remarked  the 
other,  "chuck  him." 

Without  awaiting  foi  anything  in  the  way  of 
physical  force  that  I  sav\  ready  for  me  I  left  and 
started  to  walk  down  th-^  road.  Having  gone 
about  a  hundred  yards  I  turned  abruptly  into 
the  woods,  approached  the  hut  again  at  the 
rear  side  and  put  my  ear  close  to  the  weather 
boards. 

Doubtless  Jake  and  his  companion  congratu 
lated  themselves  that  the  telegraph  operator  wa? 
completely  in  the  dark,  and  surmised  that  ever 
if  we  did  suspect  anything  and  intended  to  in 
terfere  with  their  plan,  we  would  hardly  do  so 
as  we  were  short  handed.  We  were  even  mor( 
short  handed  than  they  supposed  we  were." 

The  Host  here  ostentatiously  opened  the  win 
dow  and  gasped. 

The  Stranger  smiled  broadly,  and  resumed  : 
"  I  saw  Jake's  companion  leave  the  shanty  and 
walk  down  towards  the  switch  where  his  mates 
were,  leaving  Jake  to  divert  the  attention  of  the 
young  operator. 

Soon  the  whistle  of  the  pay  train  was  heard, 
the  operator  rushed  out  to  give  the  necessary 
signal  and  the  "  O  K  "  and  went  in  again,  while 
Jake  stood  in  the  doorway.  The  latter  then 
started,  as  I  supposed,  down  to  where  he  thought 
the  train  was  to  be  halted,  on  a  run.  I  immedi 
ately  left  my  place  of  concealment  and  went  in 
to  chat  with  the  young  man,  and  congratulate 
myself  on  having  played  such  a  shrewd  game  on 
the  would-be  robbers. 

I  introduced  myself  to  the  operator,  and  while 
talking  with  him  about  my  connection  with  the 


THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  23$ 

matter,  I  fancied  I  heard  a  whistle.  Being  ab 
sorbed  in  my  narrative,  I  gave  little  attention  to 
it,  supposing  that  my  late  traveling  companions 
were  signalling  to  each  other  while  pursuing  the 
train  on  foot,  which  was  doubtless,  as  the  opera 
tor  said,  far  out  of  danger  by  this  time.  I  was 
detailing  with  some  satisfaction  to  the  operator 
how  I  discovered  the  plot  in  all  its  bearings  when 
the  whistle  was  repeated  close  at  hand. 

A  loud  shout  broke  on  my  ear. 

It  was  near  by. 

I  started  to  the  door  with  an  intuitive  percep 
tion  that  my  personal  safety  was  in  danger. 

Too  late. 

Jake  in  leaving  the  hut  had  made  a  detour 
through  the  woods  as  I  had,  and  had  observed 
me  listening  at  the  shanty  eaves.  Perhaps  he 
suspected  something  of  the  kind  and  whistled 
softly  to  his  companion.  While  waiting  for  him 
he  had  crouched  behind  the  house  after  I  had 
re-entered  it,  and  had  heard  me  narrate  my 
share  in  the  up-setting  of  the  proposed  plan.  In 
a  short  time  his  companion  returned  in  answer 
to  his  repeated  signal,  and  before  I  could  rush 
out  they  were  upon  us. 

We  were  no  match  for  them  at  all. 

With  oaths  and  imprecations  Jake  was  at  me. 
I  made  a  feeble  show  of  fight,  but  after  the  first 
smash  between  the  eyes  I  just  remember  falling 
and  seeing  the  rest  of  the  baffled  conspirators 
rush  in  to  aid  Jake  and  his  friend  in  finishing  us 
up. 

I  remember  as  I  was  going  down  seeing  Jake's 
companion  jumping  with  both  feet  on  the  pros 
trate  body  of  the  delicate  young  operator,  while 
the  others  took  a  hand  in  at  me. 


236  THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    rfAND. 

After  the  first  two  or  three  heavy  kicks  I  was 
unconscious,  and  could  never  tell  for  how  many 
hours. 

When  I  came  to  I  was  in  the  lock-up  in  the 
nearest  village,  many  miles  from  the  scene  of 
the  assault. 

I  had  been  almost  killed  and  was  dreadfully 
weak.  In  fact,  nothing  saved  my  life,  as  I  be 
lieve,  but  the  crowd  about  me  during  the  attack, 
who  stood  so  close  to  one  another  that  they 
interfered  with  each  other  in  their  desperate 
and  well-nigh  successful  attempt  to  do  for  me. 

As  I  say,  I  was  in  the  village  jail.  Generally 
prepared  as  I  am  for  anything  that  comes  along, 
I  was  somewhat  surprised  to  find  myself  in  such 
a  place.  How  I  came  there  is  the  singular  part 
of  this  story. 

When  I  recovered  sufficiently  to  know  or  care 
about  anything,  I  managed  by  dint  of  question 
ing  the  old  fellow  that  ran  the  guard  house  to 
discover  why  I  was  there. 

I  really  thought  that  I  had  suffered  enough 
for  justice's  sake,  and  that  the  villagers,  or  at 
least  the  railroad  company,  whose  property  I 
had  almost  died  in  saving,  would  at  least  see 
that  a  clean  bed  was  provided  for  me  on  which 
to  lie 

The  Host  in  a  loud  whisper  suggested  :  "But, 
you  know,  sir,  some  people  don't  need  it ;  they 
can  do  it  anyway " 

The  dangerous  glitter  in  the  Coroner's  gray 
eye  choked  off  the  ironical  gentleman. 

"  And  decent  food  to  eat,"  the  stranger  con- 
tinued. 

"Well,   now,  don't  you  know  what   you    air 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  237 

here  for?"  said  the  farmer  jailer  to  me.  "You're 
a  cute  one,  you  air.  I  guess  you'll  go  up  for 
this." 

Subsequently  he  brought  me  the  village  paper 
saying,  "  If  you  can  read,  this  will  tell  you  just 
what  you  air  here  for.  " 

I  read  it  and  gasped.  "  For  God's  sake, 
does  this  refer  to  me — this  account  ? " 

"Why  in  course,"  the  jailer  said  with  a 
chuckle.  "  You're  a  cooler,  you  air."  I  never 
was  so  shocked. 

The  village  weekly  contained  this  account  of 
my  heroism — I  do  not  think  that  word  is  too 
strong  : 

DESPERATE  ATTEMPT  TO  ROB  A  TRAIN. 

"On  Wednesday  last,  several  blood-thirsty  villains, 
members  of  the  Jones  gang  of  cut-throats,  made  a  deter 
mined  and  well-nigh  successful  attempt  to  loot  the  pay-car 
on  Mug  Junction,  near  Selineville,  which  passed  at  12.30. 
But  for  the  wise  precautions  which  the  officials  of  the  rail 
road  had  taken,  as  per  our  repeated  warnings,  the  month 
ly  compensation  of  many  of  our  esteemed  townsmen 
would  have  been  seized  by  a  gang  of  blood-thirsty  and 
unhung  villains.  It  seems  that  an  endeavor  was  made  to 
derail  the  train,  which  was  frustrated  by  the  gallant  and 
vigilant  train  hands,  under  the  directions  of  the  polite  of 
ficials  of  the  road,  who  read  and  profit  by  the  sound  ad 
vice  given  in  the  columns  of  the  Horn  Blower.  Owing 
to  this,  the  desperate  attempt  was  unsuccessful,  and  the 
pay-car  passed  on  its  way  unretarded,  bringing  joy  to 
thousands  of  happy  homes. 

"Maddened  by  their  failure,  the  scoundrels  made  a 
concerted  attack  on  the  operator  at  the  shanty  nearest  the 
scene  of  the  attempted  outrage,  and,  though  he  defended 
himself  bravely,  putting  at  least  one  of  his  assailants  hors 
du  combat,  we  hear  that  young  Carson  is  frightfully  if  not 
fatally  injured.  He  was  brought  to  the  hospital  at  the 
county-seat,  and  we  learned  from  Mrs.  Mulligan,  who 
brought  eggs  there  yesterday  morning,  that  he  is  not  ex 
pected  to  recover.  He  defended  himself  with  such  brav 
ery  that  one  of  the  scoundrels  was  left  weltering  in  his 
gore,  and  this  unhung  malefactor  is  now  in  the  lockup. 

"  Unfortunately,  the  other  villains  escaped,  but  we  shall 


238  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

deem  it  our  public  duty  to  hunt  the  rascals  down.  The 
cut-throat  who  is  now  confined  in  the  lockup,  is  seriously 
injured.  Should  he  recover  sufficiently,  he  will  be  taken 
to  the  county-seat  to  receive  the  punishment  he  so  richly 
deserves.  We  regret  to  state,  by  later  advices,  that  young 
Carson  is  still  unconscious,  as  we  learn  from  that  distin 
guished  disciple  of  Esculapius,  the  world-famed  Dr.  Bol- 
lus,  a  constant  reader  of  the  Horn  Blower,  who  give*  lit 
tle  hope  of  his  recovery. 

"There  are  several  applicants  for  young  Carson's  posi 
tion  but  we  have  not  as  yet  decided  whom  to  support. 

"Now  is  the  time  to  subscribe  for  the  Horn  Blower. 
Potatoes  and  butter  taken  in  subscription.  That  this 
dastardly  outrage  was  nipped  in  the  bud,  is  due  to  the 
persistent  warnings  published  in  the  brilliant  columns  of 
this  live  paper,  is  admitted  on  all  sides.  Now  is  the  time 
to  subscribe  !  Positively,  baled-hay  will  not  be  accepted 
at  the  desk  for  subscriptions,  under  any  circumstances." 

You  smile  at  this,  gentlemen,  but  I  assure 
you  it  frightened  me.  What  would  be  my  posi 
tion,  I  thought,  if  the  operator,  Carson,  they 
called  him,  should  not  recover  sufficiently  to 
state  the  facts  in  the  case,  or  should  ignore  my 
part  in  the  transaction  altogether  as  this 
wretched  editor  seemed  to  assume. 

I  was  in  a  fix  and  a  bad  one.  This  was  a 
farming  community,  hard-headed,  matter-of-fact 
people.  What  credence  would  they  give  to  my 
story?  It  seemed  to  me  from  the  tone  of  the 
newspaper  and  the  crowd  of  open-mouthed  vil 
lagers  that  came  to  stare  at  me  that  instead  of 
being  looked  upon  as  a  peaceful  honest  man 
who  had  gone  out  of  his  way  and  even  suffered 
to  prevent  a  felony,  I  was  in  reality  considered 
and  exhibited  as  a  most  dastardly  villain. 

The  more  I  thought  of  the  situatio*n  the  less  I 
liked  it,  and  began  to  wish  that  I  hadn't  been 
quite  so  free  to  offer  myself  as  a  martyr  in  the 
cause  of  justice. 

If  the  operator   did  not   come   forward    who 


THE    ODDITIES    OB    SHORT    HAND.  239 

would  believe  me  ?  Who  would  substantiate 
my  statement  ?  Certainly  not  those  who  as 
saulted  me.  No  one  saw  it  besides  myself,  those 
who  took  part  in  it  as  my  assailants  and  Carson; 
and,  if  he  were  not  capable  and  willing  to  help 
me  out  of  this  uncomfortable  dilemma,  how 
could  I  prove  that  I  was  not  one  of  the  gang  ? 
A  stranger  in  a  strange  land,  without  friends, 
alone,  I  began  to  curse  myself  for  being  a  reck 
less  and  a  meddlesome  fool.  True,  I  could 
deny  that  I  was  guilty  of  a  felony,  yet,  denial  is 
one  thing,  proof  another. 

I  sincerely  hoped  for  my  own  sake  as  well  as 
for  his,  that  Carson  would  be  sufficiently  re 
covered  to  attend  my  trial.  He  failed  to  appear. 
I  learned  afterwards  that  he  had  been  conscious 
at  one  time  of  his  illness  during  which  he  had 
made  a  partial  statement.  The  company  had 
a  dispatch  to  corroborate  this.  On  the  strength 
of  that  information  the  pay  car  was  given  the 
right  of  way.  The  operator  bad  failed  to  state 
where  he  derived  his  information  before  he 
again  lost  consciousness,  and  he  seemed  to  have 
forgotten  my  part  of  the  transaction  altogether. 
In  every  aspect  the  outlook  for  me  was  exceed 
ingly  blue. 

I  have  been  in  many  scrapes  and  I  could  per 
ceive  that  in  this  one  I  had  struck  the  worst  of 
them  all,  and  all  for  no  benefit  to  myself.  It  was 
dreadful,  but  I  still  hoped  that  my  usual  good 
fortune  would  stand  by  me.  It  was  a  forlorn 
hope.  The  very  fact  that  I  had  so  often  and 
anxiously  inquired  about  the  condition  of  Car 
son  was  taken  against  me.  The  wise  men  of 
the  village  supposed  that  my  anxiety  arose  from 


240  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

the  fear  that  I  would  be  charged  with  his  mur 
der  if  he  died. 

I  declare  to  you,  gentlemen,  I  was  in  a  haz 
ardous  position.  The  awful  beating  I  had  re 
ceived,  the  pain  of  which  still  racked  my  body, 
was  nothing  to  the  mental  suffering  I  under 
went  during  those  dreary  days  while  waiting  to 
be  brought  up  as  a  criminal  to  the  County 
Court. 

But  I  will  hurry  through  and  tell  you  the  up 
shot  of  it  all. 

My  so-called  trial  or  examination  came  on. 
I  was  indicted  for  an  attempt  at  grand  larceny 
in  the  ist  degree  and  felonious  assault,  by  an 
idiotic  lot  of  lunkheads  called  the  Grand  Jury 
and  the  State  made  what  appeared  to  be  a  clear 
case  against  me. 

I  was  a  despised  tramp,  hence,  an  incorrigible 
thief.  Friendless,  moneyless,  powerless,  weak 
and  disheartened  as  I  was  I  attempted  to  make 
a  true  statement  of  the  facts,  as  I  have  related 
them  here,  to  the  county  judge,  one  Nore  by 
name,  an  irascible,  fussy  old  gentleman,  per 
haps  an  honest  man  but  I'll  never  believe  it. 
He  refused  to  even  hear  me  then,  and  remanded 
me  in  the  custody  of  the  sheriff.  While  being 
conveyed  to  the  jail  I  endeavored  to  make  a 
friend  of  this  official  and  told  him  my  story  sub 
stantially  as  I  have  been  telling  it  to  you  and 
offered  to  depose  solemnly  to  its  truth.  He 
listened,  rubbing  his  chin  thoughtfully  and  said 
with  a  good  deal  of  native  sarcasm  when  I  got 
through,  "  Young  feller,  do  you  expect  any 
body  around  here  to  swallow  that  ere  yarn? 
Do  you  think  you  can  impose  on  this  ere  court 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  24! 

of  ourn  by  any  such  stuff  as  that  ?  She  aint  to 
be  trifled  with  I  can  tell  you.  Better  own  up. 
You'll  see  you  air  committed  to  await  the  result 
of  this  ere  murderous  assault  you  have  commit 
ted  on  this  ere  young  man."  He  cut  short  my 
protests  of  innocence  as  we  reached  the  jail  and 
placed  me  in  the  custody  of  one  of  his  minions 
with  the  remark,  "  Handcuff  this  villain,  officer, 
and  lock  him  up." 

I  was  finally  brought  up  to  plead,  my  story 
repeated  to  the  court,  and  the  judge  assigned  a 
very  young  lawyer  to  defend  me  ;  then  I  felt 
that  my  case  was  hopeless. 

In  the  dissecting  room  a  "  stiff"  is  sometimes 
given  over  to  a  young  surgeon  to  practice  on,  and 
however  much  he  cuts  it  there  is  no  harm  done. 
I  was  the  first  victim  this  young  lawyer  had,  and 
whether  I  was  guilty  or  not  made  no  particular 
difference;  he  was  going  to  have  the  pleasure  of 
talking  to  the  court,  he  would  have  his  name  in 
the  county  paper  and  get  some  notoriety  out  of 
it  in  any  event.  But  I  am  rambling  too  much. 
I  can  hardly  bear  even  now  to  relate  coolly  that 
whole  wretched  business.  A  great  philosopher 
truly  remarks  that  when  a  man  begins  to  go 
down  hill  everything  seems  to  be  greased  for  the 
occasion.  It  was  so  in  my  case.  Without  being 
too  prolix,  the  upshot  of  my  trial  was  that  I 
was  acquitted  in  a  way,  partly  because  of  the 
friendly  interference  of  a  lawyer  who  repre 
sented  a  rival  railroad,  and  mainly  because 
young  Carson  recovered.  Carson  failed  to  iden 
tify  me  as  one  of  his  assailants,  but  acted  as 
I  thought,  in  a  weak,  half-hearted  way ;  and,  as 
I  verily  believe,  did  his  level  best  to  keep  all 
the  glory  of  the  thing  to  himself. 


442  THE   ODDITIES  OF   SHORT    HAND. 

Owing  to  his  failure  to  identify  me  and  the 
efforts  of  the  lawyer  in  the  employ  of  the  other 
company,  I  was  finally  acquitted  in  a  way,  as  I 
remarked,  a  sort  of  a  Scotch  verdict,  "  Not 
proven,"  was  rendered  in  my  case.  My  counsel 
insisted  on  producing  the  sash  on  which  I  said 
I  had  written  in  warning  to  the  operator.  It 
was  brought  to  court,  but  the  steam  had  long 
since  dried  on  it,  although  by  holding  it  to  the 
light  some  faint  traces  of  dust  from  the  ends  of 
my  fingers  appeared  in  odd  streaks.  The  mag 
istrate  leaned  back  and  smiled,  and  of  course  the 
jury  seeing  the  judge  smile,  guffawed  at  the 
whole  thing  as  too  silly  to  be  considered  ;  how 
ever,  the  statement  of  the  operator  that  he 
could  not  recognize  me  as  one  of  his  assailants, 
and  the  fact  that  the  attempt  at  the  looting  had 
been  a  failure,  did  more  for  me  than  justice 
(who  is  always  represented  blind  and  is  often 
deaf  and  dumb)  could  have  done. 

I  was  thrown  out  of  jail,  sick,  sore  and  char 
acterless,  and  got  thirty  days  to  leave  the  county. 
I  told  them  I  didn't  need  half  the  time.  Thirty 
minutes  would  do  me.  I  shook  its  dust  from 
my  wearied  feet,  and  when  I  got  far  enough 
away  indulged  in  good,  strong,  satisfactory  de 
nunciation  of  the  ignorant  dogberry  and  fat- 
headed  jury  who  would  have  made  a  felon  out 
of  a  martyr,  and  left  the  cursed  place. 

I  need  scarcely  say  that  this  sickened  me  con 
siderably  on  the  short  hand  business.  Perhaps 
decency  demands  that  I  should  add  this  :  Sub 
sequently  when  young  Carson  had  fully  recov 
ered,  he  was  profuse  in  his  apologies,  and  sent 
me  a  family  pass  to  ride  free  on  that  railroad. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  243 

I  have  no  family  ;  if  I  were  a  Mormon,  and 
"  sealed  unto "  Mrs.  Brigham  Young  and  her 
progeny,  I  should  take  good  care  to  keep  them 
a  great  distance  from  the  Mud  Chunk  and 
Selineville  Railroad  Co.'s  roadbed  in  the  State 
of 

That  is  all.  I  may  say  further,  in  justice  to 
Carson,  that  he  was  the  means  of  getting  me  a 
position  with  a  certain  gentleman,  who  made 
me  his  private  secretary. 

This  was  a  retired  lav  er  and  a  great  book 
worm,  who  lived  at  his  country  seat,  not  far 
from  Trenton.  Here  I  had  free  access  to  his 
large  library,  and  many  of  the  creature  comforts 
which,  to  ordinary  men,  make  up  the  pleasures 
of  life,  although  there  was  a  routine  sameness 
about  it  not  entirely  to  my  liking.  My  employer 
had  a  ward,  his  niece,  who  was  on  a  visit  to  Mr. 
Mason,  near  Philadelphia,  an  old  friend  of  her 
guardian.  The  lawyer's  daughter  had  conceived 
an  aversion  to  the  ward,  which,  I  think,  was  one 
of  the  reasons  for  the  latter's  protracted  visit  at 
Mason's.  This  daughter  made  it  a  constant 
practice  to  open  all  letters  which  came  to  her 
father.  I  cannot  tell  you  how  much  this  an 
noyed  me,  or  why  it  should  do  so.  I  was  not 
fool  enough  to  complain  of  it  to  him.  I  assumed 
he  knew  it,  and  believe  it  vexed  him  quite  as 
much  as  it  disgusted  me.  Somewhat  under  the 
influence  of  the  daughter,  as  I  thought,  he  did 
not  seem  anxious  to  assert  his  rights  in  this 
respect,  and  it  was  not  for  me  to  interfere. 

On  one  occasion  he  directed  me  to  write  to  his 
friend  in  regard  to  the  character  of  a  young  man 
residing  in  his  (Mason's)  vicinity,  who  had  been 


244  ™E    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND. 

introduced  to  the  ward,  and  who,  as  I  under 
stood,  was  somewhat  smitten.  Mason,  as  I  knew, 
had  at  one  time  been  a  teacher  of  stenography, 
and  I  suggested  to  my  employer  that  perhaps 
his  friend  might  send  his  answer  to  that  letter 
in  characters  that  I  alone  could  read.  The  idea 
tool:  at  once.  Although  he  did  not  say  so,  the 
lawyer  saw  it  would  checkmate  his  meddlesome 
daughter,  end  the  letter  was  dispatched  to 
Mason.  The  answer  came  duly  to  hand,  and  I 
will  never  forget  "he  look  of  blank  dismay,  if 
not  digu^t.,  on  the  daughter's  face,  as  she  brought 
up  the  open  stenographic  letter  to  her  father.  It 
was  as  follows  :  (See page  245.) 

I  translated  it  this  way  :  "  In  reply  to  yours 
of  the  i2th,  I  have  made  inquiry  as  to  the  stand 
ing  of  the  party,  which  is  not  altogether  satis 
factory.  As  I  am  informed,  the  younger  brother 
is  a  liar  (I  do  not  vouch  for  this  at  all),  he 
himself,  though  not  a  professional  in  the  best 
sense  of  the  word,  has  charge  of  a  gang  of 
burglars,  and  is,  in  my  opinion,  an  agent  having 
entree  into  the  best  houses  here,  and  the  mother 
is  a  woman  addicted  to  drink. 

Deep  in  the  fountains  of  knowledge  as  you 
are  now,  do  what  you  deem  best  in  the  premises. 
He  has  invited  your  ward  to  the  elite  social  this 
evening,  and  I  have  consented. 

Your  old  friend, 

J.  L.  MASON." 

Well,  you  had  better  believe  that  after  that 
endorsement  the  old  fellow  was  red  hot.  A 
sharp  letter  was  immediately  sent  to  Mason  or 
dering  him  to  seclude  the  girl  and  positively 
prohibiting  any  intercourse  between  the  young 


THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  245 


<  (y 

'VT- 


\ 


c 


f 


246  THE   ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

people  at  all.  It  ended  by  requesting  the  ward 
to  return  at  once  and  contained  a  pertinent  post 
script  suggesting  to  Mason  the  advisability  of 
keeping  designing  scoundrels  out  of  his  house. 

An  hour  before  train  time  the  lawyer  was  at 
the  station  despite  the  fact  that  he  had  so  per 
emptorily  ordered  his  ward  home. 

She  passed  him  at  some  place  on  the  road  and 
as  he  failed  to  find  her  waiting  to  receive  him  at 
the  porch  of  his  friend's  house  as  usual,  he  at 
once  jumped  to  the  conclusion  that  the  "scoun 
drel  "  had  run  off  with  her. 

Darting  into  Mason's  parlor  he  blurted  out : 
"  Where  is  my  ward,  sir  ? "  His  offensive  tone 
was  a  surprise  to  the  other  who  answered  in 
kind  :  "What  do  you  mean,  sir?"  The  lawyer 
retorted  :  "  Oh,  this  is  your  friendship  for  me, 
exposing  my  dead  sister's  child  to  the  wiles  of  a 
burglar  and  one  of  a  family  of  criminals  and 
drunkards — you  old  deceiver  !  " 

Human  nature  could  not  stand  this  ;  Mason 
retorted  hotly.  They  bandied  hard  words 
and  epithets  without  explanation.  "  Deceiver," 
"Idiot,"  "Old  Reprobate"  and  "Scoundrel" 
were  the  common  expressions.  One  word  fol 
lowed  another,  and  the  two  old  fellows  finally 
"squared  off,"  and  came  to  blows.  As  I  was 
afterwards  informed  they  wrestled  around  that 
room  and  broke  nearly  four  hundred  dollars' 
worth  of  bric-a-brac  in  the  struggle.  It  took 
them  four  days  to  get  over  it.  See  this  ? " 

The  tramp  lifted  the  matted  hair  from  the 
back  of  his  head  and  exhibited  a  long  white 
spot. 

"  I  got  that  when  I  went  down  the  stairs." 


THE   ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  247 

"Wasn't  that  an  odd  way  to  travel?"  the 
Coroner  asked. 

"  Well,  I  went  quick — it  was  a  good  way  to  get 
ahead.  You  see  I  got  one." 

The  fact  is,  I  most  "  busted  "  love's  young 
dream  by  mistranslating,  as  anybody  might,  a 
few  words  in  the  letter.  It  was  all  the  fault  of 
the  writer,  not  mine,  though  I  was  made  the 
scapegoat. 

This  is  what  Mason  claims  he  wrote  : 

"  The  younger  brother  is  a  lawyer,  etc.  He 
himself,  though  not  a  professional  in  the  best 
sense  of  the  word,  has  charge  of  a  gang  of  brick 
layers,  and  is  in  my  opinion  a  gentleman  having 
entree  into  the  best  houses  here  ;  and  the  mother 
is  a  woman  educated  to  drink  deep  in  the  foun 
tains  of  knowledge  as  you  are.  Now,  do  what 
you  deem  best,  etc."  He  explained  that  "which 
is  not  satisfactory  "  referred  not  to  the  standing 
of  the  party,  but  to  his  inquiry. 

It  seems  the  fellow  referred  to  was  a  promi 
nent  builder  of  good  family  and  quite  a  catch  for 
the  ward.  The  girl  almost  lost  him  and  I  suf 
fered  for  it  as  you  see.  I  have  forgiven  the  as 
sault  on  me  but  nevertheless  got  "  chucked."  1 
may  say  therefore  that  I  was  knocked  out  of  the 
short  hand  profession.  Nor  am  I  sorry  ;  there 
are  too  many  uncertainties  in  it  for  my  taste — 
allow  me,  please,  to  warm  this  poker  once  more. 
I  was  in  that  case  the  victim  of  circumstances. 

I  then  tackled  newspaper  work  and  became  a 
veritable  Bohemian.  It  was  not  unlike  the  easy, 
careless,  untramelled  life  of  a  free-born  Amer 
ican  citizen  such  as  I  now  enjoy.  Incidentally 
1  gave  a  stockholder  of  the  company  that  pub- 


THE   ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND. 

iished  the  paper  on  which  I  was  employed,  just 
what  he  deserved,  and  I  got  cashiered. 

The  victim  was  at  hand  to  meet  the  circum 
stances  as  usual. 

Subsequently  I  was  told  by  a  friend  that  there 
would  be  a  snug  berth  in  a  certain  department 
for  anyone  who  would  pass  the  Civil  Service 
examination.  I  tried  it.  But  during  my  prev 
ious  connection  with  the  press  in  an  evil  hour, 
as  it  was  the  fashion  then  to  ridicule  the  whole 
system  of  civil  service  examination,  I  took  a 
hand  in,  from  an  Irish  point  of  view  and  made 
the  wit  broad  and  strong  ;  and 

THIS   WAS    THE     STORY  : 

Murty  McAffee,  a  neighbor  iv  me  own,  was 
telling  the  trouble  he  had  with  the  civil  service 
examiners.  Mind  you,  Murty's  a  good  a  pavior 
as  ever  handled  a  rammer,  and  the  poor  fellow 
has  a  lot  of  little  ones  to  be  given  the  bit  and  sup 
to,  and  needs  a  job  bad  enough,  poor  man  ;  so 
up  he  goes  to  pass  his  examination  before  them 
fellows.  Seeing  he  was  a  pavior,  the  first  ques 
tion  they  axed  him  was,  "  What's  the  proper 
weight  of  a  stone  ? " 

"Why;"  said  Murty,  "where  I  kem  from, 
fourteen  pounds  goes  to  a  stone."  So  the  ex 
aminers  smiled,  and  one  of  them  said  :  "  That's 
one  point  agin  you,  Mr.  Patrick."  Then  said 
another  one  :  "  Do  you  know  anything  about 
Troy  weight  ? " 

"  Faith,  I  do,  sir,"  says  Murty.  "  I  worked  on 
the  West  Shore  road,  with  other  decent  men, 
when  it  was  built,  and  I  had  a  good  long  wait  at 
Troy  for  me  hard  earnin's." 

"  Well,"  said  the  examiner^  "  can  you  tell  us 
how  many  ounces  in  a  pound  of  Troy  weight?" 

"  Indeed,  sir,"  says  Murty,  "  two  half-pounds 
weight,  of  eight  ounces  each,  will  do  it" 


THE   ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  249 

"  Yer  out  agin,"  says  the  examiner.  "That  is 
another  percentage  agin  you."  So  me  poor 
Murty  got  vexed,  and  small  blame  to  him,  and 
says  he,  purty  hot  like,  "  I  know  it's  sixteen 
ounces  be  Brooklyn  weight,  and  be  New  York 
weight,  but  if  yer  going  to  regulate  the  givin'"  of 
work  to  a  man  here,  or  fix  the  weight  of  things 
here  be  the  weight  of  things  in  Troy  and  Albany, 
and  them  forrin  parts,  you  can  keep  your  ould 
job.  There's  no  home  rule  in  that,"  and  he 
started  to  leave. 

"  Hould  on  there,"  says  another  of  the  examin 
ers.  "You  have  one  more  chance  yet,  me  good 
man.  How  much  in  a  pour  d  whe~e  irou  came 
from  ? " 

"  Twenty  shillings,"  says  Murty,  and  the  ex 
aminers  started  to  laugh  till  they  were  crying. 

Murty  got  be  the  door,  and  says  he  :  "  Gintle- 
men,  I  answer  the  question  now.  You  asked  me 
what's  in  a  pound,  and  I'll  tell  you,  on  me  oath, 
I  often  seen  better  lookin'  and  better  behaved 
dogs  in  a  pound  than  any  of  yez,  and  their  own 
ers  wouldn't  bother  their  heads  to  give  fifty 
cents  apiece  to  take  them  out."  And  then  Mur 
ty  had  all  the  laugh  to  himself.  You  see,  he  was 
a  Fardown,  and  he  didn't  let  it  go  with  them  so 
aisy. 

The  examiners,  somehow  or  other,  discovered 
that  I  was  the  author. 

"  Did  you  pass?"  said  the  Host,  as  he  recov 
ered  composure. 

"  Pass  !  O  Lord,  no.  It  was  as  much  as  my 
life  was  worth  to  pass  one  of  the  commissioners 
on  the  street,  long  after  that  ;  and  you  readily 
perceive  that  again  the  Victim  had  a  disastrous 
collision  with  the  Circumstances." 

"  You  have  seen  many  ups  and  downs  in  your 
life-battle,"  observed  the  Coroner,  kindly. 

"  Aye,"  answered  the  Victim.     "  I  could  talk 


250  THE   ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND. 

to  you  steadily  for  five  hours,  without  a  break. 
(At  this  the  Lawyer  looked  uneasily  towards  the 
door.)  But  what  is  the  use?"  the  Stranger  went 
on.  "  Yet,  talking  about  battles,  I  may  say  I 
saw  the  field  of  the  greatest  of  modern  times." 

"  Indeed,"  said  the  Engineer.  "  Now  you  are 
coming  to  something  interesting.  When  ?  what? 
and  where  ? " 

"  Gettysburg,"  said  the  Tramp,  solemnly.  "I 
walked  by  that  field  on  June  zgth,  two  days  be 
fore  the  carnage.  I  did  not  see  the  murder  be 
ing  done,  but  the  field,  afterwards.  I  was  not  a 
hero  that  went  in  to  kill  his  fellow  men  ;  not  a 
hired  assassin  ;  not  a  soldier  ;  not  even  that  most 
spiritless  creature  called  a  substitute,  bought  by 
the  coward  who  so  patrioticallv  shed  his  blood 
— by  proxy. 

"  An  humble  citizen  of  the  world  was  I ;  aye, 
tramp,  if  you  will,  yet  I  made  no  widows  or  or 
phans  durng  that  awful  struggle. 

"  Gentlemen,'  continued  the  stranger,  impress 
ively,.  "  rising  generations  will  never  know,  and 
can  scarcely  imagine  the  awful  scenes  witnessed, 
the  dreadful  things  enacted — can  have  not  the 
faintest  conception  of  the  excruciating  sufferings 
of  the  wounded,  the  agony  of  the  dying,  after 
that  tremendous  grapple,  in  the  summer  of  '63, 
on  that  bloody  field. 

"Those  who  talk  the  most  of  it  saw  the  least 
of  it ;  the  best  men  never  returned,  for  true  it  is 
that  '  the  flower  of  the  army  has  enriched  the 
southern  dust.' 

"  A  peaceful  citizen,  trudging  alone  the  coun 
try  road,  I  saw  the  blossoms  in  the  peach-orch 
ard  before  the  2imbs  and  boughs  were  splintered 
and  riven  by  solid  shot  and  shrieking  shell. 


THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  251 

"  I  beheld  the  white  wheat-stalks  waving  in 
that  memorable  field,  ere  they  were  trodde  i  be 
neath  the  feet  of  maddened  horses  and  demoniac 
men. 

"  The  breeze  that  swayed  the  grass  on  '  Little 
Round  Top'  cooled  my  heated  brow. 

"  My  shoeless  feet  trod  the  Gettysburg  road, 
ere  the  dust  was  laid  in  our  people's  blood. 

"  The  valley  lay  smiling  before  me  ;  the  undu 
lating  hills  lifted  their  verdure-crowned  caps  to 
the  sunlight,  and  wee  chipmunks  played  hide- 
and-seek  through  the  gaps  of  that  old  wall,  the 
stones  of  which  were  soon  dyed  a  deepest  red. 

"  I  beheld  and  appreciated  the  quiet  restful- 
ness  of  that  garden  spot,  and,  after  the  slaughter, 
I  saw  it  again.  O,  God,  what  a  change  !  "  The 
Stranger  covered  his  face  with  his  grimy  hands, 
as  though  to  shut  out  the  vision  before  his 
mind's  eye. 

"  Yes,  I  saw  it.  Would  to  God  I  had  been 
born  blind.  And,  to-day,  its  humblest  and  truest 
heroes,  those  who  were  thrust  to  the  front  ;  who 
left  their  bones  to  the  sward  and  their  flesh  to 
the  buzzards,  are  forgotten  by  the  busy  world. 

"  Gentlemen,  I  may  not  express  myself  with 
facility  or  felicity,  but  I  do  believe  that  at  times 
there  arises  within  my  breast  that  indescribable 
glow  or  feeling  experienced  by  the  true  poet 
and  true  musician—  that  aspiration  which  lifts 
us  high  above  the  grovelling  things  of  earth  and 
makes  us  know  that  ^en  though  the  trail  of  the 
serpent  is  over  us  all,  yet,  man  is  only  a  little 
lower  than  the  angels.  Pardon  me  once  more, 
friends,  while  I  essay  to  recite  to  you  in  my 
poor  way  a  few  line^  of  mine,  which  give  a  faint 


252  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

description  of  what  I  saw  on  that  field,  entitled 
Peace  and  War : 


I. 

The  air  was  soft  ;  the  summer  breeze 
Scarce  rustled  the  grey  dried  grass 

And  the  cattle  rested  beneath  the  trees 
That  skirted  the  mountain  pass. 

II. 

The  dust  lay  thick  on  the  quivering  leaves 

As  adown  the  fierce  sun  glowed, 
And  the  barn -yard  fowls  made  a  resting  place 

In  the  soft  dry  loam  of  the  road. 

III. 

The  chirp  of  the  merry  cricket, 

The  buzz  of  the  summer  fly, 
The  redbreast's  "tweet  "  in  the  thicket, 

The  catbird's  piercing  cry  ; 
The  blossomed  boughs  of  the  fruit  tree 

In  the  passing  zephyrs  nod, 
And  bend  in  fullest  promise 

At  the  bid  of  a  bounteous  God. 
The  house  dog  lolls  on  the  sheltered  porch, 

The  farmer  sleeps  in  the  shade  ; 
The  winsome  lark  from  his  leafy  perch 

Wooes  his  feathered  mate  in  the  glade. 
The  ripe  white  wheat,  the  tasselled  corn, 

The  hum  of  the  passing  bee 
Betoken  to  all  that  summer  is  born 

And'nature  is  lavish  and  free. 


IV. 

The  resting  kine  in  the  meadows  rise 
And  bend  their  heads  to  the  West, 

The  house  dog  growls  and  the  silence  dies 
As  the  farmer  wakes  from  his  rest. 


THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  253 

V. 
A  faint  low  sound  from  the  edge  of  the  wood, 

Now  lost — now  loud  and  clear, 
Breaks  Sabbath's  quiet  and  restful  mood 

To  the  strained  and  listening  ear. 

VI. 
Nearer  and  louder,  the  tramp  of  feet 

From  the  east  and  west  they  come, 
Breaking  the  corn  and  crushing  the  wheat 

To  the  martial  roll  of  the  drum. 

VII. 
The  measured  tramp  of  the  serried  ranks, 

The  crash  of  the  yielding  rail, 
And  stalwart  soldiers  in  solid  phalanx 
Meet  in  the  peaceful  vale. 
****** 

VIII. 
The  last  low  sighs  of  the  dying  men, 

The  ' '  swish  ' '  of  the  bending  sheaves, 
The  bullets'  thud,  the  spattering  blood 

That  drips  on  the  withered  leaves 
Are  lost  in  the  scream  of  the  stricken  steed  ; 

The  boom  of  the  Catling  gun, 
The  shouts  and  yells,  the  whistling  shells 

That  scatter  and  kill  and  stun. 
And  the  musket  shot— the  bayonet  clash, 

The  cries  of  grappling  men, 
And  the  cheering  shout  at  the  onwaid  dash 

Are  echoed  from  valley  to  glen. 
****** 

Oh  !  on  that  summer's  day  was  a  victory  -won, 

But  the  grass  is  no  longer  dry, 
And  dead  men  glare  at  the  westering  sun 

With  dull  unlustred  eye. 
The  road  once  dusty  is  dark  and  damp, 

And  the  sun,  like  a  blood-red  flame, 
Slowly  sinks  in  the  crimsoned  clouds, 

And  hides  its  face — in  shame  ! 


254  THE   ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND. 

The  members  nodded  silently  and  approving 
ly  as  they  looked  at  each  other. 

The  matter-of-fact  Host  was  the  first  to  break 
the  silence  :  "  War  may  be  distasteful — perhaps 
criminal  in  some  respects,  but  after  all  isn't  it 
admittedly  a  stern  necessity?" 

"Aye,"  remarked  the  Lawyer,  "it  may  be. 
Curiously  enough  it  has  been  called  with  the 
dove  and  the  olive  branch  the  harbinger  of 
peace,  and  perhaps  it  deserves  the  appellation." 

"  How  so,"  quoth  the  stranger. 

"Because,"  the  other  answered,  "it  *s  written, 
War  brings  famine  ;  famine  brings  peace  ;  peace 
brings  industry  ;  industry  makes  plenty  ;  plenty 
brings  luxury  ;  luxury  makes  idleness  ;  and  idle 
ness  breeds  war.  And  thus  it  goes  round  and 
round  ;  for,  some  now  live,  but  all  must  die  ; 
thus  runs  the  world  away." 

"I  see,"  said  the  Stranger,  with  a  look  of  deep 
thought  in  his  eyes.  "  As  my  friend,  Bill  Shakes 
peare  puts  it,  'All  the  world's  a  stage.'  Some 
enter  and  leave  immediately,  having  travelled  to 
the  end  of  their  journey.  Others  ride  farther 
before  they  reach  their  destination.  Others 
again  make  a  longer  trip,  but  all  leave  at  one 
time  or  another.  There  is  a  constant  transfer  or 
shifting  of  passengers,  and  the  stage  is  ever 
going  along  the  road  of  life,  passengers  ever 
entering  and  ever  alighting  ;  some  are  forcibly 
ejected,  as  by  war,  so  that  others  who  are  wait 
ing  on  the  road  may  have  room  in  the  vehicle. 

"  But,  gentlemen,"  he  went  on,  "  while  we  may 
look  very  philosophically  on  the  subject  of 
death — with  the  s"ame  serene  resignation  with 
which  we  submit  to  the  misfortunes  of  our 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  255 

neighbors — it  ever  and  anon  comes  so  close  to 
us  as  to  startle  and  shock  us  as  when  it  ruth 
lessly  breaks  the  ties  of  blood,  love  or  friend 
ship. 

"Why  should  it  shock  or  startle  us  ? 

"  And  why  should  we  not  be  accustomed  to  it  ? 
Are  we  not  told  that  flesh  is  grass,  and  that  it  is 
allotted  for  all  men  once  to  die  ?  For  this  reason 
I  think  it  is  singular  that  men  break  faith  and 
fealty  for  a  mere  temporary  advantage.  If  it  be 
true,  as  the  great  British  Commoner  declared, 
that  every  one  had  his  price,  how  cheaply  some 
are  sold. 

"  Were  a  man  assured  that  he  could  live  the 
years  of  Methuslah,  and  could  steal  enough  to 
keep  him  in  luxury  for  his  nine  hundred  and  odd 
years,  it  might  pay  to  do  it,  but  the  game  is  not 
worth  the  candle,  for  life  is  too  short  for  crook 
edness.  This  plain  fact  is  overlooked,  for  crea 
tures  have  been  known  to  fatten  on  the  dishonor 
of  those  who  should  be  nearest  and  dearest  to 
them,  creatures  have  been  known  ready  and 
willing  to  bastardize  and  disinherit  their  breth 
ren  and  kindred  for  gain,  so  that  they  themselves 
could  pose  before  the  world  as  wealthy. 

"  Indeed,  we  are  all  too  apt  to  be  swayed  by  the 
desire  for  riches,  honor  and  fame,  which  are  but 
dead  sea  fruits,  and  all  because  the  world  con 
siders  the  individual  in  respect  to  what  he  has, 
not  what  he  is. 

"  No  wonder,  indeed,  the  dying  statesman  ex 
claimed  in  bitterness  of  spirit : 

"  The  world  is  a  racsal. 
Its  wreaths  are  earthly  flowers  of  fading  leaves  and 

buds, 
Its  fame  is  but  a  bubble,  when  burst  'tis  only  suds. 


256  THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND. 

"  And  when  one  has  all  earth  can  give,  what  is  it? 

"Let  him  who  had  wisdom  beyond  our  ken,  who 
possessed  wealth  beyond  the  dreams  of  avarice 
and  could  gratify  every  desire  of  the  human 
heart  answer  : 

"  Vanity  of  vanities,  King  Solomon  said, 

Its  pleasures  are  fleeting,  its  fruits  are  all  dead, 

Its  friendship,  its  love,  its  honor,  its  gold, 

Each  for  the  last  is  bartered  and  sold. 

At  the  bidding  of  kings  blood  flows  like  a  torrent, 

Flesh  rots  on  the  field  till  the  sight  is  abhorrent; 

Friendship's  as  strong  as  a  gossamer  thread, 

And  love  is  as  light  as  a  feather. 

"And  will  it  all  be  remedied  in  the  end  ?  Will 
the  crookedness  be  straightened  in  the  great 
valley  of  Jehosophat  ? 

"  Is  the  triumph  of  injustice,  the  prosperity  of 
chicanery,  the  success  of  meanness,  and  the  wor 
ship  of  iniquity  positive  proof  that  God  liveth, 
and  that  His  justice  endureth  forever?  Is  it  true 
that  after  life's  short  and  fitful  fever  here  we  will 
all  stand  before  some  Being  to  be  judged  accor 
ding  to  our  lights  ? 

"  If  so,  well  indeed  for  some  of  us  that  our  lights 
are  dim,  so  that  the  judgment  may  be  less  severe. 
Methinks  it  must  be  so  and  anon,  even  at  the 
risk  of  being  classed  with  the  fool  who  sayeth  in 
his  heart:  'There  is  no  God,'  I  am  tempted  to 
follow  Lyall  into  the  dark  realm  of  doubt  and 
hopelessness  and  say: 

"All  the  world  over,  I  wonder,  in  lands  that  I  never 

have  trod, 
Are  the  people  eternally  seeking  for  the  signs  and 

steps  of  a  God  ? 
Westward  across  the  ocean,  and  northward  ayont  the 

gnow. 


THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  257 

Do  they  all  stand  gazing  as  ever,  and  what  do  the 

wisest  know  ? 
For  destiny  drives  us  together,  like  deer  in  a  pass  of 

the  hills, 
Above  us  the  sky,  and  around  us  the  sound  of  the 

shot  that  kills  ; 
Pushed  by  a  power  we  see  not,  and  struck  by  a  hand 

unknown, 
We  pray  to  the  trees  for  shelter,  and  press  our  lips  to 

a  stone. 
And  ever  the  shot  strikes  surely,  and  ever  the  wasted 

breath 
Of  the  praying  multitude  rises  whose  answer  is  only 

Death. 

"  The  vastness — the  incomprehensibility  of  this 
subject  is  overpowering  to  any  man  who  thinks. 
We  can  do  but  one  of  two  things,  viz.:  Deny  it 
all,- or  accept  it  all.  For,  unless  one  has  what 
some  call  Divine  Faith,  we  can  have  no  further 
proof  of  the  Hereafter.  Even  when  one  denies, 
one  cannot  doubt  all." 

"Why  not?" 

"You  cannot  doubt  everything — if  you  doubt 
you  cannot  doubt  that  you  doubt.  But  after 
all — and  I  have  given  the  subject  some  thought, 
I  am  inclined  to  agree  with  that  orthodox,  if 
somewhat  pessimistic  view  of  the  world — 

"Its  hopes  and  its  triumphs,  its  hono-  and  fame, 
Are  only  the  puppets  of  Life's  little  game, 

And  the  winner  is  always  Death. 
Shrouds  have  no  pockets,  fame  is  a  bubble, 

Friendship  a  thread,  and  love  is  a  trouble  ; 
Glory  a  sham,  gold  is  but  dross, 

Yet,  Truth  hangeth  crucified  ;  look  to  the  Cross 
And  remember  what  endureth  well, 

Death,  Judgment,  Heaven  or  Hell." 

"Aint  you  getting  a  little  off  the  track,"  sug 
gested  the  Engineer. 


2^  THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND. 

"  Surely,"  added  the  quiet  gentleman. 

"  I  beg  pardon,"  replied  the  speaker,  "  I  am  in 
clined  to  fall  into  these  digressions.  I  believe  I 
was  on  the  subject  which  we  all  must  come  to 
sooner  or  later — the  subject  of  death.  Ah  me, 
'tis  now,  as  your  clock  tells  me,  the  witching 
hour  of  twelve — the  hour  when  it  is  said  the  dead 
walk  in  the  quiet  graveyards,  and  spirits  come 
forth  to  hold  communion  with  each  other  or 
watch  over  those  they  best  loved  on  earth.  The 
tears  come  unbidden  to  my  eyes  as  I  think  of 
one  true  friend  whose  remains  I  saw  consigned 
to  the  place  in  which  he  was  born,  there  to  min 
gle  with  his  people  into  dust,  where  he  first  saw 
the  light,  away  down  by  Chesapeake  Bay. 

"  He  was  my  pal  as  we  call  it,  my  more  than 
brother,  and  like  myself,  a  citizen  of  the  world, 
vulgarly  called  'tramp.'  We  chummed  together. 
He  divided  the  bread,  shared  the  shelter  with 
me.  We  call  it  'Whacks'  in  the  vernacular 
here,  '  Cahoots '  below  the  line.  One  would 
think  that  having  so  little,  there  would  be  much 
more  reason  to  hoard  it,  but  that  was  not  Mat's 
way.  Indeed  he  gave  me  the  choicest  morsel  of 
the  food,  the  snuggest  part  of  the  shelter.  I 
honestly  endeavored  to  do  the  same  with  him. 
I  fear  that  having  been  so  long  in  and  of  the 
work-a-day  world  it  was  with  ill-success.  For, 
in  the  awful  grapple  for  money,  in  the  heat  of 
the  struggle,  even  honest  men  are  apt  to  be 
blinded  by  self  interest. 

"  He  was  a  born  philosopher,  borrowing  no 
trouble,  believing  that  sufficient  for  the  day  was 
the  evil  thereof.  Wronging  no  man  he  did  to 
Others  what  he  would  have  them  do  unto  him. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  259 

Together  we  enjoyed  those  higher  flights  of 
fancy  and  the  pleasures  of  the  imagination,  such 
as  are  unknown  to  the  mere  common  bread-win 
ner  or  money-maker,  whose  condition  and  aspi 
rations  in  life  are  so  well  described  in  the  lang 
uage  of  the  poet,  whom  I  have  alwrays  called 
Pope  Alexander  the  First,  '  To  live,  to  eat,  to 
sleep,  to  propagate,  to  die." 

"•Christmas,  as  you  know,  was  bitterly  cold. 
Along  with  the  blinding  storm  of  the  24th  came 
a  fierce  northwester  that  blew  the  falling  parti 
cles  high  into  the  air  and  made  huge  snow 
drifts  in  the  sheltered  corners  of  the  streets  and 
alleys.  We  separated  that  afternoon,  Mat  and 
I,  he  suggesting  that  one  homeless  man  could 
get  a  resting  place  where  two  together  would 
be  refused  shelter  or  driven  from  the  premises 
by  the  dogs. 

"  There  was  lodging  offered  to  one  of  us  at  a 
farmhouse  on  the  road  ;  Mat  begged  it  for  me, 
and  insisted  that  I  should  accept  the  offer  which 
was  made  by  a  kind  old  lady,  and  after  some 
hesitation  I  bade  my  pal  good-night,  and  he  left 
me. 

"I  saw  him  never  again. 

"Caring  not  for  himself,  his  unselfish  anxiety 
to  see  me  well  housed  relieved,  then  and  only 
then  self-preservation  the  first  law  of  nature 
(sometimes,  but  thank  God,  not  always),  asserted 
itself,  and  leaving  me  comfortable,  Mat  made 
his  way  through  the  blinding  blizzard  to  seek  a 
resting  place  for  himself. 

"The  night  was  bitterly  inclement,  but  no 
storm  could  chill  that  big  warm  heart." 

The    Stranger     muttered    something     about 


260  THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND. 

being  somewhat  affected  by  the  smoke.  Hastily 
grasping  the  poker,  he  plunged  it  with  osteata- 
tious  vigor  into  the  still  bright  fire,  and  seem 
ingly  satisfied  turned  to  the  absorbed  listeners. 

"  Yesterday  I  made  my  way  to  the Sta 
tion-house  and  asked  for  him.  The  doorman 
usually  so  gruff  was  kindly  considerate. 

"  '  Ah,  a  friend  of  yours  ?  Poor  fellow,  come.' " 

Again  the  speaker  paused  and  spent  some 
little  time  in  getting  the  fire-iron  in  the  best 
possible  place  in  the  gleaming  coals.  Straight 
ening  up  he  shut  his  teeth  hard  and  after  an 
effort  or  two  went  on. 

"  My  old  pal,  Mat,  lay  on  a  bench  in  a  cheer 
less,  chilly  cell.  The  eyes  were  peacefully 
closed  ;  the  stiffened  fingers  locked  across  the 
breast.  The  grim  police  officers  of  the  station 
and  the  case  hardened  rounders,  outcasts  and 
criminals,  spoke  in  whispers  or  walked  on  tip 
toe  with  that  needless  and  curious  fear  which 
some  have  lest  a  little  noise  should  awaken  the 
dead  who  sleep  forever. 

' '  And,  O  !  men  and  brethren,  from  the  desd 
fingers  had  been  taken  a  bit  of  paper  that  two 
nights  before  had  been  dropped  through  a  cre 
vice  in  a  coal  box  where  we  slept  with  a  home 
less  dog  ! 

"  The  gruff  doorman,  with  hand  tender  and 
deft  as  a  woman's  had  pinned  the  paper  on 
the  dead  man's  breast  right  over  thebigheai', 
that  would  never  throb  again." 

Again  the  faltering  accents  of  the  speaker  be 
tokened  his  deep  emotion. 

"  The  men  at  the  station — God  bless  them, 
treated  the  dead  with  unlocked  for  reverence. 


THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND.  26! 

//  was  brought  up-stairs,  placed  in  the  coffin 
with  a  few  flowers  about  the  white  face.  Each, 
prisoner  and  each  wanderer  was  allowed  to  look 
in  turn  on  the  peaceful  countenance  of  the  dead 
philosopher  before  the  lid  finally  shut  it  from 
view  forever,  and  when  all  was  over,  the  body 
was  sent  to  his  old  home. 

"I — I  have  just  completed  this" — the  Stran 
ger  murmured  as  he  raised  his  shabby  rag  and 
with  great  deliberation,  blew  his  nose  loudly, 
winked  violently  once  or  twice  and  stared  tn- 
tently  at  his  feet  in  the  poor  attempt  to  pretend 
he  was  trying  to  recall  something.  At  length 
taking  some  sheets  of  manila  paper  from  his 
pocket  after  a  sniffle  or  two,  in  a  scarcely  audi 
ble,  but  deeply  pathetic  voice,  he  read  what  he 
called,  "  The  Tramp's  Christmas  :" 

The  stars  look  down  on  the  sleeping  town, 

With  cold  and  cheerless  ray, 
And  the  northern  lights  came  down  on  the  heights, 

Where  the  drifting  snow-banks  lay, 
With  the  telegraph  lines  and  swinging  signs, 

The  wind  made  mournful  sound 
On  that  Christmas  night,  when  the  snow  lay  white 

And  deep  on  the  frozen  ground. 
Then  an  ill-clad  tramp  saw  the  precinct  lamp 

Gleam  out  through  the  frosty  air, 
And  shuffled  foot-sore  to  the  station-house  door, 

To  beg  a  night's  shelter  there. 
He  crept  in,  ghastly  pale,  with  a  look  at  the  rail 
And  pleaded  in  misery  and  want, 
"Cap,  let  me  stay  with  you — for  to-night,  just  please 
do, 

For  God's  sake,  Cap,  don't  say  I  can't." 
The  Sergeant  said,  "  Hey?  Oh,  you  want  to  stay, 

Well,  come  right  up  here  and  get  warm." 
"  Don't  mind  if  I  do,  for  I'm  chilled  through. 

'Tis  no  night  to  be  out  in  a  storm  ; 


!  THE    ODDITIES    OF    SHORT    HAND. 

"Thanks  " — his  words  were  cut  off  by  a  deep,  hoi- 
low  cough, 

He  shivered  in  trying  to  speak, 
And  he  clutched  at  the  chair  the   doorman  placed 

there, 
With  a  grip  that  was  grimy  and  weak. 

THE  PLACE. 
Then  the  sergeant  wrote  his  blotter  up, 

And  bade  the  man  "  come  roun'  " 
And  warm  himself  at  the  roaring  fire 

Before  he  was  "  sent  down." 
The  doorman  brought  him  coffee 

And  a  goodly  loaf  of  bread, 
"I'll  just  take  a  drop  of  this  'ere  tea, 

I  cannot  eat,"  he  said. 
"  In  fact  I  ain't  myself  at  all, 

Though  trouble  I  don't  borrow, 
I  do  feel  queer  as  I  sit  here, 

Think  I'll  go  home  to-morrow." 

The  doorman  raked  the  fire  again, 

And  passed  the  coffee  can, 
And  in  the  genial  warmth 

To  chat  the  tramp  began  : 
"Yes,  I'll  go  back  on  the  railroad  track, 

If  I  beg  or  beat  my  way, 
For  I'm  not  the  same  since  the  morning  came  ; 

On  this  cold  Christmas  day 
One  of  the  oddest  things  occurred 

That  erer  happened  to  me, 
You  wouldn't  think  I  was  so  soft, 

But  listen  and  you'll  see." 

The  sergeant  left  the  key-board, 

And  lent  attentive  ear 
To  listen  to  the  strangest  tale 

He'd  heard  in  many  a  year. 
"It  startled  me,"  the  vagrant  said, 

"  And  what  d'ye  suppose  I  mean  ? 
Just  a  little  scrap  of  paper 

And  a  bit  of  Christmas  green." 


THE   ODDITIES  OF  SHORT   HAND.  263 

He  coughed  again  as  if  in  pain, 

Pressed  his  hand  to  his  breast, 
Spoke  earnestly  and  low  at  times, 

A.nd  at  times  with  sneer  and  jest. 

THE  STORY. 
"  It's  ten  years  ago  about,"  he  said, 

"  That  I  left  my  father's  house. 
In  a  boyish  huff  I  stole  away, 

As  quiet  as  a  mouse. 
I  didn't  care  to  learn  a  trade, 

So  my  folks  L  ?emed  to  say, 
And  as  for  working  on  a  farm — 

Well,  I  wasn't  built  that  way. 
No,  I  didn't  follow  a  circus, 

Nor  want  to  be  a  clown, 
I  was  just  inclined  to  rove  a  bit, 

And  wished  to  see  the  town, 
I  thought  I'd  be  a  banker 

And  go  home  rich  and  show 
The  folks  at  home  that  I  was  game 

But  it  didn't  turn  out  so. 
I  knocked  around  the  city  here, 

Got  a  bite  whenever  I  could  : 
Then  I  thought  I'd  make  a  ten-strike 

And  go  to  work  for  good. 
I  shipped  on  a  sailing  vessel  , 

From  New  York,  China  bound, 
Because  to  be  a  banker 

You  begin  on  the  lowest  round. 
But  I  guess  I  rrot  it  in  the  neck 

When  I M  struck  the  Neversink. 
The  Captain  was  a  savage, 

The  mate  was  worse,  I  think, 
The  men  were  very  near  as  bad, 

Scoffs  and  jibes  and  blows 
Was  generally  my  portion, 

How  I  stood  it,  Heaven  knows. 
Being  but  a  friendless  waif, 

A  homeless,  wretched  lad, 
I  was  kicked  and  starved  and  beaten, 


THE   ODDITIES   OF    SHORT   HANlX 

And  treated  awful  bad  ; 
Indeed  among  the  whole  ship's  crew, 

I  could  swear  it  by  the  Book, 
My  only  friends  were  the  Captain's  dog, 

And  the  boy  that  helped  the  cook. 
I  tried  to  go  at  Hiah-So, 

Without  bidding  them  adieu, 
But  to  leave  without  the  dog  and  Jim 

I  thought  would  never  do. 
The  Captain  knew  I'd  cut  and  run 

If  ever  I  got  a  show  ; 
When  I  prepared  to  leave  at  port 

He  ordered  me  below. 
Before  I  coiild  mature  my  plans 

The  ship  set  sail  again, 
And  off  we  went  on  another  trip 

Across  the  raging  main. 
I  made  two  trips  on  the  Neversink, 

And  didn't  touch  the  land, 
And  had  begun  to  know  the  ropes, 

And  to  ree  f  could  give  a  hand. 
But  I  tell  you  this  in  confidence, 

I  don't  say  I'm  a  shirk, 
The  way  I  was  treated  aboard  that  boat. 

Made  me  hate  the  sight  of  work. 
A  life  on  the  ocean  wave  will  do 

For  sailors  and  for  fish, 
But  I'm  for  terra  firma, 

Let  others  have  their  wish. 
All  things  have  an  end  including  ropes — 

I  found  this  out  on  the  ship — 
We  made  the  harbor  of  New  York, 

And  I  gave  them  all  the  slip. 
Then  I  knocked  about,  now  here,  now  there, 

Without  keeping  any  log, 
And  who  do  you  think  I  met  last  week  ? 

Why  Jim  and  the  Captain's  dog. 
He  took  the  dog  and  French  leave,  totx 

Just  shortly  after  me, 
And  weren't  we  glad  to  meet  again  ? 

And  went  partners— just  us  three. 


THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  265 

We  slept  together  most  every  night, 

And  shared  each  other's  food  ; 
Generally  times  were  fair  with  us, 

Sometimes  not  so  good. 
I/ast  night,  you  know,  was  Christmas  Eve, 

So  we  crept  in  an  old  coal  box, 
Curled  up  snug,  with  the  dog  for  a  rug, 

And  Jim  hung  up  the  socks. 
We  only  had  two  between  us, 

They  wouldn't  hold  a  thing  ; 
But  he  said  :  '  We'll  take  the  chances, 

And  before  the  chime-bells  ring 
Someone  will  give  us  something 

For  in  times  like  Chrisimus 
It's  in  the  air  for  richer  folks 

To  think  of  fellows  like  us. ' 
And  sure  enough,  in  a  hole  in  the  box 

Some  passer-by,  for  a  caper, 
Dropped  in  a  spri^;  of  Christmas  green 

Enclosed  in  a  piece  of  paper. ' ' 
The  vagrant  paused  and  coughed  again, 

Rubbed  his  mouth  on  his  coat, 
Passed  his  he.:  *I  before  his  eyes, 

And  resumed  when  he  cleared  his  throat : 
"  When  I  saw  that  sprig  of  holly,  Cap., 

And  what  that  paper  said, 
It  brought  back  olden  memories 

Of  dear  ones,  long  since  dead." 


His  voice  sank  to  a  whisper, 

The  sergeant  turned  around, 
The  tramp  faltered  on  with  his  story, 

The  doorman  stared  at  the  ground. 

"  My  mother's  face,  in  her  cap  of  lace, 
As  she  bent  her  old  grey  head 

To  her  work  at  night  to  keep  things  righl 
When  the  rest  were  all  abed. 

'Twas  the  verse  of  a  song  she  used  to  sing, 
When  I  was  but  a  child, 


266  THE    ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAND. 

And  the  air  came  back  when  I  read  the  words, 

And  her  voice  so  soft  and  mild. 
I've  got  the  paper  here,  Cap. 

To  carry  on  my  way, 
For  I'm  going  home  to  the  old  place,  Cap., 

Way  down  by  Chesapeake  Bay." 

He  coughed  again,  wiped  the  great  dark  stain 
That  spread  o'er  his  lips  and  chin; 

All  was  quiet  then,  among  these  three  men, 
The  "touch"  made  them  all  akin. 

The  sergeant  broke  the  silence  at  last ; 

"You  go  with  this  man, 
And  after  you've  had  a  good  night's  rest 

We'll  try  and  think  out  a  plan 
To  help  you  along  in  your  journey, 

And  raise  you  a  dollar  or  two. 
Cheer  up,  young  fellow,  never  say  die, 

We'll  try  and  pull  you  through  !  " 
****** 

When  morning  broke  the  doorman  spoke 

To  the  sergeant  under  his  breath, 
In  tones  of  affright — "That  man — last  night-\ 

Is  down  there  cold  in  death  ! ' ' 

Aye  !  the  man  was  dead  ;  on  the  hard  board  bed 

He  had  died  in  the  night  alone, 
And  like  a  saving  strand,  in  the  death  stiffened 
hand 

Was  the  verse  that  had  been  thrown, 
By  some  one  who  passed  where  the  tramps  slept 
fast 

With  a  yellow  dog  between. 
And  this  was  on  the  paper, 

Wrapped  round  the  sprig  of  green  : 

"  God  rest  you,  merry  gentlemen, 

Let  nothing  you  dismay, 
For  Christ,  our  Lord  and  Saviour, 

Was  born  on  Christmas  day." 


THE   ODDITIES   OF   SHORT    HAN±>.  267 

The  Victim's  accents  were  low  ;  there  were 
tears  in  his  voice  "like  the  Scotch  song."  The 
Coroner  and  Northcoat  looked  at  each  other 
askance  as  the  Engineer  with  an  "  Oh,  nshaw," 
made  a  movement  towards  the  door.  This 
brought  the  Stenographer  to  his  feet,  with  the 
remark  that  a  motion  to  adjourn  was  always  in 
order,  sjad  would  be  entertained,  to  which  all 
assented.  The  Stranger  drained  the  pitcher,  as 
the  Coroner  and  his  friends,  after  a  whispered 
consultation,  "chipped  in,"  as  they  called  it, 
and  the  Host,  after  a  short  absence,  brought  in 
a  large  bundle.  At  that  point  the  taciturn  Real 
Estate  Man  spoke  up,  "  I  move  that  a  vote  of 
thanks  be  tendered  to  the  speaker  of  the  evening 
and  that  he  be  elected  an  honorary  member  of 
the  Worshipers  at  the  Shrine  of  Truth,  and  be 
clothed  in  the  habiliments  of  the  order." 

The  motion  being  put  to  the  house,  was  car 
ried  with  great  unanimity.  Despite  his  strenu 
ous  expostulations,  the  stranger  was  conducted 
to  an  adjoining  room,  whence  he  soon  emerged, 
clad  from  head  to  foot  in  comfortable  outer 
clothing,  of  which  nothing  was  visible  but  a 
gray  frieze  coat  and  a  pair  of  top  boots.  He 
stood  before  them,  his  unshaven  face  lit  up  with 
the  after-glo\v.  while  his  lips  murmured  thanks. 
As  he  grasped  the  hands  of  his  generous  newly 
found  friends,  his  fellow  craftsmen  deftly  trans 
ferred  a  substantial  looking  "  wad  "  to  his  re 
luctant  hand,  and  the  man  in  the  frieze  coat 
with  compressed  lips  and  moist  eyes,  left  them 
on  the  upper  step  of  the  stoop,  below  which  he 
stood  silent  and  irresolute. 

Waving  his  hand  at  the   others,  he  said  in  a 


268 


THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND. 


choking,  disjointed  voice — "Good  night,  gentle 
men — Good  night,  and  God  bless  you  all,"  and 
slowly  sauntered  off. 


-     ?^_ 

The  Stranger  in  the  After-glow. 

"  Poor  fellow,  he  seemed  to  be  a  man  of  great 
taste  and  deep  feeling,"  whispered  the  Real 
Estate  Man. 

"O,  bless  you,  yes,'1  replied  the  Host.  "You 
saw  that  particularly  when  he  was  drinking  my 
beer  and  reading  his  own  poems.  Did  you 
notice  also  that  the  beer  and  the  essay  were 
ended  at  the  same  time " 

"We  forgot  to  ask  him  his  name,"  said  the 
Other,  ignoring  the  bold  sarcasm. 


THE   ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND.  269 

"  No,"  answered  the  Host,  "  we  didn't  need 
to  ;  he  alluded  to  himself  in  that  alleged  poem 
as  Jim  ;  his  family  name  is  surely  Jams,  the  full 
cognomen  being  Jim  Jams,  and  a  most  uncon 
scionable  liar  he  is." 

"  I  am  inclined  to  think  that  is  too  plebeian  a 
name  for  him,"  suggested  the  Engineer.  "  His 
real  name  is  Atramental  Liegner,  and  he  is  a 
God-forsaken  bummer " 

"No,"  said  the  Stenographer,  reproachfully, 
glancing  at  the  others,  whole  folios  of  protest  in 
his  tear-dimmed  eyes.  "  No,  it  is  my  firm  con 
viction  from  his  talk,  he  is  what  he  claims  to  be, 
the  Victim  of  Circumstances.  I  believe  him  to 
be  a  scholar.  I  know  he  is  a  stenographer,  and 
hence  a  gentleman." 

"  I  agree  with  you,"  said  the  Coroner,  after  a 
thoughtful  pause,  "but  I  don't  say  with  which 
of  you." 

"  You  and  I  are  of  one  mind,"  remarked  the 
Lawyer. 

These  remarks  passed  as  they  stood  on  the 
stoop,  peering  through  the  darkness  at  the  tall 
figure  sauntering  down  the  street.  Below,  the 
lamps  of  a  drinking  place  shone  out  like  beacon 
lights,  to  warn  the  unwary  that  behind  and  close 
at  hand  were  hidden  the  reefs  that  had  wrecked 
so  many  lives.  Beyond  the  circle  of  light,  im 
penetrable  darkness.  Here  the  man  in  the 
frieze  coat  was  lost  to  view.  Whether  he  failed 
to  heed  the  warning  and  was  drawn  into  the 
danger,  or  whether  he  kept  on  his  straight  nar 
row  course,  the  others  knew  not. 

But,  in  -.he  silent  watches  of  the  night,  in  the 
quiet  hours  between  cock-crow  and  milkman- 


270 


THE    ODDITIES   OF    SHORT    HAND. 


yawp,  the  entertaining  stranger  passed  from  the 
sight,  of  his  watching  friends  forever,  and  the 
Worshipers  at  the  Shrine  of  1  ruth  with  all  dua 
solemnity  adjourned  sine,  die. 


What  do  you  write  with  ? 

I  have  been  using  the 

WATERMAN  FOUNTAIN  PEN 

in  my  court  work  for  several  yeais,  with  the 
greatest  satisfaction.  The  ink  flows  from  it 
at  the  instant  it  touches  the  paper,  and  it 
flows  steadily  and  without  a  break  as  long  as 
the  work  is  continued.  The  stenographer 
who  works  without  it  makes  a  decided  mis 
take—  W.  W.  OSOOODBY,  Stenographer  of 
the  New  York  Supreme  Court,  Rochester, 

N.  Y. 

Whether  the  pen  is  mightier  than  the  sword 
depends  somewhat  perhaps  on  the  readiness 
of  the  pen:  as  your  pen  is  always  ready  I 
strongly  incline  to  the  affirmative  —  if  for  no 

j  other  reason  than  that  the  solid  f  nets  embodied 
in  "  The  Dead  Man's  Notes,"  were  written  at 
one  sitting  by  the  aid  of  "Waterman's  Ideal." 

I  —  John  B.  Carey,  Stenographer,  Supreme 
Court,  Kings  Co.,  N.  Y. 

It  is  warranted  (unconditionally)  and  guaranteed 
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You  can  have  your  choice  of  over  50  sizes  and 
styles. 

Send  for  illustrated  price-list,  with  testimonials. 


WANTED. 

MENTION  THIS  BOOK. 


L.  E.  WATERMAN   CO., 
155  BROADWAY,  NEW  YOEK. 


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Tliis  Academy,  conducted  by  the  Brothers  of  the  Chris 
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Shorthand  and  Typewriting  receive  special  attention. 

Positions  secured  for  graduates. 

The  terms  are  moderate. 

For  other  information  address, 

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Director, 


ORGANIZED  SEPTEMBER  51-11,  1881,  WITH 
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COUNCILS    IN    (16)   SIXTEEN    STATES  AND 
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Treasurer. 
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Medical  Examiner -in-Chief . 
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Extract  from  last  report  of  State   Superin 
tendent  of  Insurance. 

"I  congratulate  you  on  the  exceptionally  excellent  con 
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Yours  very  respectfully, 

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DEIMT'S 


This  Manual  is  the  result  of  twenty  years'  active 
practice  in  all  branches  of  reporting.  The  most 
unique  text  book  of  the  age.  Systematic,  practi 
cal  and  interesting,  $2.00 


BY  ISAAC  8.  DEMENT. 

The  Literary  Magazine  of  the  Profession.  Noth 
ing  but  original  articles ^iven.  Fac- simile  notes  of 
prominent  reporters  in  each  issue.  The  only  abso 
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tems  and  machines  represented.  Per  year,  $1.00 

ADDRESS, 

ISAAC  S.  DEMENT, 

116  Dearborn  Street,        -        CHICAGO,  ILL.,  U.  S.  A. 

"THE  PHONOGRAPHIC  WORLD/' 

A  large,  50-page  Monthly  Magazine,  size  of  page  8  x  11,  published 
in  the  Interests  (if  all  s> stems  of  shorthand  and  typewriting.  I  ni- 
versally  recognized  as  the  leading  paper  of  its  class  in  the  world  and 
t lie  only  Reporter  a'  paper  in  America.  Now  in  its  seventh  year  of 
continuous  and  uninterrupted  publication. 

See  what  leading  shorthand  authors  sny  of  It  in  September,  1891. 

''As  a  shorthand  newspaper.it  has  never  been  equaled."— A.J. 
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"The  only  successful  shorthand  Journal  that  meets  the  require 
ments  generally  o£  shorthand  writers."— James  K,  Muiistni. 

"The growth  of  the  PHONOGRAPHIC  WORLD  to  such  dimen 
sions  as  It  has  attained— by  far  the  largest  published  in  tlm  country 
—and  containing  a  variety  and  solidity  of  matter,  much  greater 
than  we  find  in  any  foreign  publication  on  the  subject,  ought  to  be 
gratifying  to  every  American  practitioner  of  the  profession  of  sten 
ography." — Gfo.  R.  Bishop. 

•'  By  the  publication  of  the  PHONOGRAPHIC  WORLD,  the  steno 
graphic  has  been  catered  for,  and  Its  needs  anticipated  to  an  extent 
never  before  approached." — Mrs.  E.  D.  Burnz. 

"THE  PHONOGRAPHIC  WORLD— the  leading  journal  of  its 
class." — T.  Gfo.  Cross. 

"  There  are  other  good  shorthand  monthlies,  but  none  to  approach 
the  PHONOGRAPHIC  WORLD  in  impartiality  and  enterprise."— 
Jno.  Watstm. 

"THE  PHONOGRAPHIC  WORLD  is  a  model  In  every  way;  it 
would  be  impossible  to  characterize  too  highly  the  benefits  which 
Its  editor  has  conferred  on  the  profession.-  W.  W.  Osgoodtni. 

And  many  other  like  testimonials  from  leading  authors,  tho 
publication  of  which  space  does  not  here  permit. 

Subscription  price  per  year  only  $1.00 ;  sample  copy  free  on  appli 
cation  to  the  editor  and  publisher. 

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REASONS     WHY 

GRAHAM'S 


SHOULD    BE 

It  is  faster  than  any  other  system,  and  is  just  as  legible. 


4. 


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It  is  the  Standard,  having  been  published  thirty-three 
years  without  change,  as  none  has  been  found  necess 
ary. 

It  is  used  by  a  large  majority  of  the  best  reporters  in 
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5.    It  has  the  most  complete  line  of  text-books  on  the  sub 

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For  further  information  send  for  a  free  copy  of  "ALL 
ABOUT  PHONOGRAPHY,"  to 

ANDREW  J.  GRAHAM, 

Broadway,  New  York. 


THELLINWOOD  SCHOOL 

OF 

Phonography  and  Typewriting, 

For  Ladies  and.  Gentlemen, 

Library  Building,  199  Montague  St.  ,          BROOKLYN. 

Individual  and  class  Instruction  day  and  evening1. 

Students  received  at  any  time. 

Persons  from  out  of  town  can  obtain  good  board  In  the  vicinity 
of  the  School,  on  reasonable  terms. 

Arrangements  will  be  made  for  the  accommodation  of  those 
who  desire  Instruction  in  either  of  the  above  branches  during  the 
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Mr.  Elllnwood,  the  founder  and  manager,  by  a  varied  experience 
of  upwards  of  thirty-  five  years  as  a  shorthand  teacher  and  reporter, 
is  eminently  qualified  to  prepare  young  men  and  women  for  the 
stenographer's  profession.  The  success  and  popularity  of  this 
School  is  attested  by  the  fact  that  its  graduates,  in  large  numbers, 
not  only  from  Brooklyn  and  New  York,  but  from  various  parts  of  the 
United  States  and  Canada,  are  occupying  responsible  positions 
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be  made,  personally  or  through  the  mail,  to 

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TJie  "I>  FFS3IORE,"  the  World's  Greatest  Typewriter,  should 
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"  The  best  of  all  typewriters.  The  height  of  perfection.  To  buy 
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C.  T.  BLUMENSCHETN,  Stenographer, 

National  Park  Bank,  New  York. 

DENSMORE  TYPEWBITEB  00.,  202  B'way,  New  York. 


EXAC1 


GEO.  R.  BISHOP'S 

PHONOGRAPHY." 


COMPLETE  TEXT  BOOK,  adapted  to  SELF-INSTRUCTION,  of 
the  NKW  SYSTEM  with  CONNECTIBLE  STROKE  VOWEL-SIGNS; 
combining  UNPRECEDENTED  EXACTNESS  with  QBEAT  BEEVIT7. 

The  Author,  formerly  a  '•  Graham  "  writer,  uses  his  " Exact"  sys 
tem,  entirely. 

EDWAKD  D.  EASTON,  Washington,  D.  C.  (Munson  Writer),  who  was 
official  stenographer  in  the  Star  Route  and  Guiteau  trials,  writes  : 
"EX  U'T  PHONOGRAPHY  is  appropriately  entitled.  I  am  satis- 
fled  that  by  the  system  therein  so  fully  set  out  students  may  learn 
to  write  shorthand  with  greater  certainty  and  precision  than  by 
any  of  the  older  systems." 

EDWAKD  B.  DICKINSON,  New  York  Ci< y.  President  (1887-8)  N.  Y. 
Start-  stenographers'  Association  (Benn  1  ittman  writer),  says:  ''He 
(the  author)  has  devised  a  system  which  lias  in  It  the  capacity  both 
for  the  utmost  exactness  and  for  the  utmost  rapidity." 

ISAAC  S.  DEMENT,  of  Chicago,  (Graham  \Vriten.  speed  contestant 
at  N.  Y.  State  Stenographers'  Association  meeting.  1887,  at  Alexan 
dria  Bay,  says:  "  You  have  certainly  captured  the  prize  on  legibility. 

260  pp.,  222  engraved.  Price,  bound  in  flexible  leather,  $2.00,  post 
paid.  Circulars,  Specimen  Pages  and  Opinions  of  Expert  Steno 
graphers  sent. 

Address  GEO.  R.  BISHOP,  N.  Y.  Stock  Exchange,  New  York  City, 


te  for  Tpmttr 

(FOR  ALL  MACHINES.) 

TYPEWRITER  RIBBONS, 

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fl  H  0  R  T-  H  A  H  D  Send  for  Catalogue 
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(JELF^TAUGHT  for  self-instruction, 

by  BENN  PITMAN,^ JEROME  B.  HOWARD 

to 


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Represents  the  only  non-position,  n on- shading, 
collective  vowel  shorthand  in  use.  Now  taught  in  over 
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Learned  for  prai  tical  work  in  two  to  three  months. 
Lessons  by  mail  a  specialty.  Send  for  circulars  and  copy  of 
Pernin's  Monthly  Stenographer,  a  live  magazine  devoted 
to  shorthand  and  typewriting. 

H.  M.  PERNIN,  Author  and  Publisher, 

DETROIT,  MICH. 


Stenographers,  or  any  person  contemplating  the  pur 
chase  of  a  Writing  Machine,  of  any  make,  will  find  it  to  be 
to  their  direct  interest  to  consult  us  before  placing  their 
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We  are  headquarters  for  the  world  for  typewriters  of 
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SOME  QUOTATIONS. 

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No.  5  Remingtons,  $90  to  $95;  Fitchs,  $25  to  $35;  Cran- 
dalls,  $20  to  $40;  Bar-Locks,  $4">  to  $60;  Internationals, 
$30  to  $40;  Automatics,  $20  to  $30;  Hortons,  $20  to  $30; 
Halls,  $10  to  $20;  Crowns,  $12  to  $15;  Merritts,  Worlds, 
Victors,  Odells,  Etc.,  Etc.,  $4  to  $12.  (At  this  writing, 
we  have  all  of  the  above  makes  in  stock  by  the  dozen,  and 
many  more  less  popular  makes.) 

Persons  contemplating  buying  a  second-hand  machine 
of  any  make  should  first  consult  our  list  of  Stolen  Machines 
(including  ninety-three  stolen  Remingtons,)  in  order  to 
avoid  possible  future  trouble.  We  guarantee  the  title  of 
every  instrument  purchased  of  us. 

We  ship  any  instrument  to  any  part  of  the  country,  giv 
ing  full  privilege  of  thorough  examination  and  careful 
trial,  before  accepting.  After  final  purchase,  if  by  any 
possibility  full  satisfaction  is  not  had,  we  take  back  any 
machine  purchased  of  us,  for  full  price  paid,  at  any  time 
within  thirty  days,  in  exchange  for  any  other  instrument 
of  equal  or  higher  price  desired. 

We  make  EXCHANGING  typewriters  a  SPECIALTY 
in  our  business;  if  you  are  not  thoroughly  suited,  be  sure 
and  write  us.  We  rent  out  machines  at  lowest  prices  to 
any  part  of  the  U.  S. 

Catalogues,  illustrating  and  describing  all  machines, 
free  on  application.  Courteous  replies  to  all  communica 
tions. 

TYPEWRITER  HEADQUARTERS, 

31  &  33  Broadway,  New  York.     296  Watt  Avenue,  Chicago, 


^>-rt;-.t 

?yv>  s 

^4  teCfz* 


If  you  want  the  address  of  any  steno 
grapher,  school  or  shorthand,  or  manu 
facturer  of  typewriter  anywhere  in  the 
United  States  or  Canada,  send  for  How's 

Directory  for  Stenographers  of  the 

United  States  and    Canada,  handsomely 
bound  in  cloth  and  gold  $1.00. 


THE 


TRIBUNE  BUILDING, 

NEW  YORK,  IT.  Y. 


THE  *  SHORTHAND  *  REVIEW. 

A  JOURNAL,  FOR  THE  PROFESSIONAL,  REPORTER, 
OFFICE  STENOGRAPHER  AND  TYPE 
WRITER  OPERATOR. 

SO  conts  a  Year. 

NEW  YORK,  CHICAGO, 

42  Tribune  Building.  415  Dearborn  Street. 

INDEPENDENT.    REPRESENTS  ALL  SYSTEMS. 

SEND  TWO  CENTS  FOR  SAMPLE  COPY. 


(EDITED  BY  FRANCIS  H.  HEMPERLEY.) 

BRIGHT,      NEWSY,      UNPREJUDICED, 

Represents  all  Systems  of  Shorthand. 

The  Largest  Circulation. 

Typewriter  and  Law  Department. 

Discusses  Merits  of  all  Machines. 

Gives  practical  points  to  Law  Stenographers. 
'"THE  Shorthand  Plates  are  written  by  masters 
of  the  Leading  Systems ;  Harmony  aimed 
at,  Syllabication  and  Analogy  illustrated. 
ITS   Articles  are  Contributed  by  the  Brighter 

Minds  in  the  Profession. 

TT  Gives   Five  Dollars   Worth   of   Information 
*     for  One. 


SEND  SUBSCRIPTIONS  TO 


140  South  Fourth  Street, 

PHILADELPHIA. 


BOOKS  FOR  STENOGRAPHERS. 


Payne's  Business  Educator,  COO  pp.  12mo $2  00 

•'        Business  Pointers,  212  pages  ...... 25 

"        Business  Letter  Writer,  boards 50 

Cushing's  Manual  (Revised  Edition) 25  to  50 

German  at  a  Glance,  paper  cover 25 

French  at  a  Glance,       "          "     25 

Spanish  at  a  Glance,     "          "     25 

Payne's  Rules  of  Order,  paper 30 

"        Social  Letter  Writer,  boards  50 

Mook  Trials,  (Ritter)  paper 25 

Rowton's  Complete  Debater,  boards    50 

Rules  of  Order  in  a  Nut-shed,  puper 10 

Brown's  Reciter,  paper  cover 25 

Any  of  the  above  books  sent  post-paid  on  receipt  of  price- 
Descriptive  Catalogue  of  all  our  publications  sent  free. 

EXCELSIOR  PUBLISHING  HOUSE, 

2i)  Beekman  Street, 

YORK. 


JOHN  M,  BULWINKLE, 
Stationery  and  Printing, 

A*J    -  -1--  -        -     -  --       -     JL  t-  .....  JL      .....    ......    .-^Jj  ') 

^-—  -•'  *A.  ^.i 

413  FULTON  STREET, 

Near  Court  House,  BROOKLYN,  N.  Y. 


TYPEWRITERS'  SUPPLIES  IN  LARGE  VARIETIES. 
LAW  BLANKS  AND  BLANK  BOOKS. 


SCOTT-BROWNE'S  t  MANUAL 


OF- 


PITMAN*PHONOGRAPHY. 

189O   EDITION. 


This  perfected  revision  of  the  American  Standard  system 
of  shorthand  consists  of  an  entire  re-arrangement  of  the  les 
sons  and  their  presentation  in  a  new  and  more  acceptable 
form  for  class  or  private  instruction,  and 

Is  the  cheapest  book  ever  published  for  learning  the  art — 

Because  it  combines  the  feature  of  a  manual,  phrase- 
book  and  reporters'  companion,  and 

The  whole  theory  of  Phonography  can  be  learned  in 
from  15  to  20  lessons 

Requiring  but  half  the  instruction  necessary  by  former 
text-books. 

Read  these  words  of  praise  for  their  strength  and  the 
merit  and  superiority  found  in  the  system. 

It  stands  unparalleled  in  the  esteem  of  professional 
report*  rs. 

You  made  the  greatest  discovery  in  Phonography  that  has  yet 
been  disclosed  when  you  hit  upon  the  principle  of  syllabication  and 
analogy.— C.  C.  Jjse.iiite.rnan,  Birmingham,  Ala. 

Without  ru'ining.  off  after  novelties,  Mr.  Scott-Browne,  clearly, 
concisely,  audlu  a  neat  and  Interesting  manner,  presents  the  system 
of  Phonography  which  has  more  advocates  than  any  other  on  the 
American  continent.—  St-.u.  C.  P.  Jacobs,  Clinton.  S.  C. 

I  recommend  your  books  because  they  are  the  best  for  beginners. 
I  think  your  text-books  are  more  philosophical,  more  uniform,  and 
fuller  than  others.— Co?.  Claude  E.  Sawyer,  Official  Court  Steno 
grapher,  Aiken,  S.  C. 

Wedded  as  I  am  to  the  Old  Phonographv,  I  find  In  your  volume 
many  new  and  valuable  principles.— Theo.  F.  Shut-y,  of  the  Corps  of 
I'.  H.  Senate  Reporters,  Washington,  1).  C. 

I  have  adopted  all  the  improvements  you  have  introduced,  and  do 
not  hesitate  to  commend  them  to  every  member  of  the  profession. 
— F.  O.  Dr Fontaine,  Congressional  Court  Reporter  and  Journalist,, 
New  York  City. 

PRICE,  in  handsome  cloth  Muling,  with  tinted  edge,  $1.50. 

Postpaid  to  any  address. 

Address,  D.  L.  SCOTT-BROWNE, 

AUTHOR  AND  PUBLISHER, 

Nev  York  City,  N,  Y. 


Would  it  be  agreeable  to  you  to  put  an 
extra  V  into  your  pocket  three  or  four 
times  a  month?  Nothing  easier.  Here  is 
the  way  it  is  done — no  interference  with 
your  regular  business. 

We  want  you  to  act  as  Agent  for  our 
Correspondence  College  and  for  the  sale 
of  our  books  in  your  neighborhood.  We 
will  appoint  any  reliable  shorthand  writer 
or  student — one  in  each  city  and  town  in 
the  United  States  and  Canada.  We  pub 
lish  five  popular  shorthand  books — stand 
ard  instruction  books  of  the  Pitman 
System.  Used  in  nearly  a  hundred 
schools.  Will  give  you  a  liberal  discount ; 
you  pay  for  instance,  $6  for  o;.e  hundred 
Primers,  retail  price  2$c.  You  also  re- 
ceive  $5  for  each  student  by  mail  you 
enroll  for  us. 

Our  method  of  teaching  by  mail  is  un 
questionably  the  best  in  existence ;  over 
4,000  students  enrolled.  Please  send  us 
your  name  with  information  as  to  yourself, 
and  you  will  receive  a  copy  of  our  large 
catalogue,  with  full  terms  to  agents,  and 
all  needed  information. 

Address  the  MORAN  SHORTHAND  COMPANY, 

ST.  LOUIS,  MO. 


SHORTHAND  AND 
BUSINESS  EDUCATION. 

WALWORTH 

BUSINESS  AND  STENOGRAPHIC  COLLEGE, 
IO8,  I  IO  EAST  125th  ST. 

Established  in  this  State  in  1853. 
BRIEF  CIRCULAR  FOR  1891-2. 

The  President  Is  Mr.  C.  A.  Walworth,  LL.  B.,  associate  author  and 
part  owner  of  Munson's  Phonography,  for  ten  years  principal  of  the 
Commercial  Departmentin  the  College  of  the  City  of  New  York,  and 
for  twenty  years  a  business  college  principal.  He  is  also  editor  of 
the  • '  Munson  News  and  Teacher."  This  is  now  his  only  school.  Its 
stenographic  department  is  the  original  MUNSON  SCHOOL,  and  is 
the  official  headquarters  lor  everything  concerning  Munson's  Sys 
tem. 

1.     WHAT  IS  TAUGHT. 

Bookkeeping  of  all  kinds,  Shorthand  and  Typewriting,  Practical 
Grammar  and  Correspondence,  Business  Arithmetic,  Commercial 
Law,  Penmanship,  &c. ,  day  and  evening.  The  instruction  is  divided 
equally  into  two  great  Courses,  viz.: 

2.     COURSES. 

The  BUSINESS  COURSE  comprises  all  the  above  tranches  except 
shorthand  and  typewriting.  Penmanship  Is  free  in  this  Course. 
The  STENOGRAPHIC  COURSE  comprises  Shorthand,  Typewriting, 
Ac.  Typewriting  is  free  in  this  Course.  Each  Course  is  completed 
in  six  months.  The  humbug  of ''shorthand  proficiency  in  three 
months"  is  not  promised  here,  although  this  school  can  teach 
faster  than  any  other. 

3.     PRICES. 

Either  Course,  six  months,  including  diploma,  $70.  Instalment 
payments  accepted.  Evening  courses  at  lower  prices  or  by  allowing 
more  weeks. 

4.     LADIES'  DEPARTMENT. 

Occupies  a  separate  suit  of  rooms,  carpeted  and  furnished  ex 
pressly  for  such  students,  but  no  cheap  women  teachers  are  em 
ployed. 

5.     WHEN  TO  COMMENCE. 

At  any  time,  as  every  pupil  is  taught  separately.  Open  the  entire 
year. 

6.     SCHOOL  HOURS. 
9  A.  M.  to  3  P.  M.       Evenings,  7.30  to  9.30. 

7.    BOARD  FOR  STRANGERS. 

Good  board  and  room  procured  at  $5  per  week. 

8.    SITUATIONS. 

Constant  demand  from  employers  at  high  salaries.  No  similar 
school  has  half  so  many  shorthand  graduates  in  profitable  positions, 
and  no  other  school  has  graduates  filling  high  positions  as  official 
stenographers  in  the  city  courts  and  departments,  viz.:  Superior 
Court,  Park.  Dock,  Fire  and  Public  Works  Departments  and  Aque 
duct  Comrnisioners,  besides  thousands  of  law,  railroad  and  business 
offices  and  others  conducting  first -class  stenographers' offices  on 
their  own  account.  Its  graduates  command  situations  at  $50  to 
$75  per  month  from  the  start. 

The  above  is  a  complete  although  brief  circular— cut  It  out. 
Write  fora  sample  copy  of  the  "Munson  Monthly  Phonographic 
News  and  Teacher."  $2  per  year,  published  here. 


The  Government 

Baking  Powder  Tests. 

The  latest  investigations  by  the  United 
States  and  Canadian  Governments  show 
the  Royal  Baking  Powder  a  cream  of  tar 
tar  powder  superior  to  all  others  in  leav 
ening  strength. 

Statements  by  other  manufacturers  to 
the  contrary  have  been  declared  by  the  offi 
cial  authorities  falsifications  of  the  official 
reports. 

If  you  want  the  address  of  any  steno 
grapher,  school  of  shorthand,  or  manu 
facturer  of  typewriter,  send  for  How's 

Directory  of  Stenographers  of  the 

United  States,  handsomely  bound  in  cloth 
and  gold  $1.00. 

THE 

HOW  PUBLISHING  COMPANY, 

TRIBUNE   BUILDING, 
NEW  YORK,  N.  Y. 

In  correspondence  with  our  Advertisers  please  men 
tion  this  book. 


THE  *  AMERICAN  *  SYSTEM 


SHORTHAND. 


To  supply  the  increasing  demand  for 
stenographers,  schools  of  shorthand  and 
typewriting  have  been  established  in  vari 
ous  parts  of  the  country,  and,  with  few 
exceptions,  all  business  colleges  now  have 
a-"  department  of  shorthand."  A  number 
of  systems  are  taught,  but  that  of  Benn 
Pitman  is  more  generally  used  than  any 
other  in  this  country,  and  may  be  called 
the  "American  System." — Extract  from 
the  Report  of  the  Commissioner  of  Educa- 
cation  (Washington,  D.  C.), for  the  Year 
1 887-88,  page  927. 

For  a  catalogue  of  shorthand  publica 
tions  by  Benn  Pitman  and  Jerome  B. 
Howard,  address, 

THE  PHONOGRAPHIC  INSTITUTE, 

CINCINNATI,  O. 


University  of  California 

SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 

405  Hilgard  Avenue,  Los  Angeles,  CA  90024-1388 

Return  this  material  to  the  library 

from  which  it  was  borrowed. 


Form  L9-2 


LIBRARY  FACILITY 


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